Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
Father of the Bride in Military Uniform
I was picking out tuxes for the groom and groomsmen and the woman at Men's Warehouse told me that the fathers usually wear the same tuxes with a different accent color in the vest and tie. I just asked my dad what he was planning on wearing because I wasn't sure if I wanted to ask the fathers to rent tuxes as wel.. He said that he was planning to wear his uniform (he is a retired Lt. Col. in the Army). This is not a military wedding and no one else is in the military or planning to wear their uniforms. I don't really like the idea and think it might look weird in pictures. Is it rude to ask him to wear a regular tux?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform
[QUOTE]I was picking out tuxes for the groom and groomsmen and the woman at Men's Warehouse told me that the fathers usually wear the same tuxes with a different accent color in the vest and tie. I just asked my dad what he was planning on wearing because I wasn't sure if I wanted to ask the fathers to rent tuxes as wel.. He said that he was planning to wear his uniform (he is a retired Lt. Col. in the Army). <strong>This is not a military wedding and no one else is in the military or planning to wear their uniforms. I don't really like the idea and think it might look weird in pictures. Is it rude to ask him to wear a regular tux?</strong>
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
Are you serious? Read that bolded part.
Then read it again.
Then read it again!! What.the.hell.
First off-- they are RENTED TUXES. RENTED. They've been on countless bodies before they get to your FI and the rest of the guys. So they'll all be the same ill-fitting, color coordinated stuff. They're still rented! Your dad will be wearing something that he spent years earning and it will look amazing.
This is just... totally unbelievable. Your dad will look great in the pictures. What do you want-- a bunch of dolls wearing matching shiit so they all dissolve into the background? GAH
Wedding stuff.
I have no idea how the above rant about rented tuxes relates to your question.
If he wants to wear it, let him.
[QUOTE]In Response to Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Are you serious? Read that bolded part. Then read it again. Then read it again!! What.the.hell. First off-- they are RENTED TUXES. RENTED. They've been on countless bodies before they get to your FI and the rest of the guys. So they'll all be the same ill-fitting, color coordinated stuff. They're still rented! Your dad will be wearing something that he spent years earning and it will look amazing. This is just... totally unbelievable. Your dad will look great in the pictures. What do you want-- a bunch of dolls wearing matching shiit so they all dissolve into the background? GAH
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
I'm not really sure who you think you are or why you feel the need to be rude. I never said I didn't want him to wear it or that I wouldn't let him. Only that it hadn't occurred to me that he would want to and I wasn't thrilled with the idea. And to correct myself, there are other military service members and retirees who will be at the wedding. Just not in uniform. And...my parents are divorced and my mom is already concerned that my dad will try to make it all about himself and she doesn't even know about this yet. You would have to meet him to understand his arrogrant personality. So this is not really a case of me just wanting people to match, despite the fact that the groomsmen are wearing light grey tuxes. I just wanted to know if it would be offensive if I wanted him to wear something that fit better with the feel of the wedding.
[QUOTE]Seriously, "for the pictures" is a terrible reason to do anything.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]
I don't think so. Isn't most of it for the pictures? And its not only because of pictures, its about standing out all night and trying to show off in front of a room full of people he doesn't even know. There is a lot more to the dynamic of my relationship with my father than I felt necessary to post with my question.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't think so. <strong>Isn't most of it for the pictures?</strong> And its not only because of pictures, its about standing out all night and trying to show off in front of a room full of people he doesn't even know. <strong>There is a lot more to the dynamic of my relationship with my father than I felt necessary to post with my question.
</strong>Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
First bolded part- no, it's to be married to your greatest love and share it with those you care about. Pictures are to remember your day by, not to plan your day around. (And this is coming from a wedding photographer, so I think photos are very important.)
Second bolded part- we can only respond by what you share, so if there is other important info, put it in your post so we can respond more appropriately.
And, fwiw, I see plenty of retired military wear their uniforms instead of renting a tux, so I don't think it's strange. But I don't think it would hurt to ask if he would like to wear a tux, but then go with what he wants.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't think so. Isn't most of it for the pictures? And its not only because of pictures, its about standing out all night and trying to show off in front of a room full of people he doesn't even know. There is a lot more to the dynamic of my relationship with my father than I felt necessary to post with my question.
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
Seriously? You're getting married for the pictures? I hope your fiance knows that.
Newsflash - people are ALWAYS more important than pictures. Always. In the grand scheme of things what matters is the people who love you, not what shoe or earrings or type of dress outfit they wear. People magazine will not be publishing your wedding pictures, and once the wedding is over and you've been married a few years you'll realize that wedding photographs are not the be all and end all of your wedding. In fact, pretty much all people I know who have been married a few years don't think about or look at their wedding pictures but once in a blue moon.
Take photographs to commemorate the event. Don't arrange the event around the photographs.
Wedding stuff.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't think so. Isn't most of it for the pictures?
