Bridesmaid plus 1

teachmegs1 · February 2013

        A bridesmaid in my wedding has been "seeing" someone. I use the term loosely because the dating situation that they are in, is far beyond what I would consider a committed relationship, but to each their own. I am about to start addressing and assembling my invitations to get mailed out by the end of May. No one that we are inviting is receiving a plus one unless they; are living with their significant other, a long term relationship, engaged, and/or married.

        I know that she will take offense when I have to tell her that her boyfriend is not invited. I have only met him once. None of our other mutual friends have met him more than once, some have yet to meet him, yet I am dreading this conversation with her, because I know that she will not even try to see my side of the reasoning. I think that she expects me to invite him, because she's a bridesmaid in the wedding, and because she says they've been together since December.

        How do I put things to her lightly to her and am I wrong for not giving a bridal party member a plus one? I will throw out there that none of my other bridesmaids or his groomsmen are bringing a date, unless they fall under one of the above mentioned categories and they are all aware of/okay with that decision.

misshart00 · February 2013

If he's her boyfriend, invite him. Also invite other SOs no matter how long they've been dating.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:4574304e-8865-43eb-873d-10625506f7fb">Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE] A bridesmaid in my wedding has been "seeing" someone. I use the term loosely because the dating situation that they are in, is far beyond what I would consider a committed relationship, but to each their own. I am about to start addressing and assembling my invitations to get mailed out by the end of May. No one that we are inviting is receiving a plus one unless they; are living with their significant other, a long term relationship, engaged, and/or married. I know that she will take offense when I have to tell her that her boyfriend is not invited. I have only met him once. None of our other mutual friends have met him more than once, some have yet to meet him, yet I am dreading this conversation with her, because I know that she will not even try to see my side of the reasoning. I think that she expects me to invite him, because she's a bridesmaid in the wedding, and because she says they've been together since December. How do I put things to her lightly to her and am I wrong for not giving a bridal party member a plus one? I will throw out there that none of my other bridesmaids or his groomsmen are bringing a date, unless they fall under one of the above mentioned categories and they are all aware of/okay with that decision.
Posted by teachmegs1[/QUOTE]

It's not your decision as to whether they are in a serious relationship and how many times you and others have met him is irrelevant. He is her BF, she gets a +1.

mcda04 · February 2013

If BM is still dating this guy in August; then they would have been together for almost a year so what is "long term relationship"?

daveANDkristen · February 2013

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you really should let all of your guests bring their significant other. It's insulting to your guests that are in relationships that you don't deem serious enough.

AddieCake · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:78f94765-a405-4e39-bc51-d077d5ef50b3">Re:Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]If he's her boyfriend, invite him. Also invite other SOs no matter how long they've been dating.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

This. It's rude to determine the significance of someone else's relationship. If they consider themselves a couple, they ARE, and they should be invited as one.

antibride2013 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:78f94765-a405-4e39-bc51-d077d5ef50b3">Re:Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]If he's her boyfriend, invite him. Also invite other SOs no matter how long they've been dating.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Why wouldn't SO's be invited?

strlzfan11 · February 2013

If she considers him her boyfriend, you need to invite him. End of story.

ETA: If your wedding is in mid-August, your invitations should go out no earlier than mid-June. 6 to 8 weeks prior to the wedding is standard operatinf procedure.

teachmegs1 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:78f94765-a405-4e39-bc51-d077d5ef50b3">Re:Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]If he's her boyfriend, invite him. Also invite other SOs no matter how long they've been dating.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

We are def. sticking to the long term, living together, ect. Otherwise, our already 200+ guest list would be significantly more. Also, the cost per plate at our wedding is around 55-60 dollars. Money, and guest list size have also come into play when deciding the "plus one" factor for some of our guests.

misshart00 · February 2013

In Response to Re:Bridesmaid plus 1:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid plus 1:If he's her boyfriend, invite him. Also invite other SOs no matter how long they've been dating.Posted by misshart00We are def. sticking to the long term, living together, ect. Otherwise, our already 200 guest list would be significantly more. Also, the cost per plate at our wedding is around 5560 dollars. Money, and guest list size have also come into play when deciding the "plus one" factor for some of our guests. Posted by teachmegs1[/QUOTE]

