Changing Names

eshaufle · September 2010

Are you guys changing your name after you get married? My fiance really hates when I suggest that I'll hyphonate but I just really like my last name...lol.

Just for fun post...

shpoop · September 2010

I cannot wait to change my name!

My last name is one of those last names that are uncommon and very easy to make fun of, it rhymes with a vulgar word for a body part and everything, so I cannot wait to have a nice last name haha!

MissyCee · September 2010

Oh heck yes I'm changing mine. I also have an interesting last name that has been butchered in the worst way throughout my life. FI has a very nice last name that I'm happy to be taking!

flyjawn · September 2010

i would never ever change my name!

i couldn't even imagine it. i have a terribly common boring name and my ex husband has a beautiful ethnic last name that i adore, but i still never considered taking it.

my SO likes to tease me and he'll book me into hotels or make reservations in the name of "mrs hislastname".

i consider it at feminist issue. i would never change my identity for someone else.

megjm.614 · September 2010

For me I don't identify with my last name at all.. it's my father's last name and I do not have a relationship with him whatsoever so I feel that I'm not in any way changing my identity for my fiance it's that I'm finally going to have a last name that I actually do identify with.

MissyCee · September 2010

In my opinion, just because you change your last name doesn't mean you're changing your identity. In all honesty, I think that's a really ignorant way of looking at it.

I'm taking my FI's last name for many reasons. We are becoming a family, we are becoming one together and for me that includes having the same last name. I certainly don't look down on people who perfer to keep their own name but for someone to say that taking their husband's last name is changing their identity ticks me off.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

I changed mine. It was never something that I considered not doing or doing the hypenated thing. My maiden name was so common and my husband's name is not so common, so it wasn't a big issue for me. I want us to be a family when we have kids and not have any problems with hypenated names, etc. As a teacher, it can get very confusing at times, just my opinion.

kelmal · September 2010

I am definitely changing my name when I get married much to the dismay of my fiance's bestfriend who thinks I am allowing my hubby-to-be to take "ownership" of me by doing so...so what? I want everybody to know I'm his girl!!! I am a hardcore Irish girl with maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaajor pride but I am happily abandoning my maiden name to rock a Ukranian name.

jennylove810 · September 2010

I really, really do not want to change my last name.

I love my last name, it's *my* identity, it's the name I've establisted my career under, it's who I've been for the last 27 years.

That said, I'm super-traditional. I'm into the whole "man and wife," "man of the house" stuff. Our kids can have his last name. I just want to be the same name at 80 that I was at 8.

TheCranberry · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_changing-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2770908d-d5bf-421d-b081-3d3a442b502cPost:87fe8e2c-c617-4e43-bad2-107844cb745e">Re: Changing Names</a>:
[QUOTE]I really, really do not want to change my last name. I love my last name, it's *my* identity, it's the name I've establisted my career under, it's who I've been for the last 27 years. That said, I'm super-traditional. I'm into the whole "man and wife," "man of the house" stuff. Our kids can have his last name. I just want to be the same name at 80 that I was at 8.
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

This. I don't think I need to have the same last name as my husband or kids for us to be a family. My mom and I have had different last names my whole life, and I have never felt like less of a family. Nor was there any issue when I was in school.

Sloane99 · September 2010

I changed my name, it was important to both of us and we talked a lot about it.

I miss my maiden name in the sense that it was the one I was known by for so long, but realistically the only person with that name that I'm close to is my father. I don't identify with his family at all, nor have I ever felt a part of it. I've always felt closer to my Mom's family and I never shared their name so it was less of an identity issue to me altogether.

altdeer · September 2010

My last name is not changing. I don't see the sense in automatically "becoming a family unit" when HIS family name is never an issue (why are we only a family if we have his name?). We discussed hypenation but I can't get behind it if both of us don't change, so we're not. If our future children are lost and rootless, then great!- I assume that means I won't have to pay for college?

jmkes · September 2010

My last name is spelled very similarly to a popular hispanic last name, but I'm not hispanic. My whole life people have told me I spelled my name wrong, spoken to me in Spanish or chastized me because I don't speak Spanish, or told me "you don't look Hispanic." Yeah....it's because I'm not, and yes I made it this far in life knowing how to spell my own name thank you very much!

I can't wait to change my name and be Mrs. S!!!

frogurt814 · September 2010

I never gave changing my name a second thought. To me, my name doesn't make me who I am. I make me who I am no matter what my name is.

I understand why people don't change their last name, and that's fine. It's a personal decision. There's no right or wrong.

trix1223 · September 2010

I was married right at the beginning of the feminist movement. I changed my name, my sister did not change her name, and my SIL, when she married my brother did not change her name. I don't particularly care whether people do or do not change their names.

I do have to smile, just a bit, when people say they're keeping the name because they're feminists. That name that they're so adamantly clinging to is their father's name. How is that feminist?

Also, I'm just going to speak as a teacher. I have parents of kids who have kept their maiden name. Invariably, other children (and school staff) will call Billy Johnson's mommy "Mrs. Johnson". It just happens. Other parents, when introduced to Billy Johnson's mommy for the first time will say "It's so nice to meet you Mrs. Johnson. We really enjoyed Billy's playdate with Jack."