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
Oh dear... no. The point of the day is get married, start a new life, tell the world how much you love your husband, celebrate with those most important to you. If pictures are more important than that, you have lost your way.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't think so. Isn't most of it for the pictures?
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" /> I just have no words. Really?! REALLY?!
No, it's not about the pictures. It's about marrying the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Celebrating that love with those that are nearest and dearest to you--including your father presumably.
Regardless of whether he's active military or retired, his service was a major part of his life. My grandfather retired as a Lt. Col and from everything I understand, it's a pretty big deal. Why shouldn't he get to recognize that by wearing his military dress uniform?
If you are really most concerned with how your pretty pictures will turn out, I highly suggest you reevaluate your priorities. Have you hired models for your wedding party to ensure they look pretty and won't ruin the photos with individuality?
[QUOTE]1. Military dress uniforms ALWAYS trump tuxedos. 2. People and relationships ALWAYS trump photo ops. 3. Parents are not members of the wedding party and therefore do not need to match anyone else. 4. In light of 3, you do not get to dictate your father's attire. Is this the hill on which you plan to die? Personally, I'd pick my battles more carefully. Military references intended.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
This. Please read this and commit it to memory.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : I don't think so. Isn't most of it for the pictures? And its not only because of pictures, its about standing out all night and trying to show off in front of a room full of people he doesn't even know. There is a lot more to the dynamic of my relationship with my father than I felt necessary to post with my question.
Posted by snr1[/QUOTE]<div>Also, I'm pretty sure that he can't take away attention from you. You are the bride. </div><div>
</div><div>And, his military dress uniform will match perfectly with tuxes since it is the right level of formality. I understand you have issues with your father, but I think you're grasping at straws here. </div><div>
</div><div>AND REALLY ITS FOR THE PICTURES? Did you stop and think about how that sounds.
</div>
I would absolutely let your father wear his uniform. Heck, if a GM wanted to wear his military uniform, I'd let him. It's something they worked hard for and are proud of. Not everyone has to match, and the idea that you think he'll steal the spotlight from you is absolutely absurd. You're going to be in a big white dress, up in front of everyone. No one is going to "steal" your spotlight. You need to get over yourself on this one.
[QUOTE]1. Military dress uniforms ALWAYS trump tuxedos. 2. People and relationships ALWAYS trump photo ops. 3. Parents are not members of the wedding party and therefore do not need to match anyone else. 4. In light of 3, you do not get to dictate your father's attire. Is this the hill on which you plan to die? Personally, I'd pick my battles more carefully. Military references intended.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
Couldn't have said it better myself. I love a man in uniform!
From my own POV - I wouldn't be caught dead in my dress uniform (and I'm am very proud to be able to wear it) at one of my girls' weddings. For me it would be show-boating and grabbing attention. If they approached me on it we would discuss it, but I would much prefer not to.
The Army regulation for retirees wearing their uniform states it can be worn , 'While attending military funerals, memorial services, weddings, inaugurals, and other occasions of ceremony.' My personal take on that is military weddings but I will agree that it is open to interpretation. As retirees, we can't just wear them whenever, wherever we want.
The overwhelming majority of service members I know would not choose to wear their uniform to a civilian function unless specifically requested to. It has its' place in the world but that doesn't mean it is necessarily appropriate at civilian events just because you want to wear it.
To be honest, I kind of side-eye someone who shows up to a civilian event in uniform and I know it wasn't requested of them (or wasn't an appropriate event to wear it). Back to that overwhelming majority thing - most everyone I know would side-eye that. There is that teeny tiny minority who have no identity other than their military rank and they flaunt and wear it any chance they get. Those people are a PITA.
OP - I absolutely get where you are coming from but I'm going to really encourage you to let it go. I think you are still caught up in all of the stuff the wedding industry wants you to fall for - perfect everything, controlled everything, nothing out of the ordinary. Just don't go there.
Let it go. I've seen this before and it will be a much bigger non-issue than you think. Let it go and let him wear it.
Side note - when I retire this Summer, I can promise you my dress uniform will never see the light of day again. Even if I attend a formal military function. Right now I am SFC KMM but on July 1st, I'm just going to be KMM. In the unfortunate circumstance of DH getting my life insurance money before I can get my hands on his, I have warned him not to put me in uniform. If someone has to see me at the funeral home, I want them to just see KMM, because SFC KMM is just a small part of who I am.
And holy crap please share this crystal ball you have that tells you what your guests are planning to wear. Does it also tell about the weather?
You need to lurk more if you think Snippy was being rude.
Teachery Blog
We didn't tell any of the parents what to wear. We let them wear whatever their little hearts desired and they all looked fabulous. But I also hate coloured vest and the super matchy matchy look. so there's that. Our guys wore tuxes and the dads all wore suits.
As for pictures, I think he will look great because dress blues are, well, dark blue & very formal. Let it go and let him wear his uniform, it will save you lots of stress in the end.
