What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)

lyndausvi · April 2011

Come to think of it. I call DH's grandma "Grandma". He calls all my aunts "Aunt so-n-so". Funny how we call extended family by their titles.

tenofcups4me · April 2011

We were introduced by first names and that's what I continued to call them after we got married. Growing up, I always assumed I'd call in-laws mom and dad, since that's what I always saw. But by the time I got married, I saw enough cousins call their in-laws by their first names that that became more the "norm" in my mind and that's what I was most comfortable with.

BIL (SIL's husband, who has been part of the family a lot longer than me) does call them mom and dad, but I decided that was his choice but it didn't mean it had to be mine. Dh also calls my parents by first names.

aleighk1 · April 2011

When I talking to FI, I call his mom by her first name, his dad "your dad" and I call his grandparents what he calls them.

When I'm talking to them, I don't call them anything. No one has really told me what to call them. It's awkward.

wareagle5678 · April 2011

I still address my ILs as Mr. And Mrs. LastName. FFIL told me to call him whatever I would like, but FMIL has dropped several hints that I am not to address either of them by first names. I find it a little odd, since I have grown up observing my parents address their ILs by first names, but since my ILs prefer otherwise, I will respect that.

scottswife1106 · April 2011

I don't think that I could call H's mom but her first name. As children, we were always taught that our elders' names had to have some sort of "handle" on them.

My mom called my father's parents Mr and Mrs Lastname and my father did the same with my mother's parents.

SereJane · April 2011

I am engaged now, but will continue calling my in laws their first names. I love them to pieces, but I would feel awkward calling anyone but my parents "Mom" and "dad." However, I could see calling them ma and pa or something like that once we have kids (that's what FSIL calls them in front of her son)

sdavi084 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youwill-call-ils-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a03c8c02-6d45-4cd1-849d-6ff714dfd179Post:86346c6d-4aad-4cfb-b020-26d65f38f458">Re: What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)</a>:
[QUOTE]It's weird... I don't call them anything. We talk all the time, but I don't know what to call them b/c they seem uncomfortable w/ me calling them by their first names and I'm not comfortable w/ calling them Mr and Mrs. so and so b/c that sounds way too formal to me when I've known them for over six years. Probably once we have kids I can call them Grandma and Grandpa (or some variation on those). We actually talked about it once that I didn't have a name to call them, but we also didn't really come to a conclusion of what I should call them and now that it's been six years already it seems awkward to suddenly start calling them by something. I know weird...
Posted by lbow1984[/QUOTE]

<div>This EXACTLY! I've been with my fiance for 7 years, and I absolutely adore his parents. But I never addressed them because I don't know what to address them. Mr and Mrs? Fred and Liz? Mom and Dad? He asked them once, and even they didn't seem to know, nor did they care. I think Fred and Liz (their first names, in case that wasn't obvious) was the consensus, but still, never addressed them. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.</div>

DNAtime · April 2011

I am still engaged but I currently call them by their first names, and plan to do so after the wedding. I was kind of uncomfortable at first but my FSIL (FI's brother's wife) calls them by their first names so I kind of just took my cues from her.

Come to think of it my FI doesn't call my parents anything, he doesn't address them directly a lot and if he does he won't call them anything. Between us the are just "your parents."

My mom likes to spout Miss Manners and says the parent in law is supposed to tell the DIL/SIL what they want to be called. I don't know though if my MIL asked me to call her mom what I would do.

As far as a extended family we just call them what the other person calls them: i.e. Grandma Fran, Uncle Al, etc.

dannie134 · April 2011

Reading this has made me feel better, so thanks all! I also never knew what to call FI's parents, and so avoided addressing them directly for quite a few years. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

I finally got brave enough to call them by their first names, and that is how they refer to themselves when talking to me now. Once we are married (in 2 weeks!!) I will continue to call them by their first names. It's what I (and as far as I know, they) feel most comfortable with.

aragx6 · April 2011

My future in laws were apparently disappointed when I told them I'd feel uncomfortable ever calling them mom and dad, but I don't come from a title heavy family either.

