Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Not Engaged Yet
Not Engaged Yet
New Discussion

Need a Chill Pill

laceecoateslaceecoates member
10 Comments
in Not Engaged Yet
Ok... this is my very first post on the knot. I have been debating on whether I should post anything since I don't have an E ring yet. Then I found NEY thread, and I knew I had to do it. :) My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. We actually have the steps all mixed up. We both talk about getting married all the time. We have planned for a Decemeber wedding..as in December 2011. EEK. He has been checking out honeymoon locations and everything. I know that the proposal is coming soon, BUT the anticipation is killing me. I think about it all the time. I don't want to because I don't want to spoil the fun for either one of us. It is just hard.

I paint my nails, and dress cute more than usual because I never know when it will happen. lol. Is that sad or what? I have been googling tons of stuff just because this will be my first semester as a teacher, and I know that I will be stressed come August 15. Plus, I will have about a 5 month engagement if I could guess. I am not saying that it's OK to plan a lot beforehand because I know this only happens once, and I don't wanna rush it.I just like getting ideas. My bf said that it was fine if I wanted to start looking around at stuff. We both even talked about the date (Dec. 10) :). SO my question is how do I get my mind off of it and just enjoy right now until the proposal comes? It is so exciting so it is really hard! Be gentle ladies. It's my first time. ;)
Report Reply to Post
«13

Re: Need a Chill Pill

  • CassieeKCassieeK
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you're planning and preparing, then you're engaged.
    imageDaisypath Wedding tickers
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    :: Be Gentle Self::

    Ok - First of all, if you are "not in a rush", why do you have to get married THIS December? Why not wait until you are actually engaged and then plan a wedding for a date that will give you enough time to make it what you want?

    If you want to get your mind off of your pending proposal, stop planning your wedding and honeymoon. Think about other things, go out with girlfriends and get involved in activities that do not relate to weddings at all.

    ETA: I do understand being anxious about an upcoming proposal - we've all been there. Just try not to get ahead of yourself here...a wedding can be planned in a short time if necessary, but you really shouldn't start until you're engaged. You'll just end up driving yourself crazy...
    Report Reply
  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Why do you have to get married THIS December??



    Report Reply
  • tuarceathatuarceatha member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    "I paint my nails, and dress cute more than usual because I never know when it will happen. lol. Is that sad or what?"
    That's so old school, like 1950s musical behavior.

    I've found this message board helps distract one from such obessions.



     
    Report Reply
  • HeartOverMindHeartOverMind member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To me, it really sounds like you are engaged. You have already made the decision together that you want to get married this year, you're just waiting for the ring.

    To answer your question: Just forget about it!! I know that's easier said than done but you want this to be special and to be something you will remember for the rest of your life. Don't spoil it, just enjoy life as it is right now. Enjoy the moments you have together as bf and gf...
    "Why does a girl have to be so silly to catch a husband?" ~~~Scarlett O'Hara Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • Ollie08Ollie08 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:04ebc794-2110-407e-9673-c38104f1160c">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]"I paint my nails, and dress cute more than usual because I never know when it will happen. lol. Is that sad or what?" <strong>That's so old school, like 1950s musical behavior</strong>. I've found this message board helps distract one from such obessions.  
    Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

    This. And ditto PP, why the rush to get married THIS December? Where's Liv with the flow chart?

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image
    Report Reply
  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Did you actually have a serious talk about getting married in December and decide upon it together, or did he give you permission to look at stuff and then it just kind of snowballed? Also, December is not far off at all, as far as wedding planning goes - do you actually have a venue and all that other stuff?
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    rdr716 and allusive007-
     We don't have to get married this December. It is just the time that both of us decided would be nice because we don't want to wait until next summer. Since he is in college (has one more year left) and I am a teacher, December made since because I will have 2 weeks off for Christmas so we can honeymoon. :)

    heartovermind- Yeah I hope the post didn't sound like I have thought all this up on my own. We have both talked all about the date and where and when we would like to get married. I know he is wanting a little surprise. :)

    Thanks for the advice about enjoying the present. I know that's what I need to do. FOR SURE! 
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Yes we both decided that December is best for both of us. Plus we both don't want a long engagement. It's getting harder for us to refrain from sex since we both want to wait on that stuff. So we decided a long time ago that we want a pretty short engagement. I know that it gets harder to refrain the closer you get to the actual wedding.

