MIL doesn't want to dance with my Fiance

Jamners4 · May 2010

Help!
My fiance's mother just told him that she will not be dancing the Mother-Son dance with him and her and his father will be leaving promptly after the dancing starts. I can understandd that their religion doesn't believe in dancing but I find it rediculous that they are being so stuborn about this and making my fiance miserable about it. He is very upset because he want's to be able to share a special moment between him and his mother like I am with my dad. Not really sure why they can't stay and mingle with my family for the rest of the reception but oh well

Does anyone have any suggestions of other "non" dancing alternatives that my fiance can do with his mother? It would mean so much to him to do something with her at the wedding.

Thanks!

danieliza1127 · May 2010

I sort of feel like, shouldn't you guys have expected this would happen? Surely you knew they were against dancing before you decided to have it at your wedding. I think your FI is just going to have to let it go. You can sweetly ask that they stay at the reception and enjoy it, but if they choose not to, well that's the choice you made when you decided to have dancing knowing that they're against it.

psichick · May 2010

what religion doesn't believe in dancing?

DomoniqueABN · May 2010

Honestly, its not like your asking her to come out and dance the cha cha in a mini skirt, or even worse shake her booty, grinding and wrap around a pole! Its a moment that is precious between a mother and son on the most important day of his life. Exceptions should be made for these kinds of things. I'm sure whatever God they believe in would not take offense to that.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

Accept it and move on. If this is a Jehovah's witness we are talking about, I did not know that was one of their beliefs. I know they don't believe in celebrating anything so this much fall under that category. FI has an uncle that is Jehoavah's Witness and has pretty much abandoned his family, not only did they move out west when he married the new lady, but they have no contact with any family. It can me a very isolating religion except for those that are also Jehavoah's Witness. I wanted to invite them to the wedding, but didn't push it bc FI said they wouldn't come anyway so it was a waste. I didn't push it, but now I understand. I would think I would just be happy with having them there for a few bc from what I understand they usually don't do any celebrations at all, whether happy or sad, funerals, birthdays, holidays, etc, nothing period.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

You'll be just as married whether or not your FI gets a mother-son dance. My FI, honestly, doesn't want to do one. I don't want to do a father-daughter dance. So we just... aren't. The day will still be special to our parents. They still mean a lot to us. They'll still be there, be listed in the program, and be thanked and given gifts at the rehearsal dinner.

trix1223 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mil-doesnt-want-dance-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:27224ff6-65b9-4068-8941-f5bd1fcb0e39Post:3a4b6a23-2b8e-4e53-b1ea-ddabeb0fa498">Re: MIL doesn't want to dance with my Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, its not like your asking her to come out and dance the cha cha in a mini skirt, or even worse shake her booty, grinding and wrap around a pole! Its a moment that is precious between a mother and son on the most important day of his life. Exceptions should be made for these kinds of things. I'm sure whatever God they believe in would not take offense to that.
Posted by DomoniqueABN[/QUOTE]

Are you kidding me? This is just incredibly insensitive and uninformed. It's her religious conviction. Your post smacks of immaturity and a sense of entitlement that boggles my mind.

OP: I agree with Dani. Surely you both knew about your FIL's religious convictions before you started planning. It's unfortunate, and I completely understand your FI's disappointment.

But you can't make her do something that makes her uncomfortable. I'd have a lovely RD the night before the wedding that they'll be comfortable with and share that time with them.

You can let them know that you're disappointed if they don't stay, but you can't be judgemental or snarky about it. They're going to be your ILs for as long as you're married, and will be your children's grandparents.

I would not, however great my disappointment, be alienting them over a party. Which is really all a reception is, after all.

As for an alternate activity: perhaps your FI could get your mom flowers and present them to her with a small speech about all that she's meant to him, and how thankful he is that she's brought him to this point in his life.

Good luck.

trix1223 · May 2010

Future Mrs. McD: I didn't even read your post before I wrote mine! Talk about like minds!

FutureMrsMcDaniel · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mil-doesnt-want-dance-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:27224ff6-65b9-4068-8941-f5bd1fcb0e39Post:487c984b-682f-48ae-8bf3-f0eb28f9f6b0">Re: MIL doesn't want to dance with my Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]Future Mrs. McD: I didn't even read your post before I wrote mine! Talk about like minds! =)
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Absolutely!

