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Is this a fair idea or a guaranteed train wreck?

TheRoses23TheRoses23 member
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in Wedding Woes
Okay we're having BIG time problems with my family and his seeing eye to eye on guest lists. His mother wants to invite every person in her contact list, but my parents (since our reception hall isn't very big and can probably hold about 100 people) would rather just have us invite our family and good friends. The disagreements are getting ridiculous, so my mom suggested that each side get 60 invites, for a total of 120, and they can do with them what they please. This seems like a logical decision, but the problem is that his side has a pretty big family, and mine is much smaller. Is this still fair?
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Re: Is this a fair idea or a guaranteed train wreck?

  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    who is paying? 

    you should probably find out the max capactiy of your venue - that will determine the number of people you can invite. if it holds 100, you don't want to invite 120.
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  • TheRoses23TheRoses23 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My parents are paying for it, and they agree with what you said about only inviting the number of people it holds. But his parents are insisting that even if they invite 160 people, only about 115 will come. I understand that there is the 70% rule where you're supposed to assume that only 70% of the people you invite will come, but with our luck they'd all show up and then we'd be screwed!! Not only do I not want to have to kick people out of our reception (that would be horribly embarrasing and rude!) but I also don't want the hall to be so packed that I'm sweating my butt off (it's July 23rd in Texas) and there's no room to dance.

    I would really rather have a smaller reception with only 80 or 100 of the people that we really want there, but the MIL doesn't really grasp that it seems...
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think it's fair that your parents are splitting the total # of guests with your ILs.

    Since your family is smaller, are you adding your friends to yourparents' list to get the 60 guests?

    get your FI to put together a list of his family (close family - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins) and then have him give to MIL to fill in the gaps

    "Mom, I listed out all of the relatives, and we still have x guests that we can invite - please let me know if there's anyone that i missed, or if you would like to invite (MIL/FIL friends)." If she gives him more than when the venue can hold, just tell her it's not possible due to the size constraints of the venue.

    Your FI should really be acting as the go-between with his mom.
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