Fiance is driving me crazy.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

How do I get this man to settle on a date? We have changed our wedding date twice now! He keeps asking if we could push it back, first it was because of me getting pregnant and he said the wedding would have been way to close to my due date. I agreed and we set it for a year later.

After our son was born he said that the wedding was going to cost to much money and that we should delay it for one more year, he even suggested we go to city hall and get married quietly and then have the real wedding. I agreed on pushing it back a year but declined to go to city hall, maybe this sounds silly but I want a real wedding with all my family and friends their, not a vow renewal.

So this morning he said that we should hold off to 2015!!! So we can save money! I told him no and that if we are getting married it is going to be next year! Then I childishly stormed out of the house. I texted him to go stay at his friends house until he figures out what he wants to do.

Am I overreacting? Any insight or advice is very welcome.

NOLABridesmaid · August 2012

It's not this hard to get married.

I say next friday is a great date. Make it happen.

VarunaTT · August 2012

Well, I don't think you're overreacting, but I think storming out of the house and texting him is childish. You're an adult, act like one and use your real words. If you can't use real words step out until you calm down enough for a conversation. But tell him, "I have to calm down, then I'll speak with you". I'm tired of relationship texting, it's so stupid.

Do you think he doesn't want to get married? B/c this many delays is what that makes me think. And if you DO want to get married (not just live together as committed couple), it's time to leave.

Wzz · August 2012

if someone wants to get married, they want to get married NOW regardless of the money situation.

2015 makes sense, though, if you need time to save up for the "dream wedding", if that is what's important. although, once you have a kid, is it really all that important to have the expensive wedding? you can always do something inexpensive and it can still be nice.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]if someone wants to get married, they want to get married NOW regardless of the money situation. 2015 makes sense, though, if you need time to save up for the "dream wedding", if that is what's important. although, once you have a kid, is it really all that important to have the expensive wedding? you can always do something inexpensive and it can still be nice. Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]
I am not looking for a dream wedding, but just because I have a son it shouldn't mean that we have a backyard BBQ with 5 guests. I just want a nice wedding in a decent place. Plus we can afford a nice wedding, I am starting to worry that he is OK with not being married.

NOLABridesmaid · August 2012

I am starting to worry that he is OK with not being married.

That can happen when you live together and have a kid before you're married.

I think you need to sit down with him for a heart to heart talk and lay it all out on the table.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]Well, I don't think you're overreacting, but I think storming out of the house and texting him is childish. nbsp;You're an adult, act like one and use your real words. If you can't use real words step out until you calm down enough for a conversation. But tell him, "I have to calm down, then I'll speak with you". nbsp;I'm tired of relationship texting, it's so stupid.Do you think he doesn't want to get married? nbsp;B/c this many delays is what that makes me think. nbsp;And if you DO want to get married not just live together as committed couple, it's time to leave. Posted by VarunaTT[/QUOTE]
I did storm out, but in my defense I was getting ready to leave for work any way.
I texted him because he would not answer the phone. But I do agree with you and I will call him when I get out of work.

Wzz · August 2012

well, i never said it should be a backyard BBQ.

i think you should take today to cool down and then try speaking with him again later, when you're not storming out of the house.

tawillers · August 2012

First, I agree with Varuna that it sounds like he doesn't want to be married.

But for the sake of discussion, is it possible that he knows how important a big wedding is to you and he thinks it will take 3 years to save the money for it?

ETA: And as much as the wedding is important to you, maybe he doesn't think so. Maybe he thinks it's an unneccessary money-suck. But either way, you both should be able to discuss things like adults.

*Barbie* · August 2012

maybe you need to decide to "revirginize" yourself and withhold the sechs until your wedding night. He'll either decide to commit to a date (and quickly) or he'll figure out somewhere else to get it, and you'll know that you'll be better off without him. ;-)

ReturnOfKuus · August 2012

I don't think he wants to marry you.

6fsn · August 2012

Like V said it's childish to storm out and send a text to have him sleep elsewhere. Your lives have changed since having a kid. Maybe he doesn't want a big wedding. Maybe he wants to give you a blow out wedding you won't forget. Maybe he doesn't want to be married at all. There are a lot of maybes that nobody here can answer and texting and him sleeping elsewhere won't solve.

Call him and apologize for storming out. Set up a time to sit and talk about what you want in the next few years and how you will get there.

Lastly, there's a big gap between a backyard BBQ and a huge pricey affair.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]I don't think he wants to marry you. Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]
You may be right about that. I find it hard to believe though, I know that he loves me and he is a great father to our son. The whole thing has me going crazy!

ReturnOfKuus · August 2012

Did anything else happen around the time of your original wedding date? How did he feel about the pregnancy? How did you feel about it? How have things been between you since you had your son?

Wzz · August 2012

maybe he is just lazy - as in, content with the way things are and doesn't see a need to make any changes.

yes, this is the kind of stuff i'd say to someone IRL. what would he do if you started to look into wedding plans and talked about setting a specific date? not behind his back, but if you took over the planning and just started to get ideas in action?

