Am I being ridiculous?

sctfrk1314 · March 2010

My older sister is going to be in my bridal party. I'm picking color, length, and material for the dresses and all of my BMs get to pick the dress they want. So my sis and I went together to David's Bridal and we both loved this one dress (David's Bridal 83312). She looks fantastic in it.

Here's the hitch. About two weeks ago she told our family that she's going to marry her Italian bf in August (my wedding will be in Spring 2012). She's taking her daughter over there, doesn't expect any of us to go, and is going to marry him in a small ceremony. They may or may not have a ceremony in the States when they come back. She just texted me to ask permission to use the BM dress we picked for my wedding in a different color as her wedding dress!

I'm really upset right now! We picked that dress for my event. I'm so happy she's getting married but I'm really angry that she wants to use that dress. I know there's some time between the weddings but still- all her wedding picks will have her in that dress! It's not like she's an odd shape, she's a nice normal shape, and could easily find another dress she looks great in if she bothered looking!

Am I wrong to be upset? This isn't the first time she's tried to make something that's mine about her or usurped an idea of mine and played it like it's hers. I think it's all adding up and this might be my tipping point. I haven't responded to her yet but I know she's going to bother me about it and I would love to know what everybody else thinks. Thank you!

AdeleDazeem · March 2010

Your wedding will be in Spring 2012? I think it's waaaaay too early to be hooked on a bridesmaids dress. Think of all the styles that will come out and styles that will be discontinued between now and then. Or, if you do decide you love the dress and order it, what size will anyone be in two years? No guarantees that anything will fit.

I'd be upset about this if you wedding was Fall 2010... but we're talking two full years here.

emilyinchile · March 2010

This is honestly ridiculous, yes.

First of all, please don't ask any other WP members until about a year from your wedding, and don't dress shop until more like 8 months beforehand. You could change your mind on the factors you've chosen, and they could change their minds on styles and/or change sizes significantly.

And also, it's a dress. That she is going to wear in a totally different color at an event 1.5 years before yours on another continent with none of the same guests. With so much time etween now and your wedding it's not impossible that one of your BMs could wear the same BM dress in another wedding - are you going to tell your BM that's not allowed? If you wanted something 100% unique, you wouldn't be shopping at a national chain store.

Take a deep breath, and tell your sister you're thrilled that she loves her BM dress so much that she'd want to wear the same thing at her own wedding.

lalap69 · March 2010

It is way too early to be picking BM dresses for a 2012 wedding. It's too early to be asking your WP for a wedding that far away. Take deep breaths and breathe and revisit this in a year and a half. I'm sure you can find a different BM dress then.

lalap69 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:11148ceb-3403-437a-abd4-5def486afbfdPost:1bcbebd1-d0fd-43bd-885c-3bf02df40c95">Am I being ridiculous?</a>:
[QUOTE]My older sister is going to be in my bridal party. I'm picking color, length, and material for the dresses and all of my BMs get to pick the dress they want. So my sis and I went together to David's Bridal and we both loved this one dress (David's Bridal 83312). She looks fantastic in it. Here's the hitch. About two weeks ago she told our family that she's going to marry her Italian bf in August (my wedding will be in Spring 2012). She's taking her daughter over there, doesn't expect any of us to go, and is going to marry him in a small ceremony. They may or may not have a ceremony in the States when they come back. She just texted me to ask permission to use the BM dress we picked for my wedding in a different color as her wedding dress! I'm really upset right now! We picked that dress for my event. I'm so happy she's getting married but I'm really angry that she wants to use that dress. I know there's some time between the weddings but still- all her wedding picks will have her in that dress! It's not like she's an odd shape, she's a nice normal shape, and could easily find another dress she looks great in if she bothered looking! Am I wrong to be upset? This isn't the first time she's tried to make something that's mine about her or usurped an idea of mine and played it like it's hers. I think it's all adding up and this might be my tipping point. I haven't responded to her yet but I know she's going to bother me about it and I would love to know what everybody else thinks. Thank you!
Posted by sctfrk1314[/QUOTE]

Licia&Wayne · March 2010

Eh, relax and let it go. It's just a dress, and what a compliment to it that she wants to wear it for something so important!

You need to remember that your wedding isn't all about you. It's just a day - a special day - but not the end all, be all of your life. People are going to get on your nerves and never think as highly of your wedding day as you do. Let it go, especially over something as simple as a dress. It's not the dress that bothers you, it's what it symbolizes to you (how you feel your sister is usurping your attention). It seems pretty childish.

