Disclaimer: this is going to be long, but I need other folks thoughts on this, as I'm starting to lose it....
I am a bridesmaid for a really good friend of mine's wedding in November. She has a "normal" family, is from a farm, and seems like a pretty traditional gal. Her FI is from Vegas, so his family is not close and his sister just had her first baby yesterday, so they will only be here for the actual wedding and not too much before. Here's a list of things that have gone down:
1. The bride asked her FI's sisters (one pregnant, one not) to be bridesmaids. They live in Vegas, we live in MN, so already it was hard to get dresses ordered. We started the process in late May and all the Vegas gals had to do was order the dresses online so that our group order could be processed. One of them didn't complete the order correctly, and we didn't find out until the middle of July. If we ordered then w/out rush, we would maybe have the dresses two days before the wedding. The bride was forced to spend an extra $30 per dress (8 maids total) to rush ship the whole order because her future SIL messed up and the bride didn't want to force all of us to pay for the mistake.
2. FI's pregnant sister is a bridesmaid and her husband a groomsman. FI's mom (my friend's future MIL) called the bride a couple months ago to tell her that because they'll have a new baby, Jill (FI's sister, just gave birth yesterday) would be the only one that could attend since the new baby shouldn't travel. So there they lost a groomsman (a really, really fun English groomsman), and then had to ask a different friend to replace him.
3. At least 3 maids ordered the wrong size dresses - one of them on purpose... Pretty sure at this point Jill will not fit into her dress, which she still has to try on and get tailored in Vegas, and with a brand new and first baby, um yeah, I'm not really counting on it. So the bride calls me and tells me that she's pretty sure that Jill won't be able to do it and what should she do? All I can think of is "Good luck, you are marrying in to this family..."
4. Another maid, Beth, wanted to throw the bachelorette party. When I asked the bride about a shower, she said that Beth would have the shower at her house before the bachelorette party. Then she asked me if I would help Beth with the shower, which I was more than happy to do. Turns out though, that her family is not having a shower for her at all (fall is harvest time and every hour counts). So I got together with Beth and the bride and started to lay plans for the shower/party. It took days (which we didn't have) to get the address list from my friend. The only people on the list were essentially her maids, FMIL, MOB, and a few friends - only 17 people total, 8 of which are maids. I bought stuff and made invitations, bought postage and sent out all the invites with an RSVP to me. In the invites, I did ask folks to bring an appetizer or something non-dessert and felt it was acceptable since we're all pretty much in the wedding anyway. The deadline for RSVP was two days ago and only one maid called me. The MOB, the MOH (her only sister), and all the other people didn't feel the need to call. What hurts me the most is that her mom and sister didn't immediately call to see if they could help with anything or bring anything, especially since they're not having a shower for her.
5. I emailed the bride and Beth to let them know that only one person had RSVP'd. Beth emailed the bride for everyone's phone numbers, and Beth and I have been emailing back and forth complaining - both of us are getting married in July, so our money's tight as well, and Beth wanted to get a hold of maids and ask that they contribute in some way. Last night I get a text from the bride saying that one friend and her sister (the MOH) are not coming to the shower/party. I am pretty much going to lose it. First of all, is the bride calling the guests instead of just handing over the phone numbers? WTF? There was a reason to getting the phone numbers... Also, I had talked to the MOH on FB and she agreed to bring some prizes for games just last week, but I guess she never officially RSVP'd... Why would you say you'd bring something if you weren't coming? I emailed Beth right away this morning about the most recent development. I cannot understand how the MOH (her only sister) would not come to her shower/party. I cannot understand how the MOB and the MOH have enough audacity not to call, not to ask what they can help with, when they are not throwing a family shower at all.
I just do not get it. And neither does Beth.
I've done tons of stuff for my friend, as lots of maids do:
bought her an engagement gift
went dress shopping with her three times
paid for my dress to lock in price for all maids
helped her stuff and address all her invitations
booked hair stylists that travel for all the maids
helped plan and pay for her shower
bought shower gift
etc, etc, etc.
Now, I'm not trying to say that I wouldn't do all of this again (because I'm a glutton for punishment from my friends), but I guess what I want advice on is what to do next. I've already put a lot of time into helping my friend, and I've put too much time and money into a shower that at this juncture seems absolutely pointless. What should Beth and I do about the shower/party? Should we just keep getting screwed, or should we be jerks and scrap the whole thing? Also, I'm planning on mentioning at some point when the bridal party is all together that I'm hurt that they couldn't RSVP - is that ok, or should I clam up? And, I haven't found out yet why the MOH can't attend, and that's extremely hurtful to me personally - I can only imagine the bride is hurt. I'd love to bring up the fact that the MOH's seemingly done nothing to help in a way to seek an answer why without being a complete jerk.
In the end, what I'm worried about is that all the time, effort and money I've put in to my friend's event just end up being a complete waste. And I'm concerned that when she's a maid in my wedding, she won't go to the same lengths to help me (even with her knowing that I have no sisters and my mom passed away when I was 21 and I need all the help I can get).
I appreciate any thoughts you may have!