Time gap between ceremony and reception

DramaGeek · May 2011

I suppose guests who are used to gaps at weddings might feel differently. I am not used to it, so I find it rude. I get dressed up to attend your ceremony...and then I do what for 4 hours while you run all over the city taking photos? If I live close enough to go home, I'm likely going to stay there. If I don't live close enough to go home and I'm going to a hotel...I'm likely going to stay there. If I don't live close enough to go home but not far enough away to warrant a hotel room...well, then what?

I won't even start on the hour between ceremony and reception. Around here anything more than 15 minutes is considered rude.

jess9802 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:20c8e4ca-8476-4a63-a8ad-131f1ceefadf">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception : Mature adults don't feel the need to be a "princess" at the expense of their guests comfort.
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

This.

The OP's gap sounds reasonable. Any more than that, and people start to get restless. Even if you have an open bar with appetizers (who is hosting that, btw?). There's only so much you can do to kill that kind of time when you're dressed up, and if I go back to my hotel room to chill out, I might lose interest in making it to the reception--or I'll be annoyed when I do. And no, I wouldn't tell the bride and groom how I felt.

jeng5077 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:20c8e4ca-8476-4a63-a8ad-131f1ceefadf">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception : Mature adults don't feel the need to be a "princess" at the expense of their guests comfort.
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

Honestly I think everyone should feel like a queen on their wedding day. I'm sure that most of the girls on these boards (probably including yourself) payed for their hair and make up to be done, bought a beautiful gown (that they are only going to wear once I might add) and new shoes, payed for a photographer to take pics of them and a limo to cart them around for the day--that to me is being treated like a "princess" and yet I'm sure 95% of the girls on here do the same thing (if not more) so why does that make me immature? Wanting to have one day being treated like royalty (especially when I am the one paying for it, not anyone else) is not being childish, especially because it is one of the most important days of my life, so why not make it great?

As far as the guests comfort, if you read my post earlier, our reception is attached to a hotel where most of my guests are staying the night, so they can check in and relax if the choose, or there is an open bar and refreshments served in the lobby until the cocktail hour starts, so how am I being neglegent of my guests comfort? We are forking out a decent amount of cash for our wedding and I think that if we want to take pictures in between the ceremony and reception, we have every right to without getting attitudes from people who can't see what this day is really about....thank God my guests do

DramaGeek · May 2011

I do see what the day is about - it's celebrating your marriage. I just don't really want to celebrate it alone for 4 hours.

jeng5077 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:42de8e56-172d-4d76-90a4-200320aed448">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception : This. The OP's gap sounds reasonable. Any more than that, and people start to get restless. Even if you have an open bar with appetizers <strong>(who is hosting that, btw?).</strong> There's only so much you can do to kill that kind of time when you're dressed up, and if I go back to my hotel room to chill out, I might lose interest in making it to the reception--or I'll be annoyed when I do. And no, I wouldn't tell the bride and groom how I felt.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]

Our Reception Hall/ Hotel offers that to all the guests attending the wedding.

I guess I just don't understand how a person can be "annoyed" by being invited to share in the happiness of someones marriage. And honestly if you would "lose interest" in the whole reason you are there (to celebrate the bride and groom) then maybe you shouldn't have RSVP'd yes. I'm just saying that I know my guests are there for one reason and that is to show their love and excitement for our new lives together, and if they would get annoyed or lose interest that easily then maybe they aren't as close of friends as I thought and should have just stayed home to begin with

jeng5077 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:b0b9c235-e6d0-4b50-911c-b2d31d0bbfa2">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I do see what the day is about - it's celebrating your marriage. I just don't really want to celebrate it alone for 4 hours.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

when you put it that way, I see your point. When we started planning our wedding, I didn't try to plan for such a large gap, but the only time available at our church was noon and starting a reception any earlier than 5:30 seemed too early. I can definitely see how it would be an inconvenience, I'm not arguing that, I'm just saying I would never be "annoyed" or "lose interest" if I attended a wedding with a gap like ours (which in my area is very common) because it is ultimately about the bride and groom, not me

jess9802 · May 2011

I'm not celebrating the bride and groom if I'm hanging out in a hotel room in a strange city watching basic cable while waiting for the reception to start. If you don't find that annoying, you probably haven't attended many weddings where it's clear that the bride and groom have not truly considered their guests' needs and wants. It gets real old, real fast. Your guests are taking time out of their lives, perhaps missing work, often spending money to travel and buy you a gift. They do it because they genuinely care about you--but if their efforts feel unappreciated, they will get annoyed.