SOs and plus 1s are not the same thing. SOs are invited by name. Plus 1s are anybody the guest chooses. It's completely fine to not invite plus 1s but its rude to exclude people's SOs.

strlzfan11 · February 2013

If you're going to stick to your guns on this, you need to be prepared that some people will be hurt by your choice and be able to deal with the consequences of it.

monkeysip · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:5eef14c0-1ac7-402c-a59f-1cf9691cca87">Re:Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid plus 1 : We are def. sticking to the long term, living together, ect. <strong>Otherwise, our already 200+ guest list would be significantly more. Also, the cost per plate at our wedding is around 55-60 dollars. </strong>Money, and guest list size have also come into play when deciding the "plus one" factor for some of our guests.
Posted by teachmegs1[/QUOTE]

These are all choices that YOU made. No one forced you to invite 200+ people or have expensive dinners.

The only thing that should dictate the "plus one" factor is etiquette. If he is her boyfriend, he is NOT a "plus one". A plus one is when you allow someone to just bring a random date. If he is her boyfriend, he should be invited BY NAME on the invitation.

If your budget is busting, then you need to cut someone else or choose cheaper meals. Or cut costs in other ways. But you don't cut costs by not inviting someone's significant other.

Maggie0829 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:35d8e8d9-90ab-4d78-bf29-ebc4df3e3500">Re:Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid plus 1 : These are all choices that YOU made. No one forced you to invite 200+ people or have expensive dinners. The only thing that should dictate the "plus one" factor is etiquette. If he is her boyfriend, he is NOT a "plus one". A plus one is when you allow someone to just bring a random date. If he is her boyfriend, he should be invited BY NAME on the invitation. If your budget is busting, then you need to cut someone else or choose cheaper meals. Or cut costs in other ways. But you don't cut costs by not inviting someone's significant other.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

kimberlyr22 · February 2013

I can see if budget dictates it, not extending plus-ones to all your guests. But not to extend them to the bridal party when there are dating situations (whether you approve of them or not), is not exactly the nicest thing to do. Granted, I work more off common sense than etiquette.

Granted, I'm in the pro plus-one lobby simply because if I turned the situation around, I'd like to be able to invite a date to a wedding. Weddings are much more fun when you have someone familiar to dance with.

We took plus-ones to the extreme and allowed all our over 18s to have a plus-one, which meant cutting acquiantances (not close friends and family) from the guest list, because to us it was more important for everyone who was there to have fun and enjoy themselves then to invite every person we knew.

Our forever-single best man could have brought a girl he picked up at the bar the night before and we wouldn't have said a thing.

teachmegs1 · February 2013

Our budget isn't bursting over, and the 200 plus people are honestly mostly family members. Mostly first reletives and a handful of second or third cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. My parents and his both come from large families. I wouldn't cut back for those guests, but we have had to cut some of our friends or even family friends off the list. I am not making rash decisions in other areas so that I can cut off people's SO's or not allow someone a plus 1.

I do understand the difference between SO's and plus 1's. I would consider him a plus one as would any other mutual friends of ours. 2 of my other bridesmaids as well as myself went to college with her. In talking to them about the situation as well, we're all confused as to whether or not they are actually boyfriend/girlfriend. The dating situation they are in, is what makes it difficult for me to consider him and her a couple. I guess that's where I am on the fence as to inviting him, or where the situation stands. At the end of the day, I'm not trying to upset her and I think that it's a decision that I will need to make later on, versus saying something early and then regreting it later. I know the conversation is going to arise sooner than later, which is why I was asking for input.

teachmegs1 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:151cb4fa-de34-49f8-a1af-87dd561235dd">Re: Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]I can see if budget dictates it, not extending plus-ones to all your guests. But not to extend them to the bridal party when there are dating situations (whether you approve of them or not), is not exactly the nicest thing to do. Granted, I work more off common sense than etiquette. Granted, I'm in the pro plus-one lobby simply because if I turned the situation around, I'd like to be able to invite a date to a wedding. Weddings are much more fun when you have someone familiar to dance with. We took plus-ones to the extreme and allowed all our over 18s to have a plus-one, which meant cutting acquiantances (not close friends and family) from the guest list, because to us it was more important for everyone who was there to have fun and enjoy themselves then to invite every person we knew. Our forever-single best man could have brought a girl he picked up at the bar the night before and we wouldn't have said a thing.
Posted by kimberlyr22[/QUOTE]

