honeymoon registry?

leagri2813 · June 2012

Has anyone ever used one of these and are they worth it? I've done a little bit of research but Idk if its worth it

aimers1525 · June 2012

Check out the post that is stickied above. In general, they are frowned upon and considered rude on the boards because you're basically asking for money and for your guests to fund your honeymoon.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:ed288130-9735-48ee-bded-9e71bc7b7087">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Check out the post that is stickied above. In general, they are frowned upon and considered rude on the boards because you're basically asking for money and for your guests to fund your honeymoon.
Posted by aimers1525[/QUOTE]

and you are lying to them about the gift that they are giving you. It's not that snorkel lesson; it is a check with a service fee taken out of it.

Ali092011 · June 2012

All of the above. A honeymoon is not required. You do not need one to start your lives together as husband and wife. Take the honeymoon you can afford, or postpone your honeymoon until you've saved enough for the one you want.

If you don't register or make a small registry at BBB or any traditional store, people will likely give you a monetary gift in an amount of their choosing. You can then spend that money on whatever you want! That way, if you receive a check for $100, you're actually getting $100, not $100 minus a service fee.

A LOT of people view HRs as tacky, gift-grabby, and just generally against etiquette.

hoffse · June 2012

Ditto PPs. The brides that come on here and argue that the HM registry is the way of the future don't understand the biggest lesson from these boards - which is that even if the BRIDE thinks it's ok, the GUESTS probably won't. Oh sure you'll have some who don't care, but there will be a large, large number of guests who will care and will be offended by it. And while it's true you can't make everybody happy, this is one of those things that will have so many people side-eye it, that it's really not worth getting into.

And like PPs said, you end up getting less than the guests gave for most HM registries, and you get the check AFTER your wedding is over - which means if you leave for your HM right away, the check won't come until the HM is over. Which means you don't have it for the trip in the first place. All in all, it's tacky, deceptive, rude, and doesn't serve the purpose it's supposed to serve in the first place.

MNVegas · June 2012

Agree with others and even though I will probably get criticized by "brookethebride1" for responding to this post, I am going to say the same thing I always say about HM registries.

Doing a HM registry is inappropriate. It is basically the same as asking for cash. HM registries are deceptive because your guest is not buying you the gift listed on the registry but instead just giving cash to the registry, which then cuts a check to your. Most registries charge fees for their service or guest has to use Paypal which also charges fees so you don't get the entire monetary amount.

IMO, it is not worth the risk of offending your guests by asking them to pay for your HM.

Ali092011 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:33a9cff5-7bc7-4642-94be-2fd642953400">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto PPs. The brides that come on here and argue that the HM registry is the way of the future don't understand the biggest lesson from these boards - which is that even if the BRIDE thinks it's ok, the GUESTS probably won't. Oh sure you'll have some who don't care, but there will be a large, large number of guests who will care and will be offended by it. And while it's true you can't make everybody happy, this is one of those things that will have so many people side-eye it, that it's really not worth getting into. And like PPs said, you end up getting less than the guests gave for most HM registries, and <strong>you get the check AFTER your wedding is over - which means if you leave for your HM right away, the check won't come until the HM is over. Which means you don't have it for the trip in the first place. </strong> All in all, it's tacky, deceptive, rude, and doesn't serve the purpose it's supposed to serve in the first place.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

Holy cow, I didn't know that! That makes HRs even worse to me, and I was already 100% against them!

So basically, you plan a honeymoon you can't actually afford, probably by putting the whole thing on a credit card, and just hope that guests' "contributions" will help you pay it off after the fact?

Klassy.

MyNameIsNot · June 2012

Outside of the fact that they are rude and pose time problems, I just don't understand why you would want a service that would take a percentage of your gift and not give you anything.

Guests know they can give you money. If someone is going to give $100, wouldn't you rather cash or a personal check for $100 over an online transaction for $92.50?

brookethebride1 · June 2012

Emily Post says:

Explore alternative registries.

You're not limited to just registering for "stuff." You can also register for a honeymoon or other trip

aragx6 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:1fef67b9-0a1b-4617-b6f9-685d6bd65efa">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Emily Post says: Explore alternative registries. You're not limited to just registering for "stuff." You can also register for a honeymoon or other trip
Posted by brookethebride1[/QUOTE]

And Miss Manners, who I also generally trust, hates all registries. You can't take their words as the end all be all.

MNVegas · June 2012

Emily Post says:

Choose thoughtfully.

