Who gets an invite for a bridal shower?

Megaboo1116 · January 2012

Last night, my MOH messaged me asking me to compile a list of who I want invited to my bridal shower and also asked me for a ballpark figure of how many I'm thinking. I wrote her back asking what is typical and her response was that when she got married, we invited every female on her wedding guest list. With that said, I figured out the ballpark and it's 50-60 women.

My question though because some of the women are not necessarily invited to the wedding because of me, they're FI's friends or friend's wives, etc. and therefore that is why they are invited. Do I put themon the list or stick to just family and friends of mine? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings because some of FI's friend's wives I'm closer to and therefore have become my friends, but the others are women in the same group (KWIM). The list of the undecided is only 10 which would drop the total number down to 47...

Do I go with, "it never hurts to ask"? Or do I just stick with the definite list? I don't want to be gift grabby or anything like that so it doesn't matter if the list is lower. I'm just trying to avoid hurt feelings.

Megaboo1116 · January 2012

I'm sorry I worded that part wrong... they are invited to the wedding but it's because they're FI's friends/friend's wives

MyUserName1 · January 2012

Edie, they are invited to the wedding, she's saying that they're more her FI's guests than hers.

Meg, I think it can go either way. I doubt they'd be offended either way, honestly. If you want them there, invite them, but if not, don't.

Matty143 · January 2012

I think OP means that they are from her FIs "side" of the guest list.

In which case, I would not invite them to the shower.

tenofcups4me · January 2012

Edie, you didn't read the whole thing. They're invited but they're invited because of her husband, not because they're her friends.

OP, I'd stick with your own friends and family of yours and your FH. I wouldn't invite the women who you're not really friends with.

ETA: Crossposted with many other people so now it looks like I'm part of a gang up, but there were no other responses when I started to type!

Habs2Hart · January 2012

Edie, she said they aren't invited because they are HER friends, but because they are spouses of her Fl's friends, but they are still invited to the wedding.

Can you ask your friend for a total she'd like to stay under and then go from there? I gave my BM's a list of close family and friends only for mine.

ETA: sorry Edie, I was so late, didn't mean to jump on you! It's amazing how many people can answer in a few minutes!

Simply Fated · January 2012

You don't have to invite every single woman who is invited to your wedding to the shower. The "musts" are... Wedding Party girls Mothers (step-mothers) Grandmothers Sisters And then, depending on how many people your hostess can handle you can work in the following groups of people... Aunts Cousins Other female family members... Friends Co-workers

Megaboo1116 · January 2012

Thanks ladies! I think I will let FI decide if he thinks they should get an invite. I'm leaning towards no but if he really wants them invited, I will include them.

Also, my MOH is expecting a list of 100 so I think she'll be pleasantly surprised that it'll be half that. :-)

And Edie, no problem... I get a little wordy sometimes and don't always make sense.

kcscejal · January 2012

I'm not really a fan of bridal showers that every female guest are invited to. I limited it only to ladies I'm really close to. Otherwise they feel way too gift grabby to me.

Habs2Hart · January 2012

That's a big ass bridal shower. I'm with ksc, I think that looks a bit gift grabby to me too. I mean, 100 ppl at a shower? That's how many people were at my wedding.

rebarobert2012 · January 2012

I don't think it's necessary to invite every female guest invited to the wedding to the shower. I'm only planning on inviting my female family members, my fiance's immediate female family members, and my female friends.

Megaboo1116 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gets-invite-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:35daf7c7-097e-4caa-8725-5acbb800e778Post:7f49a717-9b76-48e9-93dc-6b02828b3330">Re: Who gets an invite for a bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]That's a big ass bridal shower. I'm with ksc, I think that looks a bit gift grabby to me too. I mean, <strong>100 ppl at a shower</strong>? That's how many people were at my wedding.
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I never said my guest list was 100... it's 47 without the friends of FI's. My MOH was expecting about 100 when I asked her about it. </div><div>
</div><div>And when you take those people out and FI's friends' wives, the total is not much less... 40. I have a large family, my parents remarried and I consider all of my step-mom's family my own. So between my aunts, sisters, cousins, FI's family, my bridal party, and a few close friends, the number is right around 40. And part of that 40 are kids... my own and my nieces.

</div>

hbatchel2 · January 2012

I invited FI's friends' wives, but only because his friends were groomsmen. If they hadn't been a part of the wedding, I don't know that I would have invited their wives.

I had a separate shower thrown by my MIL's sister for H's family though so I didn't need to worry about who to invite from there. Between the 2 showers, I would say 80 or so were invited and 60 people came.

cindyn9178 · January 2012

I really think of the shower to be for the couple, not just the bride, even though typically the groom isn't there, unless it is a couple's shower. When I give a gift at a shower, it is intended for the couple, not just the bride. I hate when a bride is opening gifts and keep saying things like "ooooh these are MY sheets, or MY this and MY that".
I understand trying to decide if you should invite your FI's friend's wives, because I was confronted with the same type of issue (they were invited in the end, because they had all previously invited me to their showers when they got married before us). The groom's family is usually invited to the shower, or at least in my circle they are invited. So unless it was going to put the headcount way over what they wanted it to be at, I think FI's friend's wives should be invited.

Who gets an invite for a bridal shower?

Re: Who gets an invite for a bridal shower?

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