Including a friend without "bridesmaid" status?

CL3542 · April 2010

I have been engaged for about a year and a half and my wedding is now less than 5 months away. My wedding party is set and as unreal as it is, there are 2 guys for every girl in our wedding party. I have become increasingly closer with a friend, especially since I moved. I really want to include her in the wedding, but how do I do that without adding a bridesmaid?

I know that there is the standard "will you do a reading" spiel, but we are having a pretty short ceremony and readings are probably going to be done by wedding party members. Does anyone have any ideas for another "title," or a way to involve her without making my already enormous wedding party even larger?

Any help would be appreciated!

lovebug4456 · April 2010

I wouldn't do anything. It would just be blindly clear that she is not bridesmaid material.

BTW - how many bridesmaids are you having???

CL3542 · April 2010

I have six bridesmaids, including my sister (MOH). It's not that she's "not bridesmaid material," we just haven't been really close until recently, and it seems a bit too late to ask and to adjust all our numbers. She's also about to be engaged to one of the groomsmen, which just complicates things even further . . .

trix1223 · April 2010

I'd just skip trying to "include" her. Being a guest is an honor. Most people get that you just can't make everyone a part of a wedding ceremony.

emilyinchile · April 2010

If you don't want her to be a reader or a BM, I'd just keep her as a guest. I think anything else is going to come across as a consolation prize. But I also think that if you wanted to ask her to be a BM, you could...you could always have 2 BMs walk together if that's part of the problem.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_including-friend-bridesmaid-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:560e790c-1bee-4277-9dd1-2edef5dfd698Post:8cd56b4c-f017-4900-9492-de75c58e66ab">Re: Including a friend without "bridesmaid" status?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have six bridesmaids, including my sister (MOH). It's not that she's "not bridesmaid material," we just haven't been really close until recently, and it seems a bit too late to ask and to adjust all our numbers. <strong>She's also about to be engaged to one of the groomsmen, which just complicates things even further . . </strong>.
Posted by CL3542[/QUOTE]

How/why?

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

You could always ask her to get ready with you and the other bridesmaids, and make sure she's on the guest list for any showers or pre-parties. Those are usually the best bits of being a bridesmaid anyway. You could also try to set aside some one-on-one time with her before the wedding, take her to dinner or a movie or something.

Focus on actually making her feel wanted and included rather than trying to find a title that does that for you, because the latter doesn't work so well.

CL3542 · April 2010

Thanks for the advice, ladies! It's definitely been a big help!

psichick · April 2010

6 BM's and 12 GM''s????? wow

mbcdefg · April 2010

If you really want her as a bridesmaid, ask her.

If not, and you're not interested in having her do a reading, then I'd just let her enjoy herself as a guest. Let her sit at the head table with her boyfriend and let her come in the limo if there's space. Spend some time with her, maybe get a nice pro photo together (or ask the photographer to get one of her and the BF dancing or posing together, and give it to her in a nice frame later on).

Giving her a job or a title won't automatically make her feel special. Just make sure she knows that you are glad she's there.

jenkorsch · April 2010

I am going to have my close friend as a wedding attendant. Basically she is going to know all the people to contact in case of problems, help me and the party get ready, be included in EVERY aspect of the wedding, just not stand up with me. So she is very included even without the "bridesmaid" title. I would actually consider her one of my best friends, but since she is far away and cannot participate as much as some other friends, i'm including her in a different way. :-)

trix1223 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_including-friend-bridesmaid-status?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:560e790c-1bee-4277-9dd1-2edef5dfd698Post:83994ae4-b982-4af2-9539-953d9d477cfe">Re: Including a friend without "bridesmaid" status?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am going to have my close friend as a wedding attendant. Basically she is going to know all the people to contact in case of problems, help me and the party get ready, be included in EVERY aspect of the wedding, just not stand up with me. So she is very included even without the "bridesmaid" title. I would actually consider her one of my best friends, but since she is far away and cannot participate as much as some other friends, i'm including her in a different way. :-)
Posted by jenkorsch[/QUOTE]

Where is retread when you need her? =)

OP: please DO NOT make anyone a wedding attendant. That is the job of a paid DOC and it sucks to be the person who can't enjoy the party because they're running around putting out fires or "attending to her royal highness, the bride."

It's a pity position, that IMO says "You weren't good enough to make the cut as a BM, so I'm going to make you work at my wedding instead, and give you a pretend title to make you think it's a good thing."

Think about it: you're not in the WP, so you have two choices: You can be a guest and eat, drink, dance, and enjoy the party.

OR

You can be the "wedding attendant" and run errands and do scut work all night.

Gee.....such a hard decision.

ManyPenguins · April 2010

trix1223, you make a good point...almost. I agree that no bride should assume she is so important that she needs servants, but I think this should be viewed on a case by case basis. For instance, I have a very very dear friend who I asked to be a BM, and for personal reasons she wasn't able to, but she wanted very badly to help me and the other girls get ready, to field questions and problems so I don't get overly stressed, and help everything be organized and go smoothly. Of course I was not going to tell her she couldn't. These are all things that she would have been doing anyway had she been a BM, because that's just the kind of person she is. I'm very grateful for her help, and she is happy to be involved. She gave herself the title of Personal Assistant, and always says it with a smile. So don't assume that nobody ever wants that job. It doesn't have to mean not having fun at the party.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

It's fine if she volunteers for it. I volunteered to be my friend's DOC, even though it was very hard and exhausting work. But a bride should never simply confer the title onto someone.

ode2slappy · May 2010

I had a similar issue. My fiance and I both wanted an even number of gm and bm.

In order to include my brother's gf (whom I'm not too close to) and another very close friend of mine, I invited them to go to extra little things like mani/pedi's the day before and to the day of hair and make-up. This way they're still able to have fun and hangout with us before the wedding. Both of them are very excited about that.

Oh and I'm calling them 'Honor Attendants'.

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