MOB Request for Shower Bad Etiquette?

Hannah&AlexM · January 2012

Hi guys, question for you.
A bit of background:
I'm a bridesmaid in a friends wedding coming up in May. May 27th.
She has four bridesmaids, but only two of us live anywhere near her.
The two of us are throwing her a small (15 guests) bridal shower in March.

The bride just graduated college in December, and the other bridesmaid and me (the ones throwing the shower) graduate in May. So we don't have tons of money to play with, (School loans, anyone?) and the bride told us she would just like a low key shower with college friends, something small, since her mother is throwing her a large bridal shower with several relatives, women from their church, etc.

Now, here's my issue:
The bride's mother has informed me that I have to make sure and inform all 15 guests attending the shower that there are certain gifts that they cannot purchase the bride. The bride is registered, and we were planning on just giving the registry information in the shower invites. However, it seems the brides mother has bought the bride a few gifts that are very similar to some items on her registry, but not exactly the same, and she doesn't want anyone else buying something similar. She won't tell the bride what they are so that the items can be taken off the registry, that would "ruin the surprise". She wants us to add a list of items that cannot be purchased to every shower invite.
I personally find that really tacky, materialistic, and I don't think it's necessary.
Plus, the mother has also implied that these are some of the more expensive items on the bride's registry.
Somehow, I don't think the 15 girls who are attending this shower (college age all of them, few with full-time jobs or large sources of income) are likely to purchase any of the big ticket items on the registry.

Should I grit my teeth and just do it? Anybody have any other suggestions for how to handle it?

em01092 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-request-shower-bad-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ac967410-47c3-4219-867d-233dc20e0617Post:8b8c5d6f-2a95-454a-8f0e-1a599243657b">MOB Request for Shower Bad Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi guys, question for you. A bit of background: I'm a bridesmaid in a friends wedding coming up in May. May 27th. She has four bridesmaids, but only two of us live anywhere near her. The two of us are throwing her a small (15 guests) bridal shower in March. The bride just graduated college in December, and the other bridesmaid and me (the ones throwing the shower) graduate in May. So we don't have tons of money to play with, (School loans, anyone?) and the bride told us she would just like a low key shower with college friends, something small, since her mother is throwing her a large bridal shower with several relatives, women from their church, etc. Now, here's my issue: The bride's mother has informed me that I have to make sure and inform all 15 guests attending the shower that there are certain gifts that they cannot purchase the bride. The bride is registered, and we were planning on just giving the registry information in the shower invites. However, it seems the brides mother has bought the bride a few gifts that are very similar to some items on her registry, but not exactly the same, and she doesn't want anyone else buying something similar. She won't tell the bride what they are so that the items can be taken off the registry, that would "ruin the surprise". She wants us to add a list of items that cannot be purchased to every shower invite. I personally find that really tacky, materialistic, and I don't think it's necessary. Plus, the mother has also implied that these are some of the more expensive items on the bride's registry. Somehow, I don't think the 15 girls who are attending this shower (college age all of them, few with full-time jobs or large sources of income) are likely to purchase any of the big ticket items on the registry. Should I grit my teeth and just do it? Anybody have any other suggestions for how to handle it?
Posted by Hannah&AlexM[/QUOTE]

<div>Politely tell her mom to shove it. You're hosting, so you call the shots. That's the risk she takes in buying items similar to and not straight off of the registry trying to "surprise" her daugher. I personally think that is silly, but whatever. </div><div>
</div><div>Most people will know to get gift receipts in case of doubles. It happens alllll the time. Big whoop. Like you say, I imagine that your college friends will not get the big ticket items, although they could pool together to buy one or two more pricey items. </div>

melb2013 · January 2012

That MOB sounds rude. I totally agree that including what people shouldn't buy is as rude as telling them what they should buy. I think it's insane. As the PP said, most people will include gift receipts, and if not, then it serves the MOB right.

Simply Fated · January 2012

I would accidentally forget on purpose. The MOB is not only being rude but she's asking you to be rude, too.

MairePoppy · January 2012

Don't do it. If she sends you a list, lose it. Avoid the MOB as much as possible.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

MOB is being ridiculous. Also, from a practical standpoint. MOB could call the registry store herself to get the items removed (she could fudge a little and tell the store she forgot to mention the registry when she purchased the items).

owengirl996 · January 2012

I definitely would ignore her request and not list those items. If she told you what the items are, you can always mention them if someone is talking about buying the same thing. Otherwise, leave it up to the bride...she can return anything she gets double of and does not want.

tldh · January 2012

I would ignore the request especially since she bought "similar" items off the registry. For all you know, the bride and groom will prefer to return dear mom's gifts. I'd bet anything that they are lower quality that what was registered for otherwise she would have told you that what she got was a higher quality.

melntaitt · January 2012

Just an off question - how often does that happen???

My FMIL's sisters bought me a bunch of stuff similar to the stuff on the registry and I accepted without any fuss, but someone else had already purchased that I requested....

Does that really happen alot?

VNEluvsAJB · January 2012

I would ignore MOB's request. If the brides gets double gifts as a result she can always return the duplicate gift. Don't let her mom pressure you because she's in the wrong on this one and there's no reason for you to join in her rude behavior.

simplestlife · January 2012

You're already doing something very nice for her daughter by hosting a shower despte being low on funds. She needs to back off. Just tell her that what she wants will make everything far too complicated, and that everyone will have gift recepits in case there are repeats.

And, is there a reason she's hosting a second shower? Why not just invite you all to the shower she's hosting and make life easier?

Maggie0829 · January 2012

Ignore the MOB...what she is asking you to do is rude and tacky. Has the MOB ever heard of exchanging or returning a duplicate gift? Also, why the heck didn't she just buy off her daughter's registry instead of buying something similar so that something like duplicate gifts wouldn't occur.

laurabub · January 2012

I wonder if the MOB is sending out a list with her invites......

You should definately forget to add the list to your invites on purpose. That is the reason they made gift receipts!

MOB Request for Shower Bad Etiquette?

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