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Second wedding Troubles All around!

deidrababedeidrababe
10 Comments
in Second Weddings
I don't even know where to begin!!!!!  I got engaged about a month ago and NO ONE in my life is excited or happy about it.

I was in a MISERABLE abusive relationship for 11 years and have been apart from my first husband for over a year.  I had NO INTENTION of marrying again and then I met my Fiance - he is the most wonderful man I've ever met and treats me like Gold.

Everyone thinks it's too soon and that I'm crazy - I can't talk about my wedding with anyone. 

I don't want a HUGE eleaborate wedding, but I do want a wedding that is special and romantic and beautiful.

My best friends are not talking wedding with me and My mother refuses to talk about it either.

Everyone likes my Fiance........I just don't get it.  I'm hurting so badly inside over all this.

Anyone face stuff like this?????
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Re: Second wedding Troubles All around!

  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations and welcome!

    There are several prior posts about these situations. You can read them and see how many people there actually are who have family members who are unwilling to share in their happiness due to their own perceptions.

    The people here are kind and understanding. Hopefully you'll find someone in your life who will be that person for you as well.

    I checked your bio and see that you have almost 18 months for everyone to come around. Take your time, go slowly, and hopefully they will see you are doing the right thing. You can have whatever type of wedding you want.

    Good luck.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    YOU deserve to be happy.  Rather than expecting everyone around you to achieve that for you, take it into your own hands.  DH and I talked wedding only to each other, unless we were asked.  (Oh, and I talked about it here, of course.) If someone asked, what did you do this weekend, I would describe whatever wedding planning we had done.  If they didn't ask more I didn't go into detail.   Even with a first wedding, no one is excited about it as you (two) are.  Which DOES NOT translate into whether or not they are happy for you. If you have 18 months to go, your best friends and family may very well be afraid that you will get over involved, and want to talk nothing but wedding.  Once they see that you haven't changed who you are, and that you are not consumed with wedding planning, they may get more curious about what you are up to.  IF you REALLY want to get them asking- tell them you aren't telling ANY of the details to ANYONE.  They'll be dying to know!  ~Donna
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Oh - and I am in MA also -central MA.  Where abouts are you?  ~Donna
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Diedra,
    Welcome to the board! I feel for you. It must be very disappointing for you that no one shares your excitiement. It is about you and your happiness.

    That being said, perhaps everyone would just like you to get to know your FI better since you were in such a bad relationship before.

    It takes a very long time to REALLY get to know someone, and I think taking your time is a good thing. Glad to hear you have an 18 month engagement.

    If he's the prince you say he is I expect your family and friends will come around. 

    I have been in your shoes and I chose a real douche bag to get involved with and get married to. He was very abusive.

    But the operative words here are "I chose to get married to him" When you come out of a horrible relationship with that much abuse, it is beneficial to take stock of why you chose that person, or chose to stay so you don't make the same mistake again.  It concerns me that you are engaged only a year out from leaving your ex.

    Have you taken any time for yourself, or did you jump from your ex to the FI?? 

    Your best friends and family only want the best for you and they may see something in him that you don't.

    Have a heart to heart with them and find out the exact concerns.

    I wish you the very best of luck.

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  • acirewritefloweracirewriteflower
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can completely relate with your situation.  I was in a very chaotic relationship that I was 100% unhappy.  My ex and I divorced (quitely because we have VERY private lives), and I met my fiance a few months later.  11 months after dating we starting planning a wedding.  A lot of people have made comments, "I thought you were already married", "wow that was fast", etc.  My family was hesitant at first, but have come around.  I think my family is more excited now then the first time around!  I have people excited about it that were not excited about my first marriage!  Talk to the people and ask why they do not like talking about it.  It may be because they do not understand your guys' relationship!

    If you still have over a year, give it time.  They will come around and get excited with you.  If not, they have other problems and you should ask them why.  I hope it gets better, because it can only be worse before it gets better.  Just be open :)  and ENJOY this wedding planning!


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  • deidrababedeidrababe
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you Girls - you are all wonderful to take the time to chime in on my situation.

    I have taken time for myself and don't feel that I've rushed into anything since essentially my first marriage was over MANY years before we actually split up.  Emotionally and sexually I was alone for at least 5 years - and I was so happy when my ex said he was going to be moving out!  I had a rush of FREEDOM come over me and never felt better!

    I know that all my friends have my best interest at heart - I really do, but they have all commented on how happy I've been this past year and how I'm a totally different person - back to the person I was BEFORE I met my first husband.

    I don't have 18 months per say before my wedding to Sean, I just  had to put a date in the system.  Honestly, we were thinking of getting married in October of this year.

    We are doing a Military wedding as he is in the Air Force and we will be meeting with the Chaplain at the Base in the next 10 days or so.  

    On a positive note, my mother DID show some excitement over the "Flower girl" dresses I bought for my DOGS - yes, my dogs will be part of the wedding and that was the first bit of excitement I have seen from my mother.

    Sigh.

    Again, thank you for all your support!

    Deeds

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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sooo glad your mom is finally coming around. We are excited for you. I know how good it feels to finally find a prince of a man after what you went through.

    It's been discussed on this board before that no one is excited about your wedding or cares as much as you do, so we've been there. I have experienced the same thing with one of my sisters. She is supportive, but when we start talking wedding, she gives us the eye roll. But I love her and I know she's just not that into it and that's ok with me. She has been wonderful by goin gto try on gowns and has told me I look gorgeous in every single gown.

    This is the place to dish everything wedding so keep posting here on all of your details.
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