Elopment

embreen · March 2013

So.....because my FI is in the Navy and deploying we wanted to make sure all of the paperwork was in order before he left. We eloped yesterday morning!!!! We're still having our big wedding in July and no one will know were already married. Kinda fun keeping secrets!!

staar987 · March 2013

This isn't going to go over well. What you are having in July isn't a wedding since you are already married.

If I was a guest at your re-do, I wouldn't be happy that I dressed up, potentially traveled, and bought you a gift only to find out you were already married.

Barbiiieee · March 2013

You spelled it incorrectly. Elopement is probably what you meant to say.

You have a high enough post count that I'm going to guess you posted this to stir up trouble. If you didn't, than congrats on your marriage. Lying to your family and friends is horribly rude though, and I can't see this going over well.

vk2204 · March 2013

Congratulations on getting married. I have always wondered what day people who do this celebrate their anniversary on... the day that actually got married, or the one that they pretended to marry on. Either way, I hope your guests find out you are lying and no one shows up to your fake wedding

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:f2182b9a-de79-4318-a773-537cb3c86d45">Re: Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]Congratulations on getting married. I have always wondered what day people who do this celebrate their anniversary on... the day that actually got married, or the one that they pretended to marry on. Either way, I hope your guests find out you are lying and no one shows up to your fake wedding :)
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

It's the day they fake married - that's the day that totes counts. Not that silly day where the government and the Navy officially recognizes their marriage and starts giving them all the benefits of a married couple... why would that day hold ANY meaning?

s-aries8990 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:4ca2e890-dfd8-440e-9e65-b0c2b0711e3d">Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]So.....because my FI is in the Navy and deploying we wanted to make sure all of the paperwork was in order before he left. We eloped yesterday morning!!!! We're still having our big wedding in July and no one will know were already married. Kinda fun keeping secrets!!
Posted by embreen[/QUOTE]

Nope nope nope. It's fun keeping secrets about who your BFFL has a crush on or what you brother is getting his girlfriend for Christmas. It is NOT fun or kind or cool or sweet to LIE to your ENTIRE GUEST LIST.

For shame.

MoonlightSilver · March 2013

I have a family member who, for her own reasons, got married and lied about it to have a PPD.

Trust me when I tell you it wont be fun when your family realizes you LIED TO THEM. You will hurt them.

beardownbchs · March 2013

Yes, lying and ridiculous, childish fake wedding productions are a TON of fun.

I, too, hope your guests find out and instead of coming to watch your fake wedding, spend their money on an actual play that they actually want to see.

SlothGoals · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:4ca2e890-dfd8-440e-9e65-b0c2b0711e3d">Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]So.....because my FI is in the Navy and deploying we wanted to make sure all of the paperwork was in order before he left. We eloped yesterday morning!!!! We're still having our big wedding in July and no one will know were already married. Kinda fun keeping secrets!!
Posted by embreen[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is a secret that has the potential to blow up in your face and ruin your relationship with all of your fake wedding guests. Doesn't sound very fun to me</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck with that.

</div>

vk2204 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:42f0c43c-5ade-4887-a584-b42a553a03c8">Re: Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elopment : It's the day they fake married - that's the day that totes counts. Not that silly day where the government and the Navy officially recognizes their marriage and starts giving them all the benefits of a married couple... why would that day hold ANY meaning?
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Ahh, yes...

"Happy Anniversary, sweetie! Let's celebrate the day of the big party that we had where we lied to everyone we supposedly care about!"

formerlyCooper · March 2013

Sadly, she's likely serious. I don't remember her participating on any of the threads like this where we were trying to convince people to drop their PPD ideas. OP, good luck, but cancel your wedding in July. You'll just look selfish and giftgrabby, and it will reflect extremely poorly on you and your HUSBAND. You had your wedding. Your choice. You don't get two.

AddieCake · March 2013

artbyallie · March 2013

Maybe this is an attempt to get some regs banned when Knot Jennifer and Knot Irene come to chastise us for 'bullying'?

misshart00 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Elopment:[QUOTE]Maybe this is an attempt to get some regs banned when Knot Jennifer and Knot Irene come to chastise us for 'bullying'? Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

Probably. Because who cares if you have a PPD as long as you're spending a lot of money on it.

Jessa617 · March 2013

What's done is already done but I would have thought about this a little bit. If you are already having a wedding in July, that I assume your husband is attending, there's no reason you couldn't have waited until then to get married. Since you are already married, have the party if you want but skip the wedding dress, wedding cake and all wedding things related.

misshart00 · March 2013

I was poking around on the MB board. If I'm wrong, someone correct me. Someone said this is currently a contractural marriage, where you marry for the benefits but don't act married. And it is highly looked down upon in the military.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:c0759484-4a47-491c-9190-28b4c60fea3b">Re:Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]. And it is highly looked down upon in the military.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

And those not in the military.

I think it's terrible to get married for the benefits but not consider yourself "married" until you wear a big white dress and everyone fawns all over you. The priorities are so effed up.

