October 2012 Weddings

Feeling pretty awful

I might be a little biased, but I have the sweetest, most giving, loving, amazing MOH that ever walked the Earth. She planned her pregnancy around my wedding (I love her!). With a due date of August 7th, she would have the baby and have time to lose a little baby weight. We picked the empire waist bridesmaid dresses to accommodate any extra baby weight. She went to her 17 week check up yesterday and the baby had no heartbeat.  Absolutely devestating. Her last baby died at 3 months old. He was born with a chromosome disorder. I saw her go through that experience and was in awe of how she handled herself and how she did everything in her power to give that baby a normal life, knowing that he was going to die. She is seriously the  most courageous woman I have ever known.
After going through the death of a child, I don't think she allowed herself to get excited about this pregnancy until all the testing came back normal and she made it out of her first trimester. That's what happened! And she was excited. And now this.

There's nothing I can say or do to make it right. I don't know what to do. Or what she needs. But I guess I felt the same way last time she went through this. She is the strongest, most beautiful person I've ever known and she has had such a rough road. It absolutely breaks my heart.


October 2012 Board: June Siggy
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Re: Feeling pretty awful

  • I am so sorry that your friend is having to go through this.  I had a really good friend that went through a similar situation and all I could do was be there for her when she needed me.  It's a horrible outcome to what is supposed to be a joyous event in someones life and it will be very hard for her to get through this again.   Just be her shoulder to cry on and be there as much as possible.   My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your friend and her family.  Hopefully she will be blessed with a healthy and happy child in the near future.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_feeling-pretty-awful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:73f2a4f0-cae3-4c01-a000-abb4018ca260Post:2f6d0617-7a61-4dfd-9482-ff1fc714f5b2">Re: Feeling pretty awful</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am so sorry that your friend is having to go through this.  I had a really good friend that went through a similar situation and all I could do was be there for her when she needed me.  It's a horrible outcome to what is supposed to be a joyous event in someones life and it will be very hard for her to get through this again.   Just be her shoulder to cry on and be there as much as possible.   My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your friend and her family.  Hopefully she will be blessed with a healthy and happy child in the near future.
    Posted by ystaalenburg[/QUOTE]

    Ditto - ALL of this
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  • I'm so sorry for your friend. My sister in law recently misscarried as well, and I felt very much the same way you do. She was so strong and all you can do it just be there for her.
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  • I completely understand how you feel. My MOH has had very similar experiences with pregnancy. My first Godson was born prematurely and died in her arms in the hospital. He lived only 8 hours. She has also lost 3 others around the 4-5 month mark. It was devastating every time. The only thing you can really do is be there for her when and if she needs you- everyone grieves differently. It may take her a very long time to recover, it may not. My friend has never really emotionally healed. Fortunately, she has been blessed with 3 very healthy children who keep her busy :)

    I'm so sorry for your friend's loss, and best wishes to you in helping her and supporting her through this very difficult time.
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  • That is so so sad. I am so sorry for your friends loss. I would make sure she knows you're there for her, but understand that she may not want to talk about it. Offer to help out with the day-to-day ongoings that become difficult when you're grieving - doing laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, etc.
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  • So, so sorry for your friend.  I hope that she finds comfort in a very difficult time.  <3

    As for how to help her out, I agree with what PP said.
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  • What a terrible time to go through.   I agree with PP just be there for her in whatever way she needs.  
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  • I think everyone here covered anything I could have said, but I just want to express my deepest sympathy.  My cousin and sister in law have both miscarried and I know how difficult it was for them, but your MOH has been through so much.  Breaks my heart.  I'm so sorry.  :(
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  • so sorry for your friend. I have a close friend who had a miscarriage twice, one after another...the second one she also lost after 3 months. it's really heartbreaking but all you can do is be there for them and to listen. there's nothing we can say that can make it better...it just takes time.
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