Does knowing ruin the proposal?

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Hey all... I've been a long time lurker, but this is my first post.

My boyfreind and I have been together for almost 5 years... We have been talking wedding for the past year and a half, and have already set a tentaive date despite not being officially engaged. We both agree we want to get married on our anniversary, which is September 9th... So we are planning on marrying next year because our anniversary is on a Friday.

I'm pretty sure he plans on proposing on our anniversary this year because he is bad at keeping secrets and has dropped several hints that he plans to do it that day... I have no idea what his proposal ideas are or when/where he actaully wants to do it... but my question is, does knowing that the proposal is coming soon and possibly even knowing the date ruin the surprise and fun of getting engaged?

sapphirebaby926 · July 2010

Knowing DH was going to propose to me at some point did not ruin anything - we talked a lot about getting married beforehand.

Have you talked about the marriage or just the wedding? If it's the latter I suggest having a conversation about that before anything else goes forward.

PaigeMcC · July 2010

Hi, welcome to the board.

Don't get your hopes up. Thinking it will happen doesn't = it happening. I thought I knew but it never happened...then never happened...then again, never happened. When I stopped expecting it, it happened. So I don't think "knowing" it's coming ruins it. You'll be surprised and excited and nervous and happy and all those wonderful emotions no matter when or how it happens. Just sit back and enjoy it. He might just surprise you.

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

I would feel an element of surprise ruined if BF said, "I'm going to propose on (insert exact date here)." But having an inkling wouldn't ruin anything. Just enjoy the ride for now, and a proposal will come. But I agree with Saph - if you have only talked about the wedding (one day), then maybe you should talk about the impending marriage (which lasts a lifetime).

katanne9 · July 2010

No, it won't. Just push it out of your mind and force yourself not to think about it. Don't assume he will do it then either - hints or not.

oceana919 · July 2010

FI said he was going to propose before we went home for the holidays. By the time we got to the night before we left, I knew it was coming. I had Jeanna pep-talking me on FB IM ten minutes before on my way home from work. It didn't ruin the proposal at all.

What makes a proposal special isn't the circumstances. It isn't what he says, how he does it, what he's wearing, whether he's got flowers in hand. It isn't whether or not you knew what the ring looked like, or knew it was coming. It's the fact that he asks you to spend the rest of your life as his partner, and asks to be yours. That is what makes it special.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Thanks for the responses... I'll try my best not to get my hopes up and to try and forget the goof is even hinting stuff. He is so bad about keeping secrets though... For the past 4 years I have known pretty much each gift he was giving me for my birthday and Christmas before hand because of his silly hints. He is terrified I won't like what he does, so he keeps asking questions about ideas he has. I assure him to just be himself and come up what he thinks would be best, because the few times he has surprised me, I LOVED IT! Hopefully his hints are just idle patter to keep me from finding out what he is really going to do.

As for the wedding vs marriage talk... We talk way more about what our actual marriage will be like than the wedding. It's great because he has been my best friend for about 7 years and my boyfriend for 5 years, so we know our personalities mesh well. We have been living together for the past year and just bought a house together that we are currently fixing up, trying our best to split bills and keep everything equal. So we have a pretty good idea of what living with each other should hopefully not be a problem in the future so long as things stay the way they have been. There have been a lot of talks about life goals, family goals, and such too. . We are both defintiely on the same page and the most crucial subjects, ie. kids and financial situations.

Admittedly, I really can't wait for the wedding itself because it will hopefully be one of the most fun and amazing days of my life... but at the same time I know the wedding is just a big party to celebrate what the two of us already have and share: a true love and respect for one another and our hopes to be together until the day we die.

hetshup · July 2010

I knew. Thanks Dad! But no, it was still really special, after 4 years I almost couldn't believe that he was proposing. And I was SO excited afterwards, I remember practically skippin through the riverwalk. He kept laughing. It was great.

jeanacorina · July 2010

I totally knew deep down that DH was going to propose like ANY SECOND because he asked me one day "So, if I ask you to marry me... you'll say yes, right?"

We also had an argument one day about carpooling and grocery shopping together (he was actually going ring shopping, and eventually I figured that out and stopped insisting on going shopping with him). He was gone for like 8 hours... then couldn't sleep at all that night. He told me he was going to give me an early birthday present the next day. I knew that meant "proposal" but again told myself "Nope. I bet it's a picture frame or something."

