Advice to the October 2013 Brides

minionlover · October 2012

It's that time ladies. Post your advice for to the October 2013 brides here. :

aro1589 · October 2012

Don't put things off! I must have said "Oh, I'll do that closer to the wedding" 100 times. which left me with 100 things to do in the few months right before the wedding.

Prioritize! Pick one or two things that are most important (venue and photography for me) and splurge there. And scale down the rest. I spent more than I had anticipated on the venue, so I cut back on stationary, centerpieces, and my dress. It's easy to say "but it's my wedding!" for everything and go way over budget. keep in mind not EVERYTHING is THAT important. no one will remember if you have pew decorations or not.

Don't get mad at FI for not being as into everything as you are. Guys are just not wired that way. I've been planning our wedding in my head for the entire 4 years we were engaged. FI has said that at 23 days out, it doesn't even feel real yet. "WHAT?! HOW CAN IT NOW FEEL REAL? WE'VE HAD 4 YEARS TO PREPARE!" FI will never get as excited as you over the cake, the flowers, or the rsvp envelope font. only you are about those details. and it's okay. he still loves you and wants to marry you. cut him some slack.

start getting addresses pronto. it is SUCH a pain in the butt trying to gather everyone's address.

don't obsess over your weight. I lost 37 pounds between January 2011 and May 2012. But then I didn't lose another pound between May and October. and it's fine. FI loves you they way you are now or else he would not have proposed to you. If you lose some weight, great! if not...don't beat yourself up over it. you will look stunning no matter what.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Having a beautiful wedding is nice, but having a beautiful marriage is better. don't lose sight of what the day is all about.

samanthaeisner · October 2012

Don't forget to do NWR things with your FI. Keep your date night! If you spend every weekend doing wedding things, it becomes a chore and not something fun. My FI and I did something for us, even if it was just watching a movie, once a week. It kept us both sane.

violakat03 · October 2012

Get started on your DIYs NOW. It is never too early. And if you do something now and change your mind later (trust me, it WILL happen), no big deal! At worst, you can always try to sell the old stuff on TK or craiglist.

Garage sales and thrift stores can be your best friends, especially when it comes to decorations. You really never know what you're going to find.

You will probably spend way more than you planned on. Might as well just accept it and plan for it. You never know what crisis is going to come your way, who is going to back out on paying what they promised, when prices are suddenly going to skyrocket, or what might happen with your job.

Don't let TK take over your life. I've noticed an almost "cookie-cutter" trend happening on here ... make sure your wedding is your wedding, not the wedding that people on TK tell you that you should be having. Stay out of the etiquette forum unless you are going in there for something very specific, like invitation wording maybe. They're ruthless and, I think, a tad bit out of touch with reality. Don't let them spoil your time on TK.

Add your month girls to your Facebook! You'll get to know these girls really well over the next year and it will be nice to stay in touch with them after the big day.

RockstarWifey0912 · October 2012

I'm mobile so if this all lumps together, I'm sorry! I'll edit soon! Stick to your guns. Want a small wedding party? Great! Stick to it. Don't add extra people because they throw a hissy fit. Want a certain color? Great don't change halfway through. If something isn't important to you bridesmaid dress, centerpieces, and it is important to someone else... let them win. I really didn't care what my girls wore, and they both liked a certain style dress. Its not what I liked but it looked amazing on them. I'll be back after october 26!

[Deleted User] · October 2012

Be careful posting on other boards those ladies can be mean!
You might want to consider eloping, it will be much easier but perhaps not as satisfying!
Forget etiquette and save some money, send invitations through evite. Seriously you spend all that money and people don't send them back, it was the # complaint from ladies that I could tell. If you have guests that don't do internet well then grab a pack of cards from Hobby Lobby and send out a few to those people. You can always tell people you are concerned about the environment!

annanoel21 · October 2012

Or do DIY invites with rsvp by phone, email, text, fb, etc. Be sure to pick you wedding party wisely. Use oriental trading. Find ways to DIY is so much cheaper. No need to spend tons of money when you won't remember anyway. I had lots of pains due to my wedding party that I almost said I was going to the courthouse. If I had it to do over again I probably would go to the courthouse. It's a whole lot simpler and less money.

