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Cutting the Guest List

AshLWAshLW member
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in Ohio-Columbus
Ughhh, knotties.  I need to rant.  A couple months ago, FI and I started to put together our guest list.  We gathered named from our parents and was able to get an idea of where we were number-wise. 

Well, now are starting to sit down and finalize our guest list.  We asked both sets of parents to give us their final list of guests (full names and addresses) and FI's mom comes back with a list --- DOUBLE what she had previously given us.  Our venue only holds 200 - her guest list is over half of that and included all of their immediate family, extended family, and family friends.  Now, I'm just completely annoyed and don't know how to comfortably bring this up to her.  The last thing I want to do is cause bad blood.

FI and I are paying for the wedding, basically 90% ourselves.  I don't mean to pull a "Zilla" card on this, but I do not feel like cutting friends of mine or people that I would like there to accommodate all of their guests. My parents list is about 60% of FI's parents list and we know that theres at least a good handful of those guests who won't be able to make it (out of state).  I just don't think its fair.  Am I being a brat about this?
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Re: Cutting the Guest List

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    GApeachOHGApeachOH
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    edited December 2011
    Heck no! That's crazy.
    I would definitely sit down with her and evaluate each person. Ask her to eliminate the newly added people but compromise and tell her you will send wedding announcements to everyone on the big list. If she absolutely refuses and cannot be changed, ask her to front the bill for a new, bigger venue, more food, favors, rentals (chairs, etc), linens, and any further travel accomodations for her guests.
    :)
    GL

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    AshLWAshLW member
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    edited December 2011
    Ay ay ay.  Last night when I was being a huge B-word, I was like "I don't care if this pisses her off, she is only getting 65 people - the same as my parents - and if she can't cut them, I will go thru and just pick 65 people at random." LOL.
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    tiffanydanielstiffanydaniels
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah I would definitely state your concern and make sure she knows that you planned this venue with the estimated number that she gave you and she cannot just go about adding this large number of people. My FI and I refuse to add anymore to guest list unless it is an completely neccesary. 
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    montyandkellyskimontyandkellyski
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How does FI feel?  You should both be on the same page about it when you do decide to talk to FMIL.

    I suggest figuring this out sooner than later so she doesn't get the impression that it is acceptable for her to invite so many people.
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    casims3casims3 member
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    edited December 2011
    Do we have the same Future MIL? I went through the EXACT same situation. Before we looked at venues everyone put together their lists...by the time we did a "final" list...FIs parents had added 60 people to their list. 60!

    They finally cut people, but the battle still continues. I told FMIL that we were doing the RSVP date a little earlier than usual and her response: "Good, then we will know if we can invite some of the people I had to cut." In my head I was thinking...does she really think we are sending out additional invitations for every "No" that we get? I didn't even try to respond...I figure I'll deal with that battle later.
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    MissOwlMissOwl
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    edited December 2011
    we went in from the beginning and said each side gets 40 guests (my parents, his parents, mr.owl and i). it didn't end up working that smoothly but since we had a buffer up to 150 we were able to 'be nice' when his mom wanted to add a few more couples.

    you could consider a similar plan. you could say 'we did our budget calculations from your preliminary list. we were excited to tell you that we could afford 10/15/whatever additional guests from your side but i'm afraid we can't afford quite as many as you have here. why don't you decide who you'd like to invite for those additional 10-15 slots.' and then it's her problem.
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    jnkreagerjnkreager member
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    edited December 2011
    I think to minimize bad blood, you should send your FH into battle and stay out of it as much as you can.  The issue definitely needs resolved though!  Hopefully she will see sense in the matter!
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    77Angie77Angie
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    edited December 2011
    I agree that you shouls send your FH to speak to them.  When our guest list was getting to big I made him speak to her - and they talked through everyone.  They ended up cutting people together.  SO much better than me  having to get involved with it!
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    AshLWAshLW member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice, girls.  I talked to FI about it and he even agreed that it was ridiculous and he didn't even recognize some of the names we were given.  He is going to talk to her this weekend and hopefully we can come to some sort of resolution.  :)
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