Jamners4 · May 2010

Alright all. My FI's family is not paying one cent of the wedding. They have not mentioned helping with anything once. They want to invite every single person that they know and have ever met but have no intentions of helping with the wedding. So when I mentioned to them that my parents and I will pay for 100 of there guests and if they want more they can pay for those extras or go halfers on the whole wedding... they shut up really fast.

So since that helping thing is over and is already taken care of no more worries.
My only thing is that they don't want to share this moment with there oldest son. I am not wanting to force her to dance (even though she kinda hinted in the begining that she would) I was hoping that there woud be some alternatives. The flowers and presentation are great thanks

As for their religion, it sure does sound like Jehova Witness but they say they are non-denominational christian. So idk. Oh well... I just hope they will stay and celebrate with us, even without them dancing.

SeleenaJuliet · May 2010

I went to a private Christian School and dancing was viewed as sinful. We had a dinner banquet vs a prom. I love to dance personally, but I respect others views of religion and so should you. I went to school with many people who refuse to dance for religious reasons. One shouldn't have to compromise their values to appease you for your wedding. Alternative... Could they read a poem together and alternate verses? I don't know if they can sing but can they do a duet? They don't have to sound like Whitney Houston for it to be nice.

MairePoppy · May 2010

Jamners- I apologize. I confused you with another poster who was having similar problems with her her FILs. They were contributing 1/2 the money toward her wedding and were objecting to paying for certain things for religious reasons.

I don't think your FMIL is using her religion to get out of dancing with her son. You should assume she is sincere in her religious beliefs. If fi was brought up in the same religion, he must realize his mom is not trying to hurt him. Reading a bible passage or asking her to say grace would probably be very meaningful to her.

klynette84 · May 2010

Jehovah's Witnesses are allowed to celebrate weddings and attend funerals. Also, according to my friend who is a Jehovah's Witness, dancing is allowed.

As for Non-Denominational Christians, I think it all depends on what their pastor preaches. The non-denominational church that I used to go to didn't have any problems with dancing, as long as it wasn't the bumping and grinding type.

As for an alternative option to dancing, I really like the slide show with music idea.

Jamners4 · May 2010

I don't have any problems with their religion but it has just bothered us so much because they said that they would pretty much just eat and run. I don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do but i'm hoping she would just do a little something with my FI to make his day special. I also grew up in a more "southern" type Babtist church and school where they had banquets instead of dances. So I can understand the religious backgrounds of people and the choices they make because of them. I'm have never really believed in their teachings and have found my own church so that's why we are having a dance (swing dancing, line dancing, and stuff like that will be on the dance menu).

I'm just hoping they can enjoy the wedding with us instead of skipping out right after the dinner.

Does anyone have suggestions for poems or Bible verses that my FI can present to his mom? Some thing that would bring the happy sniffles?

mandarific · May 2010

I think someone else already mentioned it, but if it is her religion keeping her from dancing - a special prayer or reading with his mom might be the best way to go!

Perhaps look for some of the bible verses that are useful on mother's day and similar occasions - it might be a nice way to honor his mother in a way that her religious beliefs are okay with.

megk8oz · May 2010

I once went to a wedding where the groom's mother was in a wheelchair. He still wanted something like a "mother/son dance", even though they physically couldn't dance together. So the bride did the father/daughter dance, and the DJ announced right after that the groom wanted a "special moment" with his mother. They played whatever song he picked for the "dance" and the 2 of them just sat together having a nice little conversation ... essentially doing everything you'd do during one of the "dances" without the actual dancing part.

I don't really know the rules of "no dancing" religions, so I'm not sure if something like this would be an acceptable alternative or not, but good luck!

Jamners4 · May 2010

Thanks all for your help! I think we may do a combination of each idea posted here

My FI really likes the idea of presenting his mother with flowers and a poem or Bible verse that would really let her know how much she means to him, and a her favorite song playin in the background

Thanks to all of you that suggested so many great ideas!

Trishes · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mil-doesnt-want-dance-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:27224ff6-65b9-4068-8941-f5bd1fcb0e39Post:32420991-b67d-4c7e-a1da-097fcef0ff1f">MIL doesn't want to dance with my Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]... <strong>I can understandd that their religion doesn't believe in dancing but I find it rediculous that they are being so stuborn about this </strong>and making my fiance miserable about it. ....
Posted by Jamners4[/QUOTE]

This statement makes absolutely no sense. If you can't understand why she won't dance, then you don't understand that their religion doesn't go along with this.

Perhaps something like a quiet moment alone for them would be more appropriate.

MIL doesn't want to dance with my Fiance

Re: MIL doesn't want to dance with my Fiance

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