n Response to Re:Advice to the October 2013 Brides:[QUOTE]Be careful posting on other boards those ladies can be mean!You might want to consider eloping, it will be much easier but perhaps not as satisfying!Forget etiquette and save some money, send invitations through evite. Seriously you spend all that money and people don't send them back, it was the complaint from ladies that I could tell. If you have guests that don't do internet well then grab a pack of cards from Hobby Lobby and send out a few to those people. You can always tell people you are concerned about the environment! Posted by stephdi7971[/QUOTE]

MicMikeM · October 2012

Definitely do a date night, even if it is sitting at home just watching a movie. We were so strapped for cash in the year of planning that we worked all kinds of hours. So, we were rarely off work and didn't have the financial resources to go out and do a restaurant and movie type of date night. Some of our best days were just wandering around town talking and then going home to a home made dinner and a movie. They were the most relaxing times, especially since they were 100% NWR.

Be prepared budget wise, and remember, DIY is not necessarily less expensive. I was originally going to make our invites, but once I calculated cost of supplies, time to make them, extra postage, etc. it wasn't worth it. Oh, and square invites cost more in postage, yikes!

I think budget blew me out of the water once I calculated everything, and I mean everything. Our wedding rings alone blew the budget, and that was before invitations, postage, gratuities for the minister, photographers, limo driver, etc, and especially, tax and gratuity on your reception space. I don't regret any of it, but wow did it add up fast!

If you are thinking of getting married in Las Vegas, I highly recommend it! I can't even tell you how much stress was alleviated by my wedding coordinator at the chapel. If the day of coordinator is that helpful it will be smooth sailing. Plus I loved having the photography, ceremony space, limo, etc. all packaged together.

The thing I most regret is at one point just breaking down in tears and saying, "I can't wait for this all to be OVER!" It broke FI's heart. He was buying me wedding magazines, taking me shopping to see wedding related stuff, and helping as much as he could and then I go and say that. Trust me, you do not want to see your FI crying less than a month before the wedding over something you said.

Do NOT let stress get you to that point. FIL's will be difficult, your own family will be difficult. The best people I found were the ones on my wedding month board. I stayed away from other boards because no one seemed to understand like the other brides on the same schedule.

Anxiety dreams will come - just tell yourself all the bad stuff happens in your dreams so it doesn't happen in real life.

Relax any way you can as often as you can, even if it's just locking yourself in the bathroom and taking a longer shower than usual.

Good luck and congratulations!

CFM102012 · October 2012

My biggest lifesaver has been my accordian file. There are wedding planner things out there that have attached files. Save your money and just go to any CVS/Walgreens/walmart etc and get a plastic accordian file. Label each pocket as you need (I have pockets for Ceremony and Prep, Photography, reception and venue etc). As you begin planning you can stash contact info for vendors you're consdering and contracts when you've decided. I also recommend getting a sturdy tote bag that the accordian file can fit into. Anything wedding related meeting/consultation or whatever that you go to, take your bag and your file. I'm not normally an organized person but having everything together has helped so much. My parents and FI are wondering who this organized girl is and what happend to the CFM they know, because this one can stay lol. I also kept a spiral notebook, a little wedding planner guide and any bridal mags in my wedding bag. If you correspond with any of your vendors via email save those emails. If you talk with them on the phone, email them a confirmation of what you discussed and save it. If you're having problems with a certain vendor, print your emails out for your file. You never know when having something in print will save you frustration.

Realize that not everything is going to go exactly as planned. Allow yourself to be a little disappointed then figure out what the next best thing is that is possible and go with that.

Do NOT choose your wedding party too early. Once you've asked them, there's no way to unask them without potentially losing a friend. I got lucky. I asked my friends more than a year before the wedding and haven't had any problems. This is the exception not the rule. There are plenty of girls over on Wedding Party asking about firing/demoting/unasking BM's. Relationships change. Also realize that they are friends and/or family, not slaves or props. Set your expectations of your wedding party very low, all they have to do is show up in the chosen/approved dress on your wedding day. Anything else that they offer to do is bonus.