I do understand where you're coming from, and actually in deciding for some of our guests on whether or not they could bring a guest, we said to ourselves; "Would they have a better time being there with someone else?" Or "Are there any mutual friends/family that they would be able to have a good time with, and bringing someone wouldn't be an issue for them?"

mlg78 · February 2013

If I were her and you refused to acknowledge my relationship this might piss me off enough to drop out of the wedding. Who are you to judge? I'd bet that early on in your relationship with your fiance you'd have been offended if he hadn't been included to something you'd been invited to...

TheBaysideBride · February 2013

I'm in a similar situation - our 200+ wedding ballooned to that size thanks to 160 people from our mothers' lists (family, primarily). We're using a similar standard for Plus-Ones -- because we're only inviting good friends, if you're serious enough that I know your boyfriend's name, he's invited. If I don't know their name, they obviously haven't made an effort (or vice versa) to be introduced to us and I don't really feel they need to be invited to the wedding. (For friends, my very loose standard was, if we don't see each other semi-regularly for dinner, we're not close enough now that you need to travel for our wedding).

HOWEVER, that said, being a BM is work - while it is an honor, to be sure, it is also a financial and time committment. I would invite her boyfriend. By August, they'll eitehr be serious, or be over. Either way, it's the right decision.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:af8b4967-0067-46b5-b033-9062c58baf9a">Re: Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid plus 1 : I do understand where you're coming from, and actually in deciding for some of our guests on whether or not they could bring a guest, we said to ourselves; "Would they have a better time being there with someone else?" Or "Are there any mutual friends/family that they would be able to have a good time with, and bringing someone wouldn't be an issue for them?"
Posted by teachmegs1[/QUOTE]

Again. These are not your decisions to make.</div>

manjermj · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:d649736f-5bcc-4b5b-94f7-a5198416854c">Re: Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]Our budget isn't bursting over, and the 200 plus people are honestly mostly family members. Mostly first reletives and a handful of second or third cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. My parents and his both come from large families. I wouldn't cut back for those guests, but we have had to cut some of our friends or even family friends off the list. I am not making rash decisions in other areas so that I can cut off people's SO's or not allow someone a plus 1. I do understand the difference between SO's and plus 1's. I would consider him a plus one as would any other mutual friends of ours. 2 of my other bridesmaids as well as myself went to college with her. In talking to them about the situation as well, we're all confused as to whether or not they are actually boyfriend/girlfriend. The dating situation they are in, is what makes it difficult for me to consider him and her a couple. I guess that's where I am on the fence as to inviting him, or where the situation stands. At the end of the day, I'm not trying to upset her and I think that it's a decision that I will need to make later on, versus saying something early and then regreting it later. I know the conversation is going to arise sooner than later, which is why I was asking for input.
Posted by teachmegs1[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Honestly, I would just play it on the safe side and invite him, by name, on her invitation. Plus, adding 1 person, isn't going to explode your budget. </div>

mcda04 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:d649736f-5bcc-4b5b-94f7-a5198416854c">Re: Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]Our budget isn't bursting over, and the 200 plus people are honestly mostly family members. Mostly first reletives and a handful of second or third cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. My parents and his both come from large families. I wouldn't cut back for those guests, but we have had to cut some of our friends or even family friends off the list. I am not making rash decisions in other areas so that I can cut off people's SO's or not allow someone a plus 1. I do understand the difference between SO's and plus 1's. I would consider him a plus one as would any other mutual friends of ours. 2 of my other bridesmaids as well as myself went to college with her. In talking to them about the situation as well, <strong>we're all confused as to whether or not they are actually boyfriend/girlfriend. The dating situation they are in, is what makes it difficult for me to consider him and her a couple</strong>. I guess that's where I am on the fence as to inviting him, or where the situation stands. At the end of the day, I'm not trying to upset her and I think that it's a decision that I will need to make later on, versus saying something early and then regreting it later. I know the conversation is going to arise sooner than later, which is why I was asking for input.
Posted by teachmegs1[/QUOTE]

