Moms and Maids

Why are they calling me Bridezilla?

I kinda just need to vent. Everyone in my family keeps calling me a bridezilla, but I'm not doing anything controlling or accusing them of ruining my special day. I have had a history of being an angry, horomonal  teen, but I mean haven't we all? Seriously come on, examples of situations: when setting a date, I ask my brother if he could give my an estimate of when he is coming home from deployment, he called me bridezilla. When I picked a colors for each area of the wedding party to wear- I have a very close knit family, and they are my bridal party, which im doing in monochromatic, a shade for each generation-, multiple peopl have complained about the color and call me a bridezilla for forcing them to wear a color they don't like. My mom called me bridezilla because my fmil decided to wear the same color as my side. I think my brother called me a bridezilla because i asked him to wear a tux and bowtie instead of his armani suit. I think im maintaining composure with  all this along with the fact that my family is very concerned that if they allow me to do what I want with the wedding, it all there friends are going ostracise them from the community. Im a softspoken person, and have been doing my best to maintain my angry side and not lash out at them.  How do I deal with these divas/familyzillas? and how do I get them to stop calling me a Bridezilla and realize that no one cares what they wear, or that I'm not like all their friends daughters? 
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Re: Why are they calling me Bridezilla?

  • edited December 2011
    I don't know if you are a bridezilla but you sound a bit full of yourself. 

    In all seriousness you sound a bit petty.  You should lighten up and not be so easily offended.  I would imagine there is more to the story.  Either you are acting like a Bridezilla and they are calling you out on it or they are just messing around with you and you can't take a joke.  Either way loosen up and quit stressing.  It will make the wedding planning process a lot more pleasant for you and the others who are around you.
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  • edited December 2011
    I hate the term bridezilla.  It gets over-used and abused, especially in situations where it is not warranted, like many of the examples you gave in your OP.

    If they have a problem with what you're asking, they need to come up with a new term for it.  If they feel like you're being rude, then they need to just say so.  If you are looking at little details because you CAN, well, that doesn't comprise a bridezilla in my book.  Just be careful about how particular you get on the little details.  Focus on the things that matter the most, and hopefully these insults will start to dissipate.  

    Some people are insensitive and they don't know that using that term does hurt you.  Maybe you could say "hey brother, you may not know this, but it really hurts me when you tell me I'm a bridezilla when I don't think I've been one.  Can you give me specific things you have problems with, so that I can change my attitude for the better?"  That's how I'd address it... :)  Generally when people are throwing around "fake" insults like that term, they don't realize that you are taking them seriously until you say something.  

    It does help to practice a little bit of humility from time to time.  You might have some great things going on as far as college and a career path, but don't let that lead you into pride and thinking you are better than other people.  Everyone is different and unique, and you feel that your path is the best path, but in reality it is the best career / college path for YOU with no reference to anyone else.  So, let that go, and be the best person you can be, no matter what anyone around you says. 
     
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_calling-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fb75a53b-fe95-46dd-aedd-b1811841a702Post:2c99140b-f22c-44d7-9245-76066a51bd5a">Why are they calling me Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I kinda just need to vent. Everyone in my family keeps calling me a bridezilla, but I'm not doing anything controlling or accusing them of ruining my special day. I have had a history of being an angry, horomonal  teen, but I mean haven't we all? Seriously come on, examples of situations: when setting a date, I ask my brother if he could give my an estimate of when he is coming home from deployment, he called me bridezilla. When I picked a colors for each area of the wedding party to wear- I have a very close knit family, and they are my bridal party, which im doing in monochromatic, a shade for each generation-, multiple peopl have complained about the color and call me a bridezilla for forcing them to wear a color they don't like. My mom called me bridezilla because my fmil decided to wear the same color as my side. I think my brother called me a bridezilla because i asked him to wear a tux and bowtie instead of his armani suit. I think im maintaining composure with  all this along with the fact that my family is very concerned that if they allow me to do what I want with the wedding, it all there friends are going ostracise them from the community. Im a softspoken person, and have been doing my best to maintain my angry side and not lash out at them.  How do I deal with these divas/familyzillas? and how do I get them to stop calling me a Bridezilla and realize that no one cares what they wear, or that I'm not like all their friends daughters(in my opinion I'm better, haha, I mean Im actually going to an amazing college, and getting a degree in a career I'm extremely passionate about, fashion design, and going to pursue and am really talented in,<strong> but what are they going to be, a rabbi's wife and maybe teach bratty little kids at a school where they dont need a teaching degree or college education, there's no comparison here)? 
    </strong>Posted by akeren20[/QUOTE]