Since a registry is really for your guests’ convenience, think about it from their point of view.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:1fef67b9-0a1b-4617-b6f9-685d6bd65efa">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Emily Post says: Explore alternative registries. You're not limited to just registering for "stuff." You can also register for a honeymoon or other trip
Posted by brookethebride1[/QUOTE]

Emily Post is probably spinning in her grave right now at the crap her decendants endorse in her name. Miss Manners, Dear Abby and Dear Prudence are all 100% against this. In the words of Abby "Getting married does not magically turn your friends and family into ATMs"

leagri2813 · June 2012

I thought it was a good idea until I realized exactly what it was and the fact that they will take some of the money anyways. We honestly don't need anything for the house we already live together and basically bought all new stuff recently so thats why we thought we'd do a honeymoon registry. The honeymoon isn't something we can't afford just thought it would be a different idea but after reading your posts I do agree it can be viewed as rude so I guess we will just see what happens with gifts, I'll be happy if people just come, I am not expecting anything from anyone except for them to have a good time at my wedding.

brookethebride1 · June 2012

So where did you ladies register?

hoffse · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:549b957c-8dd2-49b0-90d9-12988a503bee">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]So where did you ladies register?
Posted by brookethebride1[/QUOTE]

<div>I feel as though you might be lying in wait... but even so I'll answer you. Macys, PB, and WS.</div>

brookethebride1 · June 2012

I'm a positive person - just wondering with all the HM Registry bashing and the peeps that are posting as if they are better than others, if they registered for gift and/or HM.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:2eb92612-fe30-4e0e-b530-b295ef4d73e7">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a positive person - just wondering with all the HM Registry bashing and the peeps that are posting as if they are better than others, if they registered for gift and/or HM.
Posted by brookethebride1[/QUOTE]

How is pointing out that something is deceitful and rude us acting like we are better than others?

If you really care, DH and I made small registries of upgrades at BB&B and Macy's. More than half of our guests gave cash that we used the next year when we took our Ireland honeymoon over our one year anniversary.

MyNameIsNot · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:5a327507-648a-4c7c-8dc7-f80eb3780c66">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought it was a good idea until I realized exactly what it was and the fact that they will take some of the money anyways. We honestly don't need anything for the house we already live together and basically bought all new stuff recently so thats why we thought we'd do a honeymoon registry. The honeymoon isn't something we can't afford just thought it would be a different idea but after reading your posts I do agree it can be viewed as rude so I guess we will just see what happens with gifts, I'll be happy if people just come, I am not expecting anything from anyone except for them to have a good time at my wedding.
Posted by leagri2813[/QUOTE]

<div>If you just don't register and have your mom/MOH/someone spread the word that you're saving for a honeymoon/house/whatever, most people will write you a check. Actually, most people will write you a check regardless. </div>

Marina Ova · June 2012

I won't go as far as saying a honeymoon registry is the way of the future, but I do think that the idea of a traditional wedding registry has changed just as couples have changed. Why is it that everyone has to be a consumer and register for "things" for their wedding. An experience such as the honeymoon can be a lot more valuable for the newlywed couple than any material gift. Our guests were happy to donate to our registry for our honeymoon experience. Many of them LOVED the idea and the convenience of paying online. People will want to get you gifts, if you don't register, they will bring cash to the wedding, that cash get lost, stolen, a nightmare (I've seen it happen.)

BTW I used http://www.zankyou.com and loved it!

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:c5e445a1-ce50-4868-a690-63ea13e267c0">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I won't go as far as saying a honeymoon registry is the way of the future, but I do think that the idea of a traditional wedding registry has changed just as couples have changed. Why is it that everyone has to be a consumer and register for "things" for their wedding. An experience such as the honeymoon can be a lot more valuable for the newlywed couple than any material gift. Our guests were happy to donate to our registry for our honeymoon experience. Many of them LOVED the idea and the convenience of paying online. People will want to get you gifts, if you don't register, they will bring cash to the wedding, that cash get lost, stolen, a nightmare (I've seen it happen.) BTW I used <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.zankyou.com">http://www.zankyou.com</a> and loved it!
Posted by Marina Ova[/QUOTE]

Did your guests know that they weren't buying you a single thing off that HR? Did they know that the company was just sending you a check for less than what they paid? I wouldn't say they loved doing this unless they were well aware of these two things.