Ban me if you want, but I'm not saying anything that a person with a half a brain isn't thinking.

misshart00 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Elopment:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Elopment:. And it is highly looked down upon in the military.Posted by misshart00And those not in the military.I think it's terrible to get married for the benefits but not consider yourself "married" until you wear a big white dress and everyone fawns all over you.nbsp; The priorities are so effed up.Ban me if you want, but I'm not saying anything that a person with a half a brain isn't thinking. Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I completely agree. But i meant in the military as in you could get in trouble for doing this.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:fa08d4cd-769f-40d8-8393-e093ca8de719">Re:Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Elopment: I completely agree. But i meant in the military as in you could get in trouble for doing this.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

No, I gotcha :-) I was just saying that she's got issues both in and out of the military.

happyfor25 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:4ca2e890-dfd8-440e-9e65-b0c2b0711e3d">Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]So.....because my FI is in the Navy and deploying we wanted to make sure all of the paperwork was in order before he left. We eloped yesterday morning!!!! We're still having our big wedding in July and no one will know were already married. Kinda fun keeping secrets!!
Posted by embreen[/QUOTE]

First, congratulations!

Second, I really hope it all works out as you have planned.

I think my H and I should serve as a warning to all young couples to NOT do this. We were planning to have a traditional wedding for Oct. 1988 and had placed deposits on the venue, dress and DJ. My then fiancé was in the Navy and a married couple we whom we socialized mentioned that they had eloped several months before their big wedding in order to receive the higher pay provided to married military.

My then fiancé and I (very young and apparently, not so bright) let that seed take root. We spoke to other military couples including H's older brother who all did the very same thing. Our 20 year old selves think this must be how it's done and why not? We could certainly use the extra money!

So, in March of 88, wearing jeans and t-shirts, we go to the JOP and get "married" thinking nothing of it since, well, we're actually getting married in October! What could go wrong? Everyone else did it and it worked out great!

One month after eloping, I found out that I was pregnant. We then had to break the news to my very Catholic parents (who were paying for our planned October wedding!) that I was married AND pregnant. The reactions of our family and friends were exactly what the ladies here predict. Our LIE hurt our family and friends deeply and the "wedding" was cancelled, of course.

Ultimately, all worked out as we are still married with 2 beautiful children! However, I have no fond memories of our wedding (because I really didn't think the JOP ceremony would be my "wedding") We hurt people we love and embarrassed ourselves. If I could turn back the clock, I would never have done what I did (and I would have been much more careful about birth control!)

perfectisboring · March 2013

Hey, now. Maybe we're all being a bit hasty, thinking she's being selfish? Maybe she's just a bit uninformed. My boyfriend and I are eloping next month because I live overseas and not many people can attend. Originally, we were going to do a 'real' wedding down the line when my family can attend, but I really had no idea it was horrible ettiquette (I only just started researching and I'd never really been involved in someone's wedding planning process before). Someone on The Knot politely corrected me and I started searching for other options.

Maybe we can give her some constructive advice? On The Knot, it says many couples who elope renew their vows shortly after. (http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-ceremony/articles/how-to-renew-your-wedding-vows.aspx). Maybe OP could consider this? Or, just having a reception party in July?

misshart00 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Elopment:[QUOTE]Hey, now. Maybe we're all being a bit hasty, thinking she's being selfish? Maybe she's just a bit uninformed. My boyfriend and I are eloping next month because I live overseas and not many people can attend. Originally, we were going to do a 'real' wedding down the line when my family can attend, but I really had no idea it was horrible ettiquette. Someone on The Knot politely corrected me and I started searching for other options.Maybe we can give her some constructive advice? On The Knot, it says many couples who elope renew their vows shortly after. <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/weddingplanning/weddingceremony/articles/howtorenewyourweddingvows.aspx.">http://wedding.theknot.com/weddingplanning/weddingceremony/articles/howtorenewyourweddingvows.aspx.</a> Maybe OP could consider this? Or, just having a reception party in July? Posted by perfectisboring[/QUOTE]

I think having a party is a great idea, but it shouldn't be a redo wedding. Just have an awesome party with great food. And make sure all your guests know that you're already married.

Also, the knot is in the wedding industry. They won't tell you that something is rude because they just want to make money off of you. So take that article with a grain of salt.

Thanks bartender for clearing up the 'contractual marriage.'

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

AddieCake · March 2013

This is not the OP's first bad idea. She has been here long enough to know this would not go over well.

SlothGoals · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:d11f6389-a051-4e58-a4b3-3382bd336149">Re: Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]This is not the OP's first bad idea. She has been here long enough to know this would not go over well.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This exactly. She's got a high enough post count and I recognize her SN which means she's participated in enough threads to know a post like this will not be received well.

