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Feel bad about long-distance MOH

So my MOH has a super crazy schedule.  I am in Detroit and she lives in MN.  She JUST got married (this last Saturday!!) and she's in another wedding next month, then she has mine in November.  Flights are SUPER expensive, so they usually make the 10+ hour drive to Detroit for these events, including their own wedding.

I have tried to tell her that the only thing I need from her is to stand up next to me at my wedding, and not to worry about making the trip out for my bach party or shower, but she keeps insisting on coming out.  My one BM has kind of started to plan the BP for Halloween weekend, so if she came, she'd be making the trip twice in two weeks.  I think that is insane, and I've tried to tell her that it's really okay, she doesn't have to come but she won't listen.  I know I can't make her NOT come, and usually people have the opposite of this problem, but I feel so bad!  I know she's just such an awesome friend that she's trying to participate as much as possible, but I feel horrible!  Do you guys think I should just drop it and let her come even though it makes me feel bad?  I just hate seeing her spend all this time and money when it's just one night out at the bar...it seems completely unnecessary.
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Re: Feel bad about long-distance MOH

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Just drop it.  She knows how you feel but now It is up to her if she decides to come or not.  She is an adult and can make the decision to spend however much on travel that she wants.

    It sounds like she is a great friend who really wants to be there for your pre wedding events.  I think if you keep telling her that she really doesn't have to come the more apt she is to think that you just don't want her there.

  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2012
    Ditto Maggie.  She obviously feels she can make the trip and wants to be there.  Enjoy the time with her, let her know how much you love and appreciate her and be happy. 
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  • I'd leave it be. It sounds like she really wants to be with you during this exciting time. Instead of putting so much emphasis on her NOT coming I would make it a point to let her know how much you appreciate her time and effort. 

    I'm not sure how your budget looks but maybe offer her some money for the cost of gas for making that long trip twice in two weeks?

    Or better yet - pay for her drinks when you go out for your Bachelorette party or make sure her MOH is something extra special. 
  • You've let her know that it's optional, and she's decided that she can make the trip anyway.  Even if it's not a good decision for whatever reason, she's an adult and the decision is still hers.  No need for you to feel guilty, just make sure you show plenty of gratitude for all that she's doing.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Funny-my MOH and I are the exact same-I'm in MN and she's just outside Detroit :)  

    Don't worry-weddings are an important event, and she wants to be there to support you. Hopefully she'll get good deals on flights. Maybe you could offer her a place to stay (with you or a friend/family member) so she won't have to pay for hotels?
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