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Rhode Island

Favor or no favor

I am seriously contemplating not doing favors at our wedding. I am not sure if guests are going to think that this is rude but we are having plenty of food and drink and merriment to go around.
We are also having a flip flop basket for the woman that want to kick off their heels. Not to mention a lot of our guests are from out of town so we are doing extensive OOT bags.

My mother is going ON AND ON about how a favor is needed and how all my relatives will think its so rude.

What's everyone else'se thoughts? It would be nice to get opinions from people other than my conservative critical mom
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Re: Favor or no favor

  • my comments about this got me in trouble on the september board...but i will share my ideas here anyways haha :) we are doing favors. along with a photo booth and OOT boxes. we are also having plenty (in my mind) food and drink - full open bar etc. i kinda agree with your mom about the favors...i have been to a lot of weddings and always gotten a favor. sometimes if they are cheap looking or tacky - i wish we wouldnt have gotten anything or for the couple to have not wasted their time bc i just threw the thing out anyway. we are doing chocolate cover pretzels and will make a sign that says thanks for helping us tie the knot or something else silly. FI also wants to do a donation - I don't really think it's necessary in addition to all of the above but we are still going back and forth on it. THIS is what got me in trouble on the september board. first- all the girls voted for no favor and then when i chimed in and posted what i thought - the original girl who had made the post - really let me have it. she slammed me for the idea of dontations - saying that what if someone really objects to the cause i was supporting - they would be offended. i said if someone objected to me donating to a good cause and they were that offended - even if they didnt support it - its my choice - and i wouldnt want them there. she then told me i had no respect for my guests in that way and needless to say i dont post on the september board anymore- just lurk :) but anyways what were you thinking of favors if you did them haha
  • I could go either way on favors.  We are still discussing whether we are doing them or not but I think we are going to do something small and edible, chocolate covered oreos are in the lead. 

    Frankly, most people will not miss favors and with all that you are already doing it is enough.  I strongly dislike non-edible favors, I just think it is a waste of money.  The other thing is most of the time they get left behind on the tables. 

    Here I am talking myself out of favors ;).  I will say that if you have a lot of older guests that will feel slighted for not receiving one it is easier to just doing something.   If you can do them relatively inexpensively it may be easiest just to do them. 
  • i2012doi2012do member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited February 2012
    We are planning on having a lot of things "around" at the wedding. Does that make sense? Like ferrer roches on the bar (since our colors are gold and blush) in jars and then the flip flops, etc.
    Plus my mom is insisting on trays of italian cookies on every table even though I think its incredibly tacky to have italian cookies wrapped in celophane with curling ribbon on m y tables it seems to be I lost that battle with her.
    (Somethings aren't worth it).

    Uri – I know that it’s a big battle on here (the knot) about donations for favors etc.

    Although I am going to be honest. Last year fiancés aunt gave us all cards that said that for xmas she donated a goat to this village in guam which would feed their family the entire year

    And we were all like “WTF”. I mean we didn’t need another gift. But it was a completely random charity thing. And we joked that she made one $10 donation and photocopied the donation card like 15 x and gave them to her nieces and nephews.


    The thing with the donation (which we actually considered donating at ASPCA. However, was called out on it by my cousin- because they are a Client of mine (I work in advertising and marketing) and she mentioned that the donation I give to them goes directly towards their advertising and therefore back in my paycheck (I know it was an annoying conversation).

     And I got a lot of flack on the boards for it, because a lot of people agree that ifyou are donating fine donate, but it is not a “gift” to your guests. And you can say in leiu of favors yu made a donation- but I wouldn’t’ say you made it “in their name” that is what seems to stir the pot.

    Also I agree edibles i think are best.
    We can't think of anything we LOVE to give at ll.
    I was thinking of doing heart shaped choc chip cookies

    Because when my fiancé was deployed I sent him a heart shaped 2 ft chocolate chip cookie and it made it UNBROKEN to Afghanistan. So I had said that maybe we would give those out and telling the story of the “unbroken chocolate chip cookie”. Like a little story about how the cookie traveled halfway around the world and didn’t break or something kind of relating to love.

    Anyway- I got a quote on them and it was $3 PP!! that is so insane.


    I contemplated making them myself. But I am not sure if on Thursday before the wedding I want to make 100 cookies, bag them etc.

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  • Yikes! I never knew there was so much hostility about donations in lieu of favors!

    I am  thinking of doing 2 donations.  The first to the alzheimer's foundations (my fiance's grandmother has alzheimer's) and the second to the jimmy fund cancer research (my grandfather died of cancer).  We are purchasing the yellow and purple (for alzheimer's) rubber bracelets which 100% proceeds go to the charities.  We will have 2 baskets for each of the bracelets and a small sign with a description..

