postponing a wedding?

Salem205 · January 2010

Sorry for being so long...

My Fiance and I have our wedding set for 11-6-10. I have been planning and budgeting... but it seems like we have been plagued with unexpected expenses. I originally planned for that to happen in my budgeting... but too many things have happened and I'm now over budget.

I haven't put deposits down on anything, except the venue. I have just been saving up money first. But if I want this wedding to work... I'm going to actually have to start cutting some corners. The venue is super flexible and will allow me to move the date up... no big deal.

Would it be acceptable to push back the wedding to ensure that we have everything the way we want it? I haven't sat down with my fiance yet because I wanted to prepare myself. He would be happy with $5 pizzas at our wedding... so I'm not sure if he'll like the idea of postponing it. Him and his mom are very close and I know they will both freak.

We haven't sent out save-the-dates yet...

I know that a wedding can be done nicely with a minimal budget... but I already have my heart set on certain things. I don't know. What are some thoughts out there?

-Salem

FutureMrsTR · January 2010

I think that's absolutely fine. I'd rather see a wedding pushed back than a wedding with a cash bar and cheap food.

ETA: That said, if pushing it back will disappoint or upset you, then you need to decide which is more important to you and know that if you do things nicely on a budget, you're likely the only one who will notice little money saving differences like flower or linen choices.

KellyLovesJames · January 2010

Hey Salem... I think you can push it back.

We haven't officially set our date, but everyone knew we were going for 10-10-10... but now I'm seriously considering pushing it back to 2-19-11. Just a few more months, but it means the difference in getting and affording what we want vs getting married a couple of months sooner and skimping on things.

In the end.. you only get one shot to do this and what does a couple of months difference matter?

I say do it!

kikibaby · January 2010

No big deal if you want to postpone it. At this point, obviously there are no invites or save the dates out, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Just let your FI know that you can't afford to have the wedding you want unless you push it back a bit... he probably won't care.

danieliza1127 · January 2010

Well you can always postpone the wedding since you haven't even sent out save the dates or invitations. If it were me though, I would just find ways to cut corners and work with the budget you have. The most important things is the marriage, not the wedding day that's over before you know it.

It's hard to give any concrete advice though not knowing what it is you aren't willing to cut. Can you trim the guest list? Change your flower and photographer plans? Those seem to eat up the bulk of the budget. Check out the Budget Weddings board for tons of great tips too.

laurenclaire1386 · January 2010

If you need more time to save more money to have the wedding that you AND your FI want, then that's perfectly acceptable. Definitely talk to your FI though and see if the two of you can come to some sort of compromise, since it sounds like you think he'll be opposed to pushing back the date. Logistically, since you haven't sent out STDs, pushing back your date poses no problems.

SwedishChick2011 · January 2010

Since your venue can work with your date change and you haven't sent out save the dates yet, it is totally acceptable to push back the date. However, you really need to take your fiance's feelings into consideration. If you talk about it and he doesn't want to postpone the wedding, you might want to consider keeping the original date and just doing what you can afford.

ohwhynot · January 2010

My advice depends on what "certain things" you have your heart set on.

baby green bird · January 2010

it sounds like very sound reasoning to me. have a conversation with fi outlining all of the costs and cuts that you have come up with and hopefully seeing it in black nd white will help him to not freak out. don't worry about fmil. she'll be fine.

aMrsin09 · January 2010

Are you talking about pushing it back so you can have a plated dinner with an open bar or do you already have those things and want to push it back so you can have 24" centerpeices?

If it's the later, it's easy to pare down on the decorations and still have it be elegant. No one will notice the walls aren't draped in fabric with uplighting.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_postponing-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e51b9a0c-5fe0-487f-bca5-2576c8f20b67Post:d4d28c62-0f8f-41fd-a966-4a24441ad965">Re: postponing a wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My advice depends on what "certain things" you have your heart set on.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Exactly. You have to provide the basics to your guests - food, drink, chairs, tables - but floral centerpieces and personalized napkins would not, IMO, be a good enough reason.

