My last invitation addressing question, I promise!

achiduck · June 2012

I'm sending my guest list to the invitation designer tonight so he can get everything printed.

Is it:

a) Mrs. & Mr. Jane and John Smith

b) Mrs. Jane and Mr. Jon Smith

c) Jane and John Smith

d) Something else?

DramaGeek · June 2012

I *think* either a or b would be correct, although you can always go the informal route of c but I'd only do that if the formality of your wedding fits the dropping of titles.

starrynight84 · June 2012

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, unless she holds a title, prefers to go by Ms., has a different or hyphenated last name or one of the millions of other exceptions.

Full list of exceptions:

http://www.emilypost.com/communication-and-technology/notes-and-letters/96-guide-to-addressing-correspondence

MyUserName1 · June 2012

ick. I hate Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

I still have a first name, thank you very much.

DramaGeek · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:f74515e1-7987-4b62-ac6b-e2f9c5aceb7f">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]ick. I hate Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. I still have a first name, thank you very much.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

This.

Achi, I did mine all wrong and went with "Mr and Mrs John and Jane Smith" Everyone survived ;-)

starrynight84 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:f74515e1-7987-4b62-ac6b-e2f9c5aceb7f">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]ick. I hate Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. I still have a first name, thank you very much.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You might hate it, but, as is commonly said, this IS the etiquette board and that IS the proper etiquette. (See Emily Post) </div><div>
</div><div>That being said, if you make those personal preferences well-known to others, you could be addressed informally as Jane and John Smith. Or get a doctorate. Then you'd get to be first AND have your own name/title written :)</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

achiduck · June 2012

I also can't stand Mrs. & Mr. John Smith. I know that's what Emily Post says but she's starting to get a bit outdated IMO.

The wedding is going to be fairly formal so I think titles really need to be there.

starrynight84 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:5f3b272b-6733-46fd-a8e4-8612c28ef447">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise! : She was just stating her opinion. FFS.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, I know she was. I am well-versed in fact vs opinion since I'm an elementary school teacher. That shite is on the standardized tests, after all. </div><div>
</div><div>My personal favorite: "Fact or or opinion? 'It is hot outside today.'" That one always confused a few kids. </div>

MyUserName1 · June 2012

Ooooh, burn.

I just got schooled on the E board.

Y'all gonna forbid me from giving my advice ever again?

ETA: Also, wtf up with the if you don't like it, get a doctorate. You can go fuuuuck yourself with that bullshit.

starrynight84 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:6c2aac59-4727-43de-8b76-8c227a7801e7">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]I also can't stand Mrs. & Mr. John Smith. I know that's what Emily Post says but she's starting to get a bit outdated IMO. The wedding is going to be fairly formal so I think titles really need to be there.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I agree. But I don't really think you have a lot of options. Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith just looks weird. I would probably do Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith if you are really opposed to doing it the Emily Post etiquette way. </div><div>
</div><div>In the scheme of things, it's probably no big deal, Achi. </div>

starrynight84 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:1c1d1024-2b55-48e6-a4fc-21a6f1c1686b">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise! : Gud 4 u.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>IKR?! Damn, how'd I get to be so cool? </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>And I honestly wasn't trying to burn you, MUN1. Trust me, if I was, you would FEEL THE BURN.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Was a joke, MUN1, FFS. Obviously not trying to dictate your educational goals.</div>

starrynight84 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:f2387fe3-5323-4298-a73d-3b9c7055357b">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise! : You didn't.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>Sarcasm fail, Edie. </div>

[Deleted User] · June 2012

Good grief, regs use the 'this is an etiquette board, that's proper etiquette' line all the time. You don't have to jump down her throat for it.

achiduck · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:55ce72c6-619d-4ea1-b10a-3ea87bf4f2a2">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise! : I agree. But I don't really think you have a lot of options. Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith just looks weird. I would probably do Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith if you are really opposed to doing it the Emily Post etiquette way. <strong>In the scheme of things, it's probably no big deal, Achi. </strong>
Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]
Agreed, I'm just trying to do it correctly :)

starrynight84 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:ef78c90f-521e-47a7-bf9f-66a1cde13ba5">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise! : Agreed, I'm just trying to do it correctly :)
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

<div>I know, I know, I'm the same way. What did you decide to do?</div>

DramaGeek · June 2012

Etiquette wise, both

Mrs and Mr Jane and John Smith and
Mrs Jane and Mr John Smith

are correct. Neither separates the man from his last name, and both line Mrs up with Jane and Mr with John.

Is it the normal way to do it? No, but if you're avoiding Mr and Mrs John Smith, then I think either one would be ok.

achiduck · June 2012

Thanks Drama.

ootmother2 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:bf7b0a4f-13ad-4e7d-a7d8-4c5aaba704fe">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise! : You might hate it, but, as is commonly said, this IS the etiquette board and that IS the proper etiquette. (See Emily Post) That being said, if you make those personal preferences well-known to others, you could be addressed informally as Jane and John Smith. Or get a doctorate. Then you'd get to be first AND have your own name/title written :)
Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

A doctorate doesn't give you the title of Doctor outside of academia.

starrynight84 · June 2012

I thought the same thing, oot, but that Emily Post website I linked indicates that having a doctorate (PhD or medical) requires Dr. to be used.

