I have a dilemma I was hoping you all could help me with. My boyfriend of 2 years talks about getting engaged, married, and having kids all the time. However, I fear he is doing more talking than taking action. I am 28 and he is 25 (so of course I have a sightly greater sense of urgency). He is finishing up undergrad this year (December) so I am thinking he needs to achieve this milestone before getting down on one knee. After all, men are driven by accomplishment.
What can I do to encourage him to propose sooner than later? I have begun showing him the type of rings I like, thinking that this would help him in making his selection when he's ready. I don't believe this is presumptuous, since he talks about proposing ALL the time,...he literally tells my family members and everyone we meet that he's going to marry me. We absolutely know we want to be together, get married, and have a family.
Last question....should I ask him to stop talking about it so much until he is ready to take action? Or should I just let him bring it up and continue being patient and hopeful that he will soon put his money where his mouth is?
Re: Engagement anticipation is killing me!
Maybe he is waiting til he gets his degree and starts his career so he can save up for the perfect ring, but if his talk about it is making you too anxious... then you should share your feelings with him before it builds into something more. Let him know that you are not rushing him, but you just want to lay off the marriage talk until your engagement. It allowed me to relax and just focus on us and when he finally did proposed... it was unexpected and I was able to enjoy the moment.
I hope this helps, but whatever you decide to do will be the right choice for y'all. Good Luck!!!
Life and Love at #16 | our married life blog
And agree with everyone else too about asking about his timeline in his head. He may also be talking about kids and such to make sure you guys are on the same page with this. It's really important to have those kind of talks pre-engagement, in my personal opinion. It's not a good thing when people marry and find out they are on totally different pages where important future things like children/how to raise them is concerned.
The other thing that makes it hard is that everyone around us is getting engaged, married, and having kids. His sister just got married and is having a baby, his brother just got engaged, and so did his closest male cousin. His female cousin recently had a baby, and got engaged (a little backward). And a handful of my friends are also making moves. He brought up marriage and children well before all of these people around us began popping up, but it is now becoming frustrating for me because it stays in the forefront of my mind. And him always bringing it up doesn't help!
I think I will have to take your advice and ask him to reserve any further talk about marriage and children until we are engaged so that I know he's serious. I will bring up the topic of timeline once more (I tend to subtly check with him from time to time to make sure we are still on the same page). This will be the last time until he is ready to take the next step.
Thank you everyone for weighing in. It is helpful to know that others can relate to my situation.
I don't want to be "that girl" either. If I have to make him do it, then I don't even want him to, honestly. But I do know that when he takes that step on his own, I will know for sure it is genuine and will be so happy that he took the initiative.
We have defintiely had several talks about it. Timing, where we want to get married, how many kids, how long we shoud wait, etc. He has gotten my mom's blessings to marry me. His parents ask us about it all the time. It seems like he's just slow to actually make the move. And I don't want to pressure or rush him, because he could be planning for it right now. I wouldn't want to ruin the experience.
Funny thing is...I wasn't sure he was the one until about a year and a half in, but he knew after only a few months. Now that I'm on board he's taking his time! Haha.
C'est la vie!