should i tell my mom i am planning a wedding even though she isn't supportive?

shana90 · November 2010

me and my boyfriend are wanting to get married and he talked to my mom about it a couple of days ago but she doesn't want us to rush and that we may be making a mistake. so she kinda disagrees. but in all honesty i have been friends with him for 3 years and i had always liked him for about 2 years. we have been together for almost a year. he is in the army and we have been on a long distance relationship since we have been together. we had it all planned out that we were going to marry and he is transferring bases now so i will be moving pretty far away from my mom. im 19 almost 20. i have lived on my own and have been taking care of myself. me and my boyfriend are still wanting to get married even though my mom doesn't agree. it's been hard for me because i know in my heart and soul i want to be with him. she has this idea that since she has been married 3 times she thinks that im going to be the same way. but i am far different from my mom when it comes to relationships. she has never been supportive of anything i have done if it meant i won't be near her and that i will make my own choices in life without her consent.

in a nutshell my mom doesn't know im planning my wedding and i will tell everyone at the end of november. so should i tell my mom im planning my wedding even though she doesn't know i am planning one?

IAmLymelady · November 2010

I am conflicted on what to tell you.

A part of me entirely understands your mother; if your relationship has largely been long distance while being in the relationship stage, I think you two should live in the same area for a decent period of time while dating before getting married. Distance changes a relationship. But, you know best about yourself.

If she's going to find out at the end of November, you may as well tell her now. She'll want to know before everyone else, or she'll be doubly hurt. Not only that, you'll be moving pretty far away from her, so she'll possibly be afraid she's losing you and the relationship you share - you don't want to give her any amo to say, "You're pushing me away!" You want to make it as easy as possible for your FI to be liked by your family. Keeping it a secret won't help.

It sounds like a tought situation, but I wish you the best of luck!

shana90 · November 2010

thanks. i don't want to hurt her. but my fi doesn't even like my mom bc of how she treats me. me and my mom having literally been going at for almost 2years bc she has been trying to control so much of my life and what i do. but my sister is engaged and planning on having her first child next year and her bf isnt "around" but my mom says nothing bad or negative to her. i just want to be able to talk to my mom without having to worry about her not accepting changes bc she has a hard time when one of her children up and leave the nest and be with their significant other.

although me and my fi have been long distance it hasn't changed how we are once were around each other. i just want her to be happy about the things im doing instead having to criticize and chastise everything i do bc its not fair bc none of my other siblings get the same treatment. i would love if she would support me and be their for me when i need her instead of having her bicker and pick at what i want to do.

trix1223 · November 2010

Sorry, but I'm with your mom. I'm of the opinion that if one's age still ends with the word "teen" you're too young to get married.

Continue your education. Get a degree in something~anything, so that you can support yourself. Live on your own for more than the, what, year that you have been? Be responsible for all of your bills, and by that I mean more than a car payment and gas. I mean housing, food, utilities, insurance, ancillary bills, clothing, entertainment, transportation....all of it.

Enjoy dating your boyfriend. If you've been together for 3 years, that means you started dating him at 16. You "liked" him since you were 14.

I think you need life experience, and I think there's no reason to rush into planning a wedding. If this is the real deal, it will be the real deal when you're a college graduate and have the capability to care for yourself should anything happen.

If it's not the real deal, then you won't be out anything by waiting, will you?

I have three children. Two are married. Both didn't get married until after completing college and living on their own first. My third has finished college, a master's, a post-grad fellowship, works in a great job, and is starting a second master's. I don't have to worry about any of them being able to support themselves.

I'm sure your mom wants the same for you.

saisongbird · November 2010

I agree with your mom. You're still saying "me and boyfriend are wanting." The grammar police would tell you that it's "My boyfriend and I want to..." but grammar aside...

You're so young. At 19 and 20 you still have a lot of growing up to do. You can still be with your boyfriend and not be married. I completely understand where you're coming from - I wanted very badly to be married when I was 19 and even got engaged. I broke it off before I turned 20 because I realized HOW WRONG he was for me, and how stifled my life would have been had I married him.

Wait some more time. Grow up a little more. You won't regret it.

jerseydevil · November 2010

I also have to say that I think your mom's opinions are valid. She doesn't want you to make a mistake. When I was your age I thought I knew better than my parents, too, but now I understand that they were looking out for my best interests.

But if you're going to get married anyway and you've already started planning you need to tell your mom before you tell anyone else. She may not react well, she'll probably disagree, but she's your mom and I'm sure she'd feel extremely hurt if she had to hear it from someone else or was the last to know. That's not going to help her be more on board with you getting married, it will only make her resist it more.

jenmitens · November 2010

I agree with everyone so far. I did the long distance thing too, for 3 years, while I was in college. It sucks, I'm not going to lie, it takes a lot of work and commitment from both of you. But if it's meant to last it will be worth it. And you'll be proud that you got through it. together.
You two have only been together a year, take a deep breath, and focus on YOU for a while. Learn who YOU are, and what YOU want to be before you add a husband into that mix.

So that's my advice, learn who you are. I learned so much those three years, before I moved closer to my boyfriend, now husband. I got a degree, and bought a house by myself, and figured out how to manage my time and money. And it was wonderful the weekends that I saw my boyfriend, and we talked every night. But I also learned how to be alone, and how to be ok with it. I learned how to be independent, and how to hold my head high no matter the situation. I learned how to fix a flat tire, and what to do when a furnace breaks, or when a fuse blows. I figured out how to get myself to the hospital at 4 am with kidney stones. I learned how to comfort myself after a crappy day, and how to nurse a hangover. I figured out who I was as a person first, and THEN I added a man to the mix full time (well full time-ish, we still didn't live together after I moved). And looking back now, I wouldn't change that time I had for me for the world. I'm not sure I could have done all of that with a person going through it with me. Sure it would have been easier, but now I KNOW I can do it alone. And if your boyfriend is in the military, there is a good chance you'll need those skills, if he gets deployed.

And I thank him for his service from the bottom of my heart! I truly appreciate his service and the sacrifices he's had to make. And I'm sure he'll need you for support, and you'll need support too. Your mom will be a great place to get that support, so it's probably best not to alienate her right now.

heyimbren · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-tell-mom-am-planning-wedding-even-though-she-isnt-supportive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7445891e-be77-4936-b026-8761970e2186Post:85641c36-4b5e-4406-aa18-898423daaffe">should i tell my mom i am planning a wedding even though she isn't supportive?</a>:
[QUOTE]me and my boyfriend are wanting to get married and he talked to my mom about it a couple of days ago but she doesn't want us to rush and that we may be making a mistake. so she kinda disagrees. but in all honesty i have been friends with him for 3 years and i had always liked him for about 2 years. we have been together for almost a year. he is in the army and we have been on a long distance relationship since we have been together. we had it all planned out that we were going to marry and he is transferring bases now so i will be moving pretty far away from my mom. im 19 almost 20. i have lived on my own and have been taking care of myself. me and my boyfriend are still wanting to get married even though my mom doesn't agree. it's been hard for me because i know in my heart and soul i want to be with him. she has this idea that since she has been married 3 times she thinks that im going to be the same way. but i am far different from my mom when it comes to relationships. she has never been supportive of anything i have done if it meant i won't be near her and that i will make my own choices in life without her consent. in a nutshell my mom doesn't know im planning my wedding and i will tell everyone at the end of november. so should i tell my mom im planning my wedding even though she doesn't know i am planning one?
Posted by shana90[/QUOTE]

Hi, I'm 19 almost 20 and I'm waiting. For a reason. It doesn't mean I love my BF any less than anyone else. It just means I don't want to cripple myself financially by doing what I want right now because I'm old enough to do so! *foot stomp*

You have everything to gain by waiting. Seriously consider all that you need to be MARRIED, not just love. Not just enough money to throw a party. It's a lot more than that. There's more to married life than just being married to the love of your life.

I'm estranged from my mother, so if I was engaged I wouldn't even tell her. But that's because she doesn't have any involvement now, at all, so things won't change just because someday I'll be getting married.

So my answer would depend on how much involvement you want from your mother in your life. Because not telling her is probably going to hurt her, and it's taking a definite stand against her.

But seriously, consider waiting. There's nothing wrong with it. Sometimes the more mature decision is to wait.

heyimbren · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-tell-mom-am-planning-wedding-even-though-she-isnt-supportive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7445891e-be77-4936-b026-8761970e2186Post:918c9a2e-0f8d-405a-8883-e42e1b21ff0e">Re: should i tell my mom i am planning a wedding even though she isn't supportive?</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks. i don't want to hurt her. but my fi doesn't even like my mom bc of how she treats me. me and my mom having literally been going at for almost 2years bc she has been trying to control so much of my life and what i do. but my sister is engaged and planning on having her first child next year and her bf isnt "around" but my mom says nothing bad or negative to her. i just want to be able to talk to my mom without having to worry about her not accepting changes bc she has a hard time when one of her children up and leave the nest and be with their significant other. although me and my fi have been long distance it hasn't changed how we are once were around each other. i just want her to be happy about the things im doing instead having to criticize and chastise everything i do bc its not fair bc none of my other siblings get the same treatment. i would love if she would support me and be their for me when i need her instead of having her bicker and pick at what i want to do.
Posted by shana90[/QUOTE]

JIC

Muffin'sMom · November 2010

Wait...that's all. Get training or a drgree. Make sure that you can support yourself. Decide who you are before you become someone else. Make sure you have your own life.

i3rooke · November 2010

I completely understand how you feel, and I want to say that before I tell you that holding on isn't the end of the world. I dated a boy for quite some time when I was in high school then into college, he was "perfect" for me I thought. From 20 on my life changed, I grew a lot and I realized that he was not growing with me, so it ended. A lot of my friends experienced the same things with theirs. Also, believe everyone when they say living together changes things. I learned some of the worst and best things about my FI when we moved in together, but things like that can make or break a relationship.

I hope you know, as well, that being a military wife is hard and requires you to be completely self-sufficient and be able to make it without your husband for long periods of time. I grew up with my dad in the military and my moms life was often strained and difficult. Either way good luck on your decision. My parents have been together since they were in middle school. Although rare, it can work, but they struggled a lot trying to grow up so fast.

Fbrandye · November 2010

My advice to you may not be what you want to hear but I must tell you because I have been there. I am engaged to a military member, I understand the need to hurry but please don't. I know you feel that you are ready but you aren't. Your relationship will only grow if you guys wait. Military relationships are extremely hard. My fiance has been in 12 years and deployed 9 times. This is the way things work now-a-days. I can tell you right now deployments are the hardest, you have to really trust one another.
Do yourself a favor let him move, you keep going to school or working and see eachother for the holidays? If this works out then consider getting married. I am 25 yrs old and have been with my fiance 4 yrs, by the time we marry it will be 5. trust me they were the longest 5 yrs of my life but I know now that it will work and we both fully trust eachother.

anne.azano · November 2010

I'm so glad I'm not married to the guy I was dating when I was 19! Wait a bit. If it's right now, it'll still be right in a few years. And if not, you'll regret rushing into this. And being in a long distance relationship is sooooooo different from living together. Try that first.

shana90 · November 2010

ok well im not rushing. and to tirxie1223 im not a teen. i didnt like when i was 14. i know what i want and im the type of person to make sure if im not rushing. second, i have paid my own bills including rent and all that comes with that. i am mature and i had to grow up fast so i understand what some of yall are saying but im not rushing and if i were i would have slowed down. i am still in college so being married isn't going to change that all

shana90 · November 2010

oh i want to get married to my fi bc i truly do love him and if i wasn't supposed to God would have intervened along time ago. my age has nothing to do with me getting married. i know that i don't need to live life to fiugre out what i want that happened while in college my mom isnt supportive but its ok for my sister and her ex con to get married and have a baby when they havent been together that long and my mom is happy for her. she has never lived on her own still has my mom take care of her. i don't ask my mom for much other than respect and support but i dont get either. my mom has this idea that since she had a hard time i will to and that she is right on everything when she contradicts herself all the time. im marrying my fi next year and im not letting anyone even my mom kill my happiness for me

linguo42 · November 2010

You've clearly made up your mind, but I will still join the others in saying you really ought to wait. I thought I knew everything about who I was and what I wanted when I was "19 almost 20", but now when I think about myself at that age, I just laugh at how naive I still was.

You can say all you want how mature you are and how fast you had to grow up, but your very defensiveness and manner of presenting yourself on this board is evidence to the contrary. By all means move elsewhere to be with your boyfriend, but please consider just living together for a while before you seriously think about marriage.

At the very least, make sure you are on the same page about finances and long-term goals other than the wedding. I would hate to see you become just another divorce statistic because you were so determined to get married you didn't stop to think objectively about it first.

ariver2011 · November 2010

I know plenty of people who have gotten married at the age of 18-19 and most of them are still married, so I see nothing wrong with getting married at a younger age. Just take in the advice everyone is giving you. Many of them are speaking from experience. Also please use your caps lock button. If you are ready to be married you are ready for capital letters.

mkovacik · November 2010

Look, if you want to get married right now at 20 years old, then go for it. I don't know you or him or your relationship so I am choosing not to make a judgement. Out of curiosity though, what does your boyfriend's family think about this?

Now, if I were you, I would definitely tell your mom. If your boyfriend is in the military you're going to be spending a lot of time alone while he's on deployment. You're going to want your friends, family, and mom there to support you because believe me, it will NOT be easy to handle alone.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for the best.

glam70s · November 2010

I've been dating my FI since I was 15 (he was 16). We are now 25 and 26, and getting married in February. I absolutely know how you feel - I was heartbroken when he didn't propose before leaving for university when I was 18. He wanted to wait until we were done school, which I didn't agree with because like you, I thought I knew everything and I couldn't see any reason to wait. We'd been madly in love for over 3 years at that point - surely we knew everything about each other that we needed to know!

He proposed over a year after we both graduated from school and had both obtained good, full-time jobs. And before he proposed, let me tell you there were some arguments because I had convinced myself that waiting meant he didn't want to marry me (really it was just that he's much more logical and stable-minded than I am).

Waiting sucks. It really does. But now that I'm on the other side I can tell you that it genuinely is for the best. You can be together without being married. Honestly if you're so upset about lack of support from your mother, I think that in itself is reason to wait. There are very few people who would support a 20 year old getting married, especially to a military man. You're going to deal with a lot of adversion to your plan. My favourite part about getting married now as opposed to 5 years ago is that everyone I know is genuinely happy for us, not shaking their heads and entering a pool on when we'll get divorced. That kind of support means a lot to me.

I also want to throw out there that if you wind up having a cheap civil ceremony now, don't come back in a few years to start planning "the real wedding you never had". A lot of young brides can't afford the wedding they want at first and then regret it later, so they start planning the big affair they had always wanted. Just remember that you only get ONE, so whatever you plan now is it.

You have nothing to lose by waiting and everything to lose by doing it now.

kayleighe · November 2010

Wait, wait, wait! It's easy to think your mom (and all of us) don't know what we are talking about but we have ALL been there! You do SO much growing and changing between 19 and 23. I'm older than that and I STILL have doubts on a daily basis about whether or not I'm ready to be a wife.

I know that when you're in love it's hard to see anything else, so you're probably going to ignore the warnings and get married anyway. Just move out of your mother's house first, at least. You need a taste of the real world before you become responsible for someone else. Get a full time job, take some classes, and move out. If he's really the one, he'll still be the one in six months, right? Just do a little soul searching.

shana90 · November 2010

I TRULY DO LOVE THE MAN I AM WITH. I DO NOT LOOK AT ANY OTHER MAN. I DON'T WANT TO MARRY ANY OTHER MAN BUT HIM I CAN'T SEE MYSELF WITHOUT HIM.i have been through hell and back with him. i have dealt with him through all that he is going through in the army and that transition. putting up with his family who aren't being supportive and have walked away from him. many people my age would give up and walk away because it would be to much to handle. but i have stayed because i love him and through everything that me and him have been through we are stronger because of getting through our trials and tribulations.

i spoke to my mom today and she is happy

. she is just worried that he might hurt himself bc he has been having a hard time since he has gotten back from being overseas. she said that me and him are great together and that we compliment each other and she said she sees that. she just wants to make sure that we are ready for the next step.

i do thank everyone for their opinions and i'm sorry if i have sounded rude or nasty. i understand where you ladies are coming from and truly appreciate the sheer honesty.

heyimbren · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-tell-mom-am-planning-wedding-even-though-she-isnt-supportive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7445891e-be77-4936-b026-8761970e2186Post:9cca8ef9-9c18-4655-ad25-5c46b3822746">Re: should i tell my mom i am planning a wedding even though she isn't supportive?</a>:
[QUOTE]I TRULY DO LOVE THE MAN I AM WITH. I DO NOT LOOK AT ANY OTHER MAN. I DON'T WANT TO MARRY ANY OTHER MAN BUT HIM I CAN'T SEE MYSELF WITHOUT HIM.i have been through hell and back with him. i have dealt with him through all that he is going through in the army and that transition. putting up with his family who aren't being supportive and have walked away from him. many people my age would give up and walk away because it would be to much to handle. but i have stayed because i love him and through everything that me and him have been through we are stronger because of getting through our trials and tribulations. i spoke to my mom today and she is happy :). she is just worried that he might hurt himself bc he has been having a hard time since he has gotten back from being overseas. she said that me and him are great together and that we compliment each other and she said she sees that. she just wants to make sure that we are ready for the next step. i do thank everyone for their opinions and i'm sorry if i have sounded rude or nasty. i understand where you ladies are coming from and truly appreciate the sheer honesty.
Posted by shana90[/QUOTE]

Shana, you're missing the main point. Most of the PP agreed that you may very well love him, but the point is love isn't enough. Marriage is about more than just being monogamous and committed. It's about making more hard choices, figuring out financial decisions, and sacrificing for someone else.

