Deceased mother and stepmom?!

PrincssGS · November 2009

My FIs mother passed away 10 years ago and his dad has been remarried for 4. FI wants the invitations to read 'son of Mr & Mrs Joe Smith' and not mention his stepmom. I don't think this is right, and that it should be something like 'son of Mr and Mrs Joe Smith and stepson of Mrs. Smith'. Another thing I was thinking is to leave his parents off of the invitation completely, since my parents are technically 'hosting' the event and just have 'Mr and Mrs Jones invite you to to..." Any other ideas?!

In lieu of favors for our guests, we are making a donation to a breast cancer organization and will have cards printed honoring his late mother, so her memory will still be included (for a lack of better words...?)

ootmother2 · November 2009

Just use the traditional form of the bride's parents issuing the invitation.

The wording your FI suggests would be a slap in the face to his father's wife.

e_jakiela · November 2009

definitely keep them off... keeping both parents on, and no step mom is a little rude. Going with your thought would be too long and since your parents are hosting, they should be the only ones on the invite anyways.

danieliza1127 · November 2009

You really shouldn't list anyone that is deceased on the invitation. The invitation isn't the place to honor loved ones that have passed, that should be done in the program.

If he is really adamant that his mom be on the invitation, then the ONLY acceptable way is like this:

FI's name
son of Mr. John Smith and the late Mrs. Mary Smith

He also needs to know that leaving off his step-mom might seriously offend both her and his dad.

emilyinchile · November 2009

I disagree with danieliza (from a personal point of view, I have no idea what etiquette says) - I'm doing the wording "daughter of Dad and late Mom." I'm still my mother's daughter, and I don't feel like it's an attempt to honor her, just a listing of my parents. I agree however that the wording should follow that guide if he wants to include his mom. And not including his step-mother is asking for some hurt feelings, so if he really doesn't want her on there I'd stick to just having your parents.

skybluejen · November 2009

My mother passed away years ago and my dad is remarried. I agree with danieliza - I don't think its really appropriate to list this type of information on an invitation. Its an invitation to a wedding and its supposed to come from those hosting it. Obviously my late mother did not host the wedding, so I didn't put her name on the invitation. I instead honored her with a note in our programs and flowers at the reception. I've never seen any mention of a late parent on an invitation.

emilyinchile · November 2009

To me it depends on how you word it. If it's "Bride's parents invite you" (or whichever parents are hosting), then I wouldn't include a deceased parent. If it's "bride, daughter of parents and groom, son of parents invite you" then to me it makes sense to include both because you're not saying a deceased person is hosting, just listing your parentage. I haven't seen an invitation done this way because I've never been invited to a wedding where this was the case, but I've seen it listed this way at formal events like a debutante ball (for someone else).

But again, I'm not quoting etiquette, this is just how my dad and I wanted to do things, and we could well be incorrect. You could definitely use different wording and avoid the whole issue.

Deceased mother and stepmom?!

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