HELP my fiance saw a picture of my dress and hates it!!!!

nlawler · December 2010

IDK WHAT TO DO!??! I put half down on my order, which was about $2500 but they havent ordered it yet. Im going back in 6 months for a iftting so we know what size to order bc im planning on dropping 2 sizes. Do you think i can still change my order!?!?!?!

marissa_claire · December 2010

Two things:

1) FI has hated some of my dresses (not bridal) before but then we he saw them on me he loved them. I don't know what your FI's like, but just saying.

2) If you haven't ordered it, as in they haven't started making the dress for you, I would talk to the store and see if you could get a credit towards another dress. I would think they would be willing to work with you on it.

nlawler · December 2010

he asked me what was i thinking, and he just absolutley hates it. he says it has to many rhinestones and doesnt like the tulle. The store is closed today, my luck and i have no way of contacting them!

marissa_claire · December 2010

To be honest, it sounds like this must have happened this morning or last night and that you're still upset. I think you probably need to wind down and get your mind on something else until you can call the store. If they haven't submitted an order yet, they should be willing to work with you on it. And frankly, if they aren't willing to help you out, then I would take the remainder of your money elsewhere and start over. You can still find a beautiful gown for $1250, if push comes to shove.

mcornelissen · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_fiance-saw-picture-of-dress-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:23e3a265-8d00-4022-a781-905f76f5665cPost:7f30e821-976b-4c3e-81ca-4f6b97a380df">Re: HELP my fiance saw a picture of my dress and hates it!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Two things: 1) <strong>FI has hated some of my dresses (not bridal) before but then we he saw them on me he loved them. I don't know what your FI's like, but just saying</strong>. 2) If you haven't ordered it, as in they haven't started making the dress for you, I would talk to the store and see if you could get a credit towards another dress. I would think they would be willing to work with you on it.
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

My FI is exactly like that.
I take it he saw a pic of your dress and not a pic of you in it?
Can you not ask the shop to alter the parts he doesnt like?

kd.joseph · December 2010

I think you are fine seriously! Number one that dress will look so different on you then it does the model, and second I'm quite sure if you leave things the way they are and dont talk about it anymore to him he wont even remember what the dress looked like when the time comes.

Men really dont know fashion, or wedding dresses for that matter. And to most men all big white dresses look alike. My DH didnt even remember that he saw my dress before he saw it in real life.

Calm down, I'm sure it will be fine. And honestly I wouldnt change a thing if you love the dress.

mgietler76 · December 2010

I agree, the dress will look completely different on you than the model. You love the dress don't you? That's the most important part, I would take a few days to think about it and if you still want to get a new one I am sure the bridal salon can accommodate you.

nlawler · December 2010

it has alot of crytals all over the torso area and fitted through the hips and layers of tulle on the bottom

impslave · December 2010

Two questions - (1) is it your dream dress and (2) is he helping to pay for it?

If your answers are (1) yes and (2) no, then calm down and keep the dress you want. So what if he doesn't like the tulle, he's not wearing the gown. You are. Be happy with your choice and on the wedding day, he'll be so into how nice you look he won't remember what he said about the dress.

tldh · December 2010

Honey, it's your dress. You are the one who will be wearing it, not him. Dresses also look completely different when they are on you, your hair is done, makeup is done and you have on your headpiece/veil/flower.

sb9411 · December 2010

I'm sure he will think you look gorgeous in it the day of your wedding. Many times, men (and women) can't really tell what a dress is going to look like on a person, until someone puts it on. My FI refuses to tell me what he thinks of ANY dresses when I show them to him on the computer (I haven't shown him mine), because he is scared that it is the one I got and he will say something rude about it. I think your FI was being a little mean to do this to you.

ashleybeth1588 · December 2010

I was looking through bridal magazines after I purchased my dress and I was randomly showing fiance different dresses asking him what he liked. My dress was in the magazine so I threw that one in there. He wasn't too thrilled about it, I got a "eh, I don't really care for that one" Am I still wearing the dress? Heck yes! The dress is me, it's totally my dress and he will love it on. I don't think guys really care about the dress nearly as much as we do, they just want to get married to the ladies they love.

Edit: oh and he doesn't know it's the one... since I showed him a lot so he probably won't even remember.

megk8oz · December 2010

If it's your absolute dream dress and not his money, I'd say ignore him and get it anyway. You're the one that needs to look and feel fabulous in it, not him. If he doesn't like tulle and rhinestones, he totally has the option to wear a tux that doesn't have those things on it.

Personally, DH didn't get a say in my dress, nor did he want one. He wanted me to get whatever made me feel beautiful (Within budget, of course). Honestly, I could have walked down the aisle in torn jeans and beat up sneakers and as long as I felt good in it, he would have thought I was stunning that day.

CaylaSummer · December 2010

do you have a pic of the gown? Honestly the gown will look completely different on you. Obviously you picked because it is flattering on your body and you love it. My FI does not usually like anything I wear anyway and he already told me he did not like lace but the gown I bought has lace all over the bodice and some on the tulle. I don't care if he doesn't like it. It's my money.

