So, we broke up instead.

mtbentley · June 2012

I am so sorry. I had a friend go through something similar with her boyfriend a couple years ago except she agreed to abort even though she was very against it. He had told her if she didn't he would leave her and hse had very low self esteem and wanted to do whatever would keep him around. He ended up leaving her right after the abortion anyway and she has never gotten over it. I think you made the right choice in doing what you felt was right and he sounds like a jerk, he may not have to agree with your decision but if he was going to marry you he should have at least been able to work through it with you. As horrible as this is you may be better off knowing what kind of person he is now rather than going through this after you were married.

Again I am very sorry how this worked out. Good luck and keep your head up. You will be a wonderful mother.

coopsbaby · June 2012

Oh I'm so sorry Legu. On one hand, it's a shame he turned out to be such a tool, but on the other hand, it's better to know now than later on. I'm not exactly sure what he thinks he's accomplishing, since baby is still coming, and it's still gonna cost him. Now he's just as alone in it as he left you.

Please keep us all updated on how you're doing, and keep your chin up! Being a single mom is hard work (as any of us who have done it can tell ou), but it is darn well worth it! ((hugs))

NuggetBrain · June 2012

I want to punch dude straight in his d*ck. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

bonge · June 2012

may i ask how long you guys were together & how old he is? (just wondering about maturity level)

[Deleted User] · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-we-broke-up-instead?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f022046-a128-4229-8c0a-9de50a6c13bdPost:888106ad-3d21-41c4-a187-5afbe1ffca71">Re: So, we broke up instead.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Make sure you're solid with this decision -- it's not simply not having an abortion, it is consciously deciding to raise a child by yourself, unless you're considering giving the baby up for adoption.
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]
This. This isn't a passive decision. You are choosing to bring a person into this world - it is unwanted by one half of its parents. It is your choice - but I hope you are seriously considering the needs of this potential person.

I just hope you are thinking of the needs of this potential person, and not just what you want, OP.

Legu · June 2012

Thank you so very much everyone, for the kind words and wellwishes. In answer to the things I remember [on phone so can't look back]... I'm well aware it's a conscious decision to raise a child, no, I would not adopt out. As involved or not as he wants to be, I can do this without him. I'm 25, he's 29. We'd have been together six years next week. We work a 48 hour week, each, as the comanagers of a pub for a big UK chain. I think we're fairly mature. Those that said better to have found out now, I agree. It seriously sucks. Like, it really hurts, but I'm back in the mindset of "oh well, your loss" at the moment. I'm sure an hour down the line, I'll be a quivering wreck again, but, it'll get easier, I'm sure. When the time comes, if he decides he literally wants nothing to do with us, fine, I'll manage without him. I could fight through courts whatever for him to pay child support... Last I knew fathers had to pay 10 a month. That's not worth the hassle, to be honest. Thanks again, everyone x

Snippylynn · June 2012

This guy is a tool. Utter and total waste of space who thinks he's a man. I agree with Stage.

chelseamb11 · June 2012

On man, Legu, I was thinking about you the other day and wondering what happened. I am so sorry he's being such a tool.

I just think it speaks volumes as to how much he truly was going to mean those vows of his (especially the "for better or for worse"). I'm sorry this happened to you but I'm glad you saw it now and now years from now.

I will be praying for you!

nextrightthing · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-we-broke-up-instead?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5f022046-a128-4229-8c0a-9de50a6c13bdPost:fe153f05-fd21-48f8-b0a4-8f2b209a51b0">Re:So, we broke up instead.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so very much everyone, for the kind words and wellwishes. In answer to the things I remember [on phone so can't look back]... I'm well aware it's a conscious decision to raise a child, no, I would not adopt out. As involved or not as he wants to be, I can do this without him. I'm 25, he's 29. We'd have been together six years next week. We work a 48 hour week, each, as the comanagers of a pub for a big UK chain. I think we're fairly mature. Those that said better to have found out now, I agree. It seriously sucks. Like, it really hurts, but I'm back in the mindset of "oh well, your loss" at the moment. I'm sure an hour down the line, I'll be a quivering wreck again, but, it'll get easier, I'm sure. When the time comes, if he decides he literally wants nothing to do with us, fine, I'll manage without him. I could fight through courts whatever for him to pay child support... Last I knew fathers had to pay 10 a month. That's not worth the hassle, to be honest. Thanks again, everyone x
Posted by Legu[/QUOTE]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sure it doesn't seem like it now, but in many ways it is probably better that you know now how he responds to pregnancy. Chances are if he is leaving you because you are pregnant now, he never would've been able to handle having a child, married or not.

