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June 2012 Weddings

Should he be invited?

Since I'm seeing all of these posts wondering about whether or not someone should be invited to their wedding, it made me think of my own situation.

Let me start by saying that I am very close with my aunt and my cousin.  My cousin is my MOH and my aunt is helping with all parts of my wedding: shower, hosting my day after BBQ, setting up my centerpieces, putting together favors, buying some of my accessories, etc.  No matter what my aunt would be invited to my wedding and she is also my godmother.  Now comes the sticky part....

Right before my aunt and uncle's 30th anniversary my uncle told my aunt he didn't love her and didn't want to be married anymore.  This was 2 years ago.  My uncle has always been a loner.  He's never had friends, he's an only child, his 3 kids never had that "bond" with him, and his mother abused him.  Truthfully, I never understood what my aunt saw in him, but he was my uncle and I had to like him.  When he decided he didn't want to be with my aunt he was "confiding" in another woman at work.  My aunt found receipts of them going out to dinner.  When he went to visit his son and grandkids in Colorado he stopped over in Vegas and his lady friend went with him to Vegas but not to Colorado.  I'm not sure where my aunt and uncle stand on the divorce right now but they have been separated for quite a while and still living in the same house and going to a psychologist (I think that's what he is).  My aunt pretty much goes from the kitchen to her bedroom and my uncle goes from the den to his bedroom.  They buy their own groceries, yet he will make her breakfast and bring her coffee just because.  He's still with this woman and this woman has told my aunt that he loves them both (who would want to be with someone who says still loves his wife, I'm not quite sure). My aunt doesn't take all of this well, obviously. He doesn't spend holidays with us anymore, he doesn't come to our beach house anymore, and his children pretty much hate him. His 2 sons have said they don't care if they ever see him again and his daughter pretty much only has him around when she needs a babysitter, but he does see her kids everyday since they live 5 mins away.  There's more to the situation, but I won't bore you, I'm sure you've got the idea.

Now, I'm not sure about inviting my uncle.  He is my godfather and he did arrange for my JP so I sort of feel like I need to invite him.  I am his only neice and will drop anything for me (not that I've ever asked him to).  He always texts me on holidays or my birthday or when I got a job.  Last 2 weddings he went to with my aunt he left and my aunt was left to go home with her kids or my parents. I don't want the drama at my wedding, but I don't know what to do. I've kinda been playing it by ear as to whether or not I will invite him but I will have to make this decision within the next 2-3 months.

Re: Should he be invited?

  • Ask your aunt what she would prefer; she might want him there despite the current situation.
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  • She's told me it's my decision.  She's asked him if he would be upset if he wasn't invited and he also said it's my decision and he will respect whatever I decide.
  • I think by inviting them both it will put the decision back on them. That is what I would do.
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  • Ask yourself if inviting him would make you happy. Would having him there make you feel better on your day? Or would you be more worried about how it's making your aunt and family feel? If he has supported you and you'd like him to be there, invite him. If you'd rather not deal with the stress it might cause you, don't worry about it. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:293261e3-405c-4ff5-bc75-21e7c6c878a1Post:3b5944d5-70a8-4076-83d7-65c1461a39d3">Re: Should he be invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ask yourself if inviting him would make you happy. Would having him there make you feel better on your day? Or would you be more worried about how it's making your aunt and family feel? If he has supported you and you'd like him to be there, invite him. If you'd rather not deal with the stress it might cause you, don't worry about it. 
    Posted by Bejohnson5[/QUOTE]

    This.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:293261e3-405c-4ff5-bc75-21e7c6c878a1Post:179064f6-77bc-4d4f-ba74-6efad3b13484">Re: Should he be invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think by inviting them both it will put the decision back on them. That is what I would do.
    Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]



    I like this.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:293261e3-405c-4ff5-bc75-21e7c6c878a1Post:3b5944d5-70a8-4076-83d7-65c1461a39d3">Re: Should he be invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ask yourself if inviting him would make you happy. Would having him there make you feel better on your day? Or would you be more worried about how it's making your aunt and family feel? If he has supported you and you'd like him to be there, invite him. If you'd rather not deal with the stress it might cause you, don't worry about it. 
    Posted by Bejohnson5[/QUOTE]

    This.
  • doeie04doeie04 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    I would probably invite him (just because he has helped out some, and even if he says he doesn't care, I'm sure he does deep down and hopes you don't exclude him) but do an invitation for your aunt and one for your uncle, with no plus ones. Like others said, it will be in their court. What is one more mouth to feed? It shouldn't cause a scene, since they say they are both okay with it.

    It kind of sounds like he has some issues that he hasn't worked out from his childhood? (Not to get all deep on you, but it could be.) I know his life choices aren't that great and I don't support his decisions at all, but that is between him and your aunt. She chooses to stay seperated (not divorced) and live under the same roof as him. Let them deal with their own issues.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:293261e3-405c-4ff5-bc75-21e7c6c878a1Post:b18acf46-501a-4d4d-81a1-47af62a27c2b">Re: Should he be invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ask your aunt what she would prefer; she might want him there despite the current situation.
    Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

    I agree. Because he is your Godfather he should be there. Maybe you can seat him at a different table. My FIs parents are divorced and do not get along. We put them at different tables on the opposite side of the room. But despite all the negativity his dad brings we are still inviting him and his new wife.
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