However, since you mentioned needing to skimp on the food budget, I take it that you need some VERY creative solutions to wedding budgeting. If you want to have a sit down meal with alcohol and you need to save for that, it sounds very reasonable to push the date back. In the end, though, the only thing that matters is that you'll be married. But I understand having a vision of how you want to celebrate that.

Salem205 · January 2010

Oh, thanks so much! I've never had so many people respond so quickly!

Cocoreo3 was right. This is "where all the cool kids are!" LOL!

Thanks Cocoreo3! This actually makes me want to post all my future posts here instead.

Back to the subject- I know to keep my Fiance's feelings/wants in mind... it's just that I know he'll frown uppon the whole idea of postponing it... infact I'm sure he'll say no. I'll talk to him tonight. I do realize that the marriage is the most important thing... and yes, I am marrying the most perfect guy and thats truely the most important thing... its just that I also want to have a nice wedding thats not skimmpy... like the PP said before... you only get one chance.

He does not have any preference at all for the wedding except for one thing: he refuses to have a girly wedding... no pink. LOL. I agreed since this is "our" day... but money is definitly an issue.

betrothed123 · January 2010

I also think it depends on those "certain things" you want. If you and your FI agree to push it back, go ahead, but just remember there will always be a reason to push it back. At some point if you don't just go for it, you may never end up married.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

Postponing to save money up makes a heck of a lot more sense than going into debt for your wedding, so I say it woudl be smart to postpone.

mwhitson14 · January 2010

Even if you had sent out STDs, you can still push your date back. We did it, and we're in a financially better place than we were 6 months ago. I'm still not having the wedding of my dreams, but as far as income and such, we're better now.

That said, I'm not big on pushing back a wedding just because I have my heart set on certain things. To me, getting married is way more important than making sure the wedding is everything I dreamed of.

Salem205 · January 2010

For those that needed the specific details:

I'm already planning on making all of my own floral arrangements through fiftyflowers.com. This will cost only about $500.
We will only have approx. 50 guests. The caterer already quoted me $1400. Thats the cheepest I can find in my area.
Then theres the photographer which i havent gotten price quotes back. The rentals of tables and chairs are going to be about $1500.00... this is also including a huge tent becuaes it might rain in November.
The honeymoon which me and the FI have agreed to reserve $3000 for... after all... we need to get away once this is over with.
The venue is $2500 and beautiful. The deposit was $500 and already paid.
Then theres the dress... his ring...

I plan on skimping on a DJ... not sure how though yet...

I cant think of all the details right off the top of my head... but everything altogether is about $14000... and My FI and I are saving as much as we can each month from our paychecks... but we are coming up short...

I never said I needed to skimp on the food... i was trying to describe that my FI has very low expectations for the wedding. he doesnt care about the food, or tables, or flowers... just me and the honeymoon.

AmoroAgain · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_postponing-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e51b9a0c-5fe0-487f-bca5-2576c8f20b67Post:a95e7b8a-0179-445b-90d4-b2d9f5b7bc65">Re: postponing a wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, thanks so much! I've never had so many people respond so quickly! Cocoreo3 was right. This is "where all the cool kids are!" LOL! Thanks Cocoreo3! This actually makes me want to post all my future posts here instead. Back to the subject- I know to keep my Fiance's feelings/wants in mind... it's just that I know he'll frown uppon the whole idea of postponing it... infact I'm sure he'll say no. I'll talk to him tonight. I do realize that the marriage is the most important thing... and yes, I am marrying the most perfect guy and thats truely the most important thing... its just that I also want to have a nice wedding thats not skimmpy... like the PP said before... you only get one chance. He does not have any preference at all for the wedding except for one thing: he refuses to have a girly wedding... no pink. LOL. I agreed since this is "our" day... but money is definitly an issue.
Posted by Salem205[/QUOTE]

See, to me, it just seems like you have this idea that because you don't have X amount of money, you CAN'T have this wonderful wedding, and that is simply not true. We had a very nice wedding for 44 people under $5000. No one felt that anything was missed, or that they somehow didn't have the "wedding" experience. We had a beautiful ceremony in a beautiful location, and awesome food in an awesome location. Our guests left feeling that they'd had personal attention from myself and H, that we'd put thought into our day and what would be best for their comfort. All of those little extras went to the wayside, and no one cared.