FI calls everyone his parents age aunt or uncle, even if they're of little or no relation to them, but I just call even my blood aunts and uncles by their first names and have since I was in my early teens.

quirky75 · April 2011

I ran into this issue yesterday at Easter dinner!

I was sitting next to FMIL and FI wanted me to get her attention to ask a question. I completely panicked even though they've said I could call them first names or Mom and Dad. All their DILs/SILs were around the table and I didn't know what anyone else called them and didn't want to look stupid! Finally FSIL called her by first name and got her attention. I think that's what I'm going to stick with. I agree, I feel weird calling them Mom and Dad.

missy68 · April 2011

J's mom has been deceased for 12 years. He basically has no relationship (and it is mega-strained, at best) with his "father."

When I selected first names, I was considering his sister, her husband, her son, and his aunt and cousins. That's his family.

His father DOES go by Diick, though, so..... if the shoe fits.

ETA: I think my parents have told him to call them Jim and Anne. And he calls my grandmothers Grannie Fannie and Granny Hams just like the rest of us. Aunts and Uncles are all first names. Obviously, my brother and his wife are first names.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youwill-call-ils-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a03c8c02-6d45-4cd1-849d-6ff714dfd179Post:e4f49a84-ead3-4c4a-a266-8d0e987a8aca">Re: What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)</a>:
[QUOTE]I call them by their first names. But see, whenever they call our house and I answer the phone, they always say "Hi, it's dad." or "Hi, it's mom.". I don't really care when they do that though. I'm just so used to calling them bu their first names. I do call Mr. S's grandparents "Grandma" and "Grandpa".
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

H's parents do that too. I don't mind either, I like that his parents consider me their family.I'm excited that we get to see them all in June, I haven't seen them since the wedding and H about a month after that.

Although, it's been close to 5 years and I've never met his brother. He lives in India and has no plans of ever coming home.

FutureJilliannD · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youwill-call-ils-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a03c8c02-6d45-4cd1-849d-6ff714dfd179Post:dd1a1020-5ff3-4f3d-9f72-ce4439187697">Re: What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My future in laws were apparently disappointed when I told them I'd feel uncomfortable ever calling them mom and dad</strong>, but I don't come from a title heavy family either.Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

I don't think this is fair. I mean, they aren't your parents, and just because you don't call them that doesn't mean you are not close.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

First names. Which, actually, I've called them since I met them (on their insistance - it's how they introduced themselves). Oliver calls my parents by their first names as well.

My mom always called her in-laws mom and dad, but I don't know why. But now that I rarely see that, it's not the norm for me.

We don't have grandparents, so that's not an issue. When H's grandmother was alive I don't think I addressed her as anything (I met her once) and other than that I would call her, "your grandma."

Beachy730 · April 2011

I'm one of those who just never addresses them by anything. I never talk to FIL, and have only met him for our wedding.

For MIL's birthday I sent her a gift from us, and didn't know how to address the card. I reeeaaalllly didn't want to write dear mom, and writing her first name felt weird because I never really call her that either. So I just didn't address the card on the inside and just wrote her a note.

H calls my parents by their first names.

heather011 · April 2011

DH's mom is insistant that I call them "mom" and "dad", but I feel weird about that. Like PPs have said, I already have parents and they're not them. I've never refused to do that, but I get around it by not really calling them anything. The only time I've had to so far is on things like Christmas cards which are from both of us, so it's not weird if they're addressed to mom and dad.

Actually, she signs her cards to me from "Mother and Father lastname" which is just so weird and overly formal that I don't know what to make of it

Celles · April 2011

My IL's want me to call them mom and dad. I can't. I can't even call my birth mom "mom." It feels too disrespectful to my real mom. So to avoid hurting their feelings, I kind of try to avoid calling them anything. It's awkward.

LDYGTR13 · April 2011

I still call them what I called them before we were married "Ms. Peggy and (Big) Ron" However, I call her Mom to make her smile sometimes. I rarely call him anything...I just look at him and talk because "Big Ron" isn't something I think I'd call him to his face lol.

