Bridesmaid with a tattoo...

nicmari1528 · February 2012

I'm getting married in October and I've chosen to only have 2 attendants, my best friend and my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law has a GIANT tattoo on her chest that shows over the dresses that we've chosen for them to wear. I've asked around to no avail to find out: is it rude for me to ask her to cover her tat for my wedding?? I just really don't want it in my pictures. I don't want to create a problem between us but these pictures are all I'll have once the day is over, and that is certainly not what I'd like to see when I look at them. What can I do to solve this dilemma?

housewifehobbiest · February 2012

Yes, it's rude. You presumably chose her because you want her there with you standing up with you and supporting you. She is not a prop to make your pictures look nice, and it would be insulting to ask her to cover them.

nicmari1528 · February 2012

Yes I did choose to have her stand up there with me however she chose to get as I stated a rather large tattoo after being asked to be part of this wedding. I by no means think that I can decide to tell her that was she did was wrong because I cannot make those decisions for her. But with that being said, when I first asked she did not have the tattoo, and now yes I am disappointed.

housewifehobbiest · February 2012

You can be disappointed. You can be frustrated. But it still stands that it is rude to ask her to cover it, and friendship should take precedence over photos.

jlmonpe · February 2012

are you really gonna look back on your pictures and be like.'.urgh these are so awful because so and so has that tattoo.' .. i understand you being upset and frustrated.. but theres not alot to do about it in my opinion..

toothpastechica · March 2012

Honestly, Most of the pictures that will actually be looked at again often will be any of you and your FH on your wedding day. Get over it, she has a tattoo. If you are that concerned photoshop can do wonders...but even then if she ever saw the pictures after it would still be rude...so to answer your question, you can ask her if shes willing to, but theres really no way to ask her without making you look a bit shallow and selfish....

fallbride1109 · March 2012

Will it be cold in Ohio in October? Could you possibly do a wrap or shawl (for both BMs, not just her).

If it's any consolation, it's not like she'll be in every picture and it won't be as noticeable as you think. I was disappointed when my MIL chose a purple dress for the wedding--it turned out fine.

If it's that huge of a deal, ask your photographer whether he/she can edit it out of the photos.

Mimmer04 · March 2012

Yes its rude to ask her to cover up her tatoo. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. She is the one that will look silly with a giant tatoo on her chest in a formal gown. Not you. As PP mentioned, most pictures won't even have her.

You can also talk to your photographer in advance and let him/her know you would prefer pictures that don't show the tatoo. The photographer won't be able to avoid the tatoo all together, but may be able to suggest poses that hide it a little and this way you won't offend FSIL.

Mostly though just ignore it. And be glad she didn't shave her head and get a tatoo on her scalp. When I first started lurking on these boards, there was a bride who was complaining about that situation. Seriously!

jtoly · March 2012

Can you switch dresses? If you didn't buy one yet maybe that's an option. I wouldn't ask her to cover it, however, maybe she is planning to cover it on her own.

lls31 · March 2012

I also think it would be rude to ask her to cover it.

There's always a chance that she'll decide to cover it on her own. I'm MOH in my sister's upcoming wedding and she chose short dresses. I have a tattoo on my foot and I'm contemplating covering it as long as I can find something that will cover it well.

plswitze · March 2012

It would be rude to ask her to cover it WITHOUT discussing it with HER. However, she got it AFTER you asked, I don't think you should completely elliminate the idea of talking about other options (such as stephiehall's suggestion, shaw or wrap.) One of my bridesmaid said something to me the other day that really hit home: she wants to represent all the best things about me and my groom when she stands beside me. I chose them because I love her, and love all my attendants (as they are, tattooed or not). However, getting a huge tattoo on her chest btwn the time you asked her and the time of your wedding IMO is selfish. Couldn't she have waited just a bit longer, I mean she is going to have it to look at for the REST OF HER LIFE. and don't get me wrong here, I have visible tattoos, so I do understand both sides.

pattib5 · March 2012

I think it's a bit selfish to expect people to put their lives on hold because they're in your (general your) bridal party. People aren't props. If they want a tattoo before your wedding, yes it would have been a nice thought if they waited to get the tattoo until after the wedding. However, their world doesn't revolve around your wedding.

Like all the PPs stated, it'd be rude to ask her to cover it up. If it offends you that much, as the photographer for some creative blocking to hide as much of her tat as possible.

mandi921vh · March 2012

It's rude of you to ask her to cover it up, yes you can be upset about it but in reality the only pictures you will care about are the ones of you and your FI.

shannon0541 · March 2012

I dont think its completely unacceptable to ask her to cover it up. I have two tats that I am covering because I don't want to see them in my pictures. Buy her a tattoo cover up kit. If shes a good friend, she'll understand. She shouldn't have gotten ink before she was in a wedding to begin with, with out talking to you first anyways.