I still knew (deep down) what was going to happen that morning, so I actually woke up, got a shower and got dressed in a very cute sundress and did my makeup before walking downstairs. I knew he was down there, dressed and ready to go shopping like we planned... and he NEVER gets up and dressed without prodding.

I knew when he told me to close my eyes that he was going to get the ring. I told myself "Nope, no way. He made breakfast or something."

I convinced myself it wasn't possible, but under that I really DID know.

It didn't ruin anything at all. I was still surprised (because it's still a BIG DEAL and just amazing), and I still laughed and cried. You'll be fine. Just do your absolute best not to think about it. Convince yourself he's taking you out to a nice dinner or something. No proposal. Then sit back and enjoy the anticipation.

Goldlie11 · July 2010

My FI told me the day that he bought the ring. The convo went like this:

Me (on my lunch break): Hi, what are you up to?

FI: I just finished wiring the money to Whiteflash for your e-ring.

Me: Oh (or something similar).

Whiteflash has a 10 day return period. So, basically I knew that he would propose as soon as the ring came just in case something was wrong and the ring had to be sent back. So, to make a long story short, I knew within about a week or two when it was coming. I was still surprised to an extent when he did it and how he did it. I still smile remembering the proposal. It was a special day that I'll never forget. And I'll say that telling the girls here was almost as exciting as telling my family.

loopy82 · July 2010

I was looking through our insurance bill and I saw that a piece of jewelry had been added to the policy. I knew he had the ring and our Mexico trip was a few weeks away. Then shortly after I found the insurance bill he went out with my dad for drinks. So, I pretty much knew it would be happening while we were on vacation. When we ditched the 4 others immediately after dinner to walk on the beach I was certain that was it. For me honestly, I really wished I hadn't known. It was still sweet that he had put thought into it and did it out in the moonlight on the beach in Mexico. He had even brought a flashlight wish so I could see the ring right away.

dwest2201 · July 2010

I had a feeling that FI was going to do it as he was acting a little different and I was right. I kept telling myself "nah, he can't right now" and put it out of my mind though, even when on the way to the river (right before he proposed) he was saying this is going to be the best weekend ever. When he did it I was totally caught off guard! When he grabbed my hand and started shaking I said "Babe you're shaking are you okay?" then he dropped to his knee and I realized he WAS doing it! Nothing can ruin the man of your dreams asking you to "make him the happiest man in the world"!

He also asked me the "So, when I finally ask you you'll say yes right?" before too!

jemmini6 · July 2010

i'm NEY, but i've told my BF he doesn't have very high standards to meet. both of my sisters had really crappy proposals so all he has to do is actually ask me. LOL.

my first sister's husband bought a ring and told her it was her christmas present. then when they went to his parents house, he told them they were engaged. didn't actually ask her. then the next day he told her they weren't engaged and it was just a christmas present. then a few days after that, he took the ring off her finger, then put it back on and said "we're getting married".

my other sister's husband told her he bought her ring and he was bringing it with them when they came to visit my parents. he didn't know how to actually propose, so he fixed her plate of food and just put her ring under her bratwurst. yes...a bratwurst. she put the ring on herself and we all just kept eating....

my BF would be the type to drop hints just to throw me off though. for christmas, he kept telling me how he would never buy jewelry (except for a ring) because he was bad at picking stuff out. he was very convincing. low and behold, he picked out a necklace and earring set for me for christmas, which i love.

bethsmiles · July 2010

My BF knows I would really like for it to be a surprise because I love surprises

and I'm a hopeless romantic at heart so really I would like the big romantic proposal but I know that nothing could ruin him asking me to marry him. Honestly I just try not to think about the how, when, where, or anything. I never snoop for a ring and I don't ask him anything about the proposal. But even if he told me every detail beforehand I'm sure it would still be an amazing moment.

tafft1 · July 2010

We picked out the ring together - on Halloween last year - my late mother's birthday and it felt right even then. He wanted something I would be happy with the rest of my life and it was His idea to go that day. So I knew full well what the ring looked like ahead of time. He also promised me a proposal would come before the holdays ( Thansgiving/Christmas).

