Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating

daveANDkristen · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:8abb028e-d7a0-4d75-ac30-82b657933d87">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should take your cousin out to coffee or shopping or something. Ask how she's doing. Clearly your wedding is just magnifying deeper insecurities/puberty issues. Ask her how she feels about the wedding. Is she excited? Is she distracted and won't really be excited until the day-of? Is she horrified by the idea of wearing that dress? Is she horrified by the idea of wearing ANY dress? See what she says. I don't think you're being horrible for wanting to figure out where her head is. I understand the PPs who said that the dress is too short, but having her wearing something totally different from everyone else may just highlight her size and make her stand out in a way that can be awful for a young girl. Which is why you should ask. Maybe she doesn't want to be in your wedding (she probably can't just randomly come out and tell you that if it doesn't come up). But you can probably get to the bottom of this without directly asking her if she wants to be in your wedding. Just tell her that it seems like aspects of it are bothering her and you want to know what you can do to make her more comfortable. But you need to do something. I was never overweight but man did I have insecurities at 13. And just getting up in front of 100 people would have been terrifying. And someone else having to send shoes back because my feet were too big? And I just won't stop growing so now I don't fit into this cute little dress? That sounds like 13 year old girl hell.
Posted by Dreamergirl8812[/QUOTE]

IMO that dress is too short for a 13 year old girl to wear. She says she is uncomfortable wearing it. Do you think that she should be removed from the wedding unless she wants to wear the same dress?

Her feet are not too big for the shoes. She "lied" to the OP by telling her she wears a size 12, when she actually wears a size 10. Her feet are too small for the shoes. And the dress was purchased much too soon considering the child is still growing. Of course it doesn't fit her anymore. The pounds do not magically start melting away when someone puts on an engagement ring. The dress should have been purchased close to the wedding so that it would fit.

daveANDkristen · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:c66f07d5-f415-4450-ab5c-047fa8bd479d">Re:Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]Something in my psyche is making me refuse to believe this is a real post. Someone please tell me the world is not doomed.
Posted by BartenderBW[/QUOTE]

I sincerely hope you are right.

bunni727 · January 2013

Aside from everything PPs have covered, could she wear pants with a similar top?

Something like this (with an undershirt of course) with khaki, grey or black dress pants would look nice. There's no reason her comfort shouldn't be a priority.

banana468 · January 2013

Wow. That is one short dress. I'm surprised her mother is allowing her to wear it. I wouldn't be comfortable in that and I'm 32. In fact, the only time I would have considered wearing something that short would have been when I was 18-24 and certainly not to a wedding.

Talk to your cousin and come up with a compromise that will work for her. Clearly the dress you chose won't work for her body type so you need to think of solutions that will work for the girl she is and not for the person you are wishing she was.

MrsMuq · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:895619cf-25f7-4021-b13d-68e5faa99874">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]I did not post this to be attacked. If you want to be rude please find another post to be rude on. I will post a link to the dresses. They are above the knee, but also have a high neckline and sleeves. I think it is appropriate. I included the fact that they are short dresses to show that shorts would show under them. This is not about "kicking her out". I would never do that. I am asking if I should give her the option in case she feels like she has to be in the wedding. I don't want to make her do something she is uncomfortable with. Here is the dress: <a href="http://us.asos.com/Darling-Lace-Amelia-Dress/xkiik/?iid=2024531&cid=8799&Rf-200=3&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=200&sort=-1&clr=Aquablue&fb_source=message&r=2&mporgp=L0RhcmxpbmcvRGFybGluZy1MYWNlLUFtZWxpYS1EcmVzcy9Qcm9kLw.." rel="nofollow">http://us.asos.com/Darling-Lace-Amelia-Dress/xkiik/?iid=2024531&cid=8799&Rf-200=3&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=200&sort=-1&clr=Aquablue&fb_source=message&r=2&mporgp=L0RhcmxpbmcvRGFybGluZy1MYWNlLUFtZWxpYS1EcmVzcy9Qcm9kLw..</a>
Posted by vancrane[/QUOTE]

Ditto everything everyone lse has said.