Good Luck!

Beverly8 · March 2012

I do think that it is rude to ask her to cover it up, but as others have said, she may cover it up on her own or even ask you if you want it covered up. 4 out of 5 of my bridesmaids had tattoos and I did not see a problem with it. One of my BMs did approach me and ask if I wanted her to cover it up and I said no, I don't see the need. No one even paid attention to their tattoos and they do not ruin the pictures at all. I think you will be fine.

If it is that much of a problem for you, my suggestion to you is to either change the style of the dress for BOTH BMs( do not single her out just because she has a tattoo) or get some type of shaw or wrap for the two of them to wear.

You could always talk to your photographer as well and see if the tattoo is something that she can just edit out of some of the pictures.

ivedonethisb4 · March 2012

Maybe its just me but if someone is close enough to you to be in the WP talking about this with her should not be a big deal. It would be rude to demand or tell her she HAS to cover it...but to talk with her and ask if she would is a different story. If you're that close of friends I think she'd understand. That being said my MOH has her husbands name tattooed on her chest and its visible in her dress because there is sheer mesh there but I'm not asking her to cover it. She's had it for years! She also has her daughters name on her inner wrist..that one won't be all visible but even if it was I'm ok with it!

carrieloomis · March 2012

I think it's absolutely rude. My MOH has a half sleeve and never in a million years would I ever ask her or even want her to cover it up for pictures. It's part of who she is and you should accept that. If you can't accept something like a tattoo then why is she your BM?

alisonmae · March 2012

Although it may be rude to ask her to do it, maybe you could hint at it by mentioning, "I wasn't sure if you had considered it or not, but if you are interested in covering your tattoo for the wedding, (since its mostly covered by the dress) here is a really good cover-up option" If she doesn't seem into it, then you may be out of luck. Luckily - photographers can do touch-ups to the main photos if you ask, and she won't be in every picture you take through out the night.

[Deleted User] · March 2012

If she is truly a good friend, then you should be able to discuss everything. I think you should find a way to politely discuss the situation. Just be careful in your approach. Don't attach her or her tattoo, just find away to gentle bring it up and let her know your feelings.

Explain to her how you feel and listen to how she feels. Maybe together, you both can come up with a compromise or a solution. She may be very understanding. I have a tattoo on my shoulder & I chose my wedding dress based on making sure it did not cover it up or interfere with it, but that's my wedding. If my BFF asked me to cover it up for her wedding, I would gladdly and willingly do so. She's very religious & conservative, and although we disagree on many things, I love her & who she is and I respect her beliefs and opinions. We wouldn't be able to maintain a friendship otherwise.

I know many people here think it's rude to even ask, HOWEVER, I think it's worst to not say anything. You could have unresolved issues develop from this & they can come out at the worst times. It may be a small thing, but small things like these can ruin friendships. Keeping lines of communication open are vital to good and healthy relationships. Not just between you and your future husband, but it goes the same for all friendships.

Regardless of what happens, just remember what is the most important thing about your wedding day? A tattoo? A flower? A song? Or is the most important thing that you are marrying the man of your dreams? All the rest could go wrong, but if you're married at the end of the day, then I would say it's all been a success!

Sara

SMac4690 · March 2012

I think it is extremely rude borderline disrespectful to ask her to cover her tattoo. It is part of her and obviously something she likes and wants to show off if she got a chest piece. Like other people have stated is it really going to ruin your wedding pictures or ruin the idea of what your wedding meant to you because she has a large tattoo in all your wedding photos? I would hope that you would say no. You wouldn't ask your attendants/ bridesmaids/ wedding party to change the color of their hair or to get their hair cut a certain way.. I think that this is a ridiculous request and frankly a bit selfish.

cmustari · March 2012

I read on an article somewhere on here that if someone gets a tattoo AFTER you've asked them to be in your weddng party, you can buy them some tat coverup makeup for it, give it to them, and politely ask them to use it on your wedding day.

Whether or not I agree completely...

If this person was important enough to ask to be in your wedding in the first place, it sholdn't really matter if they're sporting some tats... when you look back at your pictures 10 years from now, is it REALLY going to matter that much? Are you going to be looking at her chest, or you and hubbo?

I don't think I'd be offended if I was asked to cover tats for a wedding, IF I got them afterward, but I'm sure a lot of people would.

hollyhalliburton · March 2012

I wouldn't ask her to cover it. My maid of honor has five tattoos, and four of them could be noticeable in pictures, but I'm really not worried about it. She is an important person in my life and I am not going to be bothered when I look at my wedding pictures in 20 years and see one of her tattoos. It's part of who she is, and I am not going to ask her to cover that up.

kcat8200 · July 2012

I do not think it is rude to ask. My sister did the same thing and I found out about it as she was getting fitted for her dress. I asked her to cover hers and she is.

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