You have no right to judge the seriousness of their relationship. My sister and her now H had a "different" dating arrangement that worked for them. Two months into it, they moved in with each other and now have two kids and married for 8 years. They were invited to family functions together because eventhough he wasn't her FI or SO, we all knew she was seeing him.

misshart00 · February 2013

Why don't you just ask her if he's her boyfriend? Then it takes out all the guesswork.

teachmegs1 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:5ee141e6-7317-4d8b-8ba7-8cba681c523f">Re:Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were her and you refused to acknowledge my relationship this might piss me off enough to drop out of the wedding. Who are you to judge? I'd bet that early on in your relationship with your fiance you'd have been offended if he hadn't been included to something you'd been invited to...
Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

That did happen to me actually. I wasn't invited to a wedding for my fiancés cousin, when I was his fiance. It offended me for sure, especially because we were engaged. His cousin apologized and did extend an invite to me, I declined simply because I couldn't get the time off from work, so it's happened to me before. I'm not saying because I handled it, that others should too.

I'm coming off as a horrible friend I'm sure to many of you who are responding, but it's not at all a typical situation of me just "acknowledging or not" that he's her boyfriend so deal with it. Without hashing out the full details of this guy, it won't come across as me trying to be genuine and understanding of her situation. I do care for her a lot, and again I will say, I'm not trying to offend her.

I see that inviting him over not would be the overall better situation, which is all that I was looking for. It will help in the final deciding process. I know her anxiety is running wild wanting to know whether I'll let her bring him or not.

Maggie0829 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:d649736f-5bcc-4b5b-94f7-a5198416854c">Re: Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]Our budget isn't bursting over, and the 200 plus people are honestly mostly family members. Mostly first reletives and a handful of second or third cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. My parents and his both come from large families. I wouldn't cut back for those guests, but we have had to cut some of our friends or even family friends off the list. I am not making rash decisions in other areas so that I can cut off people's SO's or not allow someone a plus 1. I do understand the difference between SO's and plus 1's. I would consider him a plus one as would any other mutual friends of ours. 2 of my other bridesmaids as well as myself went to college with her.<strong> In talking to them about the situation as well, we're all confused as to whether or not they are actually boyfriend/girlfriend. The dating situation they are in, is what makes it difficult for me to consider him and her a couple.</strong> I guess that's where I am on the fence as to inviting him, or where the situation stands. At the end of the day, I'm not trying to upset her and I think that it's a decision that I will need to make later on, versus saying something early and then regreting it later. I know the conversation is going to arise sooner than later, which is why I was asking for input.
Posted by teachmegs1[/QUOTE]

To the bolded. Does she call him her boyfriend. If the answer is yes, then he should be invited, by name, on the invitation. If her answer is no and she says that they just go out on dates every once in a while then no you do not have to invite him. But, I would include extra spots into your guest list for any guest that may be single now but by the time invites go out are in relationships because then their SOs should be included.

For all brides out there. It shouldn't matter whether or not you have met the SO, or even know their name. If someone you are friends with or is a family member (or whoever is on your guest list) states that they are in a relationship and/or have a boyfriend/girlfriend then you need to invite their SO by name. You cannot judge others relationship. How would you feel if someone took it upon themselves to judge your relationship? You probably wouldn't like it.

Gustafson28 · February 2013

Our dinner is 165 a plate. EVERYONE in any kind of relationship is getting to bring them. I've been left off the list when "only" dating my now FI. With that said, all 8 members of our bridal party can bring a random date if they want. These are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. It's just a nice thing to do to thank them for everything.

teachmegs1 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:44f51c19-3ee9-4ebb-a898-1497c5976f73">Re: Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid plus 1 : To the bolded. Does she call him her boyfriend. If the answer is yes, then he should be invited, by name, on the invitation. If her answer is no and she says that they just go out on dates every once in a while then no you do not have to invite him. But, I would include extra spots into your guest list for any guest that may be single now but by the time invites go out are in relationships because then their SOs should be included. For all brides out there. It shouldn't matter whether or not you have met the SO, or even know their name. If someone you are friends with or is a family member (or whoever is on your guest list) states that they are in a relationship and/or have a boyfriend/girlfriend then you need to invite their SO by name. You cannot judge others relationship. How would you feel if someone took it upon themselves to judge your relationship? You probably wouldn't like it.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

