Shower....

Rawr08 · May 2010

So the first time around I did not have a bridal shower. This time I want one, only because I am actually excited about this man to be my husband. How in the heck do I let anybody know I am willing to have one? And who throws it? We are not have attendants, so MOH and BMs are out of the question. I don't want to come off as a gift hungry second bridezilla, because I am not (yet).

Any ideas? Thanks!

MikesAngie · May 2010

How involved are other relatives? Perhaps a subtle hint about how you never had a shower and it's something you would find especially meaningful since you are marrying the man of your dreams.

It's just a suggestion.

deepcovejackie · May 2010

Usually it's the attendants that throw a shower. I'm not sure if anyone will think to ask in the case of having no attendants. Tough one! You can't have one yourself, and I don't know how to go about asking someone else to do it. It's kind of like asking someone to give you a gift, you know? I can think of a good way to ask that. Sorry I'm not more helpful.

melissamc2 · May 2010

I'm sure you have a family member or friend that you're close enough with that you can just say "You know, I'd love to have a shower this time around but don't want to look egotistical and actually throw one myself."

Unless they are simple, they'll pick up on the hint. Damn, we're all older and not bound to the "rules," mention it to someone and offer to even help throw it. The guests don't have to know and are you really going to feel THAT bad about having had a hand in doing something that is fun and makes you happy?

right1thistime · May 2010

I cringed when I read what melissa wrote. For me, throwing my own shower would feel very uncomfortable, and gift-grabby. I know we all commit to throwing out the "rules", but in my mind that applies to wedding industry, knot-driven tchotchkes, doodads and must -dos. I have less tolerance with throwing out honest to goodness etiquette.

You choose to have no attendants, but the shower thing usually falls to either attendants or family (in some areas even family thrown showers are verboten). Speak to either your best friend or your close family. If they take the cue, you'll have a shower. If not, can you throw a girls luncheon? NOT a shower, per se, but a daytime event that you host (and pay for) to spend some fun time with the women you love best? ~Donna

LesPaul · May 2010

Agree w/ Donna. You can't throw your own shower without looking gift-grabby. I wasn't going to have one - my BMs were my daughters and stepdaughter, who would in no way be expected to throw me a shower. I was fortunate enough to have my co-workers throw a surprise shower on my last day of work before the wedding. It was a potluck over the lunch hour, and was so much fun. I was flattered that they did that for me, as I didn't expect anything.

Rawr08 · May 2010

Great ideas ladies. I will not throw my own shower, and I guess if I don't have one I just don't. It's not about gifts for me, I want all my close ladies to come together and celebrate that I finally found the one. Eat drink and be merry right?

melissamc2 · May 2010

Eh, I'd rather one of my friends approach me and discuss it openly and honestly, and tell me how they feel, rather than be sad that they missed out on something they really wanted simply because it never came up.

I care much more about my friends' feelings than I do some ridiculous rule of etiquette that is completely subjective - and I'd hope I had good enough friends to feel the same.

I agree that just celebrating is a good thing. Everyone jumped to "gift grabby," whereas I was thinking "bringing the women in her life together to celebrate."

Call if a lunch out with the ladies to discuss wedding stuff and screw the word shower. It doesn't have to be such an ordeal, I promise.

EDIT: I also want to point out that I DO NOT advocate "throwing parties for yourself to get gifts." This just seems like something that is important to her since she did not have it the first time around and is genuinely happy about this marriage. We encore brides are constantly being told what "isn't acceptable," simply because we've done it all before. If she had a full wedding party and they were offering to throw her showers left and right, she'd be flamed on here for accepting them. If she doesn't have the full wedding party, she misses out on something that, quite frankly, I think is a really fun pre-wedding ritual - all for what? The sake of not looking tacky to strangers? I guess I just have more faith in my friends and family for knowing me, why I'd want something, and how it could be handled tastefully. I really don't like thinking of anyone having to miss a shower-type event AGAIN. It's just not right.

Rawr08 · May 2010

Thank you melissamc2 ! I think you nailed it right on the head. Thank you for understanding!

arv266 · May 2010

My MOH is my 12 year old daughter, and the rest of my maids live in NY, while I am in VA. The possibility of having a shower are zip, and I am ok with that. I think its a great idea to have a "bridal luncheon" to celebrate your upcoming marriage.

Shower....

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