    What?  What does the bolded part mean?

    I'd probably stop trying to dictate what everyone else is wearing.  That might help.  You only get to dictate the BM's attire.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_calling-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fb75a53b-fe95-46dd-aedd-b1811841a702Post:2c99140b-f22c-44d7-9245-76066a51bd5a">Why are they calling me Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I kinda just need to vent. Everyone in my family keeps calling me a bridezilla, but I'm not doing anything controlling or accusing them of ruining my special day. I have had a history of being an angry, horomonal  teen, but I mean haven't we all? Seriously come on, examples of situations: when setting a date, I ask my brother if he could give my an estimate of when he is coming home from deployment, he called me bridezilla. When I picked a colors for each area of the wedding party to wear- I have a very close knit family, and they are my bridal party, which im doing in monochromatic, a shade for each generation-, multiple peopl have complained about the color and call me a bridezilla for forcing them to wear a color they don't like. My mom called me bridezilla because my fmil decided to wear the same color as my side. I think my brother called me a bridezilla because i asked him to wear a tux and bowtie instead of his armani suit. I think im maintaining composure with  all this along with the fact that my family is very concerned that if they allow me to do what I want with the wedding, it all there friends are going ostracise them from the community. Im a softspoken person, and have been doing my best to maintain my angry side and not lash out at them.  How do I deal with these divas/familyzillas? and how do I get them to stop calling me a Bridezilla and realize that no one cares what they wear, or that I'm not like all their friends daughters(in my opinion I'm better, haha, I mean Im actually going to an amazing college, and getting a degree in a career I'm extremely passionate about, fashion design, and going to pursue and am really talented in, <strong>but what are they going to be, a rabbi's wife and maybe teach bratty little kids at a school where they dont need a teaching degree or college education, there's no comparison here)? </strong>
    Posted by akeren20[/QUOTE]

    This just makes you sound like a horrible person I would never want to be around. You are not better than people because you are going to college. In your post you don't sound like you are really being a bridezilla but based on the last thing you said I'm going to guess that you aren't telling the whole truth.


  • akeren20akeren20 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry about sounding full of myself, my dad constantly puts me down because he doesn't approve of my life style, and the fact that have chosen to not be as religious and that I haven't chosen some of the same life styles as some of hisfriends children and it really hurts, esp because everyone in my family so blatantly acts like they are embaressed by me, I didn't mean to hurt or offend anyone, sometimes I just need to prove to myself that my happiness comes first, even if my family doesn't approve. My family veiws me as someone who has gone off the path and thats a really hurtful term, I have just chosen to go a path that suits me better and makes me happier. And when horrible things happen in my family, my dad blames it on the fact that im not religious, and has said this to me on multiple occasions. Also they girls he wants me to be like were really mean to and would make fun of me when I was little, and made sure to let me know that I was not on the same level as them. And even when I see them lately, they still do.

    Being called a bridezilla is a really hurtful term to me and, in truth I am just doing things that people do in their wedding like have colors, and try to create some kind of clothing unity. I'm not forcing them to buy all the same dresses, and Tuxes. I'm not making them do any sort of planning, I'm doing this all myself plus juggling a very heavy school-load, my dad is only paying and saying yes and no to vendors. So all I want is my family to not say "this is an ugly color, I'm not wearing it, you're a bridezilla for picking such an ugly color", and just be happy that that's all i ask of them. Seriously. My family is a bunch of assholes, believe me.