I judge their relationship...because he's still MARRIED. Which to me, makes is entirley iwrong for me to invite someone who's dating a married man. Even if I asked her what the situation is with his wife, ex, whatever he calls her, I can't trust that, that story be true. Moral values come into play. There have been plenty of guys or girls that friends of ours have dated and we weren't neccesarily fans of. It happens, we're human, I've never been one to judge who you're dating. This however, is a situation that I really feel is wrong. Again, I may have to put all that aside, bite the bullet and still let her bring him, especially if as time goes on they obviously continue to see eachother. I'm prepared to handle that, but at this current time, I'd want to say No to her more than I would Yes. I can't help but feel that way. As crummy as that may sound.

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:4574304e-8865-43eb-873d-10625506f7fb">Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE] A bridesmaid in my wedding has been "seeing" someone. I use the term loosely because the dating situation that they are in, is <strong>far beyond what I would consider a committed relationship, but to each their own.</strong> I am about to start addressing and assembling my invitations to get mailed out by the end of May. No one that we are inviting is receiving a plus one unless they; are living with their significant other, a <strong>long term relationship</strong>, engaged, and/or married. I know that she will take offense when I have to tell her that her boyfriend is not invited. I have only met him once. None of our other mutual friends have met him more than once, some have yet to meet him, yet I am dreading this conversation with her, because I know that she will not even try to see my side of the reasoning. I think that she expects me to invite him, because she's a bridesmaid in the wedding, and because she says they've been together since December. How do I put things to her lightly to her and am I wrong for not giving a bridal party member a plus one? I will throw out there that none of my other bridesmaids or his groomsmen are bringing a date, unless they fall under one of the above mentioned categories and they are all aware of/okay with that decision.
Posted by teachmegs1[/QUOTE]

You've made it clear that you are sticking to your guns on drawing the line at LTRs. Would you mind defining what you consider "long term"?

teachmegs1 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:cd50e37f-e6ac-4837-982c-55089d441a64">Re: Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid plus 1 : You've made it clear that you are sticking to your guns on drawing the line at LTRs. Would you mind defining what you consider "long term"?
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

I consider long term anything over a year. Maybe a few months less. Then again, if someone were to move in with someone else within a few months, then obviously I'd know they are taking things seriously and moving forward with their relationship. In her situation, I'd say that long term would be something over a year.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

The whole point is it's not your place to judge. It isn't your place to judge how serious people are. It isn't your place to judge if he's "actually" split from his wife or not. It isn't your place to judge whether or not your friend should be allowed to consider this a relationship because he's still married. It's just not your business.

If she considers him her boyfriend, put him on the invite. Period. End of story.

Maggie0829 · February 2013

I don't care if this guy still wears his wedding ring while he is out with your friend. This is your friends relationship. If she considers him her boyfriend then he should be invited. By you not inviting him you will come across as judging her relationship and thus judging her decisions which will not make her a happy friend. She is an adult and if she wants to be in relationship with a married man. You don't have to like it but that doesn't mean you have the right to not include him.

As far as you post about long-term relationships and those who move in together etc. Be prepared for some back lash. Again you are judging relationships. Unless you are a part of the relationship you cannot judge the seriousness of it. Period.

teachmegs1 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1db4c195-c461-4cee-84e7-c1ae7fb028a8Post:c158a565-42fb-425b-ab26-9b06e71e9189">Re: Bridesmaid plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid plus 1 : You are being really judgmental and it is going to get people rightfully pissed at you. The only people qualified to judge the seriousness of a relationship are the people in that relationship. You determining on your own what relationships merit an invite to your wedding is profoundly rude. Also some people don't move in together for religious reasons or simply because they don't think living together before marriage is a smart idea. It is not your place to judge other people's relationships.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

She asked, and I answered. I don't go up to people and tell them, that what they consider serious may not be in my book. For what she has going on, and what her situation involves, I can't take it seriously, and for very right reasons. She herself knows how we feel about her situation as we've talked about it with her, and it's an understanding between us all.

Bridesmaid plus 1

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