Lot's of people say you just need the license to get married, and I can understand the "coming down" from the dreams of weddings to the stark reality of what you have to work with. FI and I originally decided to spend 20k on our wedding, but it wasn't going to work. When he told me, I remember feeling like it was all going to go horribly wrong. But it didn't. Honestly, I just changed my mindset. Decided what was important to us, what we really "needed" and wanted to have. What was reasonable and not ridiculous and suddenly, everything was so much more stress free. I very rarely worried about things that were in my control (BM;s, totally different issue) and I wasn't trying to hold myself to some unattainable standard anymore.

Think about that before you decide what the must-haves for your wedding are.

danieliza1127 · January 2010

It seems crazy to me that a venue that expensive wouldn't include tables, chairs, and food. I guess it's true that every area of the country is different.

Just out of curiosity, what does the $2500 venue include then if you're having to pay extra to rent tables and chairs and hire a caterer?

betrothed123 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_postponing-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e51b9a0c-5fe0-487f-bca5-2576c8f20b67Post:cec6ea57-33f9-4821-8149-5a9bb8f9d45b">Re: postponing a wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]For those that needed the specific details: I'm already planning on making all of my own floral arrangements through fiftyflowers.com. This will cost only about $500. We will only have approx. 50 guests. The caterer already quoted me $1400. Thats the cheepest I can find in my area. Then theres the photographer which i havent gotten price quotes back. The rentals of tables and chairs are going to be about $1500.00... this is also including a huge tent becuaes it might rain in November. The honeymoon which me and the FI have agreed to reserve $3000 for... after all... we need to get away once this is over with. The venue is $2500 and beautiful. The deposit was $500 and already paid. Then theres the dress... his ring... I plan on skimping on a DJ... not sure how though yet... I cant think of all the details right off the top of my head... but everything altogether is about $14000... and My FI and I are saving as much as we can each month from our paychecks... but we are coming up short... I never said I needed to skimp on the food... i was trying to describe that my FI has very low expectations for the wedding. he doesnt care about the food, or tables, or flowers... just me and the honeymoon.
Posted by Salem205[/QUOTE]
I can guarantee you that if you do a bit more research you could find a caterer for much less. Also, maybe a tented reception is not the way to go because of all of the extraneous costs associated with it. Again, research.

I pulled off a wedding for 75 people for under $10,000, and it was a pretty nice wedding. If you're willing to compromise on some things you could get married on your already planned date.

ohwhynot · January 2010

I was wondering the same thing. $2500 for a venue and no tables, chairs, or linens and you may have to rent a tent if it rains? I'm confused.

SwedishChick2011 · January 2010

I just saw your comment from earlier, Salem. You're welcome. :-) Also, I know that prices vary in different places, but we were able to do our wedding for 80 guests for less than $7000. You just really have to hunt for good deals.

squirrly · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_postponing-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e51b9a0c-5fe0-487f-bca5-2576c8f20b67Post:cec6ea57-33f9-4821-8149-5a9bb8f9d45b">Re: postponing a wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]For those that needed the specific details: I'm already planning on making all of my own floral arrangements through fiftyflowers.com. This will cost only about $500. We will only have approx. 50 guests. The caterer already quoted me $1400. Thats the cheepest I can find in my area. Then theres the photographer which i havent gotten price quotes back. The rentals of tables and chairs are going to be about $1500.00... this is also including a huge tent becuaes it might rain in November. The honeymoon which me and the FI have agreed to reserve $3000 for... after all... we need to get away once this is over with. The venue is $2500 and beautiful. The deposit was $500 and already paid. Then theres the dress... his ring... I plan on skimping on a DJ... not sure how though yet... I cant think of all the details right off the top of my head... but everything altogether is about $14000... and My FI and I are saving as much as we can each month from our paychecks... but we are coming up short... I never said I needed to skimp on the food... i was trying to describe that my FI has very low expectations for the wedding. he doesnt care about the food, or tables, or flowers... just me and the honeymoon.
Posted by Salem205[/QUOTE]

The DJ - skip it altogether. Use your ipod. Rent some speakers to hook it up to & go. Your venue might have speakers in the walls for dinner music that you could use.