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]Did anything else happen around the time of your original wedding date?nbsp; How did he feel about the pregnancy?nbsp; How did you feel about it?nbsp; How have things been between you since you had your son? Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]
He was SUPER happy about us being pregnant, as was I and things have been great between us. We are partners in every sense of the word. He set up an engagement photo shoot and when I got pregnant he set up a maternity photo shoot. I just don't understand why he is flaking out on this, maybe I am not reading between the lines.

BTW I was in cloud nine when I found out that I was having his baby.

Wzz · August 2012

maybe he sees that weddings are expensive, especially in NY (are you in NY? you don't have to answer) and since you guys now have a kid that money might be better suited towards a house or in a bank account.

i vote cruise wedding, but i happen to love cruises. and weddings.

ReturnOfKuus · August 2012

Okay, then maybe it really is just the money. What do your daycare options look like? How much has health insurance cost been raised since the two of you added a kid?

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]maybe he is just lazy as in, content with the way things are and doesn't see a need to make any changes. yes, this is the kind of stuff i'd say to someone IRL. what would he do if you started to look into wedding plans and talked about setting a specific date? not behind his back, but if you took over the planning and just started to get ideas in action? Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

That is basically what I have been doing, Last night I had asked him if he thought if it would come of tacky if I asked a friend of hours that works in a really nice catering place if he could quote us prices for a date next year. He said that he would Text him, this morning I asked if he texted said friend and that is when he started with 2015!

Also, wzz I am a big girl and can take criticism, plus I don't think any of you have been rude with your responses to me and if any of you are, it's OK because I came to this board with my issue. Please all of you don't pull punches and if I am acting like a baby tell me.

ReturnOfKuus · August 2012

No, I think you're justifiably upset. You may have overreacted in the heat of the moment, but right now, you've cooled off and are asking the right questions. It's probably time for the two of you to have a discussion on all the big expenses the two of you see as coming up in the next few years, and how you rank them in order of priority.

PMeg819 · August 2012

The more you post, the more it sounds like money is an issue. If that's truly the case- and I agree with everyone else that you need to stop with the BS about making him sleep somewhere else (FFS, you live together it's his house too and what sort of example is that for your son). But have a talk about why he wants to postpone, and what sort of budget you can reasonably afford. But the communication is key here, and it does not sound like you two are communicating well at all. So why the rush to get married? Work on the foundation.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]Okay, then maybe it really is just the money.nbsp; What do your daycare options look like?nbsp; How much has health insurance cost been raised since the two of you added a kid?nbsp; Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]
We have a Daycare provider that is priced accordingly to the area we live in and she is great. We do 4 days a week at 35 a day and my job covers healthcare at just a few more dollars a pay check. We both make decent money, but weddings are very expensive in my area.

I'm sorta feeling like a jerk right now, because I honestly did not even consider that he may just be worried about the overall cost. I am going to take all of your advice and calm down and talk to him tonight.

Wzz · August 2012

i agree with kuus.

also, if this is a mutial friend, can YOU contact them to get prices? some places have menus online just so you can get an idea of cost.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]The more you post, the more it sounds like money is an issue. If that's truly the case and I agree with everyone else that you need to stop with the BS about making him sleep somewhere else FFS, you live together it's his house too and what sort of example is that for your son. But have a talk about why he wants to postpone, and what sort of budget you can reasonably afford. But the communication is key here, and it does not sound like you two are communicating well at all. So why the rush to get married? Work on the foundation. Posted by PMeg819[/QUOTE]

Your right! All though technically it is HIS house since it is his families house and my name is not on the deed.

ReturnOfKuus · August 2012

Is the house paid off, then? That makes a difference, if you have no rent or mortgage in your monthly expenses.

Wzz · August 2012

i'm still laughing at the backyard BBQ wedding comment. it reminds me of the scene in father of the bride where the dad is having the crazy thought of being the BBQ chef at the daughter's wedding, and everyone is clutching their pearls at his cheapness.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]i agree with kuus.also, if this is a mutial friend, can YOU contact them to get prices? some places have menus online just so you can get an idea of cost. Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

The reason I want him to contact our friend is because I am looking to see if he can give us a deal. I know the prices and they are kind of high for what I am looking to do. I figure even if he could knock of the 5.00 a head it would save us alot.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]Is the house paid off, then?nbsp; That makes a difference, if you have no rent or mortgage in your monthly expenses. Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

Yes, we only pay the property taxes.

FLANYTATOOGURL · August 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance is driving me crazy.:[QUOTE]i'm still laughing at the backyard BBQ wedding comment. it reminds me of the scene in father of the bride where the dad is having the crazy thought of being the BBQ chef at the daughter's wedding, and everyone is clutching their pearls at his cheapness. Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]
OMG! I loooooove that movie!

ReturnOfKuus · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fiance-is-driving-me-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b04c2188-3d59-439b-a05f-d75d34c49164Post:02ca40fa-e329-40a1-9118-6d9ed51c219b">Re: Fiance is driving me crazy.</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm still laughing at the backyard BBQ wedding comment. it reminds me of the scene in father of the bride where the dad is having the crazy thought of being the BBQ chef at the daughter's wedding, and everyone is clutching their pearls at his cheapness.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

This is even better than The Steak Pit!

peachiejean · August 2012

what the heck is wrong with a backyard bbq wedding???

Fiance is driving me crazy.

Re: Fiance is driving me crazy.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards