Seriously?!? No Gift?!?

cindyn9178 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:601fd092-51d2-40b5-8cfb-19fed7a34bce">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : Yes, on both counts. It's possible to be from here without expecting that all wedding guests must cover their plates. I realize there are expectations in this area that differ from standard etiquette, but they are just that - expectations. If you're throwing a wedding in the hopes of making your money back, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. And finally, there's a difference between having a different opinion, and essentially stating that people who aren't bitter about "cheap guests" had "mommy and daddy" pay for their weddings.
Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]

It is just odd, because aside from a few girls on this board I have never met a person that is from NJ that disagrees with the whole cover your plate idea. (unless maybe they were of a culture that didn't believe in it or practices very different traditions).

I don't know about others, but I don't have a wedding reception in hopes of making my money back. I have a wedding reception because I want to celebrate my wedding with my closest friends and family - and those closest to me should be respectful enough to at least give us a card as a congratulations. (and for the record, my parents paid for the majority of our reception, so I didn't need to "make my money back" and every single dollar we received is GREATLY appreciated).

Would you show up to someone's birthday party without a gift and/or card? I personally would never do that, and that's just a birthday.(I wouldn't even show up to someone's house for dinner without bring something, whether it is a bottle of wine, dessert, whatever). So being that a wedding is a much more important event in someone's life, I don't see how someone can justify attending the reception and not giving a gift, or at the very least a CARD.

This is why it is so difficult for me to understand how people can say that a gift isn't required and shouldn't be expected.. because I cannot imagine going to a wedding and feeling ok with not giving the couple a gift. Would you honestly not feel rude or guilty about doing that??

There are two separate issues here: Attending a wedding and not giving a gift and/or card vs. using the "cover your plate" rule to determine how much you give as a gift.

Even if we weren't in NJ, I would still think it is rude to attend someone's wedding and not give them a gift, regardless of how much it is.

smilygrl17 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:601fd092-51d2-40b5-8cfb-19fed7a34bce">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : And finally, there's a difference between having a different opinion, and essentially stating that people who aren't bitter about "cheap guests" had "mommy and daddy" pay for their weddings.
Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]

Agreed. My parents did pay for the wedding, but it was not by any means extravagant (and under $10K). For me, I'm a people pleaser, I like to make people happy, so I would show up with a gift/card/check but I wouldn't want others to necessarily do the same for me, I would be happy with just them.

Though it is true, in this area it is a cover your plate type of thing.

rlavach · October 2011

In summary, it looks like we all agree that bringing a gift (or at least a card) it is the kind, generous & expected thing to do. You really can't argue with that. It's your feelings and reaction when someone doesn't bring you a gift that differs amongst us.

Hopefully none of us future brides have to deal with this, but if we do, we're all free to react how we want & to think whatever we want of others. Whether those thoughts are right or wrong is really subjective. Different strokes for different folks.

alykat216 · October 2011

I personally do not like the "cover your plate" idea. I give what I can or want to regardless if the reception was at a place that was $200 a head or $45 a head. Some people can have a wedding that is very expensive and some people cannot. I personally would never attend a wedding if I could not give a gift because I would never go to an event empty handed. We had guests that gave us nothing the night of the wedding and to be honest the first thing that we said was not, "oh well I am just so happy they were there". If that was your reaction than that is a great attitude to have and I'm impressed. My family makes lists, honestly I am surprised to hear that people don't, I thought that was how its done. Hell my grandmother still has her list of what people gave her from her wedding LOL!

cindyn9178 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:8445b0d3-6c78-41a0-9949-da5b77f4a57d">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally do not like the "cover your plate" idea. I give what I can or want to regardless if the reception was at a place that was $200 a head or $45 a head. Some people can have a wedding that is very expensive and some people cannot. I personally would never attend a wedding if I could not give a gift because I would never go to an event empty handed. <strong>We had guests that gave us nothing the night of the wedding and to be honest the first thing that we said was not, "oh well I am just so happy they were there". If that was your reaction than that is a great attitude to have and I'm impressed.</strong> My family makes lists, honestly I am surprised to hear that people don't, I thought that was how its done. Hell my grandmother still has her list of what people gave her from her wedding LOL!
Posted by alykat216[/QUOTE]
Yup, that's exactly what I've been trying to say. I just find it hard to believe that people would have that reaction, especially in NJ where the cover your plate thing is popular, but as I said, even if you weren't in NJ, because I think the majority of US would never show up to a wedding/event/etc without a card/gift.

rlavach · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:17dd3811-4c72-4554-a99b-1108ede41640">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : Yup, that's exactly what I've been trying to say.<strong> I just find it hard to believe that people would have that reaction,</strong> especially in NJ where the cover your plate thing is popular, but as I said, even if you weren't in NJ, because I think the majority of US would never show up to a wedding/event/etc without a card/gift.
Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]
Would the majority of people react that way...no. But that doesn't mean that people don't genuinely feel that way. What I think upsets those most is when people say it's impossible to feel that way (not that you said that), as if we must be lying. <div>
</div><div>I certainly hope NO ONE has to worry about this when they get married :)</div>

cindyn9178 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_seriously-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8769fae3-cbee-42ea-8953-85d8ecd49c2cPost:770dc78d-a29a-49a8-b7e8-c1c7785ef3bc">Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!? : Would the majority of people react that way...no. But that doesn't mean that people don't genuinely feel that way. What I think upsets those most is when people say it's impossible to feel that way (not that you said that), as if we must be lying. I certainly hope NO ONE has to worry about this when they get married :)
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]
Of course anybody can feel however they want.. and genuinely, I would still be grateful that the guest had been at my wedding, whether they gave a gift or not.. but for me at least, that is separate from how I feel about their gift.

TripleJTobe · October 2011

People better fork over some sort of gift or card or the beast will emerge!

eleven29 · October 2011

Found it interesting that the NJ Nesties were talking today about keeping tabs on who gives you what and reciprocating...not for weddings but it's similar to the conversation here! Just another perspective from more NJ ladies.

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/59637909.aspx

Seriously?!? No Gift?!?

Re: Seriously?!? No Gift?!?

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