People often forget that while it is "their day," they are also hosting an event--the reception, which is their first act of hospitality as a married couple, and a thank you for attending the wedding. That means considering their guests' comfort ahead of their desire to have a PPD.

baystateapple · May 2011

FTR, my wedding was at 5:30 (Catholic Mass), the cocktail hour started at 6:45, and the reception started at 8. We had about an hour to do our pictures. I have no regrets about the photos. By the end of that hour we were chomping at the bit to get down to our guests.

And I have been to a lot of Catholic weddings with long gaps (like 3 hour gaps). It is annoying, it is boring, it is rude, and nobody wants to wait three hours between.

Edit: I originally put that the reception started at 7. It started at 8, but the cocktail hour was held in the reception room, so guests were in there, mingling and eating and drinking for the hour we were taking pictures.

jeng5077 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:4a2c459b-8fb6-44a6-ae70-68e0a2d39c61">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>FTR, my wedding was at 5:30 (Catholic Mass), the cocktail hour started at 6:45, and the reception started at 7. We had about an hour to do our pictures. I have no regrets about the photos.</strong> By the end of that hour we were chomping at the bit to get down to our guests. And I have been to a lot of Catholic weddings with long gaps (like 3 hour gaps). It is annoying, it is boring, it is rude, and nobody wants to wait three hours between.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

I'm glad that worked for you....it doesn't work for us. I think thats the main problem with these boards and the posters on them, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for everyone. Just because you planned your wedding differently than me, does not make one of us right and the other wrong. Maybe you girls should think about that before you criticize everyone elses ideas and plans.

banana468 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:36a5f1ee-4ed2-4672-87a5-82cf57dcbf7a">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception : I'm glad that worked for you....it doesn't work for us. I think thats the main problem with these boards and the posters on them, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for everyone. Just because you planned your wedding differently than me, does not make one of us right and the other wrong. Maybe you girls should think about that before you criticize everyone elses ideas and plans.
Posted by jeng5077[/QUOTE]

Actually, gaps ARE rude. But then again, so is expecting your guests to drive an hour from the ceremony to the reception. Sometimes they can't be avoided and when that happens you host something in between, but you also seem to have one out if preference. No one is saying that your wedding day is not important. What they ARE saying us that once you invite others, you dont get to treat them poorly just because you happen to be in a white dress that day.

pgcp · May 2011

years ago my dh and I were invited to the wedding of a coworker. The ceremony itself was in the early afternoon and the reception was in the evening. While a gap isn't unheard of with Catholic weddings, we are Protestants and every other wedding we had been to had the reception immediately following the ceremony.

We spent the morning getting ready, dropped the kids off with grandma and grandpa, drove to the church, sat through the ceremony, and then went home. We didn't really want to get into any major projects at home because then we would have to shower again and I really didn't care to have to fix my hair again. We also didn't want to go get the kids because we knew that the youngest would go through her "please don't leave me drama" again when we dropped her off later.

We started to watch a movie together. Like so many young couples with little kids, when we really realized that we had the house to ourselves things got pretty "sexy". We were then seriously not interested in the reception, I had to completely redo my hair (super think and super long at the time fwiw), we had to get back into our dress clothes, and drive back to the other side of town.

If it had been up to me we would have skipped, enjoying our house without the kids and ordering a pizza for dinner sounded so much better. My dh on the other hand is a truly good person and he didn't want them to waste our meals. So we pulled ourselves together and went off to the reception.

When we got there my dh couldn't find many of the others he worked with. The following Monday he found out that many people chose to not go back because they got busy doing other things.

jessicabessica · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:28a51ca5-f792-4ef6-b84d-d2327aa16afa">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm confused, why is a time gap such a bad thing?? My ceremony is at noon (will prob end by 12:45) and my cocktail hour doesn't start til 5:30. My reception is about an hour (maybe less) driving distance from the ceremony...but really, what is the big deal? My FI and I have a lot of places we would like to take pics and we will actually be almost rushing to get to the reception by 5:30. I actually think it would be rude if one of my guests were to tell me that they were "offended" or "annoyed" because of the gap....this is my wedding day and I would like to have pictures to remember it by. Is that so wrong?
Posted by jeng5077[/QUOTE]

<div>So you want your guests to drive nearly two hours round trip to attend a midday ceremony and then hang around in their nice clothes at the hotel for 4 hours? I would be worried that guests might not end up attending the ceremony and would just come for the reception. </div>

baystateapple · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:36a5f1ee-4ed2-4672-87a5-82cf57dcbf7a">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception : I'm glad that worked for you....it doesn't work for us. I think thats the main problem with these boards and the posters on them, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for everyone. Just because you planned your wedding differently than me, does not make one of us right and the other wrong. Maybe you girls should think about that before you criticize everyone elses ideas and plans.
Posted by jeng5077[/QUOTE]

Maybe you shouldn't get your panties in a twist because you got called out on doing something rude to your guests.

Asking your guests to travel an hour from one location to another, and then hang around while you prance about in a white dress in front of a photographer is rude. You don't have to take my word for it. Look at what the other posters have said. Asking your guests to hang around for three hours is impolite.

But do what you want. You're going to, anyway. Just don't come back here and complain when people choose to go to either the ceremony or the reception, but not both. Or if people RSVP yes and then, as other posters have said, bailed because they got busy during the gap.

Irishcurls · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:36a5f1ee-4ed2-4672-87a5-82cf57dcbf7a">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception : I'm glad that worked for you....it doesn't work for us. I think thats the main problem with these boards and the posters on them, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for everyone. Just because you planned your wedding differently than me, does not make one of us right and the other wrong. Maybe you girls should think about that before you criticize everyone elses ideas and plans.
Posted by jeng5077[/QUOTE]
TBH, our only option for a Saturday wedding was a large gap if we wanted 1) a Catholic mass and 2) an evening reception--and we wanted both of those things. But I felt rude not hosting something during the gap, (which we can't afford) so the solution was a Friday wedding. No gap. We get what we want, guests aren't mingling around forever. Basically, girls on here have a lot of different experiences to draw on and there are ways around rude practices, it just involves some compromises. Which I think is a good practice to keep in mind as you enter into marriage, no?

Calypso1977 · May 2011

we slotted 2 hours for photos, but that was a luxury we were able to have because we opted to take photos prior to the ceremony so we would not be rushed. we had an 11am wedding and were able to do this. iwht an afternoon/evening wedding its even more doable. not sure why folks make their guests wait for photos when they have all day long to do them. if the whole "seeing the look on his face" is so important, then do one of those new fangled "first look" pictures and then get your photos done, attned the cocktail hour with your guetss and enjoy the party you paid for and worked hard to plan.

blush64 · May 2011

I would prefer a 5pm start. If it's 20 min drive wouldn't want to rush. I prefer to freshen up before going to the reception so a bit of extra time would be good. But I think most won't agree. Either way the gap isn't long at all. If it takes 20 min to get there I am sure people can entertain themselves for another 20-30 minutes.

amys325 · May 2011

Jeng, I'm originally from NE Ohio and I believe every wedding catholic or church went to while i lived there had a gap. While it can be annoying, I've just always expected it. Normally the bride and groom recommend a bar in the area to hang out at and 30-40 of us will go, have lunch and some drinks and then head to the reception. It's really never been a problem. The only Catholic wedding that I went to that didn't have a gap had the ceremony starting at one maybe and the cocktail hour starting at 2...ending around midnight. Yes, 10 hours of open bar. Then we went out afterwards....it was a mess...but thats not the point of my story. To the OP. I wouldnt worry too much about your gap, it's seems minimal. In fact, I'm going to a wedding tomorrow with a 4hour gap....and I have to drive a half hour from the Church to the Reception. I'm not even phased about that...I'm just mad it's on a Sunday of a holiday weekend and we could be grilling on our deck.... Gaps happen.

mica178 · May 2011

Pretend that I just said everything that Banana said.

Gaps don't have to happen. Gaps happen because brides (and grooms) get stuck on a certain date or get it in their heads that they need an evening wedding, or they must do two hours of photos in between the ceremony and reception. If you absolutely cannot avoid the gap, you need to try to minimize it as much as possible and host something for in between.

Large gaps are inconsiderate to guests. As a guest, I don't want to have to waste 2-4 hours in my fancy outfit, eaing/drinking on my own tab. If I'm from OOT and have a nearby hotel room or if I'm really local and can return home, great (although then I'd feel tempted to skip the reception), but if I drove from an hour away, I'd be stuck in your reception area for 2 hours. Not cool at all. And after a couple hours of eating and drinking at the local pub or diner to waste time, I'd probably be less interested in eating at your reception, what a waste on your part.

