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Wedding Etiquette Forum
libby2483
member
Guests Buying Their Own Drinks?
My FI's parents are very graciously hosting our rehearsal dinner. We will be doing a buffet in a private room at a restaurant. My FILs plan to host coffee, tea, soda, and the venue provides a complimentary champagne toast. I know that if we don't host alcohol, we shouldn't make it available for purchase. However, I know that some guests will want to drink, and there is really nothing stopping guests from going to the main bar to purchase drinks. So, what is the best way to handle this? Just tell guests what we are hosting? Mention that alcohol is available for purchase at the main bar? Also, my FILs are considering one other option that the venue brought up, which is giving each guest a couple of drink tickets at the restaurant bar. From an etiquette standpoint, is this better than just letting guests purchase from the bar if they want to? Or should we just avoid drink tickets? Sorry for the lack of paragraph breaks. My silly phone won't allow it.
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Re: Guests Buying Their Own Drinks?
Fatty Blog
I agree with NOLA. My FI and I are covering the drink tab for our rehearsal dinner.
If you choose not to have alcohol at the RD, I don't think anyone will think twice about it.
[QUOTE]Don't do drink tickets. Don't mention drinks at all on the menus or at either of the bars. Those who want drinks can take it upon themselves to go out to the main bar and order one (believe me, I would) and there will be no judgment about the bride and groom or RD hosts.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]
This. I wouldn't do tickets or even state there's no drinks. People will notice there is no alcohol and a bar in the other room. Let them take it upon themselves if they'd like.
[QUOTE]Don't do drink tickets. Don't mention drinks at all on the menus or at either of the bars. Those who want drinks can take it upon themselves to go out to the main bar and order one (believe me, I would) and there will be no judgment about the bride and groom or RD hosts. Or you could offer to cover the cost of beer/wine for the RD if you want to.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]
Absoultely agree...most people should be able to discern what is not offered by the hosts, and since you are at a restaurant, it is implying in a way that you can visit the bar at your own convenience. If someone takes offense to this at a RD, they are just too damn uptight!
Ours is at a mexican restaurant and we're just going to have a pitcher of margaritas on each table. I'm not sure if IL's are going to replenish the marg's or if when the marg's are gone, they're gone... but we're only going to put on the menus what's hosted. The guests will figure it out.
If it doesn't go over well then you can decline their offer to pay for the dinner or overlook their lack of etiquette and realize that it will not reflect on you but on your FI's parents. I also suppose it depends on the circle you run in. Some people don't expect open bars or free drinks. But, again that depends on your circle.
If they were going out to dinner with their own in-laws, would they really sneak out to the restaurant's bar and pay cash for a mixed drink just to say, "Hey, I want to flaunt that I'm old enough to drink and so I want a drink that's beyond what you are paying for." No, they would eat/drink whatever is provided and be grateful. That's what etiquette and good manners are about.
For my shower, my mother is hosting, and wanted to offer guests a complimentary bloody mary or mimosa. Instead of doing "drink tickets" she worked with the restaurant staff and each waitress will make mention when taking drink orders. (The host is offering a complimentary bloody mary or mimosa if you would like one - or something similar to that). I think it lets guests know that they can order one "on the house" and then they are on their own after that.
My fiance and I are hosting our RD (long story!) and are not offering alcoholic beverages. There's a bar in the restaurant and guests can help themselves if they'd like. We didn't feel guests would take offense to this as dinner and non-alcoholic beverages will be served. Our RD is the night before our wedding so while some people will have a glass of wine or beer, I doubt anyone would be drinking to excess and be "put off" by our not offering.
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However, I agree with everyone else, too, about not mentioning what is not paid for by the host and just letting guests know what is available. If they aren't satisfied with that, it's on them to find the bar and pay for a drink.
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