    Plus my family constantly asks me what color they are wearing, so I picked a colors that I really loved.
    Anniversary
  • akeren20akeren20 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Again I'm really really sorry forr saying something so mean I got on a tangent. I don't really think I'm better then anyone. 
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_calling-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fb75a53b-fe95-46dd-aedd-b1811841a702Post:ebc2d69a-38dd-4202-b55f-28b70ce2ad56">Re: Why are they calling me Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Sorry about sounding full of myself, my dad constantly puts me down because he doesn't approve of my life style, and the fact that have chosen to not be as religious and that I haven't chosen some of the same life styles as some of hisfriends children and it really hurts, esp because everyone in my family so blatantly acts like they are embaressed by me, I didn't mean to hurt or offend anyone, sometimes I just need to prove to myself that my happiness comes first, even if my family doesn't approve. My family veiws me as someone who has gone off the path and thats a really hurtful term, I have just chosen to go a path that suits me better and makes me happier. And when horrible things happen in my family, my dad blames it on the fact that im not religious, and has said this to me on multiple occasions. Also they girls he wants me to be like were really mean to and would make fun of me when I was little, and made sure to let me know that I was not on the same level as them.</strong> And even when I see them lately, they still do. Being called a bridezilla is a really hurtful term to me and, in truth I am just doing things that people do in their wedding like have colors, and try to create some kind of clothing unity. I'm not forcing them to buy all the same dresses, and Tuxes. I'm not making them do any sort of planning, I'm doing this all myself plus juggling a very heavy school-load, my dad is only paying and saying yes and no to vendors. So all I want is my family to not say "this is an ugly color, I'm not wearing it, you're a bridezilla for picking such an ugly color", and just be happy that that's all i ask of them. Seriously. My family is a bunch of assholes, believe me. Plus my family constantly asks me what color they are wearing, so I picked a colors that I really loved.
    Posted by akeren20[/QUOTE]

    This has nothing to do with the OP.  I'm not sure if you are posting just to vent or if you really wanted advice but if I were you I would grow up and talk to your family about how you are feeling instead of bashing them to a bunch of strangers.  That's what adults do.
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  • akeren20akeren20 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Im really sorry, I was a little frustrated and wanted to vent and get peoples feedback on maybe some similar situations, but apparently i said some wrong things that I totally don't mean ever. and then felt I had to explain myself which was a wrong choice too apparently. Again I'm really sorry to waste you're time and offend you, and bother you with my petty problems. 
    Anniversary
  • akeren20akeren20 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_calling-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:fb75a53b-fe95-46dd-aedd-b1811841a702Post:6d573d2d-5a42-4274-a5c4-147953e2c71d">Re: Why are they calling me Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate the term bridezilla.  It gets over-used and abused, especially in situations where it is not warranted, like many of the examples you gave in your OP. If they have a problem with what you're asking, they need to come up with a new term for it.  If they feel like you're being rude, then they need to just say so.  If you are looking at little details because you CAN, well, that doesn't comprise a bridezilla in my book.  Just be careful about how particular you get on the little details.  Focus on the things that matter the most, and hopefully these insults will start to dissipate.   Some people are insensitive and they don't know that using that term does hurt you.  Maybe you could say "hey brother, you may not know this, but it really hurts me when you tell me I'm a bridezilla when I don't think I've been one.  Can you give me specific things you have problems with, so that I can change my attitude for the better?"  That's how I'd address it... :)  Generally when people are throwing around "fake" insults like that term, they don't realize that you are taking them seriously until you say something.   It does help to practice a little bit of humility from time to time.  You might have some great things going on as far as college and a career path, but don't let that lead you into pride and thinking you are better than other people.  Everyone is different and unique, and you feel that your path is the best path, but in reality it is the best career / college path for YOU with no reference to anyone else.  So, let that go, and be the best person you can be, no matter what anyone around you says.   
    Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thanks, this response was really helpful.  