I think it was not very nice what he said. Don't worry about it. You don't want to have to go and try more gowns just because he doesn't like what he sees in the pic

tldh · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_fiance-saw-picture-of-dress-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:23e3a265-8d00-4022-a781-905f76f5665cPost:0b5c8272-f111-4c89-9df7-aa3dbfae6e17">Re: HELP my fiance saw a picture of my dress and hates it!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]While I understand being upset at the idea of wearing something your FI hates to your wedding, I would be appalled my DH if DH had had his reaction to anything about my appearance. What kind of man asks his FI what she was thinking when she bought a dress? Any dress? I tried out some hairstyles that DH HATED. But the only way I knew was by gauging his reaction and knowing him as well as I do. <strong>He never once told me he thought something looked awful or stupid. Just said, "well, if that's what you like and you want to wear it that way, then that's fine with me. It's your hair."
</strong>Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This is DH's standard line. If I ask how something looks (and I can feel it's a little tight) and I look like a stuffed sausage I'll get, "Are you comfortable wearing that?" He's never flat out told me that he doesn't like something that I'm wearing.

lalap69 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_fiance-saw-picture-of-dress-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:23e3a265-8d00-4022-a781-905f76f5665cPost:cead25c1-ffaa-417f-961f-581128a56e64">Re: HELP my fiance saw a picture of my dress and hates it!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]he asked me what was i thinking, and he just absolutley hates it. he says it has to many rhinestones and doesnt like the tulle. The store is closed today, my luck and i have no way of contacting them!
Posted by nlawler[/QUOTE]
What an incredibly hurtful thing to say. Based on your first post, I thought maybe he'd come across it and commented without realizing it was your dress. I can't believe he'd bash your wedding dress like that. Is he always so insensitive?

Also, if you were planning on showing him the dress anyway, why not take him shopping for it with you? If his opinion matters that much?

annakb8 · December 2010

Ignore him. He will think you look great regardless.

However...will you still love this dress in 20 months when you get married?

slubkin · December 2010

My FI watched a lot of SYTTD with me and gave me his opinion on some styles I was looking at online. He told me he didn't like tulle either. He also really didn't like a lot of the over-the-top sparkly Pnina Tornai dresses the show featured. I kept those things in mind when I went dress shopping.

That said, if your FI never expressed an opinion to you before you went dress shopping, you can hardly be held responsible for choosing something he doesn't like. I also agree with PPs that many times, the guys don't like a dress in a picture but they do like it on YOU when they see it. The dress is important, but it is important because it shows off YOU! Maybe your FI didn't like it because he thought the dress would steal the attention away from how beautiful you are.

I think that he will love you in whatever dress you choose, and if he holds a resentment over your dress choice, I think maybe the dress itself isn't the issue that needs to be addressed.

opalsky007 · December 2010

Ask and you shall receive:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_found-dress-tell-think

Honestly, I know guys who are opinionated about dresses, but once that dress is on a girl? It's all about the girl, not the dress. He's going to think you look beautiful no matter what.

But if it really does bother you? You have ALL kinds of time to make a change. Your shop hasn't even ordered the dress since you don't know what size you need (I still think 14 months out is crazy early if you're planning on losing weight), and they can apply the cash toward another gown. Take your FI along this time if you go shopping again and think his opinion is important.

kd.joseph · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_fiance-saw-picture-of-dress-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:23e3a265-8d00-4022-a781-905f76f5665cPost:8c786ac3-bc9f-4c93-bd0c-ef1075cf1a36">Re: HELP my fiance saw a picture of my dress and hates it!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask and you shall receive: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_found-dress-tell-think" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_found-dress-tell-think</a> Honestly, I know guys who are opinionated about dresses, but once that dress is on a girl? It's all about the girl, not the dress. He's going to think you look beautiful no matter what. But if it really does bother you? You have ALL kinds of time to make a change. Your shop hasn't even ordered the dress since you don't know what size you need (I still think 14 months out is crazy early if you're planning on losing weight), and they can apply the cash toward another gown. Take your FI along this time if you go shopping again and think his opinion is important.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

You are wise Opal! TY for the picture, and the back story.

Tanq&Tonic · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_fiance-saw-picture-of-dress-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:23e3a265-8d00-4022-a781-905f76f5665cPost:8c786ac3-bc9f-4c93-bd0c-ef1075cf1a36">Re: HELP my fiance saw a picture of my dress and hates it!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask and you shall receive: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_found-dress-tell-think" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_found-dress-tell-think</a> Honestly, I know guys who are opinionated about dresses, but once that dress is on a girl? It's all about the girl, not the dress. He's going to think you look beautiful no matter what. But if it really does bother you? You have ALL kinds of time to make a change. Your shop hasn't even ordered the dress since you don't know what size you need (I still think 14 months out is crazy early if you're planning on losing weight), and they can apply the cash toward another gown. Take your FI along this time if you go shopping again and think his opinion is important.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]
Quoted for truth. I have to agree that you should ask the store to hold the dress and commit to a gown only after you've lost the intended weight. Maybe you'll feel differently after your body changes. If you do stop the current order, definitely take FI with you when you're ready to order again.