ETA - I am also tired of people portraying a honeymoon as some magical experience. It is a freaking vacation.

hoffse · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:c5e445a1-ce50-4868-a690-63ea13e267c0">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I won't go as far as saying a honeymoon registry is the way of the future, but I do think that the idea of a traditional wedding registry has changed just as couples have changed. Why is it that everyone has to be a consumer and register for "things" for their wedding. An experience such as the honeymoon can be a lot more valuable for the newlywed couple than any material gift. Our guests were happy to donate to our registry for our honeymoon experience. Many of them LOVED the idea and the convenience of paying online. People will want to get you gifts, if you don't register, they will bring cash to the wedding, that cash get lost, stolen, a nightmare (I've seen it happen.) BTW I used <a href="http://www.zankyou.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.zankyou.com</a> and loved it!
Posted by Marina Ova[/QUOTE]

<div>If you don't need things, then you don't register, and many guests will give you cash. If that cash is stolen, it's usually because the bride and groom were irresponsible with securing the card box. It's not that hard to do. And I agree with PP that a honeymoon is just a vacation, albiet potentially with more sex. I would bet that the guests who read the fine print of that site were NOT happy with your choices - because you got a check.</div>

hoffse · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:2eb92612-fe30-4e0e-b530-b295ef4d73e7">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a positive person - just wondering with all the HM Registry bashing and the peeps that are posting as if they are better than others, if they registered for gift and/or HM.
Posted by brookethebride1[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say because your commas are in a weird place. But I'll respond to what I think you are saying. Nobody here is saying they are better than anybody else because they didn't have a honeymoon registry. My point is simply that it will offend a lot of people who know how these work or who think to read the fine print (and I would as a first-time user, because I would be thinking, "is this company likely to have an insecure line for my credit card info?"). Brides who ignore that reality are simply setting themselves up for major side-eyeing. If you don't care, you don't care. But let's not pretend that the whole world - or even your whole guest list - is going to think that a honeymoon registry is a fantastic idea.</div><div>
</div><div>As a side note, I wish more brides received a copy of Miss Manners when they get engaged. But the wedding industry will never encourage that because, you know, Miss Manners disagrees with about 80% of what the wedding industry tells you.</div>

TogetherPerfect · June 2012

I too thought it was a neat idea at first, but I don't like the idea of them taking a portion or the possibility we wouldn't even get to use it on the HM. I feel that if someone does open up a HM registry, to have a traditioal registry on the side for people who do not feel comfortable with the HM registry.

That being said, these boards have definitely changed my mind about getting one. If our guests want to give us money for the HM, they can do it however they please.

I am one of the people though who already live with my FI and have basically everything we need for the house. We are thinking about creating a registry through kohls or somewhere and put things such as luggage for the HM, and the kinds of things you can always use such as towels, sheets, etc on it!

aragx6 · June 2012

We registered for upgrades from Crate and Barrel, which is easily accessible to all of our guests and doesn't charge them a service fee for giving us a present. Apparently FMIL has been telling her whole side to give us cash, which is just fine with us as well.

wilh0060 · June 2012

This will probably make a lot of people mad - but this is just my opinion (which I am allowed - just as everybody else is allowed their opinion).

If you want a honeymoon registry - have a honeymoon registry. If people are offended - then oh-my-gosh - they can freakin' get over it. Seriously people - in the grand scheme of things - a honeymoon registry is not that big of deal. There are much larger issues in this world to get offended by - if somebody doesn't want to buy you dinner on your honeymoon - then they can buy you a toaster. Stop worrying so much about what people "might think" - have confidence in your decisions - and just do what you want to do.

I would never take offense from somebody's decision on where they are registering - their registry has absolutely nothing to do with me – it is not about me one bit – it is about them.

And for the whole etiquette thing – last time I checked it was 2012 – etiquette changes as the world changes – it is not 1950.

There is a polite way to do a honeymoon registry:

*Don’t register for a honeymoon that is beyond your means just in case people don’t use the registry.

*Give people options – honeymoon registry and maybe a traditional store registry.

*Choose a registry with no-low fees.

I am doing a honeymoon registry and I am really excited about it. My fiance and I are 100% paying for our wedding and honeymoon out of our own pocket. We are both 30 years old and have a fully furnished 1 bedroom condo. We don't need a bunch of stuff that we don't have room for. We don't want to consume just to consume. We are upgrading a few items to please all the "store registry" guests - but for all of the family and friends that are laid back and open-minded - we also have a honeymoon registry. And honestly - we have gotten a bunch of comments on how cool it is. We don't need their money for the honeymoon - but my fiance and I treasure experiences over things. And - the thing is - no matter which way you slice it - people will give you a gift - whether it be from the store registry, honeymoon registry or cash - they will choose what to give you - but if somebody actually takes offense to something we register for - I think that is an issue with that person and not our registries.