I don't doubt that you are thinking about the needs of your child. I have been in your shoes, and as a mom-to-be, it is impossible NOT to be thinking about the life of your child.

Know that you can do this. Being a single mom is hard, but it is far from impossible, and it is worth it. Even if you are terrified and sad and scared now, know that it will get better and (cliche as this is), when you see your baby's face, you will KNOW that you made the right decision.

He is a total d-bag, not that you don't know that. I'm sure everyone he knows is going to be either telling him that or side-eyeing him for acting like such a child. He may come around, but save yourself the stress and try not to wait for that.

Best of luck to you.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

:-(

I'm sorry to hear that. If it wasn't this it may have been something down the road. Clearly, you two weren't on the same page with everything, and you have to make the decision that YOU can live with.

I wish you so much happiness in the future.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

I'm so sorry, Legu. That's seriously a douchebag move. Way to take the whole marriage and whatever else that comes along seriously. And, like others said, at least you found this out before you actually married him. In my book, once your engaged you should be able to handle anything you would when you are married, if that means you get pregnant before the wedding, so be it. The fact that he couldn't, after 6 years, speaks volumes.

I wish you and your baby all the health and happiness in the world. Being a single parent has got to be one of the toughest jobs, however, the love you've shown to your unborn child just in making this decision, shows what kind of mom you will be. That's one lucky baby you've got in there!! Best of luck to you!

And the pain will get easier. I got out of an engagement years ago when my FI left me for my roommate (not anywhere near the same, I know, yours is 1000 times worse) I went through moments of "he's a tool" and then back to "but I love him, how can this have happened". I learned within a few weeks that it happened because he was a tool and my life was going to be a 1000 times better without him. Now he's someone else's ex-husband and cheating one at that, and I'm happily engaged. It will all work out the way it was meant to!!!

bonge · June 2012

He's throwing away a 6 year relationship because you got pregnant at a time that was inconvienient for him? wow. I hope you can still work together, if too hard see if u can find another job (not easy i know).

You have been with him most your adult life so yes it will be hard, but you can do it & will meet someone who will not run just because things get a tad tough.

Megbo2012 · June 2012

Wow, OP I'm really sorry, but I'm glad you made the best choice for you. I hope he will come around.

julib33 · June 2012

I'm so sorry

Some guys really just aren't cut out to be parents; hopefully this isn't the case with your guy and he will get his head on straight and come back. But if he doesn't at least your baby will have a loving mother to take care of him/her.

My FSIL has a little boy who is about a week away from being a year old. The baby daddy (whom we like to refer to as "sperm donor" or "piece of shiiit") is finally out of hte picture. He wanted to be there for both of them off and on, cheated on FSIL, didn't take care of my nephew, hit my FSIL, basically all around horrible fuuuucking guy.

My nephew is SO much better off without this douchemonster in his life. Not only does he still have his wonderful loving mom, but his mom is happier and less stressed now, which is better for my nephew. Sometimes not having the baby's dad around is better.

IMHO I think that your guy is missing out big time. It's his loss. I can't even imagine how hurt you must be right now, but when you look into the face of your wonderful little baby you will know you made the right choice for you both.

midgetthemighty · June 2012

Somehow I'm just seeing this post and I'm so sorry Legu. *hugs*

retz62 · June 2012

wow.. I'm so sorry. He didn't sound like much of a partner.. maybe it's best

So, we broke up instead.

Re: So, we broke up instead.

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