My mom is trying to put sleeves on my dress!

shortgrass03 · October 2010

Okay, so I grew up in a very conservative religion where "modest dress" is a huge deal. I don't attend that church right now, I attend other churches (trying to find the right one, but that's beside the point). I have been a modest dresser for some time, but recently started getting into tank tops and shorts again. My fiance is a believer in modest dress, but doesn't mind the tank tops, as long as the straps aren't too thin (that's how I feel, too.) He loves my strapless dress and thinks it doesn't need anything else. (it's amazing how I thought I would be uncomfortable in a strapless dress, but I'm not!)

My mom is a different story. When I first showed her a picture of my dress, she said it needed sleeves. Earlier this week we went to try it on so I could show her and she's now convinced that the two inches we are taking off the bottom can be used for sleeves of some sort. (not full t shirt like sleeves, but cap sleeves like David's Bridal offers) She didn't like the way a shrug looked on it, though.

My fiance is telling me I better not give in because the dress is fine like it is, but my mom told me "think how your dad would feel." A lot of the guests at the wedding are going to be from this same religion and she thinks they will feel uncomfortable, also.

I know that it's mine and my fiance's day and we should do what we want, but I can't get my mom off my back! My sister gave into her and put these ugly thick ribbons as straps on her dress - I don't want that!

Sorry - I know this is long, I guess I'm just venting....

EDIT: I put a picture of my dress in a post below, but here is another pic.

marissa_claire · October 2010

If these were more fitted, would you be open to them:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Cap-sleeve-with-beaded-trim.-CAP1

I think that might be a good compromise. That sounds like a particularly sticky situation, especially with religion involved, but I think you might just need to stand up for what you want.

future-mrs · October 2010

Honestly, stick to your guns. If you LOVE the dress the way it is and your FI likes it too, who cares what mom says. I'm assuming you're getting married in a church (are they ok with strapless?) If that is all kosher, I would say go with it. I would hope your mom will eventually come around once she realizes you're not budging.

waltzingmatilda13 · October 2010

As long as where you're getting married doesn't require you to cover your shoulders, you should stick with what makes you feel most comfortable. Hide your dress from your mom if you need to!

If you find you do need to cover up for the ceremony, look into a bolero that you can easily remove when you're ready to party and take pictures.

sytom · October 2010

It's a good idea in the previous post. Compromising is a great idea. A bolero can be really cute, it wouldn't change the shape of your dress and it would probably make your parents happy. Religion issues are the worst!

JustKate · October 2010

Why would it offend others? You aren't asking them to wear something strapless. If it's not against your religion then wear what you like. Mom's and Dad's will be disappointed with decisions we make sometimes and unless you want to live under their thumbs for the rest of your life, put your foot down. If a Christian attended a Budhist wedding, would they be offended because there was no mention of God?

shortgrass03 · October 2010

The problem with the cap sleeve is that my dress is very simple and the beading on the sleeve is too much. I honestly don't think those cap sleeves David's Bridal adds match any dress.

marinabreeze · October 2010

Religion is a really sticky thing, expecially when you have somewhat of a different outlook on it than the parents. My mom is Christian, and so am I, but as I've gotten older my outlook on certain issues related to my faith are different and so my mom and I occasionally do clash. So I feel for you.

About the dress, Unless you are getting married in a church that does not approve of strapless dresses, I don't see the problem. You're an adult, and at some point you should be able to make decisions in accordance with your own beliefs. Unless your mom is paying for the dress, it may be best not to share with her your dress-shopping decision and just wear the dress you have chosen.

Another option, if you're super concerned about offending your parents, is doing what some of the PPs suggest and look into a bolero that you have the option of taking on and off. Even if your mom isn't crazy about the style, it's still a cover-up and it should pass religious muster. Good luck to you!

shortgrass03 · October 2010

I wish I could easily take the picture off my phone of me in the dress with a bolero over it. I think it's kind of ugly with the dress. The back of the dress has a bow and the bolero partially covers it.

I was wearing two full slips under my dress for this picture...lol

tlbattaglia · October 2010

I think you need to stick to what YOU want. Good luck. I know that mothers can be pushy.

shortgrass03 · October 2010

The last 3 posts I just did I thought I was quoting posters, I guess I wasn't - sorry!

soontobeschooley · October 2010

I agree with people and say stick to your guns as long as you are allowed to go strapless by the church or officiant.

You said you didn't like the bolero but you only tried on one. There are many different styles and materials. I say keep looking. I think you'll find one that fits your dress and makes your family happy.

Good luck!!

naomikb · October 2010

If you did a bolero instead of the cap sleeves (which agreed, can look funny if added after the fact) then you could wear the bolero for the ceremony and remove it for the reception if you want, or pictures, and you wouldn't have to permanently modify the dress that you love. There are tons of different styles, including shorter ones that wouldn't cover up your bow. I'd suggest going to some other bridal stores (or department stores) in search of a dressy bolearo. I've also seen lots on Etsy, and I'm sure someone there could make one the right length for you that is short enough.

These are from a search on Etsy for "lace bolero":

marinabreeze · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_mom-trying-put-sleeves-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:f775bfd5-1238-46d5-bbd5-ad95c8e3c5fdPost:98ca0cae-b24d-4d67-ae46-be25298ab989">Re: My mom is trying to put sleeves on my dress!</a>:
[QUOTE]I wish I could easily take the picture off my phone of me in the dress with a bolero over it. I think it's kind of ugly with the dress. The back of the dress has a bow and the bolero partially covers it. I was wearing two full slips under my dress for this picture...lol
Posted by shortgrass03[/QUOTE]

That is a really pretty dress :-).

Maybe naomi's suggestion might work (maybe a shorter bolero). Although with seeing the look of the dress, I'm thinking you might want to go simpler than lace. I'm thinking maybe a wrap or short bolero in a simpler fabric like chiffon.

NillaWafer10 · October 2010

What about a sexy faux fur wrap? You can tell your mom that your shoulders are covered, yet you have the option of wearing it when you want.

shortee426 · October 2010

I agree that a bolero, or something removable is your best bet. I am having a religious ceremony and am looking into some sort of "cover up" for my strapless dress.

Out of curiosity, did you pay for your dress or did your mother? If she paid, then she certainly would have much more influence than if you paid. Just some food for thought.

ETA: I think your dress is gorgeous!

deepcovejackie · October 2010

Your dress is beautiful! I also love the lace bolero jackets in the previous posts. I think those would look great with your dress.

future-mrs · October 2010

I love your dress and you look beautiful...and happy. Stick with it, I think any kind of a sleeve or bolero will actually look awkward.

waltzingmatilda13 · October 2010

I disagree with futuremrs completely, I think a bolero would look lovely with your dress, especially those lace ones from the pp above. And if you did choose to wear one for your ceremony, it would be on for such a short time in the grand scheme of your entire wedding day.

But again, it's your decision. I know it's probably more difficult because it's your mother wanting you to cover up, but if you're adamant about not doing that, then don't do it. Hopefully you can explain it to your mother in way that she will understand and come to accept.

future-mrs · October 2010

WM-I believe she said multiple times she doesn't want to cover anything up.

It's my personal opinion that on some dresses, bolero's look awkward. Not everyone has to agree.

waltzingmatilda13 · October 2010

Thanks futuremrs, but I'm not the only one here that thought her dress would look fine with a bolero IF she changed her mind. But I still stated it was her decision and the hope that her mother would be okay with that.

My mom is trying to put sleeves on my dress!

Re: My mom is trying to put sleeves on my dress!

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