My MOH doesn't like or nor feel comfortable in any dress i pick out

amanduh2011 · April 2011

my MOH is my sister and she is larger than the rest of my bridal party. I have found many dresses that i believe look good on her and she hates all of them she says she looks fat and pregnant. My mom and dad are both taking her side and they are telling me i need to be more respectful of her weight. I don't know what to do b/c i feel that i am being respectful. we have gone shopping and i have let her pick out serveral different dresses and she hates all of them. I am going with long dresses and she thinks that i should do short. Does anyone have any advise on this. I just feel like my parents and her think this day is all about her, HELLO IM THE BRIDE!

DNAtime · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-doesnt-like-nor-feel-comfortable-dress-pick-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4435ae66-a344-4b14-a45c-2906f04dd1d7Post:d369245c-1e1d-426d-aac4-fe477a0533f4">My MOH doesn't like or nor feel comfortable in any dress i pick out</a>:
[QUOTE]my MOH is my sister and she is larger than the rest of my bridal party. I have found many dresses that i believe look good on her and she hates all of them she says she looks fat and pregnant. My mom and dad are both taking her side and they are telling me i need to be more respectful of her weight. I don't know what to do b/c i feel that i am being respectful. we have gone shopping and i have let her pick out serveral different dresses and she hates all of them. I am going with long dresses and she thinks that i should do short. Does anyone have any advise on this. I just feel like my parents and her think this day is all about her, <strong>HELLO IM THE BRIDE!
</strong>Posted by amanduh2011[/QUOTE]

Okay well that attitude isn't really gonna get you anywhere. HELLO SHES YOUR SISTER!!
Just let her pick out whatever dress she wants in the right color. For example if the rest of your maids are wearing DB horizon, then just let her order any dress in that color. Crisis averted, problem solved.
Good luck :)

AutumnFair · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-doesnt-like-nor-feel-comfortable-dress-pick-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4435ae66-a344-4b14-a45c-2906f04dd1d7Post:d369245c-1e1d-426d-aac4-fe477a0533f4">My MOH doesn't like or nor feel comfortable in any dress i pick out</a>:
[QUOTE]my MOH is my sister and she is larger than the rest of my bridal party. I have found many dresses that i believe look good on her and she hates all of them she says she looks fat and pregnant. My mom and dad are both taking her side and they are telling me i need to be more respectful of her weight. I don't know what to do b/c i feel that i am being respectful. we have gone shopping and i have let her pick out serveral different dresses and she hates all of them. I am going with long dresses and she thinks that i should do short. Does anyone have any advise on this. I just feel like <strong>my parents and her think this day is all about her, HELLO IM THE BRIDE!</strong>
Posted by amanduh2011[/QUOTE]

<div>Please, please, please get this out of your head. You may be the bride but your sister who is wearing and paying for the dress has input too. </div><div>
</div><div>Basically, my advice to you. I would let your sister pick out 3 dresses that SHE likes in the color you choose and then you may decide on which one looks best on her. That or just give her certain requirements, color, length, and designer, and let her choose her own dress. </div>

Hellokatie0517 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-doesnt-like-nor-feel-comfortable-dress-pick-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4435ae66-a344-4b14-a45c-2906f04dd1d7Post:d369245c-1e1d-426d-aac4-fe477a0533f4">My MOH doesn't like or nor feel comfortable in any dress i pick out</a>:
[QUOTE]my MOH is my sister and she is larger than the rest of my bridal party. I have found many dresses that i believe look good on her and she hates all of them she says she looks fat and pregnant. My mom and dad are both taking her side and they are telling me i need to be more respectful of her weight. I don't know what to do b/c i feel that i am being respectful. we have gone shopping and i have let her pick out serveral different dresses and she hates all of them. <strong>I am going with long dresses and she thinks that i should do short</strong>. Does anyone have any advise on this. I just feel like my parents and her think this day is all about her, <strong>HELLO IM THE BRIDE!</strong>
Posted by amanduh2011[/QUOTE]

Why do they have to be long? Perhaps tea length could be a good compromise? Maybe you could give the short dresses a chance.

Yes, you are the bride. The day is about you AND the groom. The BM dress is to be worn by your BMs. You want them to be comforable and look pretty, right? Let them wear what they want. It's just a dress and no one will care if they were supposed to be long. Good luck to you.

MairePoppy · April 2011

I suppose it's your right, as the bride, to select the bm's dresses, as long as you respect their budgets. But you should never expect anyone to wear something that makes them feel uncomfortable. The easiest way to solve this problem would be to have your sister select her own dress in the same color as the bms.