Just be ready, if children are in your future, to explain, often, that your name is Ms. O'Brien, not Mrs. Johnson.

altdeer · September 2010

I do have to smile, just a bit, when people say they're keeping the name because they're feminists. That name that they're so adamantly clinging to is their father's name. How is that feminist?

It's also the name they've had for several decades? Half my DNA also came from A MAN but I don't think anyone would argue that makes me less of a feminist.

megk8oz · September 2010

I completely dropped my maiden name, and that's what I chose to do. DH did not get a say in my name at all, because it's mine, and I'm the one who has to be "Meg Last Name" for the rest of my life.

I think the beauty of feminism is having the power to decide on your own what your married name will be. Regardless of what my last name is, my friends and family know "who I am", so I don't feel like changing or keeping your name "effects your identity" the way some women do. My name doesn't determine "who I am".

I had my bio-dad's last name growing up. I have a terrible relationship with him and his family, I've never identified with any of them, and had no attachments to my old name. My step-dad raised me, my younger siblings all have my step-dad's last name, as does my mother, so my maiden name actually always made me feel "disconnected" from the rest of my family on some level. That's not how everybody sees it, and yes, we were still a functional family, but that's something that just always bothered me when I was little.. I wanted the same last name as DH, I wanted that "connection", I wanted a last name I could "identify" with ... plus, I just liked his name better, lol.

Bottom line: it is your choice. You're the one that has to sign whatever name you take (Or don't take) "for as long as you both shall live", not your FI, your parents, your in-laws, or your friends. You. So take the name you want, and if that means you really want to hyphenate, go for it!

impslave · September 2010

For me, the decision to not change my last name was a given and came down to two factors -

* I don't like how my first name sounds with his last name

* I'm seriously too lazy to deal with all the effort

Cattm42 · September 2010

Something to think about for those that don't want to change their name bacause they want to keep their identity. News flash your identity is changing, you are going to be a married woman, not a single person now. Marriage changes your identity even if you don't change your name.

But as PP stated, its nice to have the choice. I, personally will be taking my husbands last name.

Beads921 · September 2010

Everyone has a different take on this. I plan to hyphenate my name, which I had no intention of doing until more recently.

I am not super keen on my maiden name - it's hard to spell/prnounce correctly, even though it's English and only 5 letters long, and I've never really identified with the paternal side of my family. But, a year or so ago, BF said he wants to give our kids my last name because while his last name is super common here and he has a brother and cousin to carry it on, my last name is very uncommon and there are no males to pass it on. It makes perfect sense to me, but I don't expect him to change his name (nor does he want to), so I'll hyphenate (because I would otherwise take his name) and our kids will just have my last name. We will confuse teachers, and everyone else for that matter, but really, I just don't care.

jessienjeremy · September 2010

I cant wait to change my last name. My maiden is sooo long and hard to spell and no one ever gets it right. I am honestly not that attached to it. His last name is uncommon as well but much easier to spell.. Plus when we get married we will have the same initials... it will save us a ton in monogramming LOL

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2010

Nope. My FI has 4 names and he's keeping all 4. I have 3 names and I'm keeping all 3. No one is adding anything. It's a decision I made long ago - like in high school. I love my last name for various reasons. It's part of my identity. It goes very well with my other two name. It's unique. It's Scottish. It's much too long and complicated to hyphenate. When I realized I wouldn't be able to hyphenate it, I just thought, "well, I guess that means I won't change it."

I mentioned that to a friend in college and he said, "What if you married (insert name of college boyfriend)." Um, it doesn't matter WHO I marry because it has nothing to do with anyone but me.

Now as for the last names of future children, that's still under discussion. I'd like to combine our last names. FI just wants to use his.

prusgirl · September 2010

I was an older bride.

Being older, I have my own money and am known professionally by my maiden name.

I CHANGED my name. And I honestly enjoy using the new name. My business associates easily made the transition to the new name, so it has been great! It took me less than a 36 hours to change ss card, banking, dmv -- very easy.

Some fun stories before I got married...

One of my colleagues told us his wife goes by his last name and he said that with emphasis. He said "if she's not going to use my last name...WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE WEDDING...we could just continue dating if she is not proud to be MY WIFE."

Another friend said to me "either your in or your out...there's no halfway and using your maiden name means your not entirely in. It is saying that, I'm planning that this won't work."

lyndausvi · September 2010

I'm older and decided to have 2 last names. Well that is not exactly true. I wanted to drop my middle name and use my maiden name, but I was told I needed a court order. So went with 2 last names, as a way to keep both names.

I HATE it. I wish I had just picked on or the other.

Legally I'm both. Socailly just use his last name. It's easier and well after 2 years it natural to say.

rubyjem00 · September 2010

One of my colleagues told us his wife goes by his last name and he said that with emphasis. He said "if she's not going to use my last name...WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE WEDDING...we could just continue dating if she is not proud to be MY WIFE."

I don't agree with this. I would never say that my DH is not proud to be my husband because he didn't take my last name.

I am keeping my name for various reasons. I think that it's a personal decision and as a PP said, there is no wrong answer here. My only issue with it is that there rarely seems to be a discussion about a man taking a woman's name. I hate that it's just assumed that she will take his last name. There are times I with my DH and I had the same last name. But I don't want to give up my last name for reasons similiar to his for not changing his last name. It certainly doesn't mean that I love him less.

As for our kids last names, well, that is still up for discussion.

Changing Names

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