Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
oshamal
member
Sorry thought I would add that we don't want kids at the wedding, and yes if these girls would come they would be the only kids.
Kids at the Wedding..
Both my fiancé and I have sister(s) with girls, in the flower girl range:
Gianna - 2
Molly - 6
Bailey - 8
We think our sisters will have much more fun without the kids at the reception.
Questions:
1. Do all three girls have to be flower girls?
2. Can they be in the ceremony and then not the reception?
3. What if we provide a baby sitter for all of the kids? Movie and Pizza?
Sorry thought I would add that we don't want kids at the wedding, and yes if these girls would come they would be the only kids.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Kids at the Wedding..
I think excluding your neices from the reception is pretty cold. Why not make it the parents' choice?
Finally, if they're in the ceremony, you should really, really invite them to the reception. You can provide a babysitter and pizza, but make it the parents choice whether to utilize that or not.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
I don't think its a good idea to exclude them from the reception.I think you should leave it up to the parents. The babysitter idea is nice but you should present it to the parents as an option.
Also, if I were 6 or 8, I would probably be upset if I wasn't invited to the big fancy party and had to stay home.
[QUOTE]Both my fiancé and I have sister(s) with girls, in the flower girl range: Gianna - 2 Molly - 6 Bailey - 8 <strong>We think our sisters will have much more fun without the kids at the reception.</strong> Questions: 1. Do all three girls have to be flower girls? 2. Can they come to the ceremony and then not the reception? 3. What if we provide a baby sitter for all of the kids? Movie and Pizza? Help!
Posted by oshamal[/QUOTE]
I know you think that... but that's an assumption you probably shouldn't make. Lots of people don't like going anywhere without their kids, and even though you're offering a babysitter - they might not be comfortable leaving their children with someone they don't know very well.
And no they don't have to be flower girls, unless you want them to.
Are they the only kids invited to the wedding?
I agree with squirrly, let them decide if they want their children at the reception. My MOH's son is our ringbearer and I told her to bring him but she declined saying they would both have more fun if wasn't there. Especially since there aren't any other children coming.
I don't see how you could pick one and not all three w/out feelings being hurt. I would talk to the sisters ahead of time and see how they feel. If it were me, I would invite them to the reception.
Why don't you ask your sisters what they want? They might be uncomfortable with not having their kids there, or with leaving them with a stranger.
Miss Mrs.
Is your main concern about not wanting to invite the kids really that you think your sisters will have more fun? If thats the case, invite them and let your sisters decide. Or do you really just want no kids at your wedding? If you want no kids that fine, thats your choice. But don't decide for your sisters that they would have more fiun without their kids.
To answer your questions:
1. They don't all need to be FGs - but if you're going to have one be a FG, I'd ask all to be.
2. You can't invite anyone to the ceremony and not to the reception - kids included.
3. If you're providing a babysitter for all kids then you shouldn't have any in the wedding. As far as food goes, I'd indicate what you plan to serve on the invitation insert along with the qualifications of your babysitters.
My niece - who's 7 - was my FG. She was invited to the reception and we had a seat there for her, and at the last minute my sister decided that she didn't want to bring her to the reception.
This caused a mini-meltdown from the 7-year-old an hour before the ceremony. Then she pouted and sulked through the whole ceremony. She's not smiling in the non-pro pics I've seen so far... I'm hoping she pulled out a smile for the pro pics on the altar (the photographer was really trying to get everyone to smile). I'll find out when I see them.
But yeah, definitely check with the parents.
Married!
[QUOTE]This caused a mini-meltdown from the 7-year-old an hour before the ceremony. Then she pouted and sulked through the whole ceremony. She's not smiling in the non-pro pics I've seen so far... I'm hoping she pulled out a smile for the pro pics on the altar (the photographer was really trying to get everyone to smile). I'll find out when I see them. But yeah, definitely check with the parents.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]
Haha my RB fell asleep during our long Catholic ceremony and we had to wake him up after for pictures. He is not smiling in a single picture no matter how hard we tried. We have lots of him smiling though coming dwn the ceremony and at the reception though at least.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at the Wedding.. : Haha my RB fell asleep during our long Catholic ceremony and we had to wake him up after for pictures. He is not smiling in a single picture no matter how hard we tried. We have lots of him smiling though coming dwn the ceremony and at the reception though at least.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
See, I had been waffling about a FG for this exact reason. But I'm a sucker for my niece, and she BEGGED me to do it. So I told her it was fine. When my sister told her that she wasn't going to the reception, FG came to me and asked me if she could come (trying to play me against my sister, I think). I told her it was up to her mother. That's when she started BAWLING.