A few weeks later He told me that He went ahead and paid off the ring and it was ready so we could go together to pick it up that Saturday. Wednesday came around and he surprised me with a proposal since He had me convinced we were going to pick it up Saturday. It ruined nothing for me , just seeing Him down on one knee and He fumbling over His words and speech He couldn't remember made my heart melt. The like the dorks we are , he announced it in game to our guild in World of Warcraft and I got spammed with grats and demands for pics. It was perfect

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Talks of marriage have been getting more and more frequent, and more in depth, lately for BF and me. He has today and tomorrow off work and last week he said he had some things to take care of so he wouldn't be able to come over on Monday/today (he has a crazy work schedule so we only get to see each other a couple times a week). I asked him what he was going to do (usually it's just errands, etc that he can't do on other days), but this time he stumbled and replied "uh, uh, just some things" and got really nervous. My birthday is on Sunday, so I just laughed and told him I wouldn't ask him again what he was doing, but did tell him I would tease him daily about it. I've been calling today his Secret Agent Man day and he's been getting a big kick out of it.

I don't know for certain if Sunday will be the day or not (but I do feel certain if it's not Sunday, that it'll be by the end of September, which is our anniversary). The only thing I know is he's got something planned (besides going to church in the morning to have my birthday party with my Sunday School class and then to lunch with my parents).

I definitely am working at trying not to think about it (easier said than done) and I won't be disappointed if it's not Sunday. He'll make it special no matter what. I know it won't ruin anything knowing that it's coming because I've waited so long to hear that question and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

HobokensFury · July 2010

I knew FI had the ring (I picked it out) but didn't know when he was going to ask. It didn't ruin anything. I was totally shocked when he asked.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I don't think knowing would ruin because you don't know the words he is going to use or how he is actually going to do it.
BF and I have talked and planned a lot of our wedding. I was kind of expecting a proposal in June. However a contract he was expecting to come through didn't so that changed the plans. I know he is going to do it soon. We are planning a weekend away in New York in October and he mentioned that we should fly for a few days to Winnipeg to see my parents and extend our vacation for a few more days ( we live in Belize and the rates from here to Canada are insane). So I think it might happening then.
The way I figure it is I am going to relax and enjoy when it happens it will happen and I will be happy.
Good luck and Happy Birthday Sunday

ekathleen684 · July 2010

I don't think that knowing he'll propose will ruin the surprise. I knew that FI would propose eventually. He sort of threw me off the week he proposed. He took me ring shopping and then we talked about a timeline and he told me that within 6-12 months he wanted to propose. He just had to save some moeny, which I totally understood. Even the afternoon before he mentioned 6 months. I was completely caught off guard when he did it that night.

Was I glad I was completely surprised? Yes I was. Do I think it would have ruined it if I did know? Not at all. It's still an amazing moment whether you've known about it or not.

kayakrunhike · July 2010

I picked out my rings, so obviously I knew it was coming. I didn't actually know what day, which really did make it a HUGE surprise- he drove all the way up to NH (I was on vacation with my fam. He couldn't get the time off work.. or so he said!), with my bff and her now DH. He showed up while we were playing beer pong on the beach (of all things.. lol) and I knew exactly what was happening when he showed up. It definitely didn't make it any less special, and I loved that he planned that he would propose in a place so special to me, too.

meganyani · July 2010

I dont think it ruins anything. I think maybe some women get the idea that it has to be a spectacular, perfect, and surprising moment....but what fun is that if it's not unique to you as a couple?

FI knew I'd kick his ass if he did it in public or in front of anyone, etc. So he told me he was going to and we did it our way. It matters more that he wanted to marry me than if it was following tradition.

Darciella · July 2010

A couple of months ago we were watching some food show or other (probably Diners Drive-ins and Dives) and when a burger was shown to the host by opening the box that it was in, the host responded with "That is so beautiful! Just like an engagement ring being presented!". I told Ben he was NOT allowed to hide the ring in a Big Mac box!

Since that night, I will randomly say "You may not hide the ring in a Big Mac box, but you may..."
-have it the cocoon of a butterfly that emerges right in front of us
-hide it in a budding flower about to bloom
-propose anywhere there are fireworks
-have it nestled in one of the mussels in my Frutti di Mare at dinner

...and so on! I told him that if the only thing that was keeping him from proposing was having the ring in hand, then he could propose without it. I want to marry him, not a piece of jewelry. But even Ben has started referring to the ring as 'Big Mac boxless jewelry'

After all this chatter about it, I fully expect to be proposed to at Taco Bell with my ring sitting on top of one of my nachos!

Does knowing ruin the proposal?

Re: Does knowing ruin the proposal?

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