This is long and I am sorry, but I really need some help!!
I need help trying to deal with my MOH. I love her to death, but her type-A personality is getting in the way of my and my FI’s relaxed-go-with-the flow planning style and giving me serious anxiety. MOH has been a part of many weddings and is a wanna-be planner. Before FI and I got engaged, SHE decided that she would plan MY wedding and that FI had to ask HER for ring advice/go shopping with her and MOH would yell at me when I answered his questions about my ring style. Even bigger, she told me she expected FI to ask her for permission before proposing. FI didn’t ask her, as it would have been a huge insult to my parents, not to mention she never told him to ask her. Long story short, she’s been trying to play puppet master for some time. Now that FI and I are engaged and planning our wedding, she’s pushing vendor advice down my throat, texting DURING vendor meetings for details, and jumping the gun on my plans. I keep her posted on what I’m working on, but she still sends e-mails about things that SHE thinks I should like or that SHE thinks I should do/be working on. This is all unsolicited. I’m appreciative that she wants to be helpful, but I can only get 11 e-mails about veils (when she knows I’m using my mom’s) before I lose my cool. When I told her I’m questioning inviting some of her friends, only my acquaintances, that FI doesn’t like, she said, “Well I’m sure he’s inviting people that you don’t like.” MOH and this group have been rowdy and embarrassingly drunk at the last several weddings I went to, and FI and I don’t want that for our wedding. The thing that finally tipped me over the edge is that MOH actually wrote on my fb that she was sad FI went with to the cake tasting appointment, because she really wanted to go. I’d love to give her the benefit of the doubt, but regardless of whether she was joking or not, she obviously gave no consideration to how FI would feel when he saw it. 1. It was rude. 2. It was disrespectful. 3. MOH was never invited to go in the first place.
I feel like MOH is being passive aggressive because I’m actually planning for my wedding myself. I’ve made it no secret that my mom is my right hand in the planning process and that my surprisingly involved FI obviously gets a big say in what happens. Thing is, when I do ask for advice, she isn’t helpful, either giving cliche answers or saying things that are actually almost mocking my inability to make a choice, which just stresses me out even more.
My question is, how do I tell MOH (nicely) to back off and let FI and I plan OUR wedding OUR way?