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esteej9 · February 2010

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bablingbrooke · February 2010

So one of my closest bridesmaids has decided that she needs to shave her head 2 months before my wedding. She just recently broke up with her boyfriend of 5yrs and I think is just trying to reclaim her independence or something. I guess she has wanted to do it for a while and her bf said if she did he would breakup with her, so now that they are no longer together she is doing it to prove a point. I feel bad telling her to please wait because it is for a good cause (to raise money for children with cancer), but I just don't think it is completely necessary. She could easily raise money without being so durastic.
I spoke with her last week and after a long conversation she said that she would wait until after, but when I spoke to my MOH today she said that she spoke with her and that she is now having second thoughts about not going thru with it and that she might just do it any ways.
What would you do if you were in my situation? If she does shave her head do I keep her in the wedding and have all my beautiful pictures with a girl that just decided to shave her head for the fun of it??? I'm just concerned that she is going to be totally distracting and in 20yrs when we look back at my pictures we will both be disappointed. Am I being unfair?

Sorry, but you don't have a claim to her hair. If she wants to shave it off two months before the wedding, she shaves it off two months before the wedding. You will not only look like a terrible friend, but you will regret that you kicked her out over something so silly.

I'm surprised that you aren't more concerned about her acting out, rather than being so focused on how she will look in your pictures. If your friend is going through a tough time, talk to her about it. Don't make this about your wedding. This is so NOT about your wedding.

And I hate to break it to you, but in 20 years ALL OF US will look back and be embarrassed. The same way we look at pictures from the 70s and 80s and laugh that those styles were ever popular, we will feel the same way about ours someday. You will kick yourself for kicking out a lifelong friend over something as stupid as hair.

AdeleDazeem · February 2010

Do you reaaaally want to look back on your wedding and say "oh yeah, my dear friend A was supposed to stand up with us, but she shaved her head after breaking up with her boyfriend of five years and obviously that was going to ruin the pictures." Doesn't that just sound ridiculous?

I had a minor hang up about pictures at one point. I finally got it through my head that it doesn't matter. It's the person being there that matters, not what they look like or anything else.

You picked her. You love her. Go be her friend after breaking up with her boyfriend and don't make her pain about your wedding.

trix1223 · February 2010

In 20 years, OF COURSE people will look at your pictures and laugh. And it will have nothing to do with your friend's hair or lack thereof. You'll laugh because styles change. Trends change. People change.

I always laugh at those brides who want "timeless" pictures...."timeless" dresses...."timeless hairstyles". Because nothing's timeless.

Anyway, enough of that rant. She's your friend. She's shaving her head for a good cause. She's not doing it to ruin your wedding. You can destroy the friendship and tell her that if she shaves her head, she's out of your wedding. And then she'll also be out of your life.

Or....you can let her do what she wants to do-she is after all a grown woman who doesn't need your permission for any part of her life. And if people ask about it you can say "Yes, we're so proud of her. She shaved he head to support cancer research. I wouldn't have the courage, but then again, she's always been a strong, courageous woman."

It's not that hard to turn it into the positive it can be, and make yourself look like, I don't know.....you care about your friend, too.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Also keep in mind that if she shaves it now, she'll have grown two months' worth of hair by the wedding and probably have a pixie-style hairdo.

gottahavashorti · February 2010

I've known a couple girls who shaved their hair for Locks of Love or cancer. They still looked great.

mbcdefg · February 2010

How on earth does her hair affect your wedding?

emilyinchile · February 2010

Yes, you're being unfair. It's her body, she can do what she wants to it regardless of your wedding - hair cuts, dye jobs, tattoos and piercings don't change who she is, and you asked HER as a person, not her as a hairstyle, right? It won't be the most traditional look, but lots of women actually look good with super short hair, and as PPs have said she may well have a cute pixie do by then.

Take a deep breath, and then forget you ever thought that ending a friendship over a very understandable hair cut was a good idea.

esteej9 · February 2010

I have not told her NOT to do it, in fact she asked how I felt about it. I simply explained how it was not something that I would be happy about, but that I was not her mother that could not tell her what to do. After last week, when she called me and told me that she would wait to do it, I thought it was no longer a question. I am not in any way superficial, and I hate that that is the way I am coming across. I guess I just feel like she had known for over a year that she will be in my wedding, and what is 2 months more? If she waited 5yrs for her bf, what is anouther 2 months? It not like her shaving her head is going to cure cancer. I even told her that I would be glad to donate to her cause as my wedding "favor." I suppose I am being selfish, I just have been planning for 16 months now, and now that the day is getting closer everything seems to be stressing me out. I love her and she is one of my dearest friends, I would not want something like this to end our friendship by any means. She was in fact the that mentioned not being in the wedding. I appreciate the outside perspective, thanks girls!

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