Oh god, another MoH debacle

kitanith · September 2012

Hi there! I need help from the only source that will understand what I'm going through: fellow brides! I'm getting married in a month. I chose my sister as my MoH. She has, so far, been completely uninvolved in the proceedings. Today I received a text message from my other bridesmaids. They are having a hard time planning my bachelorette party (read: THEY are planning it, my MoH has no hand in it) and are getting snarky because the MoH says she doesn't have the funds to help contribute to it.

I realize how blessed I am to have a loving fiance and family and friends that are seeing me through this time. Am I being too selfish by expecting my sister (who admittedly isn't swimming in it but still finds the funds to spend weekends away with her bf) to help with these things? When I asked her to be my MoH I understood that she was a little immature...but I feel like this is taking it to another level.

Thanks a million for any advice!

Viczaesar · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_oh-god-another-moh-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:93120a48-9209-4d72-b035-82506f60455aPost:1d582fcd-2fd9-4307-893e-eb87158fb4cc">Oh god, another MoH debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi there! I need help from the only source that will understand what I'm going through: fellow brides! I'm getting married in a month. I chose my sister as my MoH. She has, so far, been completely uninvolved in the proceedings. Today I received a text message from my other bridesmaids. They are having a hard time planning my bachelorette party (read: THEY are planning it, my MoH has no hand in it) and are getting snarky because the MoH says she doesn't have the funds to help contribute to it. I realize how blessed I am to have a loving fiance and family and friends that are seeing me through this time. Am I being too selfish by expecting my sister (who admittedly isn't swimming in it but still finds the funds to spend weekends away with her bf) to help with these things? When I asked her to be my MoH I understood that she was a little immature...but I feel like this is taking it to another level. Thanks a million for any advice!
Posted by kitanith[/QUOTE]
<div>It's NOBODY's job to throw you pre-wedding parties, including your sister. How lovely for you that you have several friends who are willing and able to throw you a bachelorette party! They're being rude by complaining about your sister not contributing to it financially. You need to stay out of it altogether. </div><div>
</div><div>The only thing any of your wedding party members is obligated to do is to get the dress (selected with their budget and comfort in mind) and show up to the wedding. There are no other duties. This goes for your bridesmaids and your MOH as well.</div>

jagore08 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_oh-god-another-moh-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:93120a48-9209-4d72-b035-82506f60455aPost:1d582fcd-2fd9-4307-893e-eb87158fb4cc">Oh god, another MoH debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi there! I need help from the only source that will understand what I'm going through: fellow brides! I'm getting married in a month. I chose my sister as my MoH. She has, so far, been completely uninvolved in the proceedings. Today I received a text message from my other bridesmaids. They are having a hard time planning my bachelorette party (read: THEY are planning it, my MoH has no hand in it) and are getting snarky because the MoH says she doesn't have the funds to help contribute to it. I realize how blessed I am to have a loving fiance and family and friends that are seeing me through this time. Am I being too selfish by expecting my sister (who admittedly isn't swimming in it but still finds the funds to spend weekends away with her bf) to help with these things? When I asked her to be my MoH I understood that she was a little immature...but I feel like this is taking it to another level. Thanks a million for any advice!
Posted by kitanith[/QUOTE]
It was wrong of your BMs to include you in the issues they're having with your sister. Any pre-wedding parties are gifts to you so you shouldn't really be involved. <div>That said, your sister doesn't have to contribute anything to this party. Was everyone asked if they wanted to host together? If they all agreed, was a budget set and everyone agreed on what they could afford? Just remember that she doesn't <em>have</em> to contribute to the funds of this party. It's a gift.</div><div>As for the "still finds the funds to spend weekends away with her bf", you need to let this go. How she spends her money is her own business. She doesn't have to justify it to you or anyone else. Once you let this go, you'll be a much happier person.</div>

kitanith · September 2012

I appreciate the swift boot in the rear. Sometimes with the wedding planning being self centric it's easy to forget that I'm pretty damn fortunate just to have people who love me

Thanks for your opinions with this.

jagore08 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_oh-god-another-moh-debacle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:93120a48-9209-4d72-b035-82506f60455aPost:8b0c86a2-f741-4f1f-8380-fad6932c138a">Re: Oh god, another MoH debacle</a>:
[QUOTE]I appreciate the swift boot in the rear. Sometimes with the wedding planning being self centric it's easy to forget that I'm pretty damn fortunate just to have people who love me :) Thanks for your opinions with this.
Posted by kitanith[/QUOTE]
Wedding planning can easily make people lose focus on what's important. Tell your BM to work it out on their own and thank them for planning a great party for you. Let them work it out on their own.

Oh god, another MoH debacle

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