Good luck.

mbcdefg · April 2011

If the issue is that you want each bridesmaid in a matching dress, then I would just relax that requirement and let each girl pick out her own style from the same designer/color/fabric. And maybe ask them to keep it to the same skirt length if you are opposed to mixing up long and short dresses.

If you are not having a super-formal wedding, then I might poll the bridesmaids and ask if they would prefer knee-length dresses. Or maybe tea-length, although that cut tends to make most women look dumpy.

Yes, it's your wedding, but this is also an outfit that your sister will wear for eight hours of one day of your lives. Even if you get her to wear the exact dress you want, she might be mopey and looking like a stuffed sausage in all of your photos, which won't really do you any good anyway. I think there's a big difference with her wanting to wear dirty jeans or a clown costume to your wedding (in which case you could put your foot down and pull the "My wedding my rules" card), versus her wanting a bit more leeway on the dresses (which isn't an unreasonable request, given that she is the one who needs to purchase and wear the dress, not you).

I would just let each girl choose her own style from the same designer/color/fabric/length criteria. It will make it a lot easier on all of you. And maybe go with a designer that offers a lot of styles, like David's Bridal or Alfred Angelo.

artbyallie · April 2011

She's the MOH, she can look different. FFS, let the woman be comfortable and pick out any dress in the specified color, short if that's what she wants. She's your sister, and you'll have to live with her resentment for a long time if you force her into something she doesn't like.

ChrislovesBarry · April 2011

I had told my BM Tea length, DAvid's Bridal, Mermaid. As maid of honor she doesn't have the same style dress, but I would stick to the length.

Believe me, I feel your pain with sisters. Mine begged to be a BM (we don't have a good relationship) and when I asked her, it took her 6 months to get back to me with an answer. Well because she's a larger girl, she didn't feel comfortable in a dress.

marinabreeze · April 2011

With my BMs, I specified a color, length, and material and let them choose on their own. Why not do that for your sister? And PPs are right, as MOH it's perfectly fine for her to stand out from the other BMs, so if she feels that a shorter dress looks better on her than a long one (which I can totally understand), why not allow her that? I'm sure you have a wedding "vision" you're going for, but this is not a hill worth dying on, seriously.

jemmini6 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-doesnt-like-nor-feel-comfortable-dress-pick-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4435ae66-a344-4b14-a45c-2906f04dd1d7Post:d369245c-1e1d-426d-aac4-fe477a0533f4">My MOH doesn't like or nor feel comfortable in any dress i pick out</a>:
[QUOTE]my MOH is my sister and she is larger than the rest of my bridal party. I have found many dresses that i believe look good on her and she hates all of them she says she looks fat and pregnant. My mom and dad are both taking her side and they are telling me i need to be more respectful of her weight. I don't know what to do b/c i feel that i am being respectful. we have gone shopping and i have let her pick out serveral different dresses and she hates all of them. I am going with long dresses and she thinks that i should do short. Does anyone have any advise on this. I just feel like my parents and her think this day is all about her,<strong> HELLO IM THE BRIDE!</strong>
Posted by amanduh2011[/QUOTE]

You had me until here, your reasoning is justifiable, but this "But I'm the BRIDE" attitude isn't going to get you anywhere. As the bride, yes, it's within your 'rights' to pick the dress.

However, don't think of this as "bride" and "bridesmaid", think about this as sisters. Is completing your 'vision' of your wedding day worth making your sister feel uncomfortable and ugly? I'm assuming because you say "she's on the larger side" that you are not. Can you imagine how that makes her feel? She's already dealing with confidence issues due to her weight, especially in comparisson with a sister who doesn't have that problem, and now you are going to be the beautiful bride, the center of attention...and you are making her wear a dress that makes her feel even less attractive.

Basically, I think you'll all be happier in the end if she's able to wear something that accomplishes both goals....cohesive with your other BMs, as well as makes her feel good too.