And the dresses you picked out are awful.

libby2483 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:fec33b1b-7a46-4b2b-9e99-7a4beb7d0137">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]She is 13 years old. Please take a moment and think back to when you were thirteen and all of the changes, hormones, and insecurities you had going on. And, honestly, I think that dress is too short for a 13 year old. I don't care that the top is covered, the length is still inappropriate. As for her shoes, I doubt she lied, she may have just been mistaken. And really you are concerned over a stupid, waste of money, day of t-shirt. OP, I think you need to have a bit more compassion for your cousin. This is a hard time for a young teenage girl and you are not helping matters by being more worried about your PPD then the feelings of your cousin.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly.</div>

loca4pook · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:78f4599b-cc77-4032-bcde-ea824d1b2691">Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]My youngest bridesmaid is my little cousin. She is 13. When she was 8, she asked if she could be in my wedding someday. I promised her then that she could be. Then, when I got engaged 2 and a half years ago when she was 11, I asked her to be a bridesmaid, following through on my promise. She said yes (not reluctantly, but not excitedly either). At age 11, when I asked her, she was going through an awkward/tomboy/chubby stage. I thought, as this usually is a time of change for pre-teens, she may grow out of this before the wedding so I just didn't worry about it then. Now, she is 13 and we are 5 months from my wedding. She has gained even more weight and become even more of a tomboy. When I purchased the BM dresses, I ordered her the largest size it came in and it fit her then. Over the past few months she has outgrown it. Well, she hasn't actually outgrown it, but it is kind of tight in the stomach and she says it is "uncomfortable'', but really any dress is uncomfortable to her, and she has made it clear many times that she wishes to wear shorts under the dress (it is really short) because she hates dresses. Also, she went to shop for BM shoes with me without her mom coming along. She lied to me and told me to order size 12 wide shoes for her. I found out later from her mom that she wears a size 10 wide so I will have to return the shoes. The shirts I ordered for my BMs to get ready in the day of did not come in her size, so I ordered a different but similar shirt for her but when they came in, the color is totally off and actually quite hideous. I am not holding it against her that she is a bigger girl, but it is becoming such a headache for me. The headache of having to cater to her to get something that fits her and she is "comfortable" in would totally be worth it if she seemed like she cared at all or even wanted to be a part of my big day. At this point, it is too late for me to add another BM to replace her. My question is should I just leave well enough alone and include a BM that I know doesn't want to be in the party or ask her outright and if she says she doesn't want to be a part of it just forget the headache all together. I just worry about offending her (and her parents) if she does actually care and just doesn't show it. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!
Posted by vancrane[/QUOTE]

you care about a shirt she is going to wear to get ready in? Seriously? I had no idea people cares about such trvial things as what I would be wearing when I am just plain old getting ready

melb2013 · January 2013

Darn it! The link won't open. Anyone want to post it again! I want to see the short dress!

MairePoppy · January 2013

Barbiiieee · January 2013

Did anyone else see how the website that dress is on said the model was 5'6"? Could you imagine how someone even slightly taller or long legged would look in that? Ugh. I'm not kidding when I say unless it was one of my sisters, if a bride asked me to wear that dress I would back out of their wedding.

beardownbchs · January 2013

I agree with pretty much every single post on here. You appear to be a self-centered ass and I feel terribly sorry for this girl.

I think a PP suggested this, but could your cousin wear leggings or tights? That might make her feel better and I don't think it would look bad at all - especially since she is so young.

And why, exactly, are you blaming her for the "quite hideous" shirt that YOU ORDERED?!?!

melb2013 · January 2013

I would NEVER let my 13 year old wear that dress (thanks for helping so I could see it everyone!). NEVER. And as a short waisted women, I would not be caught dead in it at any age. I happen to think that my legs are one of my best attributes, but I would look like a long legged freak. Ick.