    </div><div>My family traditionally has a color the entire family wears and thats what I was refering to, I'm realizing its not so common, thats all I was asking from them, I wasnt dictating anything more. Typically my brother is the brunt of my bridezilla-callings or makes sure to tell me if others do so, so i will talk to him about it. I apologize for saying that last part, I dont think I'm better then anyone. I just got on a horrible tangent and caught up in my anger moment. </div>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_calling-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:fb75a53b-fe95-46dd-aedd-b1811841a702Post:ba08c065-dc48-45c4-8e34-0eea2677136b">Re: Why are they calling me Bridezilla?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why are they calling me Bridezilla? : Thanks, this response was really helpful.   My family traditionally has a color the entire family wears and thats what I was refering to, I'm realizing its not so common, thats all I was asking from them, I wasnt dictating anything more. Typically my brother is the brunt of my bridezilla-callings or makes sure to tell me if others do so, so i will talk to him about it. I apologize for saying that last part, I dont think I'm better then anyone. I just got on a horrible tangent and caught up in my anger moment. 
    Posted by akeren20[/QUOTE]

    You have apologized and all is forgiven.  Try to sit back and enjoy the process, I swear it will be very enjoyable if you let it.  I actually do understand and agree that people throw the term "bridezilla" out there often.  Ever since the show came on people use it very loosely.  I hope you can work everything out.
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  • edited December 2011
    When I first read your post I thought it did sound slightly pushy to dictate the attire for multiple generations of your family (i.e. anyone outside the bridal party), but if that is a normal tradition in your family, I don't think it's a "bridezilla" thing to do. I think your brother is just trying to get a rise out of you, and if you talk to him about how it really hurts your feelings, hopefully he will stop. 
  • edited December 2011
    I think everyone else has covered most of what I could say, but I just wanted to add, my FI calls me a bridezilla every time I mention the wedding.  He's joking around, but it still annoys the crap out of me, and he knows it so he keeps doing it.

    I say suggest they watch the TV show Bridezillas and see how you compare to those girls.
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  • edited December 2011
     I agree make  your family watch the show!  They wont think you are a bridezilla after they see that You said in ur OP that your family is part of the BP most of the time the bride picks the color. Unless your wedding is black tie your brother should feel honered you want him to have a tux that means he is important!!!! 
    I understand how you feel about your family. You feel like no matter waht you do its never good enough.. I get that way with my grandma sometimes esp after my mom passed away everything i did was wrong. I have learned to let it go bv i spent alot of nights crying and my FI had to remind me that i need to be happy. 
  • edited December 2011
    there is definitely more to the story that we're not hearing.. I seriously doubt your brother would get mad just because you asked him when he's coming home.
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  • jcamm11jcamm11 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Unless your brother is in the BP, I would just let him wear his suit.  Stay out of the coordinating a family color thing.  You can of course choose your bridesmaid's colors, but if the rest of your family is giving you grief over the coloring, tell them to wear whatever they want.  If that's really your family tradition, then I'm sorry to say you're family tradition is rude.  If they really, really want to get together and coordinate something, tell yourself more power to them, and don't let yourself get upset over it.  This is a happy time!!

    Good for you getting out of Dodge and away from all those snotty girls!  Remember, you're not a kid anymore, don't let those old feelings hurt you.  The most healing thing you can do for yourself is forgive them.  If they're still trying to make you feel bad about yourself, ignore them, and do the best you can do at what you love.  Don't get cocky - the statements like 'I'm actually becoming somebody, they're turning into nobodies' creates a belief in your mind that some people are better than others.  On a bad day, this belief can make you feel lower than low.  If you train your brain to believe we're all just people trying to live our lives, you won't have those days when you feel inferior, and you'll be much happier.

