Guest List Help

nellyisadino · February 2013

I feel like i'm going to have a breakdown over the guest list. Heres the situation. My extended family on both sides is pretty big but we don't all get along so my mom has no problem not inviting all of them. However my FI and his extended family are all really close, and his mom is instant on inviting all of them. And by all of them I'm talking over 100 people. My mom who is paying for the caiterer is freaking out over the money, rightfully so. And I can't figure out how to cut anyone without being rude to family his or mine, or just cutting out all of our friends who have been very involved wanting to know everything about the planning and who are all very excited to come! My venue said it was ok to have more people then we had originally talked about, I just don't know how to cut a guest list. Any ideas?

Kimba2121 · March 2013

Have you talked to FI? I would just be honest with his parents and tell them its not in the budget and you simply cannot afford inviting everyone. Are his parents helping in an way? For me, we did not invite children and we are not just giving people "+ 1's" if they don't have a significant other, unless they won't know anyone or are coming from out of state. There are too many people we did have to cut because we couldn't afford it and we are paying for our own wedding. I have about 25 cousins that I couldn't invite either because our families are so large. It was a tough decision, but you have to draw the line somewhere and I am not super close to them anyways. You need to figure out who is important to you and FI, and from there maybe tell MIL that she can invite 10-25 additional (or whatever you would be comfortable with.) If she is insistent, suggest that she help wih the caterer if you don't mind having that many people.

Good luck!

janellegt13 · March 2013

The guest list has been hands down the most stressful part of planning so far. I had a really similar issue actually. Since we both have large extended families, we were just going to cut it off at aunts, uncles and cousins (so excluded great-aunts/uncles, our parents' cousins, etc). However, that didn't really fly for various reasons.

It finally came down to, a lot of compromise and me having to pretty much put my foot down and say as much as we wish we could invite everyone, we can't. And that there are certain people that are important to us that we want to be there like our friends. It wasn't easy though and some family members weren't thrilled about it but I'm pretty happy with who we're inviting. I definitely feel for you!

mysticfishtales · March 2013

We we at 70 people with just family, Ugggg... To cut out list some we only did plus ones for people we know are in serious relationships.. We also limited the extended family members and only invited the ones we actually know.

BAS19 · March 2013

We have 62 with mostly immediate family and our closest friends. Since we are paying for it ourselves we felt no pressure to add extra family members. We cut it off at family we see on a regular basis, which is once a year for us since we are in FL and they are in NJ and WI. I have 8 aunts and uncles on my dad's side and only one is invited because he lives in FL and we see him regularly. My mom's 2 sisters who I haven't seen in 3 years are also not invited. FI invited his mom's siblings, which I agreed with because I see them more than my own family and he invited 2 of his dad's brothers because they were a big part of his life growing up. None of the adult cousins are invited except one that again we see at least once a year.

Ultimately you have to do what you feel best with and what the contributers agree to. If your FMIL wants here entire family there then I don't think it is out of line to ask her to contribute. I know you aren't supposed to ask for money for a wedding, but this isn't asking for them to throw you a party, it's asking for them to contribute to what they are wanting.

Good luck and we are here for you to vent to if you need it.

BostonGIrl4732 · March 2013

My family is 60 people. FI's is just under 30. So we're near 100 just with family. My parents have a group of close friends who were very much a part of my childhood who we have to invite because I wouldn't dream of getting married without them there. So that bumps us to 100. And then add friends and we're at 170 without really trying. We can't go over 175. At all. So yeah, stress!!!

Deep breath. Can you get creative? Serve less expensive food to accommodate more people? Switch venues?

greeneyes04 · March 2013

The guest list was by far the most difficult part about planning! It is very hard to cut people you care about, but you have to do what you nedd to. Weddings are very expensive and I am sure that whoever gets cut will understand. We had over 100 with just family and our venue only holds 150. We originally had 210 on our guestlist, but cut it down to 150 including bridal party.

I would discuss with your Mom what she can afford and figure out who from your family should be invited and then find out how much that will cost and subtract it from what you can afford so you can find out how much of FI's family you can afford to invite. If you FML wants more than that, ask her to pay for the additional guests. If she doesn't agree to help with the additional cost tell her you are sorry, but you simply can not afford to have everyone. Good Luck!

greeneyes04 · March 2013

To cut our guest list we did not invite any of my parents friends, which my parents were okay with. We also decided to not invite kids other than family. We also cut any friends who we have not heard from in the past year and any family we have not met in our 9 year relationship. I figured if they were important enough to invite to the wedding we should at least both know the person since we have been together so long! I had to get my guest list down to 150 because that is all my venue holds. People may be upset they are cut, but they will get over it!

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