OP, are your bridesmaids actually happy with this dress? If this 13 year old isn't (and who would blame her), then she needs to be allowed to wear a different dress.

jlm9113 · January 2013

The dresses get better if you go through the site this dress is from. There is practically NOTHING appropriate for wedding attire (unless the wedding is on a street corner) on the entire site. And this is out of a bazillion dress options.

Peledreamsofrain · January 2013

Something is right with the world when a 13 year old girl refuses to wear an inappropriate dress as is, despite being pressured by superficial and unsympathetic family members. I want to meet her and shake her hand, she's going to grow up to be quite a woman.

RamonaFlowers · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:0223f202-3535-4494-9414-fa57b1c25999">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]Did anyone else see how the website that dress is on said the model was 5'6"? Could you imagine how someone even slightly taller or long legged would look in that? Ugh. I'm not kidding when I say unless it was one of my sisters, if a bride asked me to wear that dress I would back out of their wedding. 
Posted by Barbiiieee[/QUOTE]

Pssh, if one of my sisters picked a dress that short, I wouldn't be above enlisting the other one, and having our mother give her a "come to Jesus" talk .

Of course, if would only come to that if my mom didn't say something on her own first, which she probably would, considering that it's a wedding, not a night club, and even the most casual wedding should be conducted with a basic level of class.

Hummingbird125 · January 2013

I agree with everyting PP have said. Let me just say that I am an average weight, and am 25 years old. I have a younger sister who used to be very overweight, and who has always dreamed of being in my wedding party. I honestly can't think of something more insulting to do to her than ordering a dress she wouldn't feel comfortable in (or look good in), and ordering "getting ready shirts" that didn't even come in her size. If I did that to her - she would be devastated. AND - she's 19 years old, so she's a lot more mature and able to deal with things than a 13 year old. I just cannot imagine being that cruel to some poor teenager. You need to grow up.

sunnilove · January 2013

dont hate on the dress guys its a cute dress, hate on what the op is being like lol

RamonaFlowers · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:abfbea4a-592d-4fdd-b8c7-9489c52abfa6">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]dont hate on the dress guys its a cute dress, hate on what the op is being like lol
Posted by sunnilove[/QUOTE]

It's a "nice dress" if you're 21 and going clubbing in Atlantic City for the night ... which is pretty much all anything that short is "appropriate" for, unless you were planning on wearing it as a really long "top" with leggings and boots or something.

Seriously, nobody that knows how to dress appropriately would think a dress that short is "nice" for a wedding. Sure, it's pretty modest on top, but FFS, looking classy doesn't begin and end at the neckline of an outfit.

daveANDkristen · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:abfbea4a-592d-4fdd-b8c7-9489c52abfa6">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]dont hate on the dress guys its a cute dress, hate on what the op is being like lol
Posted by sunnilove[/QUOTE]

I think the dress is fine, but it is a bit short. And her bridemaids should have had a say in the dress that was chosen. She should let her cousin wear tights/leggings or another dress entirely if her cousin is uncomfortable showing so much leg.

Barbiiieee · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:ee216cf5-1e69-494e-9ef0-1e464a20fcc3">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the dress looks like bad porn movie costuming.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

YES!

And the fact that it only comes in those two disgusting cotton candy colors. Ew.

bridalmarch · January 2013

The fact that OP hasn't been back to defend this feckery makes me think it's fake, and for that I am grateful.

RamonaFlowers · January 2013

In Response to Re:Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating:[QUOTE]The fact that OP hasn't been back to defend this feckery makes me think it's fake, and for that I am grateful.nbsp; Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]

Considering her only other TK posts involve calling 50 Shades a "great love story" and defending it as an amazing read, I'm definitely willing to believe she's just a troll ... or a complete ninny.

bandjwedding2012 · January 2013

If any of this is true I feel terribly sorry for your little cousin. You mentioned the weight over and over again. Being a teenager is hard enough, without what sounds like your favorite cousin making your feel bad. Seriously teenagers out grow everything in months if not quicker.
Do you not remember what being that age was like? You should be doing what you can to make her comfortable, telling her that she is going to look beautiful no matter what she wears. She didn't like about her shoe, chances are she really thought that. Also who cares if they all wear the same shirt, it's a shirt, they don't even have to wear it if you give it to them. Grow up.

