I know I'm opening myself up to some harsh criticism, and that's fine. In short, my best friend and maid of honor have had a serious falling out to the point where I really cannot see it being salvaged. She cheated on her husband, expected me to be fine with it, wanted to invite the new guy, and he's a felon. It's just something I can't get over.
Because I hate conflict, and cannot govern my thoughts and words well verbally, I wrote her this email. Please, honestly tell me what you think. Names have been changed to protect identity...and no, I'm not a "troll".
"Hi. I know we haven't spoken in a long time. And you deserve to know why, at least from my end. I don't claim to know why you haven't bothered to contact me. It really doesn't matter, I suppose.
I don't expect anything I say to have an effect on you, nor should it. You're an adult with a 100% right to make her own decisions without the nosy opinions of others around you. However, some of those decision really rankle with me, and while it ultimately doesn't matter, I think it just best for us to cut our ties respectfully and without a huge fuss. You may make one, and that's your right, but I won't respond to it.
First off, let me say that I have valued our friendship over the years. Highly. I love your children and think the world of them. I truly, sincerely, hope for the best for you all. You should know this decision for me has not been easy.
You have the right to know why I have come to this decision. I certainly have no desire to point fingers and lay blame. There is no blame to be had, only a strong difference in opinion. It's not anyone's fault. Not really. We're just two different people now with two different worlds of thought. Be that as it may, here are the why's:
You told me for months that you loved Dan and everything was going well, all the while lying to me and having a relationship on the side. I hate being lied to. Even when I told you I was mad at you, and we jokingly laughed it off at the time, I was still very hurt and very frustrated. I really was mad, even if I didn't voice it more strongly.
You know I despise Dan, for what he's done to the kids and to you over the years. I certainly can understand why you'd cheat, but I have zero respect for it. No one can choose when, where, or who they will love. It just happens. But in this case, I cannot bring myself to condone or support that action. However justifiable it may be to you, I hope you can understand that it is not for me.
I have known of yours, been told by you, and have shared with you the horrifying experience of having lost your virginity by means of rape. You mentioned countless times over the years the devastating effect that had on your life growing up. And I understood completely because I'd been there myself. However well I may have disguised my feelings to you, I am and have been horrified that your chosen lover is your rapist. I was physically ill and vomited. I tried very hard to get over it, and I can't. Your capacity for forgiveness has always been greater than mine, but I absolutely cannot fathom this. Who you love is your decision and certainly no business of mine. But I can't respect it. I can't understand it. I can't embrace it. I can't get over it.
I really want to continue our friendship. I do. But I could not keep silent about these things any more. You deserved to know. And I don't honestly think we can salvage a friendship with so much disagreement and lost respect. I'm certain there are choices of my own over the years that you, too, disagree with. I would love for you to still be there by my side when Henry and I get married, still be there for our wedding day and all the festivities. I know that that is no longer an option. Even if we were able to put aside all of this, which I highly doubt, I know that I could never allow that expense to you and your kids. As much as I would love to foot the cost of all it would entail, I cannot. Any money that would have been spent on such an occasion should rightfully be put towards your children. There's no such thing as giving them too much of their basic needs.
You should know that while you are not at my side on our wedding day, no one will be taking your place. You are not someone to be replaced, or a pawn to be moved aside. I respect what we had far too much to dishonor it's memory that way, even if it can no longer be.
I wish I had the strength of character to look past all this and just get over it. I wish I had your capacity to forgive and forget. But I don't, and I can't pretend to. Perhaps one day I will regret having ever said these words, having ever acknowledged my disagreements of your actions. Perhaps one day, I'll come to you and ask forgiveness. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. But I hope that in being honest with you about my feelings you can respect that I never made this decision to be hurtful. It is less about who you are and more about who I am and the differences between us now.
You have always been an amazing person. My opinion has not changed. There are just some things that are better to let go of, rather than cling to in hopes of repair, or pieced together from past memory.
I truly wish you and Jenny and Robert and Matthew all the best.
Most Sincerely,
lv2011"
Ovarian cyst lapro: '01, '04, '09
Conal biopsy: '01- results negative
Dilation: '03 for cervical scarring
Pcos test: '05, FSH and LH normal
Mirena removed July '12
My Ovulation Chart