Remember to give your FI a chance to give his opinion at each step. Even better (if you can let go of control) let him be in charge of something if it's something he seems particularly interested in. It's his wedding too. If you disagree, find ways to compromise. It's one of the greatest strengths of any relationship.

Lastly, lean on your fellow Oct 13 knotties. These girls are at the same point in planning that you are. They know your stress, they understand when you need to vent about your crazy FMIL, and will appreciate with you each little check no matter how mundane the rest of the world thinks it is. The Oct 12 knotties have been such good "friends" to me, even though I don't personally know any of them. I couldn't have asked for better girls to plan my wedding with.

Congratulations, Good luck and Happy Planning!

jeffsgirl100612 · October 2012

Try not to do too much yourself... I know you all think you are superwoman, and can DIY everything yourself.. you have a year stretch as much as you can over the year.. dont try and do everything in the last 2 months like I did.. Dont be afraid to delegate responsibilities.. and make sure the people you delegate them to are responsibe.. and that they are clear in their responsibilities... Try to relax, and enjoy your time and also not take your agressions out on your FI or your BP... I am paying for that now.. everyone is pissed at me for being bridezilla because I tried to do too much, didnt make the expectations clear, and expected way too much out of everyone... Good luck girls.. it will be a roller coaster year.. marked by ups and downs.. but in the end your day is YOUR day it is about you, your FI and your love for eachother.. enjoy it!

EADenver · October 2012

My #1 piece of advice: you don't have to have a wedding to get married. Don't lose sight for a second of what the day is all about. The wedding is the first day of your marriage.

#2: If you aren't a DIYer, don't become one for the wedding. I hate crafting and anything DIY so I planned my wedding accordingly.

#3: Finish everything 3 weeks before the wedding. Seriously. At 21 days out, I was done! I didn't wait to turn in menus, guest counts etc and had an RSVP date of more than 6 weeks before the wedding to allow me to do this. I have all the checks ready to go for the day-of and mailed everything I could in advance. So why finish so early? So you can cruise to the finish line spending time relaxing with your FI and getting more and more excited instead of more and more stressed.

Congratulations!! Your day will be perfect!

NMI · October 2012

Start putting a bit of money away NOW. Even if it's a few bucks. It will come in handy when it is time to tip your crew!

goatlady12 · October 2012

From experience, make sure you have someone take pictures for you at your showers. I had two bridal showers and NO pictures. Please learn from my mistake, I was really sad when I realized I forgot to get them!

Also try to stay calm your friends, family and FILs mean well. They might make you want to scream, but they are only trying to help. Try not to freak out on them for trying to be helpful.

Enjoy this process it's over quicker than you can believe!

shasha5847 · October 2012

Hi October 2013 Brides!

Remember, this is supposed to be a celebration of the person you love! If you can't afford it, don't do it. Financial setbacks will come up (trust me, my car died 6 months into planning and now we have a car payment that we didn't have when we started). Start early, even when people say "You've already got your flowers (venue, dj, etc)." Getting those things done early means you don't have to worry about that at the last minute. Ask your FI what he wants to be involved in, so you don't have false expectations (mine cared about food, music, venue but not about flowers, seating arrangements or the exact words in the ceremony). Spend some nights not doing wedding stuff (especially around the holidays, that's insane enough). Don't talk about your wedding too much at work, unless people ask, especially if you are not inviting folks from work (in my situation it was invite all or none, I chose none). Remember the people that you want there on your day. It's not a show for the whole world, it's a moment you should share with those that care about you and your FI. Don't have a million people in your bridal party, in times of trouble, who out of that group of 20 would you really go to? Don't DIY if you don't want to. Balance cost with your time. I DIYd a couple of things, but then paid for other things to be done (etsy is good friend). Pinterest is a great place to capture ideas so you can come back to them later. Don't Facebook every last detail about your wedding, the 500+ friends you may have on FB are not all necessarily invited.

I'm sure I have more but there will be a lot of other insight. Good luck, have fun, and remember what the day is all about (hint: it's not the dress, hair, nails and makeup).

mlperkins12 · October 2012

Hi October 2013 Ladies! Congratulations!!