    Religeous stuff can be really hard to deal with... I don't have much advice for that.  Maybe pray to God to ask him to help you deal with your father?  Praying (meditation) may also be helpful for you in healing your obvious childhood scars, and in dealing with the family stress you're experiencing.  Not trying to push God on you, but you mentioned being raised with religon.
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  • edited December 2011
    I just wanted to say I empathize with your situation both IRL and for going off on a rant that caused you to be misunderstood.  I do it ALL the time.  No worries.

    I would be hurt being called that, too.  I'm bending over backwards to ask as little as possible from people and stay calm.  It's hard.  It's okay to vent sometimes.  Better to do it to a bunch of strangers than burn bridges with your family, right?

    I agree with PP that you need to talk to your family.  Let them know you're stressed out but your trying not to be a burden on them.  They need to learn when to use that term and when to not make their jokes.  I'd want someone to reel me in if I were crossing the line, but it doesn't sound like you are from what you've posted.

    Be proud of what you've accomplished, but stay humble.  Think of it this way: you may not have been so motivated to get out and make something of yourself if those girls hadn't made your younger life miserable. So you should be grateful to them for making you who you are today. 

    I honestly don't know how to handle your Dad other than talking to him about your feelings and trying to prove to him that the path you've chosen is the right one for you.  I'm sure he'll come around eventually.

    Best of luck to you in your planing.  If you need to vent again and want to be able to be a little bratty, you can PM me.  I'll be bratty back. Laughing
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with many of the PPs. 

    I can't speak too much to the requests you're asking them of because my culture and family are different.  We don't really do family colors unless it's for a funeral.  I don't know if this is the whole story or not.  But it's good rule of thumb to pick and choose your battles carefully, and decide if some conflicts are worth it.

    If your family members are ragging on your about being a bridezilla, it's best to come to them and let them know that it really bothers you, and if they feel you're being unreasonable, to let you know what is specifically bothering them about your requests so you can come to an agreement/compromise/understanding.

    Finally, to some degree I understand growing up not being accepted by others in my cultural community and being treated badly by my peers.  It wasn't technically a religious community so I won't claim to get it completely.  But I do completely understand the drive to "prove" something to those who thought of you as their inferior. 

    Much of my life from childhood hrough very young adulthood was driven by proving to people I was not their inferior.  But at some point in my life I came to the realization that to become truly successful and happy, I had to let that all go and live for myself. 

    When you spend your life in the mindset of proving your worth to others, they win because they achieve a level of importance in your life they do not deserve.  That's not where you want to be.

    You have chosen to go a certain path, and that's awesome - for you.  Others may choose something else, and that's what they felt worked for them (or it's how life worked out).  Live your own life and be happy you're doing so, and try not to allow others people's expectations and judgments run your life.
  • akeren20akeren20 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks so much everyone, I really appreciate the feedback I feel a ton better already.

    I'm trying to gain the courage to stand up to my dad to say even though he thinks his life path is the right way, theres no such thing as only one right path and I did what I had to do to make me happy. You're positive feedback is helping me get to that point. 

    I also have been trying to tear down walls that I have put up in situations where people have really hurt me, and move on. I realize that a whole bunch of new things are all happening in my life around my wedding day, like I'm graduating and going to move away to new york and prob never going to see most of these people ever again. So I'm looking as my wedding day as a day of starting an entirely new life. Last night, I definately had a moment of weakness, as I'm sure we all know its hard to let go of some situations. But I'm working on it. 

    Again, I really appreciate all the positive feeback.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    People use that  term and do not know the meaning behind it.  For once  in your life, tell them that this is your show.
  • FaburawFaburaw member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I got called Bridezilla because I cried when the shop my wedding dress was ordered from burned down. I also got called Bridezilla because I flipped out when my FMIL put in applications at churches of her choice for our wedding. Because she knows I don't want to get married in a church.
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