Moms and Maids

I am in some serious trouble

I know this is going to sound horrible and I know what majority of your reactions will  be but the truth is... I am a maid of honor in a wedding on saturday and I can't stand the bride.

Let me clarify, the bride is my older sister and I can give you a laundry list of crap she's pulled starting back when we were kids but it all comes down to we just don't like eachother. Part of m responsibility is to give a toat at the reception. How exaclt do you toast someone you literally cannot stand? My ideas so far  have been to just recite a quick poem about love and wish them the best but the truth is I don't feel comfortable going on and on about how funny and smart the bride is and how lucky the groom is to have her, in all honestly I feel bad for the guy. 

Just to put it out there, I know that with these emotions I really have no business standing up there on my sister's wedding day and trust me if I didn't have to I wouldn't but bottom line is my parents are footing the bill for both her wedding and mine and have given us no choice but to "play the part" for eachother respectivley. I agreed to it because as much as I don't like my sister I don't mind the groom, he has stepped in and fulfilled the role of father to my three year old nephew in a way that not many could and for that I will never have anything but respect for him. I do support their marriage and i think they are good for eachother, I just simply don't like my sister. Since I am truley supporttive of the marriage I don't feel uncomfortable standing up for the couple at the ceremony, I just wish I didn't have to since I don't like her.
At the same time though I have requested that she not stand up for me at my wedding when she doesn't support my future marriage and hates the groom and me. I just don't think someone like that has any place at a wedding let alone being a "key player." 

So bottom line, do I pretend none of my emotions exist and play the part of warm and fuzzy loving sister knowing it's all bull for the speech, or, do I find a way to not say things I don't mean while still being supportive and respectful.
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: I am in some serious trouble

  • I would just not give a toast.  They are not mandatory.  If you don't want to do it, just tell someone.  I've been a MOH twice and never gave a speech.  Most weddings I've been to have only had the Best Man or Father of Bride speech.  You really don't have to do this if you don't want to.  I'd think it was a good compromise: you're in the wedding, but you're not speaking.
  • I think either don't give a speech, or, if for some reason you have to, you can actually say a lot of what you said here- you can do a toast along the lines of "[Groom] is a great guy, and [sister] is so lucky to have him in her life, we're lucky to have him in our family, they're really good for each other, and I wish them a lifetime of happiness." And keep it short and sweet.
  • I was in a wedding too where I hated the bride. I wasn't MOH nor was the bride my sister. I bought the dress and showed up that's about it. After the wedding I cut ties with the girl.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I wouldn't toast; people can tell when you're uncomfortable and pretending won't improve your overall demeanor.

    Seriously, you don't need to put yourself through that.
    Vacation White Knot
  • Ditto PPs.  Don't give a speech - it's not required - or suggest that the bride ask one of her other friends/bridesmaids.  If you have to give a speech, I think what calliopea has laid out is really good. 
    image
    Anniversary


  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2012
    I am going to go from the angle that your parents will expect you to do the toast since they are in to appearances and playing the part.  As a MOB I think that is dreadful but then again, I also have a sister that I do not like and she would not be in my wedding under any circumstances.

    You can find some pretty thought (think stop by Hallmark and read a couple of wedding cards) about what makes a great marriage, wish them a wonderful marriage, and warmly welcome your new BIL into the family.  Done with no fake statements about your sister.

    I really am sorry you were forced into this.  I'm not sure I could go through with a big wedding if my parents had pulled that on me.  I would have probably eloped.

    ETA - I don't think you sound horrible at all and I think you will find support here.  Don't be so hard on yourself.
  • I would play on the part you said about welcoming the groom to your family and how wonderful he is with nephew and how you think they are good for each other.  That way you never actually say anything about her directly.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    ditto kmmssg gand pegasus. Welcome your new BIL into the family and wish them well, then end. The best toasts are short, but sweet.
                       
  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_i-am-in-some-serious-trouble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4ee499f1-fa9b-4df1-aa02-59939bcbc43cPost:f2acbde1-93f7-43b1-bd9d-b7ca208d49b2">I am in some serious trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know this is going to sound horrible and I know what majority of your reactions will  be but the truth is... I am a maid of honor in a wedding on saturday and I can't stand the bride. Let me clarify, the bride is my older sister and I can give you a laundry list of crap she's pulled starting back when we were kids but it all comes down to we just don't like eachother. Part of m responsibility is to give a toat at the reception. How exaclt do you toast someone you literally cannot stand? My ideas so far  have been to just recite a quick poem about love and wish them the best but the truth is I don't feel comfortable going on and on about how funny and smart the bride is and how lucky the groom is to have her, in all honestly I feel bad for the guy.  Just to put it out there, I know that with these emotions I really have no business standing up there on my sister's wedding day and trust me if I didn't have to I wouldn't but bottom line is my parents are footing the bill for both her wedding and mine and have given us no choice but to "play the part" for eachother respectivley. I agreed to it because as much as I don't like my sister I don't mind the groom, he has stepped in and fulfilled the role of father to my three year old nephew in a way that not many could and for that I will never have anything but respect for him. I do support their marriage and i think they are good for eachother, I just simply don't like my sister. Since I am truley supporttive of the marriage I don't feel uncomfortable standing up for the couple at the ceremony, I just wish I didn't have to since I don't like her. At the same time though I have requested that she not stand up for me at my wedding when she doesn't support my future marriage and hates the groom and me. I just don't think someone like that has any place at a wedding let alone being a "key player."  So bottom line, do I pretend none of my emotions exist and play the part of warm and fuzzy loving sister knowing it's all bull for the speech, or, do I find a way to not say things I don't mean while still being supportive and respectful.
    Posted by JNV825[/QUOTE]

    Quoted so it could be more easily read. 

    If it were me, I would just suck it up and give a quick and respectful toast.  You don't have to get all flowery and sentimental but you can put together one that is sincere and tasteful, depite your feelings towards your sister. 
    image
  • The past is the past. You need to let go of what happened between the two of you from when you were kids. Trust me on ths one, my sister and I HATED each other growing up. 

    I'm sure you have at least one funny story from your childhood you could bring up. Or even a pleasant memory. Even a small one. You don't have to pretend to like her. Just a memory of something... A sonnet or a love poem sounds like a good idea too. 

    Whether or not you hate her, at least if it looks like you made an effort and tried, people will think highly of you. Let her worry about what she will do for your wedding.  
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