In regards to your "Isn't most of it for the pictures?" comment, I think I know what you were implying. You were not saying that the MARRIAGE was just about the pictures, but that the dressing up and matching bit is. I have to say that I agree with you, the wedding is all about the symbolism, celebration and creating memories. But, if most of formality wasn't for the pictures, I would get married, celebrate and create memories on my wedding day in a pair of comfy blue jeans and my favorite t-shirt
[QUOTE]I admit I don't know about military protocol, but it would seem odd to me to see a FOB in a military uniform, <strong>especially since he's not active military anymore.</strong> I don't think it would be worth a fight to me, but I also think I'd let my dad know I prefer he wear a tux and see how he responds. I have no idea how the above rant about rented tuxes relates to your question.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
Veterans are extremely proud and earned their right to be in a fomal military uniform. Why would not being active have anything to do with it?
OP, let your father wear whatever he would like. He will look great in his military uniform in pictures!
Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013!
But for the more important part of your question...no matter who wears what, no one will take the spotlight off of you on the day of your wedding, no one, so do not worry about this. And as far as the pictures go...I just got married in July and when I look at my pictures, I am not looking at the outfits but at the faces of all of my family and friends and how happy everyone seemed to have been. If wearing his uniform will make your dad happy then let him wear it.
[QUOTE]I'm a military MOB. In my 26th and final year of my career. I can only go at this in terms of the Army because those are the regulations I know. I have no idea what regulations and requirements other services have.<strong> From my own POV - I wouldn't be caught dead in my dress uniform (and I'm am very proud to be able to wear it) at one of my girls' weddings. For me it would be show-boating and grabbing attention.</strong> If they approached me on it we would discuss it, but I would much prefer not to. The Army regulation for retirees wearing their uniform states it can be worn , 'While attending military funerals, memorial services, weddings, inaugurals, and other occasions of ceremony.' My personal take on that is military weddings but I will agree that it is open to interpretation. As retirees, we can't just wear them whenever, wherever we want. The overwhelming majority of service members I know would not choose to wear their uniform to a civilian function unless specifically requested to. It has its' place in the world but that doesn't mean it is necessarily appropriate at civilian events just because you want to wear it. <strong>To be honest, I kind of side-eye someone who shows up to a civilian event in uniform and I know it wasn't requested of them (or wasn't an appropriate event to wear it). Back to that overwhelming majority thing - most everyone I know would side-eye that.</strong> There is that teeny tiny minority who have no identity other than their military rank and they flaunt and wear it any chance they get. Those people are a PITA. OP -<strong> I absolutely get where you are coming from but I'm going to really encourage you to let it go. I think you are still caught up in all of the stuff the wedding industry wants you to fall for - perfect everything, controlled everything, nothing out of the ordinary.</strong> Just don't go there. Let it go. I've seen this before and it will be a much bigger non-issue than you think. Let it go and let him wear it. Side note - when I retire this Summer, I can promise you my dress uniform will never see the light of day again. Even if I attend a formal military function. Right now I am SFC KMM but on July 1st, I'm just going to be KMM. In the unfortunate circumstance of DH getting my life insurance money before I can get my hands on his, I have warned him not to put me in uniform. If someone has to see me at the funeral home, I want them to just see KMM, because SFC KMM is just a small part of who I am.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
Thank you, I think you are the only person who even gets where I am coming from at all. I would never refuse to let him wear it if it is important to him. I was just asking if it is rude to ask him to wear something else. Thank you for your honest and thoughtful opinion.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : <strong>Seriously? You're getting married for the pictures? I hope your fiance knows that. </strong>Newsflash - people are ALWAYS more important than pictures. Always. In the grand scheme of things what matters is the people who love you, not what shoe or earrings or type of dress outfit they wear. People magazine will not be publishing your wedding pictures, and once the wedding is over and you've been married a few years you'll realize that wedding photographs are not the be all and end all of your wedding. In fact, pretty much all people I know who have been married a few years don't think about or look at their wedding pictures but once in a blue moon. Take photographs to commemorate the event. Don't arrange the event around the photographs.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]
I am not getting married for the pictures. I just mean that a lot of the stuff you pay for to look nice is so that it looks nice when you look back on it. If there were no pictures who really cares if people match or not.
[QUOTE]Come back and talk to me when your FMIL wears a cotton summer dress embroidered with fish to your (evening) semi-formal, fall wedding. <strong>Then tell me that it ruined the day and your pictures.</strong> You're so... very interesting.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
Not once did I say anything about ruining pictures. I just asked if it would look weird. I have never seen anyone do it before and I wanted people's honest opinions. If all you do is troll on here to be rude, you need to get a life.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the Bride in Military Uniform : Oh dear... no. The point of the day is get married, start a new life, tell the world how much you love your husband, celebrate with those most important to you. If pictures are more important than that, you have lost your way.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
They are in no way more important. I think they are definitely a consideration and a lot of what we do is to look good in pictures. Otherwise why even rent tuxes at all? If there were to be no pictures I wouldn't care what people wore.