It was right while I was trying to get my dress on and get ready, and I had to ask my sister to "please deal with this." I felt like such a biitch. Hehe.
After that I forgot / got over the whole thing, but I noticed she was sulking in the photos. And I did notice while we were doing photos in the church after the ceremony that she had picked a ton of petals off the flowers in her basket and thrown them all over the floor around her seat (church had a "no throwing petals" rule, so she had a basket with a couple of sunflowers arranged in it).
Someone had cleaned it up by the next time I looked over there, I don't even know who. Hehe.
Married!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at the Wedding.. : See, I had been waffling about a FG for this exact reason. But I'm a sucker for my niece, and she BEGGED me to do it. So I told her it was fine. When my sister told her that she wasn't going to the reception, FG came to me and asked me if she could come (trying to play me against my sister, I think). I told her it was up to her mother. That's when she started BAWLING. It was right while I was trying to get my dress on and get ready, and I had to ask my sister to "please deal with this." I felt like such a biitch. Hehe. After that I forgot / got over the whole thing, but I noticed she was sulking in the photos. And I did notice while we were doing photos in the church after the ceremony that she had picked a ton of petals off the flowers in her basket and thrown them all over the floor around her seat (church had a "no throwing petals" rule, so she had a basket with a couple of sunflowers arranged in it). Someone had cleaned it up by the next time I looked over there, I don't even know who. Hehe.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]
Thats funny. Yeah ours also had a no petals rule so I had a pomander made for my FG. We had no problems with kids other than that though luckily, and we had 5 kids at the whole thing age 5 and under. They are all my first cousins and I couldn't have imagined my wedding without them. Haha they were a blast in the photo booth too.
ak, I think your sister was completely douchetastic for pulling that on both her daughter and on you. She should have expected that reaction.
The ceremony and reception were at a historic mansion that had a couple of large rooms upstairs, one for the bride and one for the groom. So we got a sitter to stay with the kids upstairs in the groom's room. We stocked it with toys and a TV with DVR, and had food sent up for them all. The kids came down to say hi, but spent most of their time up there (there was no specific table or seats set up for them downstairs). The sitter was someone who worked at my niece's daycare so she was someone who was known and trusted, and had experience with children.
The kids enjoyed it and the parents were able to relax and enjoy the reception while also having the security of knowing their kids were onsite and being able to pop upstairs once or twice to check in. Worked well for us.
The sitter was also present during the ceremony to look after my niece. Niece was flowergirl, but didn't stand up with us after she walked down the aisle. Since her parents and her grandparents (my parents) were all standing up with us, it was good to have someone there with her in case she needed to go to the bathroom or had any sort of meltdown or anything else came up. We didn't want to ask any other family to look after her since we didn't want to risk anyone else close having to leave the ceremony if necessary.
When my friend told her son he was going to be the RB he got really upset and said "I can't!! I don't have any rings!!!" But after we explained that we would give him some he was so excited and said he was going to sing the scooby-doo theme song all the way down the isle. I actually hope he does because that would be so adorable.
My step-brother just got married. He had his brother (my other step-brother) as his BM and his nieces (ages 3 & 6) as his FG's.
I wasn't invited to the wedding because I don't appreciate how he has treated my step-dad (his dad) and made it clear to him and his wife how I felt about a year ago. So we are not on speaking terms.
Anyway... They did not allow children in their reception either. To help my other step-brother (BM), I agreed to babysit the girls after the ceremony. I had to drive nearly an hour away to meet my SIL to pick up the girls and take them to my home. SIL missed her husband's toast to the B&G because she had to go out of her way to drop her kids off with me.
I think it is extremely disrespectful and inconsiderate to make someone who has gone out of their way to allow their children to be a part of your wedding to have to make alternate plans because the children you just had to have in your wedding are not welcome to the celebration. (That is not directed toward you OP, just letting you know how people on the other side feel).
Good luck with everything!
Oh, and just for reference sake... this is the same sister who nearly missed ordering her BM dress in time for the wedding. The one who spends $200 a month on pot but complained that the $130 dress was going to be hard to afford, after she had nearly 8 months to figure out how to pay for it.
Married!
I have no idea what we are going to do!
O'Mally
But as other posters have mentioned it is not necessary to have a FG. Hope that helps.