    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Lace - can I ask how old you and your BF are?
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    allusive007 Sure! We are both 22 about to be 23.
    Report Reply
  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:8d48f2c6-5ca4-4198-8ffb-f1a5b3d56e06">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes we both decided that December is best for both of us. Plus we both don't want a long engagement. <strong>It's getting harder for us to refrain from sex since we both want to wait on that stuff.</strong> So we decided a long time ago that we want a pretty short engagement. I know that it gets harder to refrain the closer you get to the actual wedding.
    Posted by laceecoates[/QUOTE]

    So...you're basically getting married without a proper proposal because you want the sausage?
    Report Reply
  • tuarceathatuarceatha member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    TRADTION!
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    greenpepper-
    haha I haven't heard anyone say it like that. No the proposal is coming soon. I know it is. Probably in the next 2 weeks. My "spidey" senses told me. lol. It was just saying that is why we don't want a long engagement.
    Report Reply
  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Okay. But I promise you the baby Jesus won't cry if you have premarital sex.
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    greenpepper- Well I appreciate the honesty. That is just our decision. We both come from religious backgrounds. Thanks tho! :)
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Ok - I'm honestly not being mean here...but have you considered waiting a bit? Although it may not seem like it, 22/23 is pretty young. I commend you both for sticking to you beliefs and waiting until marriage, but I also don't think you should be rushing into a marriage solely to be able to have sex with your partner. Also, you may want to consider waiting until your BF has completed his degree and has begun a career.

    There are a lot of changes that take place after college; you learn how to live on your own, pay your bills, take care of an apt/home, get to work on time and basically become a mature, responsible adult. Although I don't know you personally, I think most individuals are not ready to truly commit to a lifelong relationship at such a young age.

    Please don't get defensive about my comments, they're just something to consider.
    Report Reply
  • bsidebellabsidebella
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:0d517896-2b7e-414a-86e4-a9ea3b5f9cdb">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : So...you're basically getting married without a proper proposal because you want the sausage?
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

    <div>There goes my coffee...all over my keyboard. </div>

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
    Report Reply
  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:3ff16147-58d6-4889-a541-b8ea7fdd3dbe">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : There goes my coffee...all over my keyboard. 
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    Substitute pepsi for coffe...You got my response, Bside haha!

    Seriously...why the rush?? My SO is a teacher, and I'm in college full time while working full time - not really seeing the correlation for the rush
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:aad10180-4ce2-4b87-a9ac-7db0d3a57855">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok - I'm honestly not being mean here...but have you considered waiting a bit? Although it may not seem like it, 22/23 is pretty young. I commend you both for sticking to you beliefs and waiting until marriage, but I also don't think you should be rushing into a marriage solely to be able to have sex with your partner. Also, you may want to consider waiting until your BF has completed his degree and has begun a career. There are a lot of changes that take place after college; you learn how to live on your own, pay your bills, take care of an apt/home, get to work on time and basically become a mature, responsible adult. Although I don't know you personally, I think most individuals are not ready to truly commit to a lifelong relationship at such a young age. Please don't get defensive about my comments, they're just something to consider.
    Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for your honesty. That is not the only reason we are "rushing" into marriage. We have both been independent for a while. Plus we don't want to wait until he is out of school. A lot of things have fallen into place with our families wanting to help us out a lot with the wedding now. We are both mature and ready for this step. Plus I think no matter the age there are things you won't learn until you marry someone and live on your own with them. I have paid bills and taken care of an apt/home for years now. I'm not defensive at all. I REALLY appreiciate honesty.
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:9e2e30aa-6d55-4c3e-b868-9fd4318cc3c1">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Substitute pepsi for coffe...You got my response, Bside haha! Seriously...why the rush?? My SO is a teacher, and I'm in college full time while working full time - not really seeing the correlation for the rush
    Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]