LoveMuffins · April 2011

I would just let her wear a short dress, in the same color as the other girls, if she's going to be that big of a pain about it. Even though, personally, i tend to think that long dresses are more flattering on full figures. But, whatever. I'd be annoyed too.

slwager · April 2011

particularly since she's the MOH not matching wouldn't be an issue. If your other girls are already comfortable with what is chosen let your sister choose within your fabric/designer/color scheme.

you will be happier if she is happier.

mbcdefg · April 2011

Also, does she ever wear dresses? If not, you could consider asking her to wear a nice black pantsuit with a blouse or scarf in your wedding color. Or some bridesmaid dress designers offer a pants option in the same color as their dresse: http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/displayCollection.aspx?CategoryId=01192db8-bf9e-425c-a67c-e0e9484157ae

acmj11 · April 2011

I was in a wedding last year and had to wear a dress that I felt VERY self conscious in. I'm a double D and the style of the dress was really suited for a smaller bust. I was extremely uncomfortable. It sucked! Have some empathy for your sister. It's a very easy solution. Let your bridesmaids pick their dresses, or if you really want them to match just let her choose.

FutureMrsCrome · April 2011

I can definitely see why you're frustrated. I would try to make her feel as comfortable as possible, but in the end, yes, you are the bride. I don't think it's okay to not take your BMs feelings into consideration, but I have worn many a dress that I've hated/thought I looked terrible in and survived the day...pretty happily, actually. Give her some leeway, but you have the final say in my book.

dianemc10 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-doesnt-like-nor-feel-comfortable-dress-pick-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4435ae66-a344-4b14-a45c-2906f04dd1d7Post:80f089a6-4c1d-4778-bf31-6da4239b0159">Re: My MOH doesn't like or nor feel comfortable in any dress i pick out</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to My MOH doesn't like or nor feel comfortable in any dress i pick out : Okay well that attitude isn't really gonna get you anywhere. <strong>HELLO SHES YOUR SISTER!! </strong>Just let her pick out whatever dress she wants in the right color. For example if the rest of your maids are wearing DB horizon, then just let her order any dress in that color. Crisis averted, problem solved. Good luck :)
Posted by DNAtime[/QUOTE]

<div>Win!</div>

eviltwin13 · April 2011

I posted here a while back about my own issues with my sister - basically, there were plenty of things for her to try on and wear, but she was so self-conscious and hated the shopping experience so much that she picked the first sample that she could zip up. My mother was convinced that it wasn't flattering on her and kept pushing her to shop more, causing them to get into several very heated arguments including crying, screaming, and hanging up on each other. They tried to pull me into the drama, but I did my best to stay out of it. I basically said anything black and floor length - and yet it was still painful and anxiety provoking.

However, when the dust settled - my mother was right. Once my sister calmed down from feeling upset and defensive, she tried on the dress she had picked and decided she hated it, and miraculously found two strapless styles that she loved. (She'd been insisting that she "couldn't" wear a strapless dress.) In the end, she ordered something lovely and life has moved on!

Just throwing this out there because people don't always approach this in the most rational way. My sister was very emotional about the experience of shopping, especially with the small sample sizes, but in the end she persevered and found something great. I'm very glad that I stayed out of it and put it on HER (with some help from my mother) to find what she'd wear. I thus avoided being the villain in the scenario - she needed to be the adult and take it upon herself to figure it out. It might be a good idea for you as well?

RebeccaB88 · April 2011

Sounds kind of like a no-win situation. She feels badly about herself, therefore, she won't like what she sees in any dress she tries on. It's not the dress that's the problem, it's what she sees when she looks in the mirror. I've struggled with my weight all my life, I understand that. But she still has to have a dress of some kind to be in the wedding, right? I agree with giving her the guidelines (designer, color, length, etc) and the drop-dead order date, and letting her pick. If she doesn't get anything, then she's elected to take herself out of the wedding party. Maybe if you back off a little and let her search in her own time, she'll find something appropriate. And, if she continues to procrastinate and be miserable about it, the she's chosen that over standing up for you - and that might very well suck, but it's not your problem.

ndruley · April 2011

I understand how you feel and I don't think that you are being unreasonable when you are saying hello I'm the bride...I do think people are taking that statement the wrong way. I think what you're trying to say is that this day is supposed to be about you not all about your sister and it makes it tough when parents are supporting her instead of you. I have 3 older sisters (all married) and the oldest is bigger than the rest of us, but the same size as one of my other BMs. Long story short my sister didn't like anything that the rest of the BMs liked and felt like she looked fat in the dresses that I had picked out and that everyone else was comfortable in. It took us MANY shopping trips, but in the end I had my sister go to the bridal salon and try on any and EVERY dress to see what she felt like she looked good in...my only requirement was that it was the same material and same color as the other dresses. She finally found one that she liked and it turned out that my other BM who was the same size tried that one on too and now they both are wearing that dress! So my advice is go with her just the two of you and let her put anything she wants on...she will eventually find something she is comfrotable in and that is what you really want for your day, right??