</div>

happyfor25 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:8b3a144e-79c2-4843-88a6-57e8701f89f1">Re: Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey, now. Maybe we're all being a bit hasty, thinking she's being selfish? Maybe she's just a bit uninformed. My boyfriend and I are eloping next month because I live overseas and not many people can attend. Originally, we were going to do a 'real' wedding down the line when my family can attend, but I really had no idea it was horrible ettiquette (I only just started researching and I'd never really been involved in someone's wedding planning process before). Someone on The Knot politely corrected me and I started searching for other options. Maybe we can give her some constructive advice? On The Knot, it says many couples who elope renew their vows shortly after. ( <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-ceremony/articles/how-to-renew-your-wedding-vows.aspx).">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-ceremony/articles/how-to-renew-your-wedding-vows.aspx).</a> Maybe OP could consider this? Or, just having a reception party in July?
Posted by perfectisboring[/QUOTE]

I honestly can't think of an unselfish reason to do this. What possible unselfish motivation could there be?

perfectisboring · March 2013

I'm sorry; I didn't mean to offend anyone! I put 'real' in quotations because that's how I saw it when I first started planning. After doing a bit of research, I realized that trying to have a second wedding and calling it a 'real' wedding would not only be disrespectful to the guests and our upcoming ceremony but also offensive to other couples that eloped. I really had no idea about any of that beforehand, so I suppose I was being selfish, but I'm glad I figured it out eventually. Since we can't celebrate with my whole family now, we're going to have a vow reneweal a few years down the line and make sure everyone knows we're already married.

I don't mean to stir the pot, and I didn't realize that the OP has been around long enough to know better. I just thought some responses were a little bit harsh, and I wanted to let her know that I, too, misunderstood, and offer up some alternative suggestions.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:5c6c991b-f2e6-4b87-9da8-44982f2bc6d6">Re: Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elopment : So my wedding, where H and I got married on the side of a mountain with nobody present except an officiant and a photographer, wasn't a "real" wedding? You realize referring to eloping followed by a "real" wedding is incredibly offensive for those of us who CHOSE to do that?
Posted by buggle2[/QUOTE]

QueerFemme · March 2013

I wish this was MUD, but given that the OP has a picture of her & her now husband as her avatar, and a decent post count, I bet it's not MUD.

OP - cancel your fake wedding in July. Stop lying to your friends and family. It's not "keeping a secret" it's a lie. Keeping a secret is like hiding someone's christmas present. This is not even a little bit the same.

courtski2004 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:4ca2e890-dfd8-440e-9e65-b0c2b0711e3d">Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]So.....because my FI is in the Navy and deploying we wanted to make sure all of the paperwork was in order before he left. We eloped yesterday morning!!!! <strong>We're still having our big wedding in July</strong> and no one will know were already married. Kinda fun keeping secrets!!
Posted by embreen[/QUOTE]

You are going to have to educate me on your plan here. You're married now, correct? But you're having another wedding in July? A BIG one?! I guess that means that you're getting divorced soon so you can have another wedding, right? You're married, so the whole 'bride' thing is out the window. You're married. Which anniversary will you celebrate? I guess the BIG one since thats the one that everyone will know about, huh? Good luck with that.

I hate to spoil the fun, but this 'secret' isn't going to go over well. I know that you are probably just too self-involved to accept this, but yes, people will find out and will be upset. You are betraying your nearest and dearest--how fun of a secret is that to keep?

happyfor25 · March 2013

OP, I wanted to add that if this is not MUD, please talk to your family and let them know what's going on. Your "wedding" will be forever tainted by this lie. Again assuming this is not MUD, it is too late to undo for you but if this is common practice among your circle of friends, please discourage others from doing this.

My mom recently passed and, while sorting some of her things, I found receipts for the deposits she made for what would have been my fake wedding. I was painfully reminded of just how much I hurt her.

To perfectisboring...I'm so glad you've changed your plans!

manjermj · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_elopment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:97d744fc-0d85-4cfe-a949-8a58fdd1f433Post:4ca2e890-dfd8-440e-9e65-b0c2b0711e3d">Elopment</a>:
[QUOTE]So.....<strong>because my FI is in the Navy</strong> and deploying we wanted to make sure all of the paperwork was in order before he left. We eloped yesterday morning!!!! We're still having our big wedding in July and no one will know were already married. Kinda fun keeping secrets!!
Posted by embreen[/QUOTE]

<div>So your HUSBAND (no longer a fiance) is in the Navy, so that entitles you to special ettiquette rules? and makes you think lying to all of your nearest and dearest family and friends about already being married is a good idea? What happens when they find out? I'm willing to bet that 99% of them will be so so hurt. </div><div>
</div><div>I totally the get the wanting to be married, like right now. My husband is in the Marine Corps. We had been living in different states for nearly 5 years when we were finally able to have the wedding of our dreams. We waited and were patient to find a time that worked for both of us and our family and friends. It was worth every second of the day. </div><div>
</div><div>Unfortunately, what's done is done. You're already married. Tell your family and friends now. Don't keep it secret. Then in June have a big party to celebrate - not a wedding - since well, you can't. You had your wedding yesterday.</div><div>
</div><div>EDIT: Oh and if you got married for the extra money and for the benefits, you should really be careful. The military, especially the Navy and Marine Corps, is cracking down on this. It's a really big deal to marry for those reasons and not truly be husband and wife. They don't like the idea of spending money on dependents who pretend their not married, yet are receiving the benefits of being married.</div>

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