Besides, you are very, very far out from your wedding. I would be careful buying WP dresses so far out. So much changes in 2 years.

Ana_2985 · March 2010

Yes, I think you are being ridiculous.

Also, I would be much more worried about the dress going out of style or changing your taste between now and 2012. Why not wait awhile before you make this type of decision?

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Yes, this is ridiculous.

1) Your wedding isn't for 2 years. It's unlikely that DB will even still carry that dress that far in the future, or that you or your sister will still even want the same one. BM dresses shouldn't be chosen more than 6-8 months in advance. She may gain/lose a lot of weight, get pregnant, or a million other things in the next 2 years.

2) I was married in 2009. My sister is getting married in 2011. She loved the dress she wore as a BM in my wedding, and is considering ordering the same dress in white to be her bridal gown. I'm flattered! I would never dream of telling my sister what she could wear in her own wedding!

gottahavashorti · March 2010

Ditto PPs - It's a popular dress, but it's been out for over a year and could very well be discontinued. Your family probably won't even notice if your sister ends up wearing the same dress in different colors.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

To answer your question - yes, you are being ridiculous.

Your wedding is 2 years away. There is no reason to be shopping for BM dresses this far in advance. And...sometimes dresses become discontinued, etc...you may very well change your mind and what you want in a year and a half may be very different from what you want now. You can wait on this. For about a year and a half.

I think it's flattering that your sister liked the style you pointed out so much that she wants to wear it for her wedding dress. It will be in a different color. 2 years before your wedding. So it won't look nearly the same on her, as a bride, as it will on a couple of bridesmaids in a different color if you decide, down the line, you still want this dress style. So chill. ;-)

emilykathleen511 · March 2010

I would probably be a little upset, but I would never let on. It's her wedding, she should wear whatever she feels beautiful in. Just take it as a compliment and move on.

SarahPLiz · March 2010

Yes. If its in a different color, then I don't understand the anger. She obviously feels gorgeous in it. Why would you begrudge her that feeling on her wedding day ?

mbcdefg · March 2010

Nobody cares enough about someone else's wedding to look at two sets of photos and say, "OMG, they're wearing the same dress but in different colors!!!!!" You're placing WAY too much importance on a silly article of clothing. Relax.

sctfrk1314 · March 2010

Alright, I've had a chance to calm down and think and read what everyone has written I feel better now. It was just the moment she asked I didn't feel complimented because she liked the dress so much, I felt upset because she and I have never had a smooth relationship. She was never the nicest sister but it has been smoother in recent years hence why she's in the WP. The bad stuff just came rushing back up.

Thank you to everyone who posted on that topic!

NatandIsaac · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:11148ceb-3403-437a-abd4-5def486afbfdPost:cb99ceb8-b828-4c1d-a382-40428e36886c">Re: Am I being ridiculous?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is honestly ridiculous, yes. First of all, please don't ask any other WP members until about a year from your wedding, and don't dress shop until more like 8 months beforehand. You could change your mind on the factors you've chosen, and they could change their minds on styles and/or change sizes significantly. And also, it's a dress. That she is going to wear in a totally different color at an event 1.5 years before yours on another continent with none of the same guests. With so much time etween now and your wedding it's not impossible that one of your BMs could wear the same BM dress in another wedding - are you going to tell your BM that's not allowed? If you wanted something 100% unique, you wouldn't be shopping at a national chain store. Take a deep breath, and tell your sister you're thrilled that she loves her BM dress so much that she'd want to wear the same thing at her own wedding.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

<div>This, exactly</div>

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Over the course of my two-year engagement, two (TWO!) of my bridesmaids got pregnant and gave birth. I believe David's Bridal has also discontinued old dresses and introduced new ones at least three times since I got engaged.

I'm glad that you've calmed down about it. Seriously, you have a ton of time before you really start need to be even thinking about who to have as bridesmaids, let alone what they should wear. And if they're choosing their own dresses, chances are good that in a year and a half or so when it's time to order her dress, her body and/or preferences will have changed and she'll go for something different anyway.

momofayden · March 2010

Yes you are being ridiculous. It's the same dress but in a different color so why exactly are you upset? Also David's bridal changes most of their styles every season so there is a chance the dress you picked out won't even be available in 2 yrs or it's likely you'll change your mind completely and pick another dress. Seriously, it's 2 years away why are you even looking at dresses?

banana468 · March 2010

Glad to see you had a moment to collect your thoughts!

lalap69 · March 2010

I'm glad we were able to give you some perspective. Thanks for having such a great attitude!

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