    We just don't want to wait until next summer to get married. So December works with our breaks and the time period that we want. We both want to make the next step in our lives together. We are so excited about it!
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:69bc46f7-5fe4-4cb6-8e56-74fa873311ed">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, is your sn your full name? If it is you should probably change it for internet security purposes. 
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    Yes, I just tried to change it and it says I can't change it without creating another account. I just used this because I can remember it. Poo I wish I had read the fine print that says don't use your full name. :(
    Report Reply
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:2264cbd5-8911-461e-ad21-273ef9a50b9e">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]greenpepper- haha I haven't heard anyone say it like that. No the proposal is coming soon.<strong> I know it is. Probably in the next 2 weeks</strong>. My "spidey" senses told me. lol. It was just saying that is why we don't want a long engagement.
    Posted by laceecoates[/QUOTE]

    If this is the case, then stop looking around, and stop planning for the next 2 weeks. You say that the engagement is going to be soon, so where is the rush for planning? You can plan a wedding in a short period of time (a few months); it's entirely possible and women do it. But you'll need to be more flexible with what you want.

    So here's what you do: slow it down, and wait until you are actually engaged to plan. If BF brings it up again, tell him that you'll feel more comfortable planning and actually setting a date once he proposes and you two are engaged. Then you two can figure out what you want to plan and when you can have it because the reality is that setting a date can be much harder than simply saying "let's get married then because I'll have time off and we don't want to wait."

    Give it time. Focus on other things you can do in the meantime, whether it's hobbies or other little projects.
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:c7776591-9e29-4708-bb94-f5d918702b3a">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : If this is the case, then stop looking around, and stop planning for the next 2 weeks. You say that the engagement is going to be soon, so where is the rush for planning? You can plan a wedding in a short period of time (a few months); it's entirely possible and women do it. But you'll need to be more flexible with what you want. So here's what you do: slow it down, and wait until you are actually engaged to plan. If BF brings it up again, tell him that you'll feel more comfortable planning and actually setting a date once he proposes and you two are engaged. Then you two can figure out what you want to plan and when you can have it because the reality is that setting a date can be much harder than simply saying "let's get married then because I'll have time off and we don't want to wait." Give it time. Focus on other things you can do in the meantime, whether it's hobbies or other little projects.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for this! I'm so glad to hear about it being possible to plan in a few months. You're right. I just need to slooooowww down. :)
    Report Reply
  • laceecoateslaceecoates member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:db6ef5ac-be0d-4c9f-8850-548864ed6b21">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Yeah since you only have ten posts I'd say make a new account. I know it's a pain, but it's very easy to look you up by your full name and the internet is full of crazy.
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE

    Is there a way to delete an account so I can use the same email?
    Report Reply
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oh, huh...

    I thought she just liked Lacy Coats. ::shrugs::
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
    Report Reply
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:db6ef5ac-be0d-4c9f-8850-548864ed6b21">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Yeah since you only have ten posts I'd say make a new account. I know it's a pain, but it's very easy to look you up by your full name and the internet is full of crazy.
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yup.  The man in your FB profile pic, which I am assuming is your BF, looks like a friend I went to HS with.

    </div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
    Report Reply
  • laceesethlaceeseth member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:e75a252a-aea8-4e23-9e02-8d310a9f18c0">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, huh... I thought she just liked Lacy Coats. ::shrugs::
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    Wow..that takes me back to middle school. haha
    Wedding Countdown Ticker "So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day." -The Notebook
    Report Reply
  • laceesethlaceeseth member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-chill-pill?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:549cded9-4858-4ea5-9f49-061cdbde0a7fPost:fdf813ae-63f0-4459-a08f-fe1f456746cc">Re: Need a Chill Pill</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need a Chill Pill : Yup.  The man in your FB profile pic, which I am assuming is your BF, looks like a friend I went to HS with.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

    Alright, alright I changed the name. Geez
    Wedding Countdown Ticker "So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day." -The Notebook
    Report Reply
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't see a facebook profile. Just myspace...

    Lacee- you look like a sweet girl. I love the rain without an umbrella thing. 

    Do come back with a new screen name. And check out the Christian Wedding board too. I haven't been on it- but I've heard they are good people. They might be able to relate more. ::shrugs::

    A two very good family friend's of mine got married when they were 20, because of the sausage (ha). It's worked out well for them- they just bought their first house! It can definitely work- especially if you have the support of your families and church. Do you have that?

    ETA: And to keep busy during this time- why not join meetup.com and meet some new friends? Or volunteer somewhere? Maybe at your church?
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards