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Kicking a maid out?

rjohnson2586rjohnson2586 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
So I have a problem. I'm getting married in oct, I have 5 bridesmaids, but one I just found out is moving to florida this weekend. I'm trying to figure out if I should let her go has a maid and if so how to do it nicely.
Background:
So we use to be close and were not that close anymore. Since I asked her to be a part of my wedding in January I haven"t seen her. I've tried to invite her to all the outtings the other maids and I go and do but I usually don't even get a response back til the next day or at all. And now I heard through the grape vine that she's moving to florida this weekend. she never said a word about it. I still would like her to be involved or be invited to the wedding but I feel she doesn't/can't commit to being a maid and how can she if she's in flordia. I don't want her to think that the other girls can do all this work and she just sits back and shows up on wedding day. her bf is also a groomsman so i'm sure I'll have to talk to the fiance about him too.
Am I being insensitive? If not and i should kick her out how do I do it nicely without hurting her feelings, I mean I still like the girl.
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Re: Kicking a maid out?

  • getaclue44getaclue44 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    If you decide to kick her out, you are most likely ending that friendship.  Her only job as  BM is to get the dress and show up.  My girls have offered help with other things, but I am turning down all offers--it isn't their wedding.  It is mine.  if I need help with stuff that is where my FI comes in.  

    I would call her and talk to her about her move and how exciting that might be-then let her know the last date to order her dress--and see what happens. 
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    There's no nice way to kick someone out of your bridal party.  It's a friendship ending move. 

    Also, your party doesn't have any jobs or responsibilities beyond buying the dress and showing up on your wedding day, possibly posing for a few pictures.  (And they should be buying a dress that fits the budget you asked from for privately.) Any work done for your wedding is your responsibiity and your FI's.  Offers to help with DIY projects, offers to host showers or bachelorette parties are gifts and kindnesses your friends show you, but they aren't required.  So long as your friend can make the trip in time for your wedding from wherever she lives, she's doing her job.

    The only thing you can do is tell your friend the last possible date to order her dress and let her take it from there.  If she doesn't get the dress, she's removed herself from the party.  The same with your GM - you don't think him out or have FI talk to him.  If he doesn't send tux measurements in time, he's removing himself.
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  • rjohnson2586rjohnson2586 member
    First Comment
    In Response to Kicking a maid out?:

    Ok let me clear things up, I'm not asking anything of my maids other than to have fun and show up. What i meant by being invloved is like when we went dress shopping i asked everyone ahead of time when a good day was and she was the only one who didn't respond or show up. I sent her numerous texts of pictures and finally once the other girls picked out a dress told her where to find it and when to order it by....still no response. we went for girls night out a few times and she again is the only one who doesn't participate. Now i work full time and go to school so I know everyone has busy schedules and things to do, but a text in response saying hey I like the dress or I can't make it cause of work would be reassuring. I also believe my maid of honor has tried to get in contact with her but to no avail.
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-a-maid-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:929ab4fa-d18c-4d06-9715-02cdac3fcb23Post:1562c1bc-dc53-46c0-815b-a24b838a7392">Re: Kicking a maid out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Kicking a maid out? : Ok let me clear things up, I'm not asking anything of my maids other than to have fun and show up. <strong>What i meant by being invloved is like when we went dress shopping i asked everyone ahead of time when a good day was and she was the only one who didn't respond or show up.</strong> I sent her numerous texts of pictures and finally once the other girls picked out a dress told her where to find it and when to order it by....still no response. <strong>we went for girls night out a few times and she again is the only one who doesn't participate. </strong>Now i work full time and go to school so I know everyone has busy schedules and things to do, but a text in response saying hey I like the dress or I can't make it cause of work would be reassuring. I also believe my maid of honor has tried to get in contact with her but to no avail.
    Posted by rjohnson2586[/QUOTE]

    It sounds like she might take herself out of the wedding.  She's not required to participate in either the dress shopping (she does forfeit her ability to give an option/pick a dress) or to go along on girls' nights. 

    I would try to reach out to her about non-wedding related stuff; make sure she's doing okay and doesn't have something going on in her own life.  If she's still not responding, you give her the final date to order the dress and just wait to see what she decides to do.
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  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-a-maid-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:929ab4fa-d18c-4d06-9715-02cdac3fcb23Post:188dbaa3-d683-4659-8209-711c34eb2481">Re: Kicking a maid out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kicking a maid out? : It sounds like she might take herself out of the wedding.  She's not required to participate in either the dress shopping (she does forfeit her ability to give an option/pick a dress) or to go along on girls' nights.  I would try to reach out to her about non-wedding related stuff; make sure she's doing okay and doesn't have something going on in her own life.  If she's still not responding, you give her the final date to order the dress and just wait to see what she decides to do.
    Posted by JaclyneD[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This. 

    </div>
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
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  • msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    It's pretty easy to be a long distance bridesmaid. All you have to do is call in your measurements and show up for the wedding. When I was one, I did go home for the shower, but since I didn't plan it (I lived across the country), I didn't have to pay for it. I did buy her a nice gift and have a great day. :)

    If you want to save your friendship, you need to lower you expectations.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    So instead of talking to her, finding out if there's anything wrong, finding out why she's moving (aka...being a friend), you want to kick her out of your wedding because she skipped dress shopping and a night out?  That makes sense...
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  • ErBear1010ErBear1010
    10 Comments
    To be honesti don't know what a maid is SUPPOSED to do but one of my maids FI's sister I had never met and lives 10 hours away. She's not doing anything like my other awesome BMs but I couldn't keep her out since she will be family. That being saidyou can't kick out a FRIEND!!! Rememberjust because you're a bride doesn't mean you relinquish friendship duties!
    TTC since 10/12 BFP #1-1/4/2013 EDD-9/19/2013 M/C-2/21/2013 (10 weeks, baby measured 6w5d with no heartbeat) D&C-2/26/13 Anniversary Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers imageVisit The Nest!
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  • drdevoedrdevoe
    First Comment
    I think my biggest issue is she never told you she was moving..she doesn't respond to outtings...she seems to be distancing herself from you and the wedding for a reason.  I would ask her out for drinks and have some sort of adult conversation to find out where her head is at.  Picking your bridal party is really important to the bride and its not like you just pick anyone.  You pick those that are most important to you.  I don't know if I would trust her to even show up on time to the ceremony based on what you are saying.  I mean I am still baffled that she never said she was moving!  Its your call and yes its stressful but its your day and you don't need this added stress.  Has she done anything to help with the wedding?  Did she purchase a bridesmaid dress?

    Just really talk with her and get a better understanding of what is going on.  I am in a similiar situation just take it one day at a time but don't wait to have this "talk" at the last minute.
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  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    She doesn't need to participate in bridesmaid nights out or dress shopping.  If you have the dress picked out, just give her the info and the very last date that she can order it.

    Reach out to her as a friend.  It sounds like there is something more going on here, the last thing you should do is kick her out of your wedding.
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