Now, about this venue - you're paying $2500 JUST to be there? And, no tables or chairs or tent? Personally, I think that's your budget-busting issue. Even if you lose the $500 deposit, look at other venues. I'm certain you can find one that will provide the chairs and tables and a covered space for less than that - if you look hard enough. I'd spend $500 on the space rental, and not a penny more.

Lyss5782 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_postponing-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e51b9a0c-5fe0-487f-bca5-2576c8f20b67Post:69a3200c-7ec4-4980-8dc0-46fe62d313e0">Re: postponing a wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems crazy to me that a venue that expensive wouldn't include tables, chairs, and food. I guess it's true that every area of the country is different. Just out of curiosity, what does the $2500 venue include then if you're having to pay extra to rent tables and chairs and hire a caterer?
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Every venue I looked at was $5500 - $6000 just for the space. No stuff. The venue I reeeallly wanted was $9000. I downgraded :)

Lyss5782 · January 2010

Oh, and to answer the original question. I think as long as FI doesnt care you can push back the wedding as much as you want (as long as you dont send out STDs yet)

cellarius · January 2010

yes i think you can easily do whatever you want with the date as long as you haven't sent out invites. we pushed ours back another year to fall 2011 lol [though that's kinda our only option since we want a fall wedding]

but with that said i agree that you could cut a lot of corners & easily do it for way less than 14000 for 50 ppl. my sister just did 10,000 for 150. just decide what's most important to you & make cuts elsewhere because you'll probably never have every little tiny perfect thing you can dream up or imagine. to me the most important things are photos, attire & decor, so we're saving a lot by cutting on food, flowers, alcohol, a friend's making our cake for free & i think an ipod is better than a dj anyway so there too. if you're considering a tent for outside anyway, it's usually alot cheaper so why not just do that instead? & a buffet instead of a sit down dinner? we are & we're just getting all our food ourselves at wegman's since it's only 5 minutes from our reception & there's a kitchen at our venue [& paying a friend $200 to bring it, be in charge of it & refresh things & another is bar tending & refreshing drinks for free].

i think i would try harder to find deals & ways to save more before pushing it back [esp since you know your FI won't want to]

tjkovar · January 2010

Check National Parks, some will allow you to marry for free. I'm trying really hard to talk my FI into "garden Of The Gods" in Colorado....I'm the really cheap one in our relationship :-) I just want my immeditae family, very close friends, and a backyard tent party. Ipod is ready to go. The only thing I'm spending alot on is the photographer. Those pictures will be what I still look at 50 yaers from now

pooh8402 · January 2010

this chick is smarter than the doctor.

niffycat · January 2010

Salem- Have you asked for options from the Nor Cal board? I don't get there very often anymore, but they have some great knowledge about the area and who is good & cheap. And the Mod there is a great source of information.

ExpatPumpkin · January 2010

It really sounds like your venue is your budget breaker. Like everyone else is saying, you need to think outside the box. Since you're having a small reception anyway, there's no reason why you can't find a nice restaurant with a private room...

There HAS to be a restaurant that will design a menu for 50 for $3,900 ($2,500 that you're planning on spending on the venue + $1,400 you'd like to spend on food). That's $78/person.

If your venue doesn't include tables, chairs, linens, etc. the $2,500 is just scratching the surface of what it's going to cost to outfit the place... Trust me

Plus, with a restaurant you get to see exactly what you're going to get decor-wise, and you can add to it rather than create it from scratch. They aren't going to charge you for the linens, tables, etc. They may even throw in candles

Find a restaurant with a pretty private room and then jazz up that room with your flowers, etc.

I'd seriously forfeit your deposit - no sense in throwing good money after bad - and look at restaurants. Because of the number of guests, you're in a great position NOT to have your choices confined to the typical wedding venue.

Oh, and I recommend that you do this regardless of whether you move the date back. It just seems silly to pay $2,500 for a space that's probably made for 500 guests when you can easily - and more intimately - fit your celebration in a restaurant's private room. Good luck

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