I was married this past weekend and now that I am "experienced" in executing a wedding I feel well positioned to offer some advice. The first thing I learned was that sometimes it is just easier to keep things to yourself. I'm a control freak, so I left myself lots of time to get things done early and I didn't really need to worry about accepting outside help, or the potential complications associated with it. When it comes to the special details, keep them to yourself, it will make the day more special. Some people will want to see what you cake is going to look like, what kind of flowers you are planning, but trust me by keeping it close to your vest you will be able to wow your guests in the end.

Communication is key. Weather it is with your vendors, family, friends or FI, talk things through. It will eliminate conflict, quell fears and make people feel included. Remember when dealing with conflict (particularly with family) they will be around long after the wedding. It's your day, but their feelings matter. It's ok to hold your tongue to save someone's feelings, particularly if they are important to you. You will grow as a person from this process, make sure the evolution is a positive one.

You will do you best to plan for every situation, but you are going to miss something. Accept it, deal with it and move on. Be decisive, make decisions and don't dwell. What color your unity candle lighter is really doesn't matter. I actually spent time in Target "picking out" a lighter, nobody could even see it, much less care.

I didn't drink a drop at my wedding. There were two advantages, first I have a clear memory of the day. Second, it seemed to slow things down a bit. You want to savor every moment you can, this might buy you a few extra.

Invest in your photographer and good food. You want special memories and happy guests. You can get married in a paper bag and a good photographer will make it look amazing. Relax and have fun, you are only going to do this once!

udream05 · October 2012

congratulation girls!!! My wedding was last weekend and my first major bit of advice is that unfortunately things will arise on your wedding day and close to your wedding day that will throw you off and if you let them they can ruin things for you.. however, deal with them as well as possible and then let them go because this is your day and don't let anyone else try and take that from you. Don't sweat the small stuff either.

As for planning advice, personally it definitely wasn't as fun as I had hoped, I was too worried about bothering my friends to help me so I ended up doing everything myself and it definitely would have been more fun with help.

Set a budget and leave room for mishaps. Prioritize. Venue was important to us, but we knew the cheaper place would still be as much fun if not more than the more expensive place even though the more expensive place was gorgeous. in the end we have quite a few less people than had expected and would have been really stressed with the F&B minimum the expensive place had. Photography was very important to us and so that's where we splurged. At one point I had my heart set on a photobooth but then after pricing them didn't feel like spending the money anymore.

Make sure not to let your wedding take over your life, it will drive you and everyone around you crazy. Be sure to have girls nights out doing regular stuff and date nights w/ FI. Don't get upset when FI isn't as in to it as you are, for most guys it's just not their thing. For mine, I would narrow down my ideas and then run by my top three, so he was still involved but not so much that he was hating me for it or driving me nuts with his lack of interest.

Give plenty of time between your RSVP due by date and your final numbers due date. Many girls were chasing down quite a bit of people, why they can't just put that RSVP in the mailbox, gets me.. but they can't. It's just one of those things you must accept even though it drives us all nuts. We had extra people come and a few people not show, I heard of this happening but really didn't expect it would happen at "My" wedding, but it did, so just know that it happens and don't freak when it does.

Plan your honeymoon doing something you can afford and something you enjoy. It's no one elses vacation so don't let other people influence your honeymoon. We're taking ours 6 months later and did a short "minimoon" right afterwards. Don't go back to work right after, you'll need time to decompress after all the craziness.

and last of all, enjoy and don't forget what this is all about, you are marrying your best friend and don't forget to cherish everyday with him,

BMBrinson · October 2012

Enjoy your day. It goes by fast. Don't sweat the small stuff. Try and do non wedding related things with your FI the week before. I also highly recommend a first look, we where able to take a few minutes are really think about what was happening and be with each other before the wedding started. Me coming down the aisle was still emotional and special. Eat a piece of your cake! Or make sure someone grabs you one to take home! Its all worth it in the end!

ap142193 · October 2012

If in doubt....hire a coordinator. I did the planning, but having someone coordinate the vendors and the decorations was such a relief. I never could have done it and enjoyed the day of my wedding.