I'm glad to hear that your mother is happy, that's a very important step. But again, I don't think you've thought out this question: what do you have to lose by waiting? You can wait a couple more years to get married and still be very much in love and together. You can still be committed to each other as a couple without a ring. But once you're married, it's hard to go back. It sounds like he has a lot of other things going on in his life without getting married. There isn't a perfect time to get married, but I think it's important to work on other big issues before that and allow some time to grow together before you get married.

But ultimately, it's your choice and I'm sure you'll do whatever you want.

shana90 · November 2010

yes i have given up a lot i have sacrificed a lot for him which i have stated. a lot of people think i am crazy for even staying with him. but at the end of the day everyone is going to have their own ideas about this. i am the type of person to not agree with a situation unless i know its right. if i wasn't sure i was mature enough i wouldn't have said yes. i understand all that comes with being married and i'm ready for that. it's hard as it is being with someone who is in the army because i have given up a lot to be with him. i understood the consequences once i made my decisions. yes it is ultimately my decision on marrying him and i still am. i do understand about the whole waiting thing but when i think about it it doesn't make much of a difference. i know love isn't enough i am highly aware of that. me and my fi have discussed everything and we know that what were doing is right.

me and him have been really best friends since i was 16 or 17, now that i am about to turn 20 i am mature and old enough to know the decisions i am making. i have been their for him through everything and i plan on continuing to do that.i have gotten used to giving up everything for him as he has done for me. it has been rough for us but it has made us stronger and truly appreciate one another as whole. i have adapted to getting ready to live the "army life" and i am fully aware of what i am doing. really me waiting won't change anything.

shana90 · November 2010

i am being defensive i understand what everyone is saying i do. and me sounding defensive has nothing to do with my age i just feel i am being attacked bc of my age. everyone has the preconceived idea that you need to live life and know who you are before you get married. the man that i am going to MARRY has helped shaped me into the young women that i am today. his family is happy about me and him being married. my mom is happy about it and thinks that we work out well together and she knows me and knows who i am.

me being "19 almost 20" has nothing to do with me getting married. i know a lot of couples who got married at my age and they are still together. my brother has been with his girlfriend(well i consider them married) for 10 yrs and he was 18. eveyrone has an idea about how old you should be before you say I DO. i am sure back in the 30's and 40's or so before america became so conservative their have been plenty of people who have been married at my age and even younger. now if you get married young your rushing you don't know what your doing you haven't lived life. that shouldn't matter if you love each other and you know the risk of being married and know it's a give and take marriage. that knowing you become one person and not just two anymore. giving up everything and knowing the consequences of what being married is. being financially stable and being mature to handle situations is also involved in being married. i understand all of what i said and more i know that what i am doing is frowned upon many people but as long as i am happy and my FI is happy thats all that matters.

courtney1188 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-tell-mom-am-planning-wedding-even-though-she-isnt-supportive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7445891e-be77-4936-b026-8761970e2186Post:7841ec24-5d6e-44b1-9cee-e57024d6f646">Re: should i tell my mom i am planning a wedding even though she isn't supportive?</a>:
[QUOTE]ok well im not rushing. and to tirxie1223 im not a teen. i didnt like when i was 14. i know what i want and im the type of person to make sure if im not rushing. second, i have paid my own bills including rent and all that comes with that. i am mature and i had to grow up fast so i understand what some of yall are saying but im not rushing and if i were i would have slowed down. i am still in college so being married isn't going to change that all
Posted by shana90[/QUOTE]

You are nineteen. So yes, you are a teen.

I'm not going to bother commenting on anything else because it's clear you've made up your mind. But I'm another person who is so glad they aren't married to the guy they were in love with at 19, despite how mature and grown up I thought I was because I lived on my own. If you've been together less than a year and have already been 'to hell and back'...well, not saying awesome things for the future. Your arguments and defensiveness are really only hurting your argument about how you are mature and ready and have thought about the consequences.