OP -- it sounds like you have the option to avoid the gap. That's perfect, esp since I'm guessing that in the DC area, a lot of your guests will be driving in from different suburbs. Do the cocktail hour from 4:30 to 5:30, then serve dinner. It's perfect.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

I prefer to freshen up before going to the reception so a bit of extra time would be good.

i hear this argument all the time on here but i dont get it. how dirty do you get sitting through a wedding ceremony that you have to "freshen up" before the reception? i genuinely dont get it.

amys325 · May 2011

I guess another thing to point out and maybe this started happening because of gaps and how frequently they happen, but a lot of people I know change in between the wedding/reception. Most people don't like to wear a floor length strapless gown to a noon church wedding, so people wear a more conservative dress or pant suit and then change in between and "freshen up" their make up and hair.

opalsky007 · May 2011

Yeah, but the thing is, you wouldn't wear a strapless gown to a daytime wedding. There's a reason they're called evening gowns. So you'd only NEED to go home and change if there's a huge gap between a daytime ceremony and evening reception. A 5 pm ceremony followed by a reception does not necessitate a change of clothes. That's not justification.

baystateapple · May 2011

I just don't get why everyone NEEDS to have an evening reception or three hours of photos.

I was MOH in a wedding that started at 2, and the reception started at 8. We had four hours between the end of the ceremony and the cocktail hour. During those four hours, the bride and groom dragged us all around town in a limo and took tons of pictures. We had champagne and OJ in the limo, but no food. Dinner wasn't served until 9 PM. I can't even describe what a miserable experience that was.

amys325 · May 2011

Ok, let me rephrase... I wouldn't wear a strapless gown to a church wedding at all, so I'd actually need time in between to go change. And to the PP. Why didnt you tell your friends to stop somewhere and grab a snack!

DramaGeek · May 2011

Ugh, baystate, that does sound awful. As the bride I would have hated that - I was ready to party the minute our ceremony was over!

And ditto Calypso - why exactly do you need to freshen up after a 30-60 minute ceremony?! As the bride, i had my makeup done at 1 and then reapplied lipstick right before the ceremony at 4:30. I didn't do anything else to "freshen up" for the rest of the evening - and I was the one who was actually doing things and in the pictures! I can't imagine ever feeling the need to do more than reapply lipstick as a guest and that takes, oh, 30 seconds? The only reason I can see that you'd NEED to freshen up is if there's a gap, so it's the gap necessitating the need.

lyndausvi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:874ad18d-17e1-4bf6-bfde-a79f45f214dbPost:ac723047-81ca-4a1e-8e97-b93386344b84">Re: Time gap between ceremony and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh, baystate, that does sound awful. As the bride I would have hated that - I was ready to party the minute our ceremony was over! And ditto Calypso - why exactly do you need to freshen up after a 30-60 minute ceremony?! <strong> As the bride, i had my makeup done at 1 and then reapplied lipstick right before the ceremony at 4:30. I didn't do anything else to "freshen up" for the rest of the evening - and I was the one who was actually doing things and in the pictures!</strong> I can't imagine ever feeling the need to do more than reapply lipstick as a guest and that takes, oh, 30 seconds? The only reason I can see that you'd NEED to freshen up is if there's a gap, so it's the gap necessitating the need.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>LOL- I was just thinking the same thing. I've never seen the bride, groom or WP freshen up or changed attire, I find it funny they think the rest of the guests "need" the time to. Because, you know, sitting on a chair is really hard work.

</div>

jess9802 · May 2011

At a friend's wedding, it started pouring buckets at the end of the ceremony. I got soaked walking from the church to my car. I took advantage of the gap to go back to my hotel and do my hair and touch up my makeup. When I've been in the bridal party the makeup and hair has been done professionally and holds up better than when I do it myself, as a guest. And somehow at weddings I always end up getting hot and sweaty, so I like to kind of cool off and not feel sticky before the reception. So a brief period of time between the ceremony and reception is not a major inconvenience and can be nice to feel more pulled together than if I go straight from the church to the reception.

We are not having a gap at our wedding, however.

goosiegirl2011 · May 2011

I've only been to one wedding that did not have a gap - I don't find it rude at all, and it certainly isn't considered so in our region. Our wedding is at 2 and the cocktail hour starts at 5:30, a 50 minute drive from the ceremony site. So they will probably have to entertain themselves for 1-1.5 hours. I'm not concerned about it - my guests are full-grown adults capable of entertaining themselves for a couple hours in a beautiful city in the summer. There is a historic downtown and a riverwalk on the Mississippi two blocks from the reception site. They can take the time to check-in, freshen up and do whatever else they'd like.
I will be taking pictures with my bridal party at several locations during that time, as we travel to the reception site. If that is too long for my guests to handle, they are free to not attend.
My family operates a dairy farm, they need time in the morning to do chores, hence not getting all pictures done beforehand, and need to go home again after the ceremony to do chores before driving back over to the reception. Frankly, I'd rather have my family be able to be there than worrying about how my guests are going to handle the gap. I think it all depends on your situation and guests as to what they would consider rude.

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