Have a vision before you start planing and placing orders. I was never the girl who planned her wedding starting at age 5 and I was so lost when it came to making decisions about sytles, colors, flowers, etc.

Take pictures you like from magazines to show vendors what you like and dont like.

Its better to buy your dress a little to big than too small. You can always have it altered down. I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition that caused me to gain all the weight back I lost. When I bought my dress, I needed a size 10, but ordered a size 12 because I have a large bust....I wish I would have ordered a 14. My dress fit, but just barely and there was no way to make it bigger.

nataliet02 · October 2012

I'm 2 days out but here is my advice for now

-Drama. Every wedding will get it and all you have to do is put it behind you. The most important thing is that you are marrying the person you love.

-This is your wedding! FI and I are covering all the costs and we had a bad start trying to please everyone else instead of doing a wedding we wanted. When we finally decided we were going to do what we wanted everything just fell into place.

-DIY Bride? Make a list of everything you want to make and set goals for them to be done.

-On that note don't set all due dates for the same day. Start early and work on one project at a time.

-Save your reciepts! Sometimes you buy something and 2 weeks later it goes on sale or a great coupon comes out. I return and rebuy to save some money. This is especially great for DIY Brides.

-Take the help! Even if you are an overcontrolling bride and want to do it all pretty soon "all" can consume your life. I luckily have an FI that noticed my stress and divided my tasks out to other people.

BrittneyRN · October 2012

Don't rush into eevery little detail, but don't put things off until the last minute either.

Enjoy planning!! There's a good chance you'll miss it when it's over

Research, research, research. I changed my mind a ton of times during planning.

Remember that your wedding party is there because they are your closest friends. They are not required to help you out with planning the wedding, nor are they required to throw pre-wedding parties for you. Don't end freindships because your bridal party is doing things for you.

If you need help, ask your FI. It's his wedding too, and you should count on him more to help than anyone else.

Only send STDs to those you absolutely know you will invite to the wedding.

Don't send invites until 6-8 weeks out, and don't make your response date more than amonth out fro the wedding. I suggest 3 weeks. Any more, and you'll have a lot of people changing their minds.

SomethingBeautiful08 · October 2012

First off, if you are seeing this in January, March or later, please DO NOT PANIC despite what everyone might tell you, it is possible to plan a great wedding in less then a year, you don't have every option avalible as some vendors may be booked, but you've got options.

That being said do try to get things done earlier rather then later. The knot timeline is just aa guideline and don't beat yourself up if you get it done much earlier or later then the checklist says.  The last couple of months are busy... as much as you can do before then, the better.

Talk to your FH first and then other important people and develop a vision for the wedding and the budget, then stick to it, compromise on less critical things to you, and only you know what that list is.

Remember that is is about preping for a marriage just as much as it is preping for the wedding, please stay focused on keeping up the relationship with your FH and taking the wedding as a chance to learn and grow closer to him and your families.  Make sure you fit in some premartial counciling, hopefully formal with a concelor or a pastor, but at a minimum start finding the old married couples whos relationships work and start talking to them... This is invaluable information.

Good luck with everything and I hope you enjoy this amazing time in your life.

achiduck · November 2012

The ladies above have covered a lot of what I was going to say, so instead I will offer this: Do not over-book your day. Where ever possible, delegate things like setup, transport of items, etc to others. It goes SO fast, I hardly remember walking down the aisle! I know the string quartet was playing but I barely heard them once I saw H waiting for me. Take time to enjoy and take it all in. Schedule moments for just you and your FI, visit with your guests (especially the ones who made a lot of effort to be there) and remember that if things don't go exactly as planned you are going to be the only one who notices.

WeddingBeautyBlog · November 2012

Agree with all these ladies- especially Aro, about prioritising your wedding list. It the one biggest favor you can do for yourself.

Just posted a video explaining the 3 steps to prioritising a wedding checklist...VIDEO ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqXLoYYUBlo&feature=plcp

When you prioritise your wedding checklist it will help you focus on what's important to you and your fiance, so you know where to spend your money, your time and your energy when planning your wedding. Sooo important.