JCM10 · November 2010

i know tons of people say this...but I'm a completely different person than I was at 19. That's when I met my FI and started dating him. Luckily, we're people who grew up (yes, you still 'grow up' at that age!) and grew more together instead of apart. We'll be together almost five years by our wedding. We knew we wanted to get married after 2, he proposed after 3, then we're getting married when we both finish school (waiting on him) and have jobs (I already do). We aren't hurting anything by waiting, and are getting through the stressful grad school/being on our own things while independent (we aren't living together until we are married), without the stresses of marriage.

You've made up your mind, obviously, but you really should consider waiting. What's getting hurt by you just dating for longer?

botticelliangel6 · November 2010

I just have to add my two cents, even though it certainly seems like you have made up your mind.

The person I was dating when I was 19 is a totally different person today (we're still friends) - he went from an ultra conservative to a hippie. In retrsopect he wasn't right for me at the time, and he certainly isn't right for me now.

And I have to agree with someone else - what "hell" have you been through in one year? My fiance and I started dating when I was 19 (a few months after the other guy and I broke up), and it's now almost 6 years later and we're finally getting married. After a year together we hadn't had anything really test our relationship - we were still in the "honeymoon" phase. We moved in together after that first year. What difficult things have you gone through together? What decisions have you made together? Have you really made any life decisions together, any financial decisions? Have you two even had a fight yet??? I know you say you have made sacrifices, but I wonder what those sacrifices are; somehow I have a feelig they are not the ones that these other ladies have in mind. I have a feeling you're more likely making sacrifices that aren't healthy than ones that are part of a normal healthy relationship. Perhaps I am leaping to conclusions, but these are things you should think about very carefully.

Just because your families are supportive doesn't mean they think it is a good idea - my brother is 22 and just got married after about a year and we all felt it was a bad idea, but we were still supportive.

Why can't you just live together for a while and see what it is like making adult decisions and solving adult problems as couple? Especially if you come from dsynfuctional families - which you seem to be implying - you may have a very difficult time forming a normal healthy relationship. You should figure that out before you "take the plunge". No offense, after only a year of dating and not having lived together I am very skeptical that you really have made any of these decisions together, or that you two really understand what marriage will be like.

And I think you missed the point people were making about long distance. Yes, it is a huge sacrifice and it is difficult, but it also masks what you relationship is really like. Of COURSE its great when you're together - you're so happy to be spending time together you're probably not having fights or disucssing real life issues, which is what marriage is all about. I was in a long distance relationship when I was younger (the same guy I originally mentioned) and things were all happy and lovey-dovey and rosey when we were together because we were just so happy to see each other..... that by no means indicates that actually having to deal with each other on a regular basis would have gone so well. Really - living together he is ALWAYS THERE. It's wonderful and amazing, but anything he does that annoys you will always be there, etc.

Just think very, very carefully. And strongly consider living together first. And consider talking about these things if you haven't already:

- Finances - where will you live, who will pay for it. If you're going to school who is paying for that?
- Kids - yes/no, how many
- Education/work - what are you going to do with your life??? And what happens when he has to move - can whatever you're doing follow him? If not are you going to stay behind, or are you going to give up your life? If you give that up, would you be happy? Would you resent him 10 years from now??

If you do continue with your plans I wish you all the luck, please just think about the things we have said :-) We just want what is best for you, and we've all been there!

calindi · November 2010

Please wait. Please, please, please wait.

You love him. I believe you. You two will make it work. I believe you. But what I don't understand is why you don't wait? What harm is there in waiting a few more years? If you're going to make it as a married couple, then you'll make it as a dating couple.

And when you say God would have intervened if it wasn't meant to be - stop and think - maybe this board is God's way of sending you a message? I really get frustrated when people choose to see God's word only when it agrees with what they've already decided. What's to say you didn't come here to listen to what these women all had to say and learn from it?

The divorce rate of enlisted soldiers who marry under age 21 is nearly 80%. Seriously. That's not because couples don't love each other or because they give up too easily - it's really honestly because it's HARD. And because love isn't enough. Hard work isn't enough. At age 22, that divorce rate drops to 50%, and less if you're college educated. If I had the option to undergo an elective procedure today that had an 80% mortality rate, or wait 2 years and have only a 50% mortality rate, you better believe I'd wait! If you love him and want to spend your life with him, why rush into it? Why not give yourselves the best possible start by getting educated and THEN getting married?

should i tell my mom i am planning a wedding even though she isn't supportive?

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should i tell my mom i am planning a wedding even though she isn't supportive?

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