StarBriteStarLite · December 2010

There are few bridal gowns out there that are actually "ugly." I just saw a picture of yours, and I can imagine it being gorgeous on someone whose style it matches...

Most are beautiful.

From my own experience, dresses look much different on than they do in pictures, or when worn by models. My dress is not exactly as I imagined it would be, but I love how it looks on me. I chickened out of ordering online for that reason.

You can alter just about anything, too.

Once he sees it on you he'll change his mind.

lalap69 · December 2010

Nice detective work, Opal!

mcornelissen · December 2010

kay, that is a GORGEOUS dress!! I wouldnt change anything.

rice brenda · December 2010

You should give him more cool wedding dresses,unique!

bosoxy · December 2010

I agree with PPs. Dresses always look different on the person who will wear them. Wear the dress you want. i bet he will be so distracted that day, he won't care what your wearing.

Cynthia1207 · December 2010

Agreed with PPs. The dress will look different on you than it does on the model. My FI likes those hideous pick-up dresses. I can't stand them. Do you honestly think I am going to buy a dress I don't like for my wedding day just to please FI's taste? Hell no. And that's besides the fact that those ugly dresses looked even worse when I put them on. I chose something FI will never suspect. I honestly don't know if he will like it but I don't care. I know it looks beautiful on me and on that day with my hair and makeup done and with the smile I'll have plastered on my face, he WILL find ME beautiful just as he does when I'm wearing sweats and a T-shirt or my flannel pajamas.

I wouldn't worry about it. Your dress is GORGEOUS! (Mine also has tulle and rhinestones but isn't a drop-waist so I just might be biased

) I say stick to what you have. That's what you want, that's what it'll be.

DanielleM01 · December 2010

I like your dress! And I agree, I think it will look beautiful on, maybe he just isn't thinking about it that way. I haven't shown my fiance my dress because I want it to be a surprise but if I had and he really said those things to me.....oh boy, he would be in trouble. Not to mention I don't think he even knows what tulle is. But everyone's different I guess. Unless he's buying you the dress, wear whatever dress you want. If it really bothers you and will ruin your day because he initially didn't like the dress you can do what the other PPs have said and try to get a hold of the store.

On another note, does he do this kind of thing a lot? Does he always strongly voice his opinion on what you wear, or tell you your outfit is ugly, doesn't like your hair, etc? I don't know your relationship at all obviously, but it would be a red flag to me. Just something to keep in the back of your head. Maybe have a talk with him about it.

lnwyatt · December 2010

i fell in love with my dress. I spoke to my FI the night after i tried it on (didn't tell him about what it looked like).. i was worried it was too much (my goal was to stay under $1K and it was right at that mark) and i wasn't sure... he said that it was clear in my voice that it was THE prefect dress for me and that I should get it. So a few weeks later, I put down my deposit and ordered the dress. That night I fretted so much that he wouldn't like it (he loves 'traditional' and my dress is anything but that... but the only gowns he's ever seen were those that his sisters and mother wore)

My point is that if he loves you, which i'm sure he does without a doubt, then he probably won't even notice all those details you mention.. hell, he probably wouldn't even care if you were in a burlap sack. He'll just be excited to marry you. So what really matters is that YOU love it. And that should be all that matters to him too!

JenE4423 · December 2010

It's your dress, you'll be the one wearing it. The fact that you loved it enough to order it should be enough for him. Every bride should feel like a princess on her wedding day, and if rhinestones and tulle are your thing, then that's your prerogative. Traditionally, the groom isn't supposed to see the dress until you're walking down the aisle in it anyway, and as many of the girls who posted before have said, things look completely different on you than they do on the hanger.

You can try to change your order with the bridal salon, but honestly you'll probably lose your deposit and that's a lot of money that could've been spent on other wedding-related expenses. If your FI thinks it's too over-the-top, try to downplay the rest of your ensemble by going light on jewelry and choosing a simple veil and headpiece. Not to judge him too harshly, but he sounds a bit selfish that he's criticizing your choice in the most important piece of clothing you'll wear in your lifetime.

medrollette · December 2010

I agree with the comments that if it is your dream dress than wear it. My fiance has not seen a picture of my dress and I doubt he will ever until the wedding. I don't show him pics of dresses and he hasn't asked. He likes the surprise factor. Even if he said he hated it, TOO bad because it is what I picked and everyone that has seen it loves it.

I think it was kind of mean that he asked what were you thinking. After all everyone knows that a bride picks a dress that she loves and dreams to wear on her big day

HELP my fiance saw a picture of my dress and hates it!!!!

Re: HELP my fiance saw a picture of my dress and hates it!!!!

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