Family is upset we arn't getting married at a church

jconsidine · July 2012

I feel that the passages adn the setting should reflect who you are and that also means your cultures, your families, your past, your future and your values.

Most of the couples who are married at my church are not affiliated. That's fine with us. We'll accept you and treat you like a guest no matter what your ideology.

However, not all groups are like us. Some have barriers because of their odd dogma. Others, because of of years of oppression and misappropreation.

Personally I would never use an Apache blessing. Borrowing from other cultures (while well intentioned) is often viewed as disrespectful.

If you were raised Christian, I would strongly encourage you to adapt Christian traditions to fit where you are now. You may no longer be a member of the religion but it is a part of your past and you have a right to make it your own.

quirkygrl16 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_family-is-upset-we-arnt-getting-married-at-a-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d7c1ca5b-e81c-4a4d-b1f0-69412235c5f6Post:926413fb-5863-492c-9bf6-404b8d147fd8">Re: Family is upset we arn't getting married at a church</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family is upset we arn't getting married at a church : Seriously? Listen, I am a fellow Atheist and I would think that you would understand how difficult it can be to share the news that you're an atheist with your religious family. It is literally like coming out of the closet for a gay person whose family is opposed to their lifestyle. Consider this: there have been openly gay politicians elected to national office. How many openly atheistic politicians are there? Um, none. It's really hard to say you don't believe in God in a country where the population is overwhelmingly religious. Many people's family's react with sadness and even anger to the news. Frankly if I thought it would ruin my relationship with my family, I would not let a recitation of the Lords Prayer (or whatever) be the reason I am no longer on speaking terms with my family. OP, I completely understand being nervous about how your family will handle the news. And, heck, if you don't believe in God but "prayers" don't offend you, who cares if you want to incorporate a blessing into the wedding. But I do agree not to bend on the getting married in a church thing. That would be disrespectful to the church and its followers. For our part, we let the judge who married us outside give a "blessing" for the marriage and I think she might have begun with "Let us pray" and mentioned God. It didn't bother me. And if something like that wouldn't bother YOU then that's all that matters.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

Thank you SO much..seriously. I think that's what i'll do is let her say a blessing over us. That won't bother me a bit.

quirkygrl16 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_family-is-upset-we-arnt-getting-married-at-a-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d7c1ca5b-e81c-4a4d-b1f0-69412235c5f6Post:9c4b28b9-be21-4700-bfc9-ac69d43a5cd8">Re: Family is upset we arn't getting married at a church</a>:
[QUOTE]That Apache blessing is lovely. There is one called 'Blessing of the Hands' that is nice, too. I am betting your officiant (who sounds very knowledgeablea about just this very thing) will have suggestions as well. Good luck!
Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]

thanks!

quirkygrl16 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_family-is-upset-we-arnt-getting-married-at-a-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d7c1ca5b-e81c-4a4d-b1f0-69412235c5f6Post:89a00437-99ba-40de-98a7-21905fa185ea">Re: Family is upset we arn't getting married at a church</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel that the passages adn the setting should reflect who you are and that also means your cultures, your families, your past, your future and your values. Most of the couples who are married at my church are not affiliated. That's fine with us. We'll accept you and treat you like a guest no matter what your ideology. However, not all groups are like us. Some have barriers because of their odd dogma. Others, because of of years of oppression and misappropreation. Personally I would never use an Apache blessing. Borrowing from other cultures (while well intentioned) is often viewed as disrespectful. If you were raised Christian, I would strongly encourage you to adapt Christian traditions to fit where you are now. You may no longer be a member of the religion but it is a part of your past and you have a right to make it your own.
Posted by jconsidine[/QUOTE]

thank you.

KBSK12 · July 2012

We are in a similar situation. FI and I were born Catholic, but both of us (before even meeting each other) have always wanted to have an outdoor religious ceremony. His parents are more upset about us not having a church wedding, and mine are probably just "disappointed." I still even have extended family asking me if I'm sure we don't want to get married in the church. Uh, yeah... two months to go, that ship has sailed. BUT we stood our groud throughout the entire process. If anyone doesn't approve, they don't have to come. This is definitely an instance where you can do what you want because it's "your day."

LauraJean317 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_family-is-upset-we-arnt-getting-married-at-a-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d7c1ca5b-e81c-4a4d-b1f0-69412235c5f6Post:51f9601d-f0fd-41a6-b0f0-63c3a43b017a">Re: Family is upset we arn't getting married at a church</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family is upset we arn't getting married at a church : They are paying for the wedding. Exactly how I feel. I would feel disrespectful if I got married in a church and didn't believe in it. Hopefully they will just me okay with it. Any ideas of ways I could incorporate God to make them happy?
Posted by quirkygrl16[/QUOTE]

You could always have people read from the Bible. Some passages aren't religious, just about love or marriage.

gwhanna · July 2012

This is a sensitive subject and my heart goes out to you and your fiance. Family can be difficult at times, especially during wedding planning. Everyone wants you to have the wedding and the life THEY want you to have. Just stay true to the vision you and your fiance have. I know how painful this is...some of my family are refusing to come to my wedding bc we are having a big wedding with a civil ceremony first and a church wedding after a difficult annulment is finalized.

Remember the day is about the two of you.

Family is upset we arn't getting married at a church

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