Armada21 · January 2013

I must say, you chose a stereotypical BM dress: HIDEOUS!!

I've learned an awful lot through the course of planning my wedding, and I think I even matured too. So, I feel I can leave a helpful/critical post on here. Although it's been said many times, all women go through an awkward pubescent stage. You should respect that. If you force or kick out your cousin, you will sour the relationship you have with her and the family. Keep in mind, you're already the center of attention that day, there's no need to make your BP look hideous or feel uncomfortable in a dress they'll be wearing all day for YOU. So, that being said, you should take in all the input you should be receiving from your BP when choosing a dress. The whole point of choosing BM is to honor the relationship you have with those people. I don't feel forcing them to wear an uncomfortable dress is a way to honor someone. They're accepting to be there for you. So, your cousin has a fuller figure, I don't get why you can't find a dress style that you can mix and match designs so your BP feels comfortable. That dress IS short! Maybe not for a waif...and maybe you have thinner women in you party. You're obviously bothered by your cousins weight gain; which I'm sure she's already self-conscious about. Why make her feel worse by telling her she cant wear shorts, spanx, or whatever underneath?! I'm sure she can find something, and if they're not THAT short then they won't show. So, if they show, then they're obviously too short. If you're so worried about how your BM looks, then you're not really seeing the bigger picture. You're honoring them, and at the same time, you should respect them. Maybe she doesn't look how you want her to (childish and shallow by the way), but think about this: she'll be in the pictures too...don't you want her to feel/look comfortable? Just a thought!

P.S. The women on here don't sugar coat!! Maybe you should post somewhere else for a fluffy response...If you say anything is helpful, expect/prepare for opposition!! -IF any of this is even true!! If you're a troll, you really took the time to elaborate on this LONG post!!!

Armada21 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:895619cf-25f7-4021-b13d-68e5faa99874">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]I did not post this to be attacked. If you want to be rude please find another post to be rude on. I will post a link to the dresses. They are above the knee, but also have a high neckline and sleeves. I think it is appropriate. I included the fact that they are short dresses to show that shorts would show under them. This is not about "kicking her out". I would never do that. I am asking if I should give her the option in case she feels like she has to be in the wedding. I don't want to make her do something she is uncomfortable with. Here is the dress: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://us.asos.com/Darling-Lace-Amelia-Dress/xkiik/?iid=2024531&cid=8799&Rf-200=3&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=200&sort=-1&clr=Aquablue&fb_source=message&r=2&mporgp=L0RhcmxpbmcvRGFybGluZy1MYWNlLUFtZWxpYS1EcmVzcy9Qcm9kLw..">http://us.asos.com/Darling-Lace-Amelia-Dress/xkiik/?iid=2024531&cid=8799&Rf-200=3&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=200&sort=-1&clr=Aquablue&fb_source=message&r=2&mporgp=L0RhcmxpbmcvRGFybGluZy1MYWNlLUFtZWxpYS1EcmVzcy9Qcm9kLw..</a>
Posted by vancrane[/QUOTE]

LOL!!! You're making her wear a dress that is UNCOMFORTABLE to her!!! Don't ya think you already made her do something she's uncomfortable with?! JUST SAYING.

sunnilove · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_younger-bridesmaid-not-cooperating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bfc7906-53bd-40b9-b32f-599b6349f53bPost:9745510b-e7f3-47fe-880f-8cfe18158053">Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Younger Bridesmaid not cooperating : It's a "nice dress" if you're 21 and going clubbing in Atlantic City for the night ... which is pretty much all anything that short is "appropriate" for, unless you were planning on wearing it as a really long "top" with leggings and boots or something. Seriously, nobody that knows how to dress appropriately would think a dress that short is "nice" for a wedding. Sure, it's pretty modest on top, but FFS, looking classy doesn't begin and end at the neckline of an outfit.
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

i never said anything about using it for a wedding just said the dress is cute

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