    Is this bad? I am nowrethinking my entire idea!
  • I am a bride who is doing a donation as a favor, but we are also doing a Lindt chocolate as a favor as well.  I have a lot of older people in my family and my mom went to a distant cousin's wedding in which everyone in the family complained there was no favor because they did a donation.

    What we are doing is a donation to the American Cancer Society (they gave us these cards that we customized) and we bought pillow boxes that we are filling with 2 Lindt chocolates (they are extremely cheap because there is an outlet in Seekonk).  We spent about $50 on the chocolates and donated what we would have spent in favors to the ACS.  For us, it's a special charity and we put that in our little cards (FI has cancer, along with numerous family members we've lost).  We wanted to personalize the cards, which I think people appreciate, we put some effort into it by tying ribbons around it and having it attached to the pillowbox.  So to us it's personal, along with helping our own family by donating, but not having anyone feel slighted by not getting a 'favor'.

    We are also having the photobooth and wine service at dinner, which we feel are 'extras'.

    I personally think favors are a waste of money, usually thrown out or forgotten, which is why I didn't want to do any, but if you are going the favor route, I would say edible is the way to go!

    Some people just aren't happy with anything, but everyone likes a sweet bite at the end of the night.  Another great idea that I may do, is instead of having the favors at the table settings, I may go around to each table with a basket of the favors and hand them out to the table while thanking people for coming.  Just an idea!
  • thanks ladies!I agree I think that the donation thing is nice. But then I got that donation from Fi's aunt and tought it was strange. But that was also a Christmas gift to a charity i had NEVER heard of.

    we really thought people would appreciate a donation to the RI veterans fund since my fiance is a veteran of the War in Afghanistan but then someone in my family said that was "too politcal".
    No one will ever be happy, I think is the story at the end of the day.

    Now I've changed my mind on a donation. Just because we so far received comments about ASPCA and the Veterans thing.

    I didn't think about hte Lindt chocolates. thats a good idea too- because they have some in gold foil so I could include those up at the bar also along with the ferrer roche (the lindy is probably cheaper because like you siad you can get it at the outlet)...
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  • If you are doing the italian cookies at the table wrapped up, could you just individually wrap them in bundles for couples?  I know your mom may not like that but no one is going to need cookies after dinner and cake.  Not sure if she would go for it but it would be an easy compromise as you clearly are going above and beyond for your guests! 
  • We will probably do a donation to a local NC charity if we do a favor at all. Everyone is from out of town, so we're planning on doing a RI/New England themed welcome bag for guests. We're having a massive amount of food including extras like a raw bar, Dell's after the ceremony, and mini pies in addition to cake. I kind of hope that's enough. Every single favor I've ever received that wasn't edible got tossed. I love those cute shaped cookies and if we end up having them, they'll go in the welcome bag. I feel like if we gave the cute cookies out as favors no one will eat them right away anyways due to the massive amount of food.
    I think it's a great idea to donate to the RI Veterans Fund - everyone is going to have an opinion about something! But it obviously means something to the 2 of you being your FI is a vet. While some may see it as political, I'd rather see my donation go to a smaller organization where it will go further than a large org where it may not go as far. If we do a donation, we'll donate to either a women's shelter I worked with during nursing school, a local med clinic my FI has volunteered at, or the organization we adopted our dog from - a greyhound rescue.
  • Wow so sorry you received such grief over the thought of a donation.  My thought is it is your day do what you want, alot of people will have opinions.  I was on the fence about favors for I had been to a wedding where the bride gave out 5 or so favors all of which I threw out.  I didn't want to give anything but decided to order pashmina's for all the female guest and they were an absolute hit.  I receive so many compliments from guest and people around town who heard about the favor how cool it was.  It is also neat to see girls out wearing my navy blue pashmina and they say they think about me, my hubby and our day when they wear it.  It was very inexpensive too, somewhere around $2.50 per pashmina.  Just a thought.
  • I did favors ONLY for the kids since I though they would be the only guests at my wedding that would appreciate them. I found super cute finger puppets from ikea, ribbon wands, mini bubbles, chinese finger traps. I also did favors for the tweens since I knew them I had Hello Kitty, Harry Potter and Twilight related stuff thrown into goodie bags. For the adults, I couldn't think of a favor! I thought about edible favors but I had a dessert bar already. I also had an open bar with 5 selections of domestic and imported beer, fine champagne and ultra premium liquor to go around. The food was also plentiful - 7 course meal and heavy apps for cocktail hour. I don't think any of our guests missed the favor part. But if I could go back in time. I'd do a photobooth! 

    If you do go the favor route, edible favors are always a hit. I have never received anything not tacky or cheap or odd (mini horse shoes anyone?) 

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