But, like Achi said, I do think some of her stuff needs to be updated.

It wasn't a very good joke, though, and was clearly misconstrued anyway.

CleverThought · June 2012

Mini thread jack here,

Why do you have it listed at Mrs. and Mr. as opposed to Mr. and Mrs.?

Is that a rule that I am, quite likely, unaware of?

DramaGeek · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:599c00da-3897-4101-8ce0-5776c60767cf">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]Mini thread jack here, Why do you have it listed at Mrs. and Mr. as opposed to Mr. and Mrs.? Is that a rule that I am, quite likely, unaware of?
Posted by CleverThought[/QUOTE]

You're not supposed to separate a man from his last name, so Mr and Mrs john and jane smith would be incorrect, and putting Mr and Mrs Jane and John Smith would line Mr up with Jane, if that makes sense.

ootmother2 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:c18650c2-48c3-4763-a2d5-6c298e3842c2">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought the same thing, oot, but that Emily Post website I linked indicates that having a doctorate (PhD or medical) requires Dr. to be used. But, like Achi said, I do think some of her stuff needs to be updated. It wasn't a very good joke, though, and was clearly misconstrued anyway.
Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

I find that somewhat pretentious and I do use Crane's for this anyhow.

I was never "Mrs.Jane and Mr. John Smith", okay? Yours is not the first generation with brains, you know. I have the same name I have always had and I use Ms.

You may want to check to see what your guest usually uses if possible

GinaV0822 · June 2012

Just curious, when you receive an invitation do you really look that closely at how it's addressed? I can't tell you how invitations were addressed that I have received. I know they had my/our name on it and i opened it and threw it away. That's just me though, maybe it's just me. I realize there's etiquette and I know I will try to follow it too. Just wondering what you guys think when you get it in the mail. Do you give it a second thought?

ootmother2 · June 2012

correspondence in academia, yes. Social correspondence no

J&K10910 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:7a79c979-8d2d-478c-8ec0-286025148958">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]Just curious, when you receive an invitation do you really look that closely at how it's addressed? I can't tell you how invitations were addressed that I have received. I know they had my/our name on it and i opened it and threw it away. That's just me though, maybe it's just me. I realize there's etiquette and I know I will try to follow it too. Just wondering what you guys think when you get it in the mail. Do you give it a second thought?
Posted by GinaV0822[/QUOTE]

I do, because I didn't change my last name and I'm always curious who gets it right and who doesn't.

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:7a79c979-8d2d-478c-8ec0-286025148958">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]J<strong>ust curious, when you receive an invitation do you really look that closely at how it's addressed?</strong> I can't tell you how invitations were addressed that I have received. I know they had my/our name on it and i opened it and threw it away. That's just me though, maybe it's just me. I realize there's etiquette and I know I will try to follow it too. Just wondering what you guys think when you get it in the mail. Do you give it a second thought?
Posted by GinaV0822[/QUOTE]

I do because I hate being addressed as Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname. I did change my last name but still have my own first name! I just really dislike being addressed that way. Do I throw a fit over it? No, but I definitely notice when people call me that.

polichik · June 2012

In Response to Re:My last invitation addressing question, I promise!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!:Just curious, when you receive an invitation do you really look that closely at how it's addressed? nbsp;I can't tell you how invitations were addressed that I have received. nbsp;I know they had my/our name on it and i opened it and threw it away. nbsp;That's just me though, maybe it's just me. nbsp;I realize there's etiquette and I know I will try to follow it too. nbsp;Just wondering what you guys think when you get it in the mail. nbsp;Do you give it a second thought?Posted by GinaV0822I do, because I didn't change my last name and I'm always curious who gets it right and who doesn't. Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]You and me both, lady. DH's extended family flat out refuses to address us as anything other than Mr and Mrs John Smith, even knowing full well that we go by both our last names. I get all happy when we get a properly addressed invitation, aka one from my side of the family or our friends. I feel like there's a sociological study somewhere in this...

mica178 · June 2012

I'm surprised that I'm the only one who advised you to skip titles if you want to use the woman's name.

Crane's trumps E. Post.

And I'm glad I have my MD. I get to have my first name on all formal correspondences. It might be the biggest perk that came with the degree.

Lisa50 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:ef78c90f-521e-47a7-bf9f-66a1cde13ba5">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise! : Agreed, I'm <em><strong>just trying to do it correctly</strong></em> :)
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

With that ("correctly") as the goal, you would use Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

hoffse · June 2012

We're adding Dr. to PhD holders on our list - it's a big deal to have a PhD, and my dad is a college professor so we have a lot of them coming. Even if Emily Post says no, we know some who would be really offended by dropping the Dr. before their names.

starrynight84 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-last-invitation-addressing-question-i-promise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1909300-eb30-4b64-a11c-2d7cad59c5c5Post:21857bf5-da8e-431c-9fdd-0bf05ec0ada0">Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!</a>:
[QUOTE]We're adding Dr. to PhD holders on our list - it's a big deal to have a PhD, and my dad is a college professor so we have a lot of them coming. Even if Emily Post says no, we know some who would be really offended by dropping the Dr. before their names.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>She says yes to Dr.</div>

My last invitation addressing question, I promise!

Re: My last invitation addressing question, I promise!

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