leagri2813 · June 2012

As I agree that people MIGHT get offended, I just read alot of your posts - again - I had no idea this post would get so much negativity. This is what I've gotten.... All I orginally asked was if anyone had used them? it seems those who have used them LOVED them, and those who hate them haven't used them and don't really know what they are about. Are they worth it? It seems like some sites will take a fee and some won't, might be a better idea to just have someone write us a check. It's something to look into. I spoke to a representative at sandals where we want to have our honeymoon and since the registry is dircetly through them there is no fee's to "buy" us things. Me and my fiance plan on and have paid for everything for this wedding and honeymoon, if someone wants to buy us dinner or something so what. I think its an awesome way to let someone who can't spend a ton of money give us $20 towards our flight or room or anything instead of just not coming because they can't afford an expensive set of china or glasses. I am not looking to argue about this but I can't believe how negative people are wow

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:663f85ee-2f0f-47dd-80e5-7c15d9e98e59">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]As I agree that people MIGHT get offended, I just read alot of your posts - again - I had no idea this post would get so much negativity. This is what I've gotten.... All I orginally asked was if anyone had used them? it seems those who have used them LOVED them, and those who hate them haven't used them and don't really know what they are about. Are they worth it? It seems like some sites will take a fee and some won't, might be a better idea to just have someone write us a check. It's something to look into. I spoke to a representative at sandals where we want to have our honeymoon and since the registry is dircetly through them there is no fee's to "buy" us things. Me and my fiance plan on and have paid for everything for this wedding and honeymoon, if someone wants to buy us dinner or something so what. I think its an awesome way to let someone who can't spend a ton of money give us $20 towards our flight or room or anything instead of just not coming because they can't afford an expensive set of china or glasses. I am not looking to argue about this but I can't believe how negative people are wow
Posted by leagri2813[/QUOTE]

Actually, some of us are negative because of personal experience. My brother and SIL had a HR. My parents happily bought hundreds of dollars of dinners and museum passes for them. DH and I gave then euros. When my dad found out that it was a check going to them (and for less than the value of what they thought they were buying) and not the "gifts" we had to peel him off the ceiling.

leagri2813 · June 2012

I am just curious as to what sites people have used? I want to make sure if we do go this route, we are still undecided that we don't use the ones that are known to screw people over. I brought the idea up to my fmil, a couple friends, and other family members and everyone LOVES the idea. I am going to have to look into the fine print with sandals just to make sure that what they have told me is true.

lauraanne9 · June 2012

I went with a traditional registry AND with Honeyfund. I chose Honeyfund because they never touch the money. The guests go to the site, choose a gift, and print out a voucher for the gift which they present to us at the wedding with their check or cash. So, no service fee and no peeling of people off the ceiling when they realize they gave us money.

We have also indicated on the site and on the wedding website that we will be posting photos of the things we do on the honeymoon, so people can see us eating the crepes under the Eiffel Tower which they bought for us.

Also, our honeymoon is paid for. We did the HR in order to upgrade it. If we get the money to have more expensive dinners, then we will. If we don't get a penny, we alreay have the honeymoon paid for so it doesn't matter.

As for the reaction to the registry, people have said they like it and that it is fun to get a glimpse into what we are planning to do. I am sure people will say that the ones who don't like it are just being silent...well, I am guessing that is true when people don't like other things at the wedding, so what is the difference? If people don't like how sometihng is handled at a wedding, they comment. And NOT just about Honeymoon Registries

brookethebride1 · June 2012

Finally the nail on the head OP, Leagri! The consensus tends to be. " it seems those who have used them LOVED them, and those who hate them haven't used them and don't really know what they are about."

Perfecto!

leagri2813 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1b2a4b72-32fe-4a16-b254-2f4255191e52Post:0ea57f60-3b1b-45b8-a901-9130a2fdb625">Re: honeymoon registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I went with a traditional registry AND with Honeyfund. I chose Honeyfund because they never touch the money. The guests go to the site, choose a gift, and print out a voucher for the gift which they present to us at the wedding with their check or cash. So, no service fee and no peeling of people off the ceiling when they realize they gave us money. We have also indicated on the site and on the wedding website that we will be posting photos of the things we do on the honeymoon, so people can see us eating the crepes under the Eiffel Tower which they bought for us. Also, our honeymoon is paid for. We did the HR in order to upgrade it. If we get the money to have more expensive dinners, then we will. If we don't get a penny, we alreay have the honeymoon paid for so it doesn't matter. As for the reaction to the registry, people have said they like it and that it is fun to get a glimpse into what we are planning to do. I am sure people will say that the ones who don't like it are just being silent...well, I am guessing that is true when people don't like other things at the wedding, so what is the difference? If people don't like how sometihng is handled at a wedding, they comment. And NOT just about Honeymoon Registries
Posted by lauraanne9[/QUOTE]

That is such a good idea ... I am going to check out that website thank you so much for the insite

honeymoon registry?

Re: honeymoon registry?

Emily Post says:

Explore alternative registries.

Emily Post says:

Choose thoughtfully.

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