Second Weddings

Best man.....again??

Me and my FI have this disagreement and I need some perspective from those brides who are getting married a 2nd time.
This is my 1st wedding and my FI's 2nd.  He says that he cannot ask his best friend "Joe" to be his best man again because he was the best man in his first wedding.  "Joe" is my FI's absolute and bestest best friend and we all love each other and hang out often and go on vacations together with him and his wife.  I would love it if "Joe" were standing up there beaming and smiling alongside my beaming and smiling FI.  But instead my FI feels he should ask his other friend "Jim", not because he particularly wants him to be his best man but because he feels he cannot ask "Joe".  "Jim" is a nice guy and all, but not as good friends with my FI and myself as Joe is.
So what do you think?  If a person is a best man once and his friend gets married a 2nd is it bad form if he's the best man again?
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Re: Best man.....again??

  • edited December 2011
    What?!  Why in the world would he want someone other than his best friend to be standing up there with him?!  I don't see the big deal at all.  To me it is about celebrating and having the most important people in your life to celebrate and enjoy the moment with you.   If that means using the same best man, then so be it! 

    As an aside, this is both of our second marriages.  We are only have one person each in our "bridal party."  My sister, who was my MOH in the first wedding and his best friend, who was his best man in his first wedding. We both joked that they were the ones who jinx everything for each of us the first go round, but neither one of us could ever imagine having anyone else standing up there with us.  The MOH and BM understand where you each have been seperately and can see where you are going together in the future.  It would be a shame if "Joe" was not able to be apart of it because he had his turn once already. 

    That being said, if your FI is extremely uncomfortable with it then ultimately it is his decision. 

    Just my 2 cents . . .
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  • edited December 2011
    My DH's brother was his Best Man at both of his weddings.  My best friend was my MOH at both of my weddings.

    Is he concerned that his friend Jim will be disappointed, or is he concerned with repeating anything from the first time around? 

    I think this is one of the few things that is actually a POSITIVE to repeat at an encore wedding-- the presence of a close family member/friend at your side.  ~Donna
  • edited December 2011
    think of it this way     Joe has always been there for him. the good the bad and the ugly. he may be godfather to children, supported him through divorce and celebrated him when he finally met the woman of his dreams ( you) so why wouldn't he be there for him at your wedding. that's what a best man really is isn't it
  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    There is no limit on how many times his BM can stand with him.  My brother had the same BM three times.  No big deal - he should choose the person he really wants to be there.

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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think your FI is grown up enough to make the decision all by himself.  If he senses a jinx (or something like that), then he's a better judge than anyone else.  Trust his decision, even if you would choose differently.  This is HIS best man, after all.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't see any reason why he can't ask the same guy.  My friend just got remarried and she asked her sister to be her MOH again. 
  • edited December 2011
    There is no reason your FI cannot have his best friend the second time around. There is no etiquette rule that states against it!!!!

    Please let you FI know that having the best friend twice is no problem!!!
  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    For some reason when my BIL married my sister (his 2nd wedding) he chose a whole new set of GM because he didn't want to have the same people as his 1st wedding I guess he thought it was out of respect for my sister... I have no idea she didn't care. 

    Tell you FI to choose his very best guys (or girls) no matter if they were there the first time around or not.

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  • vb0000vb0000 member
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies for all your help.  And yes, you are right, I have to just accept whatever decision he makes and support it, and believe me I will.  His feeling is that asking a friend to be a best man is an imposition and so he doesn't want to have to "put him through that again", so it's mostly out of consideration for his friends feelings that he doesn't want to ask him.  But I'm glad to know that there is no etiquette rule that says a person can only be a BM or MOH once, and that other brides and grooms are having the same BM and MOH in their second weddings.  I also think it doesn't matter how many times they've "stood up" for you, or you for them.  If you all are best friends then that's what best friends do.....but that's not what he feels I guess!   Oh well....
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The only reason I had a different MOH for my second wedding than for my first is that by the time of my second, I had an adult daughter I wanted to have as my MOH.  It's his choice, but there are no "rules" about it.
  • edited December 2011

    My dear FI is going to have his same Best man at our wedding as was at his first.  I wouldn't want him to have another.  As for me, well the first time it was my sister, but much like others I have a daughter who wanted to be involved.  She is very excited to be my best girl as she call herself.  It also includes her and that is what we wanted. 


  • edited December 2011
    I'm having the same MOH as I did for my first wedding, I didn't think anything of it, she is still my best friend. Through thick and thin! :)
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  • fireytigerfireytiger member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd say he should ask, and let his FRIEND be the one to decide whether or not it's an inconvenience to be BM again. I'm assuming this friend is a grown adult and can figure out his own feelings on the matter without your FI assuming for him? He should ask his closest friend to be his BM, and if his friend decides he doesn't want to go through the whole shebang again, then he can ask someone else. Hope this helps! :)
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