H calls my parents "Ma" and "Pops"

Summer2011Bride · April 2011

By their first names. When we first started dating, I used Mr and Mrs Lastname, but as time progressed, they signed all their cards with their first names and referred to each other to me by first names, so I just adopted it and they're fine with it. I would never call the Mom and Dad. I'm too close to my real parents and would feel awkward doing that.

Moneypenny424 · April 2011

I call them Mom and Dad. My MIL wanted to be called Mom, or rather, before we addressed the issue, she signed all of her emails and cards "Mom." This was fine for me, as it is what West Indians do (or at least used to do). My parents call their in-laws "Mum," "Mama," etc., so it was natural for me.

Mr. Penny's grandmother is definitely Grandma.

Mr. Penny calls my parents by their first names. I think they would've preferred to be Mom and Dad, but Mr. Penny thought it was a little weird. My dad laughed because before they had this convo, Mr. Penny also never referred to them as anything

.

Kati0105 · April 2011

I call S's dad and stepmom Mom and Dad because his sister-in-law always did so it felt weird for me not to, like I was the lone outsider in what was otherwise a cohesive family, if that makes sense. It still feels mildly awkward but like most people have said, I don't have to actually address them by Mom and Dad all that often - usually it's in emails or on FB and typing it is much less weird than saying it aloud. I call S's biological mom Mom too, because otherwise I'd worry her feelings would get hurt that I call the other set Mom and Dad. S just calls my parents (and grandparents, now that I think about it) by first names.

ahhhitsshannyn · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_youwill-call-ils-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a03c8c02-6d45-4cd1-849d-6ff714dfd179Post:2ceaeca0-1fc3-4f7d-82d8-b5461919278f">Re: What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)</a>:
[QUOTE]My IL's want me to call them mom and dad. I can't. I can't even call my birth mom "mom." <strong>It feels too disrespectful to my real mom</strong>. So to avoid hurting their feelings, I kind of try to avoid calling them anything. It's awkward.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

This. They are not my parents and I doubt they will ever feel like my parents. They are always going to be first names to me and I know my H feels the same way about my parents.

b0710 · April 2011

I will continue to call them by their first names until we have children. After that I will probably refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa because it's less confusing to the kids (based on my current 4 year old anyways).

achiduck · April 2011

Even after we're married I'll continue to call them by their first names. It would feel really weird to me to call someone "mom or dad" who wasn't my biological parent.

SarahPLiz · April 2011

I chose other because I have never addressed them. I have spoken to them, and about them, but never needed to address them. After the baby comes, they will become Mamaya and Titaya because that's what they baby will call them (Romanian grandparent names).

marinabreeze · April 2011

I call my FI's grandmother Grandma. I figured out what that's how she wanted me to address her after sending me Christmas cards signed Grandma. (FTR, he calls his grandmother "Mom," his actual mom didn't raise him and is not in the picture).

I don't see my FFIL often enough to call him anything, he's kind of a loner and isn't really into being around people. However, he apparently wants to meet with me soon to get to know me better (

). I'm not sure if after the marriage he'll expect for me to call him by his first name or by Dad. Considering that my dad and I were very close and he's now deceased, I don't think I'll be all that comfortable calling FFIL Dad. We'll see.

I call FI's other relatives by their first names. I don't know if the expectation will change after the wedding or not.

FI calls my mom "Mom." He hasn't been around my older relatives enough to navigate what to call them (my family is OOT).

impslave · April 2011

I call my SF-in-law by his nickname (Sonny), but I don't call my MIL anything. I just start talking to her. Feels weird to call her by her first name or Mrs. HyphenatedLastName.

missfarar · April 2011

I don't really address my future IL's by name, I agree that this can be really awkward. I'm excited to have kids in order to do the whole "Oma" or "Opa" thing, that will at least make it easier for me to address them.

My Mom has always addressed my Dad's mom as "Mom". I never understood it until her parents passed away and my grandma was the only "parent" left in my mom's life.

Calypso1977 · April 2011

first names, but that didnt come until after we were engaged. adn even tehn, i dontt hink they really like it, i thikn theyd rather mom and dad.

What do you/will you call your ILs? (after marriage)

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