If you want the whole system explained and packaged in a great Wedding Checklist, plus Step by step videos then help yourself to this free system called the Wedding Checklist Formula

from http://www.weddingchecklistformula.com for free- It contains a blueprint for the most important items on your wedding checklist and it saves you from stress, confusion and overwhelm in planning a successful wedding.

Warmest wishes to all brides for their wedding,

Nomiki

WeddingChecklistFormula.com

LadyElite · November 2012

Ok, my advice is partially cost effective!

Weddings do not have to cost an arm and a leg!! Before you go out and spend money, do your research. THE INTERNET IS FREE. Don't buy books or magazines if you can help yourself. In fact, some of the larger bridal shows may include a subscription to a bridal magazine.

http://www.pashweddings.com/library/weddingchecklists.php has a free wedding planner, checklists, questions to ask, etc. You can print what you need and get a binder from Staples and there you have a very inexpensive and customized wedding binder.

Do not underestimate Etsy.com! I got my cardbox, programs, menu cards and table numbers from there.

If you have an iPhone or Android, use weddingpartyapp.com. It's a great way to document all aspects of your wedding.

It's okay to NOT discuss your wedding 24/7. The bigger picture is the marriage not the wedding.

There's a pretty good chance that your fiance might not do anything during this period. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Men don't obsess about their wedding days from the time that their 6 years old.

That show, Bridezillas? Yeah...don't do that.

There's so much more but that's it for now. Feel free to email me at elitecushion@gmail.com if you have any questions.

amyelise25 · November 2012

I agree with a pp about not becoming Martha Stewart if you aren't a DIY type. DIY projects always take more time than you think and aren't always fun. If you aren't that type, than skip the project or fork out the extra dough. I am BEYOND grateful that I paid extra money for someone else to assemble my favors.

DH and I picked our top three important things for the wedding and then focused our time and money on those. You can get stuck in the weeds pretty quickly on EVERYTHING. I knew I would go crazy if I spent tons of time, money, and energy on every aspect. So we picked the most important parts and that is where we spent our effort/money. For example, the wedding cake wasn't on either of our lists so we didn't obsess over where to get it or what it would taste like.

Consider waiting a day before leaving on your honeymoon. You will be physically and emotionally drained the next day. I couldn't have imagined dealing with the hassle of travel that next day. Concentrate on finishing your packing, opening gifts, depositing checks, returning the tux and relaxing. It also gives you a chance to reminisce with others about your day.

laurencorbett · November 2012

The best advice I can offer for October brides?

Don't cry if it rains ALL DAY.... A little bit of rain makes for Perfect pictures

xxjen015 · November 2012

Congrats!! Relax and enjoy this time! Make sure you are enjoying the planning process. Yes, it's stressful, especially close to the end, but make sure you have good people around you to support you all the way through. I know a lot of people on here ended up with WP trouble, myself briefly included, but I really think a lot of it is because emotions are running high. Make sure you choose people to stand by your side because you genuinely want them there, not because you're afraid you'll hurt feelings if they aren't there.

If you want an opinion on something...your wedding month girls will be great!! I didn't discover TK boards until a few months before the wedding...but I'm so happy I did!! They're great to give wedding related advice and non. It's nice to have a place to vent to people who also have wedding brain and can point out when you're probably overreacting to something (it happens!!) and be supportive when you need it.

Enjoy your wedding day! Relax and take everything with a grain of salt! It will be perfect, no matter what. I got a call the morning of my wedding saying that our dance floor was ruined because rain had managed to get under the tarp. When I got there, it was fine!! Just focus on having a wonderful time and the fact that you're about to marry the love of your life.

Lastly, if you can, wait a day or two to take your honeymoon!! We were EXHAUSTED the first day of our honeymoon! We didn't go to bed until probably 1 or 2 in the morning and had to be at the airport at 6. Our flights weren't very long, and even though I did nap a little bit, the wedding takes a lot out of you!! We wish we'd been better rested so we could have done a little more that first day.

Good luck!!

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