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At an impass, what do I do now? (kinda long)

KatteyKattey
10 Comments
in Wedding Party
When I got engaged I asked a friend to be a bridesmaid and she accepted. I was excited. Except now she's not so much a friend as an aquaintence. My fiance and I bought a house so we don't live right next door to her and her husband anymore. I'm always asking her if she wants to have lunch and when is she and her family coming over to dinner ( we bought our home in Nov and she has never come over).

She's always telling me she's too busy, and maybe when her hubby finishes the quarter. I understand she has a full time job and a 1 1/2 yr old son and is really busy. We've not gotten together to discuss anything about my wedding. I made my own invitations, already bought my dress with my grandma, and found the venue. Next week I'm buying my sis's bm dress for her (my only other bm).

Since my "friend" seemed so busy I gave her an out, telling her I understood how busy she was and if she couldn't be a bm that was ok, I'd still love to have her attend my wedding. She said she still wanted to be a bm and she was sorry she was too busy. However, very recently, she's been out to lunch with other friends of her several times ans even went on a vacation, but can't make time for me. I don't feel like I can boot her from the wp, but how do I bring up that I'm hurt by her neglegence and feel like she doesn't really care.

I do like this girl but I don't know what to do. I'd be so much happier if she were just a guest. (note: she hasn't bought her dress yet, or anything else for the wedding, so she isn't out of any money.)
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Re: At an impass, what do I do now? (kinda long)

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited June 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_impass-now-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:610b669e-0594-4f9d-af1d-a86a0a92ed7dPost:e228b0ae-2e94-44c0-a3ad-4f85021f7817">Re: At an impass, what do I do now? (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had a similar situation where a person I asked to be a BM didn't really act like a friend let alone a BM.  What happened was <strong>I said "What I need for this one event in my life is for people in my wedding party to be all about me.  That means making an effort to see me, call me, ask about the wedding, ask if there is anything you can do to help, purchase your attire, and seem excited.  If you can't do this for whatever reason, then I totally understand.  But I need this from all my bridesmaids and I deserve to have what I want on my wedding day."  She ended up stepping down and not being a BM but came as a guest.  I was relieved <em>but I think she regretted it because the WP had a ton more fun and her decision definitely did affect our friendship</em>.</strong>  Hope this helps.
    Posted by aschabes[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Wow, I can't believe you expected your friends to do that. You my friend were a big Bridezilla.</div><div>
    </div><div>Add: Are you really surprised that the decision affected your friendship? You were a total selfish person who didn't give a crap about anyone but yourself. Bridesmaids=honoring close friends and family relationships, BrideSLAVES=what you required your WP to do.

    </div>
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_impass-now-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:610b669e-0594-4f9d-af1d-a86a0a92ed7dPost:e228b0ae-2e94-44c0-a3ad-4f85021f7817">Re: At an impass, what do I do now? (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had a similar situation where a person I asked to be a BM didn't really act like a friend let alone a BM.  What happened was I said "What I need for this one event in my life is for people in my wedding party to be all about me.  That means making an effort to see me, call me, ask about the wedding, ask if there is anything you can do to help, purchase your attire, and seem excited.  If you can't do this for whatever reason, then I totally understand.  But I need this from all my bridesmaids and I deserve to have what I want on my wedding day."  She ended up stepping down and not being a BM but came as a guest.  I was relieved but I think she regretted it because the WP had a ton more fun and her decision definitely did affect our friendship.  Hope this helps.
    Posted by aschabes[/QUOTE]

    HAHAHA...
     ::breathing:: 
    HAHAHA.  
    Okay, phew.  Are you real?  Because whoaaaa - you are redonkulus.

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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Have you ever volunteered to go to HER house?
    image
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If you're letting her pick her own dress, then she can buy the freakin' morning of the wedding for all that matters.  As long as she has a dress for the wedding, she should be standing up there with you.

    I would give her a break.  She sounds busy.  See if maybe you can come over to her house to hang out.  That way she can still be there with her child, but you guys can still hang out.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Ditto pps:  If the dress requirement is a dark red dress, why is it necessary that she have it now?  Relax.  If she gets a dress (heck, she can go to Macy's and get a dress) she's in the wedding.  If she doesn't get a dress, she's not in the wedding.

    As for the pp with the whole part about telling the WP:  What happened was I said "What I need for this one event in my life is for people in my wedding party to be all about me.  That means making an effort to see me, call me, ask about the wedding, ask if there is anything you can do to help, purchase your attire, and seem excited.  If you can't do this for whatever reason, then I totally understand.  But I need this from all my bridesmaids and I deserve to have what I want on my wedding day."  She ended up stepping down and not being a BM but came as a guest.  I was relieved but I think she regretted it because the WP had a ton more fun and her decision definitely did affect our friendship.

    Congratulations.  I'm officially awarding you the absolute most self-absorbed person that we've seen on these boards in 2010.  Are you seriously surprised that your attitude affected your friendship?  Here's my take:  She got the better end of that deal.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_impass-now-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:610b669e-0594-4f9d-af1d-a86a0a92ed7dPost:e228b0ae-2e94-44c0-a3ad-4f85021f7817">Re: At an impass, what do I do now? (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had a similar situation where a person I asked to be a BM didn't really act like a friend let alone a BM.  What happened was I said "What I need for this one event in my life is for people in my wedding party to be all about me.  That means making an effort to see me, call me, ask about the wedding, ask if there is anything you can do to help, purchase your attire, and seem excited.  If you can't do this for whatever reason, then I totally understand.  But I need this from all my bridesmaids and I deserve to have what I want on my wedding day."  She ended up stepping down and not being a BM but came as a guest.  I was relieved but I think she regretted it because the WP had a ton more fun and her decision definitely did affect our friendship.  Hope this helps.
    Posted by aschabes[/QUOTE]
    This is psychotic.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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  • elmulveyelmulvey
    100 Comments
    Ok, so I dont post much (or really ever) but THIS is the most asinine thing I have EVER read here.  Are you for real?  What happened was I said "What I need for this one event in my life is for people in my wedding party to be all about me.  That means making an effort to see me, call me, ask about the wedding, ask if there is anything you can do to help, purchase your attire, and seem excited.  If you can't do this for whatever reason, then I totally understand.  But I need this from all my bridesmaids and I deserve to have what I want on my wedding day."  She ended up stepping down and not being a BM but came as a guest.  I was relieved but I think she regretted it because the WP had a ton more fun and her decision definitely did affect our friendship.

    i
    I updated my bio on 06/24/10, however if you want to see my planning bio you have to go to www.lizardlipsplanningbio.weebly.com because I am having a hard time making it clicky!
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  • lexandfablexandfab member
    100 Comments
    Ahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Holy crap aschabes, I would have said no to being in your wedding too. You must be one of those women who will just fall apart after the wedding because you don't have anything to obsess over. For the OP it sounds like you already tried to give your BM a nice out. From there follow your heart but just know kicking her out of your wedding will more than likely ruin your friendship.
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  • KatteyKattey
    10 Comments
    I feel as though half of you missed the part where I said I don't talk to her about the wedding. I have offered to go to her house, and she knows I love her little boy and she doesn't need a babysitter to see me. That being said, I do feel that this is definatly  (sp?) more of a friendship issue, and I thank you all